Correspondence

Disclaimer: These characters are property of J.R.R. Tolkien. The twisted ideas? They're mine.

Warning: Slash, AU (?), and mad people. Pairs: Elrohir/Sam, Glorfindel/Merry

Note: I think I'm slowly but surely going insane. For those who answered kindly! Thanks!!! Me love you!! XD

Plot Cockroach: Same old, same old… Yeah, I read The Return Of The King. Wasn't funny enough, so I got mad. Oh, poor Sam! I almost feel sorry for him… and Rose too. Too bad, huh?

__________________

Act Two – The One In Which Sam's Gaffer Was Wrong

"Wow," Sam breathed, nudging his other two companions with his elbows. "I guess my Gaffer was right! Mr. Frodo is really a great hobbit! Even the elves desire his hinny so!"

"I must admit," Merry said; "that this elf is one good-looking creature… and that I wish for one too."

They were walking in the sunlit gardens of the fortress, discussing the night's events cheerfully. It was still freshly etched in their hobbit minds – a delicate, light-footed creature kindled by the stars, with the small, gentle and shy hobbit-youth – ah! The Valar were fair.

Frodo was absent from their presence, he being too… busy to join his companions that day. Even Bilbo missed him, as well. He was simply nowhere to be found – but he did have his reasons. And they were good ones. In fact, they were too good to be true to the Elf-Lord Elrond.

"You want to get married?" he exclaimed, looking up at Elladan. "To whom?"

"Um… well," Frodo stepped up from behind. "You see, Master Elrond, we… if this doesn't please you…"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS EARLIER??" Elladan and Frodo jumped back simultaneously, wide-eyed and glancing at the shouting half-elf. They thought that he had gone mad with anger. He stood up and grabbed hold of his eldest son's shoulders, and shook him hard, till Elladan saw stars (American stars, heh, heh.). "Then I wouldn't have to rearrange everything again, doing it at the same time with Estel's marriage preparations!"

He paused for breath, and then he looked hopefully at Frodo. "Do you mind getting married within the next two days? Estel is getting married on Sunday… I can only arrange for one before his marriage, since it's inconvenient to change everything now."

Then, without waiting for an answer Elrond scrambled out of the door, leaving a rather stunned Elladan and a confused but happy Frodo in his room. After a few moments, they began to laugh.

All a sudden, Elladan stopped laughing. He looked rather grim.

"What's wrong?" Frodo asked. The half-elf turned to gaze at him, and he lifted a brow nervously.

"Who's going to wear the bride's dress?"

__________________

Arwen sat in an enclosed garden, fuming. Her plan was foiled, unintentionally, but it made her angry all the same. Now she had to get the old hobbit to help her again. And much to her annoyance, he was amused and elated that Frodo had finally found love. Of course, Arwen felt happy for them too, but…

She was getting desperate.

"Well, dear, I'll write you another letter. Be sure not to make mistakes this time, my dear girl. Poems need some amount of brainstorming to come up with."

She nodded and tailed him into the room.

__________________

Aragorn paced round in the dressmaker's shop, a frown upon his handsome face. He had to find someone he could live with for the rest of his life, and it wasn't going to be easy.

Gandalf had laughed at his request to help him in his task, and he had earned himself a savage roar and a box on his ear from Gimli, who obviously did not like being proposed to by a man, as well as for being drunk, of course. The hobbits squealed with laughter at him, but they all agreed that they would only marry an elf being, like Frodo. Elrohir was too busy to listen to him, running off after a horse-drawn coach, and Glorfindel was horrified at his request. In fact, it took two minutes for the golden haired elf to scamper from Elrond's drawing room to the cook's hall. He simply didn't want to marry a man. They didn't appeal to him at all.

For a moment he almost wanted to ask Manwë to marry him through a prayer.

But of course, if prayers could be answered, Aragorn would either have been swept away by a tornado or have the Air Lord's wife whack him in the head, hard enough to make his brains rattle. So Aragorn decided to hold his tongue.

