Me again!!! Thanks all reviewers!!! Those ego-bunnies are romping all
over the keyboard. Umm, a little help?
**************************************************************************** ***************
The four Habits were in a circle, the delusional gameshow hosts surrounding them. Sam got knocked away, then Merry and Pippin. Frobo tripped (again?) and put on the Thing, to see the Wraiths for their true form. Shrieking and screaming, he pulled the Thing off, and the Witch-King stabbed him.
Then he saw Striper come on, and beat all the Wraiths away. Then Sam got very indignant with him.
"Why didn't you save him?"
"I can only please one person per day. Today is not his day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either. Today it was... wait never mind. We need to get to Rivendell."
"But we're six days from Rivendell!"
"Only if we travel like a bunch of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Do you know the athelas plant?"
"No."
"Kingsfoil."
"Ah, that's a weed."
"It may help to mask the pain. Here, take this." He said, handing him a torch. Sam went about, and accidentally set the whole forest on fire.
"Ah!" He said. "Here's some." And started to go back. Striper was dealing with the other Habits.
"What's happening.?"
"He's passing into Shadow."
"Why?"
"He was stabbed by a More and Less Door blade."
"What's that?"
"Geez, where's that flaming stick? Oh, I'll get some myself." And he went off, and got out his dagger, and was about to get some, when a blade came to his throat.
"What's this, a Ranger caught off his guard?" Came the voice.
"Nope." Aracorn said, and beheaded Arwen.
"Oh, sorry, sorry!" He said, and healed her. "What the hell are you doing here? I was expecting Glorfindel."
"He is... indisposed." She said, snickering. Aracorn heard a series of muffled cries from a garbage can. He went over and opened it.
"Glorfindel?"
"Yeah, it's me. Arwen wanted to get some more, but I got in her way, so she disposed of me. Literally."
Arwen, in her glowing state, walked over to Frodo. Light shone from her.
"Oil of Olay daily moisturizing bar. For brighter, more radiant skin." She said in an out of body voice. "Come to the liiiiiiiiight, Frobo." She said. Frobo walked right into her.
"Hey!" Aracorn called. "That's my chick!" And Frobo backed away.
"A little help, maybe?"
"Oh, right." Aracorn said. He rolled the leaves of the athelas plant, into tiny joints, and lit the end. "Here. Smoke this." Frobo inhaled and ended up in a mental euphoria that's... just great
"We must get him to my father." Arwen said.
"Oh, come on. He already talked to me about the you-know-what, I don't want to hear it again." Aracorn said.
"I meant for his wound."
"Oh, right." So she put him on his horse. Glorfindel was complaining about this, but he was quickly done away with.
"Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!" (ride on, ride on!)
"Hey, I thought you only used that one on me!" Aracorn said.
So Arwen is riding the horse, who is closely followed by Glorfindel, and THEN the wraiths. The wraiths de-horse Glorfindel, and he is trampled by them.
"Ow! Spine! Jugular! Neck! Delicates! Skull! Brain! Cartilage! Heart tissue! Pancreas! Stomach! Nads! Dainties! Silkies! Unmentionables! EEEK! MY ROBES!" He cried.
But everyone ignored him, and kept on chasing.
"Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!" Arwen chanted.
Then, they reached the Dodge of the Baranduin River. Then Arwen chanted fancy words, which we only WISH we knew, and the water level rose, and then rapids came down and swept the horses away.
"No, Frobo, no!" Arwen cried, as Frobo slept out of consciousness, even though it was only about five minutes since he was stabbed. That's weird.
And so, we reach a point where everything is light. Frobo awakens in the House of Elrond, and we have a happy rendezvous with Merry and Pip, but why Frobo is happy to see them, when he never missed them, is beyond me. Then he sees Wilbo sitting on a bench, way too tall for him.
"I can live freely now, the Thing is gone." He sang, until he saw Frobo. "Whoops! Did I just say that?"
We now see Gandalf and Elrond on a different balcony.
"It's a burden he should have never had to bear." Gandalf said.
"Gandalf." Elrond said. "My forehead is getting larger by the minute. My people are leaving these shores."
"So?"
"Oh, yes. Who will you leave the trust of Middle Earth to?"
"In the hearts of Men is where we must place our trust."
"Men." Elrond spat. "Men are weak. Scattered. Divided. Leaderless. And George W. Bush is simply APPALLING! Canada lets all the planes in, and all he can say is 'destinations outside the United States.' How mucked up is he?"
"There is one who could unite them."
"Like I care about him. He's putting the moves on my daughter. Fool."
We now go to the mushy-gushy scene of Arwen and Striper.
"Do you remember when we first met?"
"I thought I had strayed into a Schizophrenic illusion."
"Do you remember what I told you?"
