From: The Fellowship of the Ring

The Fellowship rest in Lothlorien after the supposed death of Gandalf in Moria, the Elves sing a mournful song for the wizard, and the Hobbits listen in a mixture of sorrow and wonder.

Sam: What are they saying?

Legolas: I cannot tell you.

Frodo: Why not?

Legolas: Because it's bloody awful!

The Real Version of "Lament for Gandalf" (As sung by the Elves of Lothlorien in the FOTR)

Poor old Gandalf,

Grey of head,

Fell off a bridge,

And now he's dead,

Oh dear.

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The Fellowship rest by the riverside after they leave Lothlorien, Legolas keeps watch as everyone recollects the day's activities; unbeknownst to the Fellowship, Frodo and Boromir have vanished.

Legolas: Something draws near, I can feel it.

Aragorn: I know, there are Orcs swarming all over the other bank-

Legolas: No, I mean there is corruption in the Fellowship.

Gimli: You mean Boromir?

Merry: I'm tired of that whiny git and his damn Oedipus complex!

Sam: Where's Frodo?

Pippin: He said he went off to spank the dolphin.

Aragorn: I'm sick of that horndog of a Ringbearer! All he ever does is cry, scream, get stabbed and dragged about by the ankles!!!

Galadriel *communicating psychically*: {Aragorn, son of Arathorn, son of Zooble, son of Someone Else, son of Bruce-until we finally get to 'Son of Isildur.' You need not doubt the little one's abilities, I can see courage in his heart, and he shall lead our world to-}

Aragorn: Buzz off, Rug Muncher!

*Sounds of Frodo groaning shrilly and Boromir grunting brings everyone to a halt, The tree remaining Hobbits run into the woods to find the source of the noises*

*Silence, the noise stops, the Hobbits' gasp*

Sam: Frodo, how could you-

Frodo: Sam, please.it isn't what it looks like!

Merry: Are you sure about that? *Eyes Frodo's huge 'sword'*

Pippin: O_O

*More silence.after a while the noise starts up again, this time joined by the panting and moaning of Sam, Merry, and Pippin*

Legolas: *Uses super-duper Elf hearing to analyze the sounds* O_o.Oh, fuck this! *gets into a boat and paddles down the river towards Mirkwood*

Aragorn: *listens to the noise, looks at Legolas's swift departure, then grins as he skips into the woods towards the rest of the Fellowship*

And they all live happily ever after.somewhat.

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