EVA Gear Solid 1.5

Chapter 2: Enter the Snake

Disclaimer: I don't own Metal Gear Solid or Neon Genesis Evangelion. Stop bugging me.

            "And so, the Second Impact was one of the most trying times man has ever experienced. I remember where I was when it occurred…" Shinji Ikari was bored to death. The teacher of class 2-A, for the 5th time that week (and it was Friday), had begun rambling along on the devastating effects of the Second Impact. Glancing around at his classmates, he noticed one extremely distinct similarity among most of them.

They're eyes were glazed over worse than a badly-made doughnut.

Even the class rep was having a hard time keeping focused, as her head bobbed up and down, falling in and out of sleep. For Shinji, this was the norm. The only student who seemed actually alive was Kensuke, furiously typing away at his laptop, probably engaging in some illegal government database hacking. Him, and Asuka, who was staring at Shinji with intensity and a flame in her eye. Shinji, though all the alarms in his head told him not to ask why, went ahead and asked anyway. He typed a message into his laptop and sent it to the redhead.

"Why are you staring at me, Asuka?"

"You think I'm staring at your non-existent good looks? I was trying to burn a hole through your head, you baka. Unfortunately, it didn't work. You're just too thick. Besides, I can't see a thing outside the window!"

Shinji turned his head to look out the window. She was right. There was a thunderstorm outside, and it was raining so hard that visibility was nil. Lightning tore a path through the clouds, dispersing throughout the sky. Suddenly, a stray lightning bolt hit the roof directly above the classroom they were in. There was a flash and a deafening peal of thunder, then a dull thud, as if something heavy fell right outside the classroom. The teacher noticed this, and postponed his speech to investigate. Shinji also had a clear view of the door. What happened next was fast and strange. The teacher yelled in surprise, and then there was a *pfft* noise, then the teacher collapsed, and then Shinji saw a figure run by. He was running fast, but they boy got a good look at him. He was tall, and had a strange outfit on. It was a grey and black bodysuit, with a gun in a holster on his right leg, and a collar that blocked him from seeing most of his face. But he noticed something distinctive; the man had a black bandanna tied right below his hairline.

"Who WAS that!?"

Hikari yelped when she saw the unconscious teacher fall back in the doorway. Touji jumped out of his seat and ran over to him. Hikari just looked on in worry. "Is… Is he…?"

"No. He's alive. Looks like he was tranquilized…"

Shinji sighed a breath of relief. Whatever that gun the man had, it was obviously just a tranquilizer pistol. But why would a man in such a strange outfit be running around the school with a tranq pistol? Asuka walked up.

"I'm going to go find that guy."

Shinji jerked his head around, staring at Asuka in disbelief.

"But Asuka! You might get hurt!"

Hikari poked a finger at Shinji and smirked.

"Oohh… you seem quick to object, eh Shinji?"

Shinji just blushed. "I-It's not like that! You saw it! That guy had a gun!"

Asuka just fumed. "Ugh… FINE! You'll come with me. Just don't lag behind, got it? I'm gonna find this guy!"

Asuka and Shinji ran through the hallways, searching for the mysterious man. There were wet footprints leading from the classroom, and Shinji and Asuka had to run fast before they dried up. Rounding a corner, they ran straight into a dead end. Literally. Shinji skidded to a stop, inches away from the wall, but then Asuka ran into him, effectively knocking him, and her, over. Touji, Kensuke, and Hikari were next to jog around the corner. What met their eyes was a quite comical sight. In running into Shinji, she had brought the both of them falling backward. Thus, Shinji was lying face-up between Asuka's legs, with his head lying directly on top of her breasts. It was a comical sight indeed. Touji had backed up against the wall, hands in front of his face. "Jeezus, Shinji! We leave the two of you alone for a minute, and this is what we find!? Why don't you just get a room already!" Kensuke was videotaping the whole thing.

"Blackmail material… eeeexellent."

Hikari was furious. "I send you two to go find that intruder, and you two start making love in a hallway! You two are HOPELESS!!" Shinji just groaned as he picked himself up, and sat down on a conveniently placed cardboard box. Asuka finally came to also. "Oooohhh… I feel like I ran into a wall… what happened…?"

Shinji looked up wearily at the redhead. "Asuka, you DID run into a wall."

"Oh." Then she noticed Shinji was sitting on a conveniently placed box.

"Hey, scoot over. I want to sit down too." Shinji complied, and Asuka plopped herself down on the conveniently placed cardboard box. The two children sat in silence, catching their breath. After a minute or so, a barely audible grunt was heard from the conveniently placed cardboard box.

"Did you say something, Shinji?"

"Nope."

"Oh, okay."

The two children kept sitting, now just to pass the time, due to the fact that the teacher was out cold. After a couple minutes more, the conveniently placed cardboard box emitted a slightly more audible grunt.

"Dammit, Shinji, If you have something to say, then say it!"

"What are you talking about, Asuka? I didn't say anything."

"Hmmm…?"

By now, Shinji had pulled out his SDAT and plugged the earphones in his ears, quietly humming the tune of the famous track 26. The whole song had played through twice, and the two EVA pilots still sat there. The storm had cleared up slightly, to the point that Asuka could see out the window to the rain-soaked city outside. After five minutes, the conveniently placed cardboard box let out a highly audible grunt, that even Shinji heard, though his earbuds were in place. Asuka jumped off the conveniently placed cardboard box.

"THAT'S IT!! If I hear that audible grunt from you one more time, I'll drop-kick you out that window!!"

"Asuka? What are you talking about!? I didn't make any audible grunts!"

"Are you calling me a LIAR, Shinji Ikari!?"

By now, Asuka had worked herself up to a dangerous level.

"Ugh!! You dummkopf!!"

She slammed her fist down HARD on the conveniently placed cardboard box. This time, the conveniently placed cardboard box said, "Ow!" Shinji heard it too, jumping up from the conveniently placed cardboard box. "What… was that…!?"

Asuka grabbed a broom off the wall as Shinji tentatively reached for the sides of the box.

"Ready, Asuka?"

"Ready as ever. Lift it!"

"HIYAH!!"

*pfft*

*pfft*

"OooOooOoOOooohhh…"

*WHUMP*

When the young boy came to, he was in a familiar hospital room, his school uniform neatly folded on a table next to his bed. Staring at the familiar ceiling, he muttered to himself, "Not again…"

All right! Chapter two, completed!! I'm on a roll here. Chapter three will be coming soon, so don't sweat it.

Read and review, so I know that there are actually some people READING this wacked-out fanfic. I need some support here!!

Until next time…

Long live the conveniently-placed cardboard box.

~Beanster the Terrible

PS- to some of the people who were wondering about the "Cardboard Box of Time", well, this is supposed to be a halfway humorous fic, so I decided to make the method of time-travel a cardboard box.