7. A little less conversation please.
It was the day after Soda and Sandy's wedding, and I was walking down to the shops. I was lost in my own thoughts, mostly about the wedding the day before and what my parents would be thinking if they were looking down on us now, when I virtually ran into someone. I jumped a mile, I don't mind admitting I've been a little bit jumpy since the incident with the Soc's where we killed one. But it wasn't a Soc, instead it was Johnny's Mom; Mrs. Cade. I don't think I've spoken about Johnny more than a passing mention in here yet, and that's simply because it is all still too painful. But I have to talk about him here because I cant tell you this without speaking about him. Johnny always seemed to have a permanent scared look about him, and he had this suspicious, nervous look in his eyes. But then when you saw his family life you'd understand this. His father constantly hit him, and his mother basically ignored him-that is unless she was yelling at him for something and in that case you could hear her all the way down at our house. The last time I'd seen her had been at the hospital when she'd come in to see Johnny and he had told the nurse not to let her in, that he didn't want to see her. The nurse insisted that she was his mother, and he got all worked up and passed out again. Out in the waiting room his mother had been arguing with the staff, saying "But I have a right to see him. He's my son. After all the trouble his father and I've gone to to raise him, this is our reward! He'd rather see those no-count hoodlums than his own folks." And then she'd seen me and Two-Bit and looked at us like she wished we were dead. "It was your fault. Always running around in the middle of the night getting jailed and heaven knows what else.." At that I thought Two-Bit was going to tell her off, and I was anxious to get out of there. As I didn't go to the funeral I hadn't seen her since, and now here she was in the street, and I'd ran into her.
"Don't you watch where you're going?" She snapped at me.
"I'm sorry, I was daydreaming." I said softly.
There was a strange look in her eyes then. "Dreaming? Johnny used to dream all the time. It drove me mad. His head was in the clouds more than down here on earth!" She said.
I wanted to tell her that with parents like he'd had there was little wonder that Johnny used to escape in his mind. When his father was belting him, and his mother yelling at him for something insignificant no wonder he let his mind drift off. But I didn't have the guts to tell her that, it was a pity Two-Bit wasn't there-he'd of told her no problem.
"I heard your brother got married to that tart he knocked up." Mrs. Cade said.
"Sandy's a nice girl." I protested, a little half-heartedly because seeing the woman overwhelmed me.
"Obviously." Mrs. Cade said, a tone of contempt in her voice.
"She is!" I said.
"Right, and like you're all nice people. Nice people who got my son killed!" Mrs. Cade said, her voice rising.
"Mrs. Cade," I began. "Johnny died saving kids lives. He died a hero!" Even in my mind I knew that how he died wasn't worth a thing because he was still dead, but I still said it nonetheless.
"A hero?" Mrs. Cade shook her head. "He was a coward. Always scared, always acting like a baby-"
"Johnny was the nicest person I have ever known Mrs. Cade, and it is a shame that you don't realise that considering he was your own son." I said a little angrily. I'd been trying to remain calm, but she was beginning to get to me now.
"He'd have been a good person if he didn't hang around you people!" She said decidedly.
Now I snapped, it was the second time recently we'd been called bad people and I wasn't having it. "He would have been even greater if he wasn't scared of his own shadow because your husband beat him up all the time for nothing, and you hadn't yelled at him all the time for no damn reason. The only time Johnny ever got love and affection in his life was with us. No wonder he hated you!" I yelled.
I didn't know that there were other people in the street watching and listening to the exchange, but one of them came over to us.
"Now, now. " He said to me. "What's this? Yelling at the lady!"
"She's no lady!" I spat. "She's a miserable old bag, and she deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life. She can blame whoever she wants for her son's death, but she knows, like the rest of us, that deep down she's to blame. She made her son scared of people, she made him react the way he did, and therefore it was her fault he did what he did, and we had to run away. And she has to live with it for the rest of her life. Not me!"
"You really said that?" Two-Bit asked impressed. "Good on you Pony." It was later on and I was at home telling my story.
Soda reached over and ruffled my hair. "That was the way Pony! You told her good!"
"And way to go sticking up for me!" Sandy said, giving me a smile.
Darry was the only one who didn't say something, and I'd been a little concerned he might tell me off. Even though he was not all that fond of Johnny's parents I still thought he might tell me off for being rude. But now he looked at me and sort of grinned so I knew he wasn't mad at me. Maybe he was surprised at me more than anything?
Later that night as I was lying in my bed, which felt strangely empty without Soda being in there, I got to thinking about Mrs. Cade. The look on her face made me realize that through her anger there was something deeper- sadness. But she had made her own bed, so I had no real sympathy for her. Not after all I knew about her. But thinking about her made me think about Johnny, something I had really tried to avoid to do after everything that had happened, in case you hadn't already noticed that? I had no problems thinking about Dally and his death, but there was something which prevented me from thinking about Johnny. It was almost as if I knew that if I let myself think about him I'd be letting myself in for a flood? Lying there in bed I felt my tears start. Why did nothing ever go right for us? Why did Johnny have to die?
