Is Everybody Here on Drugs?

A FFVII Fan Fiction

By

Lady Aoi

Summary: Tseng's side of the whole Turkish love triangle.

Rating: PG for adult situations

Pairings: Vaguely Elena/Rude, Scarlet/Tseng and Aeris/Tseng

Disclaimer: Once again, for those who missed it the other 500 times I wrote it, Tseng, Elena, Rude, Reno, the cactars, the tonberries, the moon, oasis bars, the Beatles, and the American Psychiatric Association do not belong to me. Square Soft owns the Turks, the cactars and tonberries. God (I guess) owns the moon. I don't know who owns the rest, but they're making more money than my college student ass ever will.

Lady Aoi's Notes: And then there was Tseng's pov. And then there was the end. And there was much rejoicing. Yay. Oh yeah. The fic's title comes from the Catatonia song of the same name. I thought it would be amusing.

~*~

~Nakahara Tseng: Personal Log 10/09/-- ~

Sometimes, I really do wish I'd followed my father's advice and gone into the Wutai tourism business. Would I be making more money than I am now? Doubtful. Would I have fewer problems and fewer headaches? Possibly. Would I have to deal with comparatively easy (and certainly far more normal) problems than I am currently wrestling with?

….

….

Absolutely.

It goes without saying that the job of a Turk (and the job of a Turk leader) is not for the faint of heart. In the twelve years I have worn the blue uniform I have handled more then my share of unusual… 'problems'. Aside from assassinations, spying and, yes, racketeering, I have had to contend with rabid chocobos, insane scientists, lecherous women and a Space Department chair with an unfortunate addiction to loco weed. And I must say, talking Palmer down from the rafters (literally, sometimes) is certainly a far simpler problem then the one I'm facing now.

Two of my Turks aren't behaving… well…like Turks for lack of a better word.

Perhaps it's my fault. After all, I did let Larson lead the Gongaga mission, so lord knows what kind of mischief he managed to stir up between himself, Marshall and Rude along the way. Reno Larson…I'll never understand why Heidegger promoted him to Turk First Class in the first place. The man may be intelligent, but he certainly chooses not to show it on the worst possible occasions. Taunting AVALANCHE during the destruction of Sector Seven's pillar! Only a miracle kept the debris from hitting the helicopter on our way out. Yes. Larson is a drunkard and a milos gloriosis if ever one existed. Unfortunately, he is also (inexplicably) my second-in-command. Another whim of Heidegger's perhaps? I cannot say. I can say, however, that as my second-in-command, he is responsible for leading missions when I am unable to see to the matter. And Scarlet's orders on 9/28 made me just that; unable of following my men into the field. I was occupied with Scarlet at the time… and yes, I do mean occupied in more than one way.

I only hope Heidegger doesn't find out Scarlet's… ulterior motive for asking me to accompany her to the Gongaga reactor instead of Larson, Rude or Marshall. While Scarlet is correct in asserting that she asked me to accompany her because of my status as the oldest and most experienced Turk in the company… that's just the problem. That is also her ulterior motive. We have been having an affair for the last seven months. And so far, I am confident Heidegger has not discovered his… fiance's philandering.

At least I hope he has not.

I pray he has not.

I fear that he has.

Personal note: (as this log seems to have crossed into the realm of the personal quite some time ago). I do wish Scarlet would stop reminding me of the fact that Heidegger is, indeed, my boss. If he discovers anything, his status as my former employer will be the least of my worries. But it is a precarious situation. I refuse to sleep with Scarlet, she sees to it that Heidegger fires me. I sleep with her and…hope Heidegger really is as "stupid" as she seems to think he is. At least in emotional matters. It is a complex situation and one that, I must confess, has been distracting me from my work as of late.

Additionally, it is also making me feel rather… there are no words for how I feel. Sexually harassed? Yes. Humiliated? Yes. Unfaithful?

In more ways than one I feel unfaithful.

I am sleeping with another man's fiancé… and I am being most… unfair to the woman I truly love.

Aeris Gainsborough…

I wonder if she would be able to forgive me for this.

I wonder if she would be able to forgive me for being incapable of doing even a decent job as of late.

That's the entire problem. I must be so distracted with Scarlet's demands and my own impending sense of doom (Heidegger…Heidegger…) that I've been unable to see the true root of Rude and Marshall's problems. I know only that the two seemed healthy and happy enough before the Gongaga mission. In fact, they seemed to work so well together I was considering turning the rest of Elena's training over to Rude himself. After all, she was promoted to the position without some necessary instruction. And regardless of what Heidegger contends, Turks and SOLDIERs second class are trained quite differently from one another. Thus, Marshall can not have been expected to adapt easily to her new job. But I digress. They seemed to be working well together until a week ago. Now, Marshall rarely speaks to Rude. And for his part, Rude seems… uncomfortable around Marshall. Highly uncomfortable. He does not talk to her (he rarely talks to anyone, however), and he literally goes out of his way to keep a low profile around her. He no longer sits next to her in bars, and if she happens to enter the room unannounced, he becomes visibly upset and leaves at the first opportunity.

Yes, there can be no doubt about it. Something unpleasant happened between the pair at Gongaga, or within the time frame of that mission. And I cannot let this unpleasantness continue. It is not only effecting Rude and Marshall's work. It is also effecting the operation of the Turks as a unit. For the old maxim is true: a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. And as of right now, Rude and Marshall are the Turks' weakest links. If their behavior continues to deteriorate, I fear our operations against AVALANCHE will be severely hindered, if not defanged entirely. This cannot happen.

I really must finish this entry. Larson and I are meeting in twenty minutes to go over his own report of the Gongaga mission. One that, sadly, I have not had the opportunity to read previously. Let us attribute my lack of attention to Scarlet, who found a very interesting and unproductive way for me to spend my morning.

No matter how bad the situation between Rude and Marshall has become, however, Larson and I must straighten it out or replace them immediately. Too much is at stake right now to do otherwise.

Hm. It seems Larson is early. And so I will finish this entry with a stray thought.

Could Rude and Marshall's recent problems be reasonably attributed to an attraction between them?

….

Yes. It is a foolish idea.

I am certain Larson will agree.

But I must wonder, sometimes, if everyone in this company, save for myself, is currently smoking Palmer's loco weed in unusually large quantities.