"You said you would bind yourself to me. Forsaking the immortal life of your people."
"And to that I hold." She said, while handing him a necklace.
"You cannot give this to me."
"It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my fart." She said. "Wait, no. Something was wrong about that... Anyway, I choose immortal life. I mean a mortal life."
So they start kissing, and then they end up rolling and rolling in the mud, while Frobo walks by.
"coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecof feecoffeeIneedmorecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoff eecoffee coffeecoffeecoffee."
We now flash to the deleted scene of the 'Council of Elrond.'
Elrond: Hello, my name is Elrond, and I have a really large forehead.
Gimbli: Hello, my name is Gimbli, and everyone mixes up my father's name with my grandfathers, and I keep thinking Balin is my cousin.
Gloin: Hello, my name is Gloin and my father has an embarrassing name.
Groin: Hello, my name is Groin (snickers) and I have an embarrassing name.
Gloin: Dad! I thought you were dead!
Groin: No dwarf dies while his name is made fun of.
Legoflamb: Hello, my name is Legoflamb, and my name is after Galadriel and Arwen in the credits. I also have less than five-
We now flash to the real scene of the council of Elrond.
"Strangers from distant lands, you are here to behold my mighty eyebrows!" A gasp arose from the audience. "And to answer the threat of More and Less Door.
"Can we skip the eyebrow part?" Borrowedmirror asked.
"No."
"Aww!"
"Hold on, just a minute..." Elrond said. "...now! Bring forth the Thing, Frobo.
Frobo brought forth the Thing. Nothing happened. Why?
"It is a gift." Borrowedmirror said. "A gift to the foes of More and Less Door. Let us use it against Sar-On."
"We cannot weild it." Striper said. "None of us can. The One Thing answers to Sar-On alone."
Borrowedmirror tried to insult Striper once more. Men aren't so good at insults. "And what would a Stranger know of this matter?"
Legoflamb hopped up. "He is no mere Stranger. He is Aracorn. Son of Arashorn. And heir to the throne of Here and Gone Door."
"Aracorn." Borrowedmirror said. "Here and Gone Door has no king. Here and Gone Door need no king. They need me. ME!!! ALL ME, NO ONE ELSE, I SHALL RULE ALL!"
"We have no choice." Elrond said. "We must destroy it."
"Let's not and say we did." Borrowedmirror said.
"Hm..." Elrond mused. "That seems so perfect, and yet so wrong. Something's not right about that... Um... Man, you're brilliant!"
"Thanks."
"But..." Aracorn stammered. "What if Sar-On takes back what is his?"
"Who cares? He thinks it's gone, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Well, it's settled then. The Thing must be lied about."
"Hold up." Elrond said. "Says here we are bound to destroy it. I mean, Sar-On COULD find it someday, couldn't he?"
"Damn. And it was such a good plan, too." Borrowedmirror said. "But who to take it?"
"I will be dead before I see the Thing in the hands of an elf!" Gimli declared.
"Hmm?" Legoflamb said lazily. He was sleeping. "When did I want to take it?"
"Sorry." Gimli said. Everyone burst into argument.
"I will take it." Frobo said quietly, and everyone looked down, waaaaaaaaayyyyyyy down at him skeptically.
"I will take the Thing to More and Less Door. But I do not know the way."
"Get a map, then." Elrond said.
"I will help you bear this burden. As long as it is yours to bear." Gandalf said. Then he glared at Borrowedmirror.
"You have my sword." Aracorn said. Gandalf winked at Elrond, who secretly winked at Legoflamb.
"Do I have to?" he whined.
"Yes."
"Fine. You have my bow."
"And my axe!" Gimli said.
"You carry the fate of us all, little one. But if this truly is the will of the council, the Here and Gone Door will see it done." He said, and summoned a pair of binoculars. "Now I can see it from Minor Tilith!"
"Borrowedmirror." Elrond said.
"Yes?"
"Generally, it implies that you would go WITH them."
"Fine. I'll go with you."
"OI!" Samuelwise called. "Mr. Frobo's not going anywhere without me."
A lady elf walked in then. "Brutha, you are oppressed! You don't need to be slave to that short scum!"
"Hey!" Frobo called. "I'm not THAT short. And Sam's more of a... friend."
"Yes..." Sam said. Then the elf glared at him "...My sister."
"OI!" Came two OTHER voices from the bushes. "We're coming, too!"
"Nine companions." Elrond said dramatically. "So be it. You shall be known as the Enforced Buddyship Thingy of the Thing!" And made a very dramatic gaze upwards.
"So where are we going?" Pippin asked.
"Silence!" Elrond roared. "You just ruined the moment!" **************************************************************************** ***
So, there you have it! The Enforced Buddyship Thingy of the Thing. Not that it's finished, though. No, no. For there would come a time when Authors would decide the fortunes of them all!