It was the day after Soda and Sandy's wedding, and I was walking down to the shops. I was lost in my own thoughts, mostly about the wedding the day before and what my parents would be thinking if they were looking down on us now, when I virtually ran into someone. I jumped a mile, I don't mind admitting I've been a little bit jumpy since the incident with the Soc's where we killed one. But it wasn't a Soc, instead it was Johnny's Mom; Mrs. Cade. I don't think I've spoken about Johnny more than a passing mention in here yet, and that's simply because it is all still too painful. But I have to talk about him here because I cant tell you this without speaking about him. Johnny always seemed to have a permanent scared look about him, and he had this suspicious, nervous look in his eyes. But then when you saw his family life you'd understand this. His father constantly hit him, and his mother basically ignored him-that is unless she was yelling at him for something and in that case you could hear her all the way down at our house. The last time I'd seen her had been at the hospital when she'd come in to see Johnny and he had told the nurse not to let her in, that he didn't want to see her. The nurse insisted that she was his mother, and he got all worked up and passed out again. Out in the waiting room his mother had been arguing with the staff, saying "But I have a right to see him. He's my son. After all the trouble his father and I've gone to to raise him, this is our reward! He'd rather see those no-count hoodlums than his own folks." And then she'd seen me and Two-Bit and looked at us like she wished we were dead. "It was your fault. Always running around in the middle of the night getting jailed and heaven knows what else.." At that I thought Two-Bit was going to tell her off, and I was anxious to get out of there. As I didn't go to the funeral I hadn't seen her since, and now here she was in the street, and I'd ran into her.
"Don't you watch where you're going?" She snapped at me.
"I'm sorry, I was daydreaming." I said softly.
There was a strange look in her eyes then. "Dreaming? Johnny used to dream all the time. It drove me mad. His head was in the clouds more than down here on earth!" She said.
I wanted to tell her that with parents like he'd had there was little wonder that Johnny used to escape in his mind. When his father was belting him, and his mother yelling at him for something insignificant no wonder he let his mind drift off. But I didn't have the guts to tell her that, it was a pity Two-Bit wasn't there-he'd of told her no problem.
"I heard your brother got married to that tart he knocked up." Mrs. Cade said.
"Sandy's a nice girl." I protested, a little half-heartedly because seeing the woman overwhelmed me.
"Obviously." Mrs. Cade said, a tone of contempt in her voice.
"She is!" I said.
"Right, and like you're all nice people. Nice people who got my son killed!" Mrs. Cade said, her voice rising.
"Mrs. Cade," I began. "Johnny died saving kids lives. He died a hero!" Even in my mind I knew that how he died wasn't worth a thing because he was still dead, but I still said it nonetheless.
"A hero?" Mrs. Cade shook her head. "He was a coward. Always scared, always acting like a baby-"
"Johnny was the nicest person I have ever known Mrs. Cade, and it is a shame that you don't realise that considering he was your own son." I said a little angrily. I'd been trying to remain calm, but she was beginning to get to me now.
"He'd have been a good person if he didn't hang around you people!" She said decidedly.
Now I snapped, it was the second time recently we'd been called bad people and I wasn't having it. "He would have been even greater if he wasn't scared of his own shadow because your husband beat him up all the time for nothing, and you hadn't yelled at him all the time for no damn reason. The only time Johnny ever got love and affection in his life was with us. No wonder he hated you!" I yelled.
I didn't know that there were other people in the street watching and listening to the exchange, but one of them came over to us.
"Now, now. " He said to me. "What's this? Yelling at the lady!"
"She's no lady!" I spat. "She's a miserable old bag, and she deserves to be miserable for the rest of her life. She can blame whoever she wants for her son's death, but she knows, like the rest of us, that deep down she's to blame. She made her son scared of people, she made him react the way he did, and therefore it was her fault he did what he did, and we had to run away. And she has to live with it for the rest of her life. Not me!"
"You really said that?" Two-Bit asked impressed. "Good on you Pony." It was later on and I was at home telling my story.
Soda reached over and ruffled my hair. "That was the way Pony! You told her good!"
"And way to go sticking up for me!" Sandy said, giving me a smile.
Darry was the only one who didn't say something, and I'd been a little concerned he might tell me off. Even though he was not all that fond of Johnny's parents I still thought he might tell me off for being rude. But now he looked at me and sort of grinned so I knew he wasn't mad at me. Maybe he was surprised at me more than anything?
Later that night as I was lying in my bed, which felt strangely empty without Soda being in there, I got to thinking about Mrs. Cade. The look on her face made me realize that through her anger there was something deeper- sadness. But she had made her own bed, so I had no real sympathy for her. Not after all I knew about her. But thinking about her made me think about Johnny, something I had really tried to avoid to do after everything that had happened, in case you hadn't already noticed that? I had no problems thinking about Dally and his death, but there was something which prevented me from thinking about Johnny. It was almost as if I knew that if I let myself think about him I'd be letting myself in for a flood? Lying there in bed I felt my tears start. Why did nothing ever go right for us? Why did Johnny have to die?
