EVA Gear Solid 1.5

Chapter 3 v2.0: Enter the Snake

Disclaimer: Ugh… Must I do this again!? ::glances over shoulder to lawyer standing behind:: ::lawyer nods his head:: Dammit… Fine. I don't own Metal Gear Solid, nor do I own Evangelion. Now go get me a soda. ::lawyer shakes his head no:: Goddammit…

Asuka waited impatiently for the purple-haired Director of Operations to sign the release forms allowing her to take the two children home. "I mean, it was just a stupid tranquilizer shot, its not like it was a real bullet. Why did we have to stay overnight!?" Shinji pulled one of his SDAT earbuds out.

"Its no big deal, Asuka."

"Oh shut up, Third Child. I can see why you would have to stay here, you damn spineless pansy-a-"

"Asuka, NERV required that you stay here overnight. For all we know, it could have been infected with some kind of virus, or perhaps nanomachines."

"Nano-whatsit?"

"Nanomachines. They're tiny, microscopic robots that exist in the bloodstream. They can be controlled by radio frequency on the outside, and can cause some serious internal damage if made to. You can't be too sure, Asuka. Someone may want you dead."

"And who would want the great 2nd child Asuka Langley Sohryu dead?"

Shinji just shook his head.

The ride home was pretty much uneventful. Uneventful, aside from Shinji screaming to Misato to stop the car because he saw a cardboard box on the side of the road. However, lifting it up, he found nothing. This only earned a smirk from Asuka and weird looks from Misato. Upon reaching the apartment, they entered to find the phone ringing.

"Um, hello?"

"Shinji! Listen, I think I've got a lead on the mystery man at school the other day!"

"Really? You didn't hack into any government databases to get this info, did you?"

"Oh, just shut up and get over here!!"

"M'kay. See ya, Kensuke."

*click*

"Misato! I gotta go to Kensuke's place really quick!"

"Okay, Shinji. Be careful!"

With that, Shinji started to walk to Kensuke's house. However, about halfway there, something spotted his eye. Someone was moving in. There was a moving van parked in the driveway, so Shinji decided to stand by and see who was moving in. Finally, a man emerged from the doorway. He was tall, and was dressed in blue jeans and a plain white T-shirt. His face looked as if it were chiseled out of solid rock. A lit cigarette hung lazily out of his mouth. Suddenly, he noticed something. His hair was dark brown, and he had a bandanna tied right under the hairline. Just like the intruder at school! This fueled Shinji to run all the way to Kensuke's house. He didn't notice the man watching him run the whole way.

"Kensuke! *pant* I think *wheeze* I saw the *huff* guy with the *wheeeeeze* tranquilizer gun at school!"

"Whoa, calm down, Shinji. I need you to concentrate on what I'm saying."

Shinji just nodded.

"That guy fits the description of a secret US Government operative."

"WHAT!?"

"That's not the serious part. This guy is Solid Snake."

"Solid Snake? Wasn't he the one who stopped some nuclear launch or something?"

"Yep. He's the one who destroyed all the Metal Gears of the past."

Shinji thought. 'Metal Gear!? The 20th century predecessors of the EVA series?'

"Waitaminnit. I thought he was dead! Like he sank a tanker or something!"

"And here he is now…"

"…How!?"

"Hey Shinji, you said that you saw Snake. Where was he?"

"He was moving into a house, halfway from my place to yours. It had to have been him. He had a bandanna."

"…We can't let him know that we know. For all we know, he could be part of some secret government longevity project or something!"

"Right. "

"…What the hell is going on here!?"

The next day…

Shinji ran alongside Asuka on the way to school. The place was a buzz with rumors and theories as to who the mysterious man was. Of course, Shinji and Asuka were swamped as soon as they entered, swamped with questions as to what happened.

"Who was he?"

"Where's he from?"

"What'd he look like?"

"What was Shinji doing lying on top of you?"

Everyone, everything, and all people in a 20-foot radius ceased to move or speak. Asuka was beyond furious. She was in an unstoppable rage.

"WHO SAID THAT!?!?"

Asuka saw a figure running at near-mach speed away from the crowd, with a video camera in hand.

"KENSUKE!!!!!!!" screamed the wrathful third child, giving pursuit.

Shinji just shook his head, sighing. A giant sweatdrop appeared as well.

Meanwhile…

Asuka had Kensuke pinned against the wall. Her arm was reared back for a punch, but froze when Kensuke managed to sputter out, "Punch me, and I make copies of the video!!"

"What video!?"

Kensuke grinned evilly. "The video of Shinji and you on the floor, of course."

The evil hacker whipped out a videotape from seemingly nowhere. "And the WHOLE school will see what you and Shinji were REALLY doing while you were supposed to be searching for the 'mystery man'."