**************************************************************************** ***************
The four Habits were in a circle, the delusional gameshow hosts surrounding them. Sam got knocked away, then Merry and Pippin. Frobo tripped (again?) and put on the Thing, to see the Wraiths for their true form. Shrieking and screaming, he pulled the Thing off, and the Witch-King stabbed him.
Then he saw Striper come on, and beat all the Wraiths away. Then Sam got very indignant with him.
"Why didn't you save him?"
"I can only please one person per day. Today is not his day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either. Today it was... wait never mind. We need to get to Rivendell."
"But we're six days from Rivendell!"
"Only if we travel like a bunch of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Do you know the athelas plant?"
"No."
"Kingsfoil."
"Ah, that's a weed."
"It may help to mask the pain. Here, take this." He said, handing him a torch. Sam went about, and accidentally set the whole forest on fire.
"Ah!" He said. "Here's some." And started to go back. Striper was dealing with the other Habits.
"What's happening.?"
"He's passing into Shadow."
"Why?"
"He was stabbed by a More and Less Door blade."
"What's that?"
"Geez, where's that flaming stick? Oh, I'll get some myself." And he went off, and got out his dagger, and was about to get some, when a blade came to his throat.
"What's this, a Ranger caught off his guard?" Came the voice.
"Nope." Aracorn said, and beheaded Arwen.
"Oh, sorry, sorry!" He said, and healed her. "What the hell are you doing here? I was expecting Glorfindel."
"He is... indisposed." She said, snickering. Aracorn heard a series of muffled cries from a garbage can. He went over and opened it.
"Glorfindel?"
"Yeah, it's me. Arwen wanted to get some more, but I got in her way, so she disposed of me. Literally."
Arwen, in her glowing state, walked over to Frodo. Light shone from her.
"Oil of Olay daily moisturizing bar. For brighter, more radiant skin." She said in an out of body voice. "Come to the liiiiiiiiight, Frobo." She said. Frobo walked right into her.
"Hey!" Aracorn called. "That's my chick!" And Frobo backed away.
"A little help, maybe?"
"Oh, right." Aracorn said. He rolled the leaves of the athelas plant, into tiny joints, and lit the end. "Here. Smoke this." Frobo inhaled and ended up in a mental euphoria that's... just great
"We must get him to my father." Arwen said.
"Oh, come on. He already talked to me about the you-know-what, I don't want to hear it again." Aracorn said.
"I meant for his wound."
"Oh, right." So she put him on his horse. Glorfindel was complaining about this, but he was quickly done away with.
"Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!" (ride on, ride on!)
"Hey, I thought you only used that one on me!" Aracorn said.
So Arwen is riding the horse, who is closely followed by Glorfindel, and THEN the wraiths. The wraiths de-horse Glorfindel, and he is trampled by them.
"Ow! Spine! Jugular! Neck! Delicates! Skull! Brain! Cartilage! Heart tissue! Pancreas! Stomach! Nads! Dainties! Silkies! Unmentionables! EEEK! MY ROBES!" He cried.
But everyone ignored him, and kept on chasing.
"Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!" Arwen chanted.
Then, they reached the Dodge of the Baranduin River. Then Arwen chanted fancy words, which we only WISH we knew, and the water level rose, and then rapids came down and swept the horses away.
"No, Frobo, no!" Arwen cried, as Frobo slept out of consciousness, even though it was only about five minutes since he was stabbed. That's weird.
And so, we reach a point where everything is light. Frobo awakens in the House of Elrond, and we have a happy rendezvous with Merry and Pip, but why Frobo is happy to see them, when he never missed them, is beyond me. Then he sees Wilbo sitting on a bench, way too tall for him.
"I can live freely now, the Thing is gone." He sang, until he saw Frobo. "Whoops! Did I just say that?"
We now see Gandalf and Elrond on a different balcony.
"It's a burden he should have never had to bear." Gandalf said.
"Gandalf." Elrond said. "My forehead is getting larger by the minute. My people are leaving these shores."
"So?"
"Oh, yes. Who will you leave the trust of Middle Earth to?"
"In the hearts of Men is where we must place our trust."
"Men." Elrond spat. "Men are weak. Scattered. Divided. Leaderless. And George W. Bush is simply APPALLING! Canada lets all the planes in, and all he can say is 'destinations outside the United States.' How mucked up is he?"
"There is one who could unite them."
"Like I care about him. He's putting the moves on my daughter. Fool."
We now go to the mushy-gushy scene of Arwen and Striper.
"Do you remember when we first met?"
"I thought I had strayed into a Schizophrenic illusion."
"Do you remember what I told you?"
"You said you would bind yourself to me. Forsaking the immortal life of your people."
