It was Scott. Lauren looked at the clock on the night stand, 3:17 a.m. It was very late or very early depending. It was like a dream.
"Lauren? Lauren, are you there?"
"Yes, Scott, I'm here. Uh, you were saying?"
"I was saying that I need to talk to you, I know you must be tired, you must need rest, with the baby and all, but Lauren, this cannot wait until morning."
"Oh, Scott. You're right, I mean about my needing rest and all, and well, this really isn't a good time for me. I would really appreciate this waiting until morning."
"Lauren, I..." He stopped. What was he thinking? The poor thing was pregnant. He might have made her that way, and now he wanted her to stay awake and discuss their relationship in the middle of the night. "I'm sorry. I never should have bothered you so late. We'll talk tomorrow."
"It's all right. It was good to hear your voice."
"Yours, too. Goodnight, Lauren."
"Goodnight, Scott."
Neither one hung up immediately. Both waited and listened to the other breath. Until Lauren finally disconnected her end.
Scott never had a chance to disconnect his, because before he knew it, he was in his pants, down the stairs and on his way to Steven's apartment.
Scott wasn't the only one taking a moonlight ride. Cathleen was in her care headed for Scott's apartment. He'd been avoiding her and she wanted answers. They had something decent, something real and now she felt the threat of destruction. Something or someone was interfering with their relationship and Cathleen was hell* bent on figuring out what that was. She would never get the nerve to do this if it wasn't three in the morning, so she knew as she parked her Jeep that she had to do this, and she had to do it now.
After she hung up with Scott, Lauren couldn't go back to sleep. The dream of Eliza haunted her, and it left her with an overwhelming desire to be held. Lauren dressed quickly, yet carefully, so that she would look presentable, but so that the small belly she was all ready getting would reveal itself to him. It would help her if he saw the baby starting to grow and felt drawn to it and to her. She was only three months along, and she really didn't show unless you looked for it, but the jeans that she chose were a very snug fir around her usually narrow middle.
Lauren got into her beat up '78 Buick and drove over to Scott's. She needed to see him and tell him that she loved him and that she needed him to be there for her and for the baby. She loved him. She knew that now when it should have been apparent all along.
Steven was asleep when Scott knocked on his door, and had to grope for the light.
"Who is it?" he asked.
"It's Scott. Open up."
"Lord Scott, it's almost four in the morning. What are you doing here?"
"I needed to get out. I had the strangest dream."
"It was about Lauren. We were married, we had a family. I was so happy and so was she. We made a wonderful couple. It opened my eyes, Steven. I love her and I need her."
"It sounds like for the first time since December you really know what you want."
"Yeah, December to March is a long time for someone like me to be confused."
"There's only one problem."
"What about Cathleen?"
"Make that two problems."
"Lauren's feelings and then there's the matter of the child's paternity. But the more I think about that, the less it matters to me."
"That's fine, just remember this, Lauren is the one that is pregnant and her feelings matter. This baby's could be Harry's, and that not only concerns you and Lauren, but Harry. This is not simple, Scott."
"I know that, and if she does still have feelings for Harry, at least she'll know that I also care for her and love her."
"Now, what about Cathleen?"
"I don't know. I'd hate to hurt her, but I need to make a decision. That relationship must either be terminated or taken to the next level. I have to stop it now."
"Scott, are you losing your head?"
"I don't know, but he's what I do know there is one woman in the world for me and that is Lauren Davis. End of discussion."
"Who are you trying to convince, yourself, because I've known this all along."
Cathleen finally used her key to get into Scott' apartment since he didn't answer the door when she knocked. He was probably asleep. It was four in the morning.
As soon as she opened the door, she heard a voice behind her, calling softly, "Scott?"
"Miss Davis, what are you doing here?"
"Most likely the same thing as you. Where is Scott?"
"I don't know. He should be here?"
"How did you get in?"
"Key, you?"
"You left the door wide open. Why did you come here?"
"His phone was busy."
"We were talking."
"At three a.m.?"
"He called me."
"Laura..."
"Lauren."