"Oh, hello, Aragorn," a voice greeted him politely from behind. Aragorn turned to look at Thranduil… no, at Legolas.

"Well, greetings, my friend," Aragorn replied easily. Legolas took a seat by the brink counter and put a blue mantle on the surface.

"My mantle's been ripped by thorns this morning," he said, pushing it towards an elvish seamstress. "Could you mend it, please? It's very precious to me."

"Yes, sir," she turned away with a smile, mantle in hand. Legolas spun round to meet Aragorn's gray gaze.

"You seem troubled, Aragorn," he remarked casually. Aragorn nodded and sighed.

"Yes… but let's put that behind us. I've got to try on some outfits for my wedding to be, Legolas. Would you like to try some on too?" he invited, good-naturedly. Legolas beamed his azure eyes shining.

"That'd be fun."

__________________

Arwen skipped out of the room door, pleased. The next one was just as romantic. Happily she made her way to where a large waterfall was, and she smiled when she saw pretty, shiny pebbles reflecting sunlight in the rushing, clear waters. She dipped the magic quilt pen in, and once again, the ink sparked. Then she wrote neatly, the place of their meeting.

'Angel Falls'.

Suddenly, even as she sat by the edge of the waters, grinning, she heard light cursing coming her way. Quickly Arwen darted off, this time pushing the piece of paper into her pocket, and her pen in another. But as she pushed the pen in, unnoticed, the paper slid out of a moth hole and fluttered beside the rocks by the falls.

Elrohir stepped up and sat by the falls, dipping his hands in and splashing his face with the cool water as he did so. It felt refreshing, and he felt his hot temper subside a little. He was still angry though.

"Stupid dwarf! If I ever get my hands on him, I'll –"

Elrohir stopped short when he caught sight of a pink leaflet by the stone where he was sitting. He picked it up and read the contents, going red.

When the stars are kindled, and the sun has sunk,

Leaving the sky a heavenly cherry.

Meet me by Angel Falls

And let our hearts be merry.

"What sort of freaking note is this?" he grumbled, but all the same he felt light headed. He dropped the piece of paper onto the ground, and walked off, determined to come back and see who this mysterious person was, in the evening.

Sam came by a little while later, looking tired. He had walked quite a bit with Pippin and Merry, and now he wished for a bit of quiet. He sat by the falls, relishing the sound of running water and the sweet chirping of birdsong. Suddenly, he caught sight of a pink piece of paper, and he bent to pick it up. Sam, the good, honest hobbit lad he was, turned beet red at the words.

"My luck, exactly," Sam whispered, going pale with excitement. "Why, my Gaffer was right! As long as we wish for things, they would happen. Oh, yes, my Gaffer used to say, 'Sam, laddie, when you really want something, ask for it and they'll hand it to you.' And I didn't ask, and I got what I wanted too! Elves! Praise them, beautiful things! They know exactly what's in our hearts, yes sir!"

Then he stopped. "But my Gaffer always thought that I'd go for Rosie. Now I just want to hug an ancient but beautiful elf being. I won't mind if she's a he, now, but I do with he won't be boring and all songs and myth all the time. I love songs, but I'd love some adventure and garden too… oh, well, let's not think about it now."

He got up and left, deciding to come a little later to wait for the secret person by the falls.

__________________

"OH NO!!!!! I LOST IT AGAIN!!!" Arwen screamed, throwing her hands into the air. Once again, her plans were foiled. She had chanced to see Aragorn pass by, but as she looked for the letter, she discovered, to her horror, a large moth hole in her pocket. No doubt that was where it had disappeared through!

"DAAARRRN IT! AUUUUUUUUUGH!" she yelled. "SOMEONE'S GONNA PAY!"

She stomped off, not noticing that an elf had jumped and fallen into a fountain in fright as she had yelled, and in the process, had his head bumped against a rock. Merry, who was nearby, came up to see who had yelled. He was shocked to see a golden head bobbing in the water. As there was no one else about, he decided to play hero.