"And to that I hold." She said, while handing him a necklace.
"You cannot give this to me."
"It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my fart." She said. "Wait, no. Something was wrong about that... Anyway, I choose immortal life. I mean a mortal life."
So they start kissing, and then they end up rolling and rolling in the mud, while Frobo walks by.
"coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecof feecoffeeIneedmorecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoff eecoffee coffeecoffeecoffee."
We now flash to the deleted scene of the 'Council of Elrond.'
Elrond: Hello, my name is Elrond, and I have a really large forehead.
Gimbli: Hello, my name is Gimbli, and everyone mixes up my father's name with my grandfathers, and I keep thinking Balin is my cousin.
Gloin: Hello, my name is Gloin and my father has an embarrassing name.
Groin: Hello, my name is Groin (snickers) and I have an embarrassing name.
Gloin: Dad! I thought you were dead!
Groin: No dwarf dies while his name is made fun of.
Legoflamb: Hello, my name is Legoflamb, and my name is after Galadriel and Arwen in the credits. I also have less than five-
We now flash to the real scene of the council of Elrond.
"Strangers from distant lands, you are here to behold my mighty eyebrows!" A gasp arose from the audience. "And to answer the threat of More and Less Door.
"Can we skip the eyebrow part?" Borrowedmirror asked.
"No."
"Aww!"
"Hold on, just a minute..." Elrond said. "...now! Bring forth the Thing, Frobo.
Frobo brought forth the Thing. Nothing happened. Why?
"It is a gift." Borrowedmirror said. "A gift to the foes of More and Less Door. Let us use it against Sar-On."
"We cannot weild it." Striper said. "None of us can. The One Thing answers to Sar-On alone."
Borrowedmirror tried to insult Striper once more. Men aren't so good at insults. "And what would a Stranger know of this matter?"
Legoflamb hopped up. "He is no mere Stranger. He is Aracorn. Son of Arashorn. And heir to the throne of Here and Gone Door."
"Aracorn." Borrowedmirror said. "Here and Gone Door has no king. Here and Gone Door need no king. They need me. ME!!! ALL ME, NO ONE ELSE, I SHALL RULE ALL!"
"We have no choice." Elrond said. "We must destroy it."
"Let's not and say we did." Borrowedmirror said.
"Hm..." Elrond mused. "That seems so perfect, and yet so wrong. Something's not right about that... Um... Man, you're brilliant!"
"Thanks."
"But..." Aracorn stammered. "What if Sar-On takes back what is his?"
"Who cares? He thinks it's gone, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. Well, it's settled then. The Thing must be lied about."
"Hold up." Elrond said. "Says here we are bound to destroy it. I mean, Sar-On COULD find it someday, couldn't he?"
"Damn. And it was such a good plan, too." Borrowedmirror said. "But who to take it?"
"I will be dead before I see the Thing in the hands of an elf!" Gimli declared.
"Hmm?" Legoflamb said lazily. He was sleeping. "When did I want to take it?"
"Sorry." Gimli said. Everyone burst into argument.
"I will take it." Frobo said quietly, and everyone looked down, waaaaaaaaayyyyyyy down at him skeptically.
"I will take the Thing to More and Less Door. But I do not know the way."
"Get a map, then." Elrond said.
"I will help you bear this burden. As long as it is yours to bear." Gandalf said. Then he glared at Borrowedmirror.
"You have my sword." Aracorn said. Gandalf winked at Elrond, who secretly winked at Legoflamb.
"Do I have to?" he whined.
"Yes."
"Fine. You have my bow."
"And my axe!" Gimli said.
"You carry the fate of us all, little one. But if this truly is the will of the council, the Here and Gone Door will see it done." He said, and summoned a pair of binoculars. "Now I can see it from Minor Tilith!"
"Borrowedmirror." Elrond said.
"Yes?"
"Generally, it implies that you would go WITH them."
"Fine. I'll go with you."
"OI!" Samuelwise called. "Mr. Frobo's not going anywhere without me."
A lady elf walked in then. "Brutha, you are oppressed! You don't need to be slave to that short scum!"
"Hey!" Frobo called. "I'm not THAT short. And Sam's more of a... friend."
"Yes..." Sam said. Then the elf glared at him "...My sister."
"OI!" Came two OTHER voices from the bushes. "We're coming, too!"
"Nine companions." Elrond said dramatically. "So be it. You shall be known as the Enforced Buddyship Thingy of the Thing!" And made a very dramatic gaze upwards.
"So where are we going?" Pippin asked.
"Silence!" Elrond roared. "You just ruined the moment!" **************************************************************************** ***
So, there you have it! The Enforced Buddyship Thingy of the Thing. Not that it's finished, though. No, no. For there would come a time when Authors would decide the fortunes of them all!