"Lauren, let me put this in a way that you can understand. Scott is mine. You left him when he needed you, but I was there. When he called out for you in his sleep, I was there. When he was in pain, I was there. When he was scared and thought he was going to die, I was there. Not you."
"Miss Montgomery, there is no doubt that you were there for Scott, and I thank you for that. But as for Scott being, "Yours" I highly doubt the truth in that. I wanted to be there for him. They wouldn't let me."
"I know what you want here. You want him to come in here and take you in his arms and forget all about me."
"In part that may be so, yes. And perhaps he should, after all, I'm the one who's going to have his baby. If you want to talk about a claim on Scott, nursing him verses giving him his first born; the deck stacks in my favor."
"You little..."
"Cathleen! Lauren!" Scott barked as he entered. "Both of you calm down and behave yourselves, you're supposed to be ladies."
"I'm sorry, Scott," Lauren said.
He nodded and turned to Cathleen who was in tears.
"Cathy, I..."he said softly.
No sooner than the word left his mouth, did he see Lauren turn and wiping tears away from her face, run out the door.
Lauren could hardly see the road through her tears. How could she have been so stupid? She thought Scott loved her. Wasn't that what he always said, time and time again? She'd known about Cathleen, but she obviously didn't know the extent of the relationship. Why did Cathleen have a key to his apartment? Was Scott sleeping with her? That was none of her business.
Yes, it was her business. Scott Guber was probably the father of her child. She and Harry had made love, on many occasions, but they had always been careful, they had always planned it out. With Scott, she'd been so into the emotion of the moment that she never thought about the consequences of her actions, and apparently neither did he. Part of her was grateful she didn't think about using a condom or a diaphragm, and part of her deeply regretted her oversight. She wanted to be with Scott, but she didn't want to pressure him or trap him, she wanted him to come to her on his own, without the sense of obligation her pregnancy gave him. Even if the baby was his, she had all ready let him know that he had an out. She could and would, if necessary raise this child on her own.
Lauren saw the light at the corner turn red, so she eased her foot on the break, and continued thinking. Of course she would stop at this corner. It was Harry's corner. What ever residual feeling she had for Harry had dwindled to feelings of nothing but friendship, and the small pangs of feelings she had for Scott had grown into a deep, mature love. If only she could be sure that he loved her as much now as he once did, and that he loved her as much as she loved him.
The light turned green and Lauren started to drive through the intersection. After that, everything that happened seemed to slow down. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the other car. It was headed straight for hers. She could think, couldn't move. She had to stop, she thought, she had to get out of the way, but she could not seem to execute the necessary movements to do that.
It all felt like a dream or a movie. It was like she saw what was happening from out of herself. She heard the unmistakable sound of metal on metal and glass on glass. She felt her body jerk with the force of the impact. She felt the searing pain as her seatbelt tightened across her abdomen. She felt her head hit the hard steering wheel. And she saw her world go black.
At the same time, Scott was in his apartment with Cathleen, facing the music. He owed her the truth; he just didn't imagine it happening like this.
"Is it true, Scott? Is she pregnant?"
"Yes, she is."
"Is the baby yours?"
"I don't know. I believe so."
"You believe so? You mean she doesn't know? What is she a sl...?"
"Cathleen," he said sharply, "I have never struck a woman in my life, nor have I considered it, but that remark is truly testing my restraint. Lauren is confused, and now, because of whatever exchange took place her, she is very upset."
"So am I, Scott. I thought you were different. I thought you were honest. I thought I could trust you, that we could have something, something special."
"Cathleen, I have been honest. Have I promised you anything? If I did, I'd like to know."
When she didn't speak, he continued, "We have a very special relationship, Cathleen. You were there for me during a very trying time in my life. I came to trust you, something that I find very difficult to do, and I came to care for you. You, in turn, gave me your trust. You told me about that sweet little girl, you gave me your confidence. You and I share a very special bond, Cathleen. We share a beautiful...friendship, built on caring and trust. You are one of the few people that I feel safe enough with to let my guard down, you are one of the few people that knows what goes on in here," he said, indicating his heart with his hand.