"I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU SO DON'T WORRY I'LL GET YOU OUT ARRGH THE WATER'S COLD!"

Splash!

There was some coughing and spluttering as Merry hauled up a half-conscious elf out of the water. He dragged him to dry land and pushed the wet, flaxen strands away from the elf's face. Immediately, he recognized the elf as Glorfindel, one of Elrond's household friends.

"ARGH OH MY GAWD I KNEW I SHOULDA LEARNT CPR! DON'T DIE GLORFINDEL! DON'T DIE ON ME! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE AND I'M NOT IN A MOOD FOR A FUNERAL!"

Without thinking, Merry leaned in to give the elf mouth-to-mouth respiration, a technique he had learnt from Sam's Gaffer, to save attractive young hobbit lasses' lives and have them hang on you long after. But this was no time for that! He was going to save Glorfindel!

The flaxen haired elf spluttered as he felt something press against his lips and blow hot air in. Ai! Elbereth! Glorfindel thought. This reeks like milk and cheese and mushroom fondue!

… Milk and cheese… mushroom?

No, no, this can't be…

He opened his eyes and peered straight into the odd ones of Meriadoc Brandybuck. Glorfindel sat up at once and started to throw up. Merry heaved a sigh.

"You're okay, Glorfindel?"

"Yeah," Glorfindel shuddered. Merry looked at him.

"Then why are you throwing up?"

"That was served for dinner three weeks ago! You ate rotten leftovers before kissing me!" he exclaimed exasperatedly. "Why don't you ask before gulping down everything you come across?"

"Sorry."

"It's all right," Glorfindel sighed, as he sat on the grass, catching his breath. "Thanks for saving my life. I owe you one."

"Really?" Merry asked, hopefully. "You'll do anything?"

"Yes," Glorfindel nodded, serious. Merry grinned.

"Will you marry me?"

"WHAT?"

__________________

It was already sunset. The sky was a shade of red, beautiful, sparkling, and the evening star was clearly seen. Sam sat waiting behind a bush. He did not notice another person hiding opposite, an elf maiden, and neither did she notice him. They looked intently at the falls.

Suddenly, a shadow loomed over the sparkling waters. Sam held his breath. There, by the rocks, sat a gorgeous being, almost like the silvery one he saw that night – in fact he looked so much the same that for a while Sam was fooled into thinking that it was Elladan. But he knew that Elladan was with Frodo. Was this his twin brother, Elrohir?

Sam had heard of Elrohir before. He was very much like Elladan in looks, but he was more playful and immature compared to his eldest brother. He had a hot temper, but he was also very kind when things went well. And he loved nature walks and a bit of garden. Sam felt his face flush. Then, as if in a dream, he came out of the bushes, and walked towards the half-elf.

"Looks like my Gaffer was wrong after all," Sam said, and Elrohir gazed at him in a confused manner. Sam scratched his head. "My Gaffer used to say, sir, begging your pardon, 'Sam Gamgee, my lad, I think bookish-lasses are right for a garden-lover for you.' But oh! Mr. Elladan has Mr. Frodo, and I was hoping maybe to have an elf love- ah, partner too, and now look, I find myself really liking you, sir, and coming here like a fool waiting for you, I don't know if you'd come, but –"

"Sam?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Stop yapping and kiss me!"

Arwen groaned inaudibly. It looks like someone wasn't going to pay, again.

The sun sank slowly below the horizon, and the sky turned a cobalt color, decorated by the silvery white stars. Soon it disappeared, leaving the sky a dark navy, and the moon climbed slowly up.

__________________

To Be Continued…

__________________

Note: Ah, that took me long enough! Heh looks like Elrond will have plenty of marriages to prepare for! Oh, in case you're curious, there's no point in this story. It's just a big joke.

You wanna know my darkest secret? I'm afraid of cockroaches and creepy bugs. End of story.