This only enraged Asuka further, as she delivered a wall-shattering punch to Kensuke's gut and grabbed the video from his hand. She was about to crush it, when Kensuke wheezed out. "Don't… crush it… its got the shot… of that conveniently placed cardboard box… *wheeeeeze*." Asuka realized this, and pocketed the video.

"It stays with me, understand?"

"Yesh ma'am… uhhhh…" *WHUMP*

By now, it was time for class to start. The routine started as usual, class rep Horaki shouting out orders, however, the teacher was not present. Just then, one of the main office staff came in. "Children, as you know, the teacher is in the hospital due to an allergic reaction. He's alright, but he won't be able to teach for at least a month." At this, there was relieved whispers and chatters from the students. "*Ahem* As you also know, we can't trust this class to go one day without a teacher. I mean, think of what would happen! The room would be a mess… So, we've arranged a substitute teacher to stand in." The staff member moved aside. A man walked in, carrying a cardboard box with supplies and other assorted stuff inside.

Kensuke frowned when he saw the side of the cardboard box. On the side of the box, it said, 'To Nuclear Warhead Disposal Facility'. "What the…? Waitaminnit…" However, the real shock came when he put down the box.

Shinji and Kensuke both gasped.

It was him!!!

"Class, say hello to Mr. Iroquois Pliskin. He will be your substitute teacher for the time being."

Pliskin looked around the room menacingly.

"Hello, class."

Man, what has Snake got himself into? Dealing with high school freshmen (Or are they eighth graders? Who knows.)!? Is he insane? He of all people should know that you can't win against superior odds.

As always, read, review, but don't repeat. It's just their way of making more money.

But, suggestions are always good.

Until the next chapter…

WAAAAIIIIIIIIIT!!!!! I forgot… this is Chapter 3 v2.0, meaning it is the REVISED version. My thanks go out to these authors…

wutdaheck

DarkPower

Wandering Slacker

Aktar

for pointing out some of my MANY errors. *sweatdrop* As you know, this is my first fic, so please don't be too angry.

By the way, Bad Ronald, if you've had some ideas for this fanfic, drop me a line, and ill see if I can integrate them into this one.

Men with bandannas and 'Nuclear Warhead Disposal Facility' cardboard boxes should NEVER be trusted.

~Beanster the Terrible

Bonus Omake Theatre (The Adventures of Toni-sama)

::Toni-sama is sitting on his couch, watching Golden Boy::

::Door knocks::

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

::Toni-sama's mom answers::

Toni-sama's mom- Excuse me, can I help you?

Woman at door- Hi, were here to see Tony.

Toni-sama's mom- Oh, okay, just hold on a minute. TONIIIIIII!!! You've got visitors!!!

Toni-sama- Coming!

:::Toni-sama goes to the door, to see Mai Shiranui, Meryl Silverburgh, Sniper Wolf, the three Goddess Sisters, five Catgirls, Tifa Lockheart, Aerith Gainsboro, and Asuka.:::

Toni-sama- !!!!!!!!

Mai- Are you Toni-sama?

Toni-sama- Uhm… Ahhhh… oh! Y-y-yes!! (Busy staring at Mai's boobs)

Urd, from outside: Are you going to let us in, or what?

Toni-sama- Ahhhh… please come in!

:::Toni-sama moves back and all the girls file in:::

Toni-sama- Hold on a second, I gotta take care of my room for a second.

:::Toni-sama dashes upstairs, furiously cleaning his room, hiding his hentai collection (which happens to be of those girls), and getting the bed cleared.:::

Toni-sama's mom, from downstairs: Toni, I gotta go to the store to pick up some stuff! See you later!

Toni-sama- Bye mom!

:::Toni-sama finally realizes he has the house all to himself, save for the girls downstairs. Hey… Waitaminnit…:::

Mai, from directly behind Toni-sama: Nice room.

Toni-sama: GAAH!! W-w-who sent you, anyway? :::still staring at Mai's boobs:::

Mai- Beanster the Terrible, of course. He wanted us to… umm… how should I say this…

Meryl- He wanted us to… errr… show you the ropes.

Tifa- To… ahh… show you a good time?

Urd- He wanted us to screw your brains out!!!

:::Toni-sama's eyes nearly bug out as he grins uncontrollably:::

:::Sniper Wolf approaches, running a hand along the front of Toni-sama's shirt:::

Sniper Wolf, seductively- Well? Surely you're not going to pass this up, are you?

Belldandy, more seductively, wrapping her arms around Toni-sama's waist- We can do anything you want… wouldn't you like that?

:::Toni-sama is borderline on passing out, when suddenly, that annoying little voice called 'conscience' decides to speak up:::

T-sama's Conscience- You can't do this!! You already have a girlfriend! You have to resist their temptations if you want to stay loyal to her!!!

:::T-sama looks around, sees all the pretty girls:::

T-sama- Oh god no… why did he do this now… why not when I was single!?!?!?

Beanster the T.- I'm evil, you know that?

To be continued……..