"But, even with all of that, it isn't enough, is it?"
"Cathy, I've been in love with Lauren Davis for a long time. There's a lot of water under that bridge, a lot of anger, a lot of pain, a lot of heartache. There is also a lot of happiness, and tenderness, and it was in one of those moments when this baby was conceived. Some of what happened in the past was Lauren's fault, most of it was mine, but now is the time to forget the past, to move away from it, now is the time for me to prove to her that I can be supportive and loving, that I can be there for her. She's carrying a child, a child that may be mine; I can't just leave her; not when she needs me. I have a responsibility..."
"Cut the crap, Guber! This goes way beyond than some misdirected sense of responsibility. Admit it, you love her! You never stopped loving her, admit it!"
"It is true, I do admit it. I love her. I don't want to love her, I can't help loving her."
"And I can't help loving you."
Cathleen closed the gap between them and placed her head on his chest. He let her hold on to him, feeling wretched for hurting her, but knowing it was necessary.
"Cathleen, please, don't make this harder than it is."
"You want me to make it easier for you?" she asked. "Well, I'm sorry Scott, I love you, and I can't do that."
Scott was speechless, an affliction he seemed to have more and more these days. There was nothing to say to her, he knew he'd lead her on, he knew he'd encouraged her advances; he knew he let her down.
There were three ambulances. Two paramedics were working on getting Lauren out of her car. She was unconscious and bleeding.
"Does she have any ID?" one of the workers asked.
"Yeah, he license says Lauren Davis."
"Is there an emergency contact?"
"Yes, a Marilyn Sudor."
Marilyn was asleep in Kevin's arms when the phone rang. "Good," she though, "Snow day."
"Hello," she said sleepily.
"Is this Marilyn Sudor?"
"Yes, who's calling?"
"This is Anna Cameron, Boston Police; you were on the list of contacts for a Miss Lauren Davis."
"What happened?"
"There was a car accident. Miss Davis is being taken to Boston General Hospital ER. I would advise that you or another family member be present."
"Marilyn, what is it?"
"Kevin, oh my God, Lauren was in a car crash. They're taking her to the hospital."
"I better call, Harry."
"Yes, and Steven. Someone needs to call Scott."
"Why Scott?"
"Lauren's baby could be his too."
A few minutes, although it seemed like eons later, Marilyn and Kevin arrived at the hospital. Steven was all ready there, as was Harry.
"Steven! Is the baby all right?"
"They don't know anything yet, she's still unconscious."
"How are you holding up?" Kevin asked Harry.
"All right, I'm kind of numb. Where's Guber?"
"We haven't been able to reach him yet."
"No, he needs to be around now, of course they can't reach him."
No sooner than the words left Harry's mouth, did Daniel Davis come out into the waiting room. With an icy tone in his voice he asked, "Where's Scott Guber?"
"He's not here, why?" Steven asked.
"Lauren wants to see him."
"Then she's regained consciousness?"
"Mostly, she's still very disoriented. She doesn't remember the accident."
"What about the baby?"
"She hasn't miscarried yet, but that is still touch and go, as is her condition at this point."
"I want to see her," Harry said.
"She's...All right, but don't upset her. Where can I find Scott Guber?"
Harry went into Lauren's room. She was curled in a ball, tears streaming down he cheeks, Harry reached and brushed one away.
She looked at him, "Where's Scott?"
"He's not here yet."
"Then he isn't coming."
Harry couldn't believe she said that. She sounded so convinced that Scott wouldn't come, and part of him secretly hoped he wouldn't. Looking in Lauren's eyes however, seeing the fear, the pain, and the anguish there, Harry couldn't help but feel moved.
"Is the baby all right, Harry, did they tell you anything?"
"Don't worry about anything now," he said softly, because not knowing was sometimes worse than hearing something sad.
"Tell me, I want to know. Is the baby all right?"
"They don't know Lauren, you have to stay calm."
