Disclaimer: I don't know about you, but if I ruled the world, we wouldn't have to write these!
"IF I RULED THE WORLD"
(Scene opens on the Brotherhood House, where a power struggle is taking place.)
LANCE: (yelling) Who do you think you are?! You can't just march in here and take over!
PIETRO: (smugly) I-think-I-already-did.
FREDDY/TOAD: (carrying a sign labeled 'Pietro For Prez') Long live Pietro!
LANCE: (angry) They're only saying that because you bribed them with money.
TOAD: That's not true, yo.
FREDDY: Yeah, he gave us snacks, too.
PIETRO: Quiet-in-the-ranks!
FREDDY/TOAD: Yes, sir!
LANCE: I don't believe this! What about loyalty? What about all we've been through together? Doesn't that mean anything?
TOAD: Not really.
PIETRO: (wicked grin) Face-it-Lance. They-belong-to-me-now-and-with-them-I-shall-rule-the-world!
LANCE: Not if I rule the world first!
PIETRO: (laughs) Oh-come-on. A-peasant-like-you-doesn't-know-anything-about-being-in-a-position-of-power.
LANCE: Shows what you know! For your information, I've got it all planned out.
PIETRO: (smirks) This-I-gotta-hear.
(LANCE begins singing)
LANCE: (sings) If I ruled the world
Ev'ry romance would work out like it should
Ev'ry boy who was labeled 'just a hood'
would find a way to prove that inside he was good...
PIETRO: (speaking) Oh-please! What-kind-of-world-is-that?
LANCE: (dreamily) A wonderful world.
PIETRO: You're-pathetic! I-can't-believe-the-Brotherhood-lasted-this-long-under-your-leadership-you-crazed-Casanova!
LANCE: (sticks out tongue) You just don't understand true love. The only person you ever cared for is yourself!
PIETRO: Of-course. Anyone-who's-anyone-knows-that-only-way-to-get-ahead-in-life-is-to-look-out-for-number-one!
LANCE: Number one being you, of course.
PIETRO: Naturally. Oh-it'd-be-perfect! Just-imagine-what-life-would-be-like-if-I-was-in-charge?
LANCE: (shudders) I'm living it, but I'm not loving it.
(PIETRO begins singing)
PIETRO: If-I-ruled-the-world
Ev'ryone-would-know-my-name-and-know-fear
Ev'rybody-would-tremble-when-I'm-near
Mark-my-words-boys-my-glory-day-will-soon-be-here!
LANCE: (shakes head) That's incredible. Simply incredible.
PIETRO: (excitedly) My ideas?
LANCE: No, that in sixteen short years someone could develop such an ego! (laughs)
PIETRO: (angry) Grrr. Better-enjoy-it-while-you-can-Rockhead! Because-I-doubt-you'll-be-laughing-after-your-public-execution!
LANCE: Public execution?
PIETRO: Yes. Reviving-various-forms-of-punishment-is-part-of-my-plan-for-building-a-better-society.
LANCE: How? By eliminating everyone you don't like?
PIETRO: (shrugs) If-I-have-to.
TOAD: Is it just me, or is anyone else worried about the direction this conversation is headed, yo?
FREDDY: Personally, I'm more hungry than worried.
TOAD: I know how we can solve both our problems. I'll get Pietro's wallet...
FREDDY: I'll get Lance's car keys!
FREDDY/TOAD: And then we'll both get.. PIZZA!
(LANCE and PIETRO have now become so involved in their song war they are oblivious to everything that's going on around them.)
PIETRO: My-world-would-contain-evil-islands
Where-I-could-hatch-such-dastardly-schemes!
LANCE: My world would have lush tropical winds
That could sweep you away to follow your dreams...
If I ruled the world
Ev'ry moment would be spent with my true love
watching our lucky star shine up above
PIETRO: No-way-Lance! Not-if-I-ruled-the-world!
Ev'ryone-would-be-too-busy!
LANCE/PIETRO: Doing what they like best
LANCE: (Same time, different words) Being free!
PIETRO: (Same time, different words) Serving-me!
LANCE/PIETRO: If the day ever dawned when I ruled the world!
(Meanwhile at Mario Bros. Pizzeria...)
TOAD: Lance and Pietro sure are stupid!
FREDDY: Yeah... they're prob'ly still arguing!
TOAD: I know, man. And you know what the stupidest thing is- they were both wrong!
FREDDY: (nods in agreement) Right. Things would be much better if WE were in control.
TOAD: Tell me about it, yo.
FREDDY: Well, for starters, they're be more pepperoni on pizzas! Hey waiter!
THE END
Author's Note: Well, whaddya know, I'm back in business, even though I'm extremely annoyed at the WB jerks who decided Lance and Kitty should break up! Actually, I probably shouldn't blame Warner Bros. If a story sucks, you should blame the writer. (Unless the writer is me, of course!)