Lauren tried, but just then, a sharp stabbing pain gripped her side and radiated to her stomach. She moaned at the sensation.
"Are you all right?" Harry asked, nervously.
"My side hurts, oh, God, I cannot lose this baby, I just can't lose it," she sobbed, as Harry gathered her close to him.
He tried to be supportive, even if he didn't want her to be pregnant, even if it hurt that she wanted Scott instead of him, he hated to see her cry. On some deep level, however, he wished that it was Guber here doing this instead of him.
Daniel Davis, with Steven in tow arrived at Scott's apartment and pounded on the door.
"What if he's not home, then what?" Daniel asked.
"The phone's busy. He's home."
"Who is it?" Scott called from inside.
"Scott, it's me, Steven. I have Daniel Davis with me. Open up."
"Daniel Davis," Scott though, "What possible reason would Steven have for bringing Daniel Davis to his apartment. He opened the door and could tell by the look on his friends face that something was terribly wrong.
"Steven, Dr. Davis," he said, trying to keep his voice calm.
Cathleen sat on the sofa, her face streaked with tears, she looked guiltily at Daniel.
"What is she doing here? Is this the reason that I had to come here, that you aren't with my sister when she needs you," Daniel charged.
"Dr. Davis, this is not what it looks like."
"Yeah, that's what Laura said when her ex-husband caught us in bed together; it is exactly what it looks like."
"Daniel, there is a more important matter here. Scott, get your coat, we need to get to the hospital immediately."
"Steven, what's happened? Is it Lauren? The baby?"
"It's Lauren. There's been an accident. She's alive, the baby's alive, but the situation is very serious. She's asking for you."
"Why wasn't I called immediately?"
"You were," Daniel said, "The phone was off the hook, and it's not difficult to imagine why."
"I had just about enough of ..."
"Gentlemen, everyone's emotions are high, here. Still, I think that we need to put that aside, and get to Lauren. Now, Scott, put on your coat. Dr. Davis, calm down and let's go. It was wonderful to see you again, Miss Montgomery."
The three men left. No words were spoken between them and Cathleen. It was like if Lauren was there, then she wasn't. If Lauren mattered, she didn't. She was losing Scott to her, all over again, and the silence of loneliness was deafening.
The three men arrived at the hospital in record time. Daniel went to the desk and inquired about Lauren's condition, while Scott struggled with his rising sense of fear. Was Lauren all right? Was the baby alive? Would he lose Lauren before he could tell her how much she meant to him? All of these things were on his mind, and until he could see Lauren, he wouldn't be able to relax.
"They had to take Lauren into surgery. There was some, minimal internal bleeding. So far, the baby is fine, but that is still touch and go. I want you to know, Mr. Guber, that even if my sister is fine, I hold you responsible for what has happened, as well as, what may happen. Don't forget that." Daniel left, and Scott stood staring at Steven.
"He's right," he said, "He's right, he is. All of it. If only I hadn't upset her, if only I went after her when she saw Cathleen, if only I believed her when she told me she loved me in the hospital months ago. What he I done, Steven, what have I done?"
"Nothing, you have done nothing but look for someone to love you, and you have done nothing but love Lauren. This is the fault of the drunk driver that hit her; this is not your fault."
Steven's words sounded convincing, but Scott still had some residual feelings of guilt. He waited for hours for Lauren to be strong enough for him to see. He sat, head in hands, his rosary wrapped around them, praying fervently, yet silently for Lauren and the unborn child, Guber or Senate, it did not matter. Aloud, he spoke the words, "God forgive me for what I've done."
As the words left his mouth, he felt a soft, gentle hand on his shoulder, "God helps those who help themselves, Mr. Guber. You have to forgive yourself, before God can forgive you."
He looked up at the woman. He'd never seen her before, but she had the most welcoming smile.
"I'm Laura Davis, Daniel's wife. My husband told me what happened between the two of you. I must apologize, he was very upset, and well, none of the Davis children have really been close, but Daniel and Lauren, they have a very special connection, you can see it in the eyes. He never should have blamed you for what happened."
"Mrs. Davis, I cannot help but blame myself. I'm supposed to protect, Lauren. How can I love her, if I can't protect her?"
"Love is a lot of things, Mr. Guber. It's not only protection, and for all that it is, no one person can not make a mistake from time to time. Love is recognizing the mistakes and learning to forgive your loved one, and yourself, for imperfection. IF you love Lauren, and it is obvious that you do, and she loves you, then you will both realize that something like this, has no fault, it's in His hands."
"Thank you, Mrs. Davis. Can I see Lauren now?"
"Only for a few minutes, you can see her for real tomorrow."
Scott followed Laura down the hall to Lauren's bed in the SICU. She looked so frail and vulnerable lying there in that bed. She stirred as she felt him touch her hand.
"Hey," he said very softly.
"Hi,"she said, licking her dry lips with her tongue, "Am I dying?"
"No, you aren't dying, not for a long time."
"I've never seen you look so scared, so lost before."
"I am scared, Lauren. I've never had so much to lose before. I don't want to lose you; I want to be with you, always."
"Always?"
"Always."
Lauren smile softly and Scott brushed her hair out of her eyes, before Lauren came to tell him he needed to leave.
Scott didn't want to leave her, he didn't want to go home, he wanted to stay here unless he was needed. However, Laura Davis, in her soft way, convinced him to go home and get some rest.
The attempt to rest failed. All he could do was worry about Lauren; think about how much he needed her, and how much he had to say to her.
By the next day, Scott couldn't wait any longer. He bought some red roses and went to the hospital. He was nervous, but he had to do it, he had to tell her before he lost the chance.
She was alone when he reached her room, so he didn't knock before he entered.
She tried not to look at him when he walked in; she tried to forget he was there, until he spoke, "I brought you these. How are you feeling?"
How was she feeling? Angry, that's how, but she simply replied, "Fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"You seem upset? Is the baby all right?"
"Yes."
"Are you angry at me for something?"
"No, I'm not angry," she snapped.
"Lauren, tell me the truth."
"You want me to tell you the truth, fine, here is it. I am angry at you, I'm angrier at you than I've ever been at anyone in my whole life. And why, let's examine the evidence. You weren't there Scott, you weren't there. You weren't there when I needed you."
"Lauren last night..."
"It's not just last night. You weren't there when I was held up in that store, you weren't there when I found out I was pregnant, you weren't there when I went to see you, but Cathleen was, and she has the key to your house. You weren't there when that car hit me; you weren't there when I woke up thinking that I lost the baby, because you were with the damned nurse again. I needed you and you weren't there. I didn't know what was happening, I didn't know if I was all right, I didn't know if the baby was... I needed you and you weren't there!"
She was crying, very hard. Her shoulders were shaking with sobs. Scott saw that she needed him now, and she wouldn't walk away, not this time. He gathered her into her arms and rocked back and forth. She clung to him, she wasn't really angry, she was scared, and he needed to fix that.
"I'm sorry," he whispered still rocking her, and kissing her hair, "I should have been there, I should have protected you. I'm sorry."
After Lauren cried herself out, she took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry, Scott. I never should have said those things, I was just scared that the baby was hurt, but he's all right, Scott. He's all right."
"All right," he echoed," Did you say he? How do you know?"
"I know here, Scott," she told him, touching her hand to his heart," I know here."
"Boy or girl, it doesn't matter Lauren, and Senate or Guber, that's starting not to matter either. All that matters is how I feel about you."
"How do you feel about me?"
"I don't know. I feel so many things. I'm happy, but I'm a little bit scared and nervous. I feel protective, and protected, yet I feel vulnerable, and exposed. I'm confused, I'm understood. I'm secure, yet I'm frightened. I'm lost, yet I'm found. But, Lauren, out of all of those things, the feeling that they create, it's stronger than me. Being with you is stronger than being without you, and that is why I love you and I need you in my life. And that is why I need to ask you, will you marry me?"
There was silence. Lauren smiled, her eyes filled with tears, when out of the silence, Scott heard the word, "No."
