A/N: You ever get that feeling that what you're writing is getting steadily worse..... Here's the promised, er, physical stuff. Not explicit so I'm hoping it remains PG-13 - and yes, I have read the rules on this, several times. I'm just hoping I'm judging my audience correctly. There's no swearing in this, actually. Maybe that balances it out?

I am considering a sequel but as of yet I don't know if it'll be about the date, or Thursday morning ie. the morning after, the most overused cliched event in S/J ship. Sigh.

Sorry about the long A/N for those of you that actually read the stuff at the top of a fic. It's really sweet that you bothered.

Spoilers: S4/5

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is an original MGM, Greenburg/Anderson, Gekko, Top Secret, Kawoosh! production. Any material relating to Stargate SG-1 is for entertainment only, and is in no way meant as an infringement on copyrights. In other words, I own nadda.

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Since the soil samples had long since overcome Sam's overwhelming urge to consider her COs anatomy more closely, she spent a relatively professional couple of hours digging, bottling, testing, labelling and recording. In the end, she had a full selection to send her fellow SGC geeks into giddy spasms of joy, which put her in an even better mood.

Seven and a half hours to go.

'' Done?'' Colonel O'Neill peered at her inscrutably from behind black sunglasses and the lowered rim of his baseball cap.

'' Yes, sir.'' She stood up, flexed her knees to get rid of the unavoidable stiffness and picked up her sample box. See? She could do this professional malarkey just fine. Damn regulation book had nothing on her.

The Colonel flicked on his radio. '' Teal'c, Danny, we're finished here. Meet you back at the Stargate in half an hour.''

'' Er... negative, Jack.''

Sam grinned. It was so entertaining when Daniel tried military lingo. It was like when he tried to salute and it always ended up being a half-assed wave.

'' Negative, Daniel?'' the Colonel queried in quelling tones.

'' That's what I said. Look, there's a lot of writing in this tomb and its taking longer than I thought it would to record the pertinent details... I mean, some of this stuff is truly...''

'' Daniel. How long do you need?''

'' A couple of hours. Tops.''

Sighing so that Daniel could hear it clearly, Colonel O'Neill made a decision. '' All right. Don't say I never let you have fun any more. Meet you at the gate in two hours. Teal'c, are you listening? Two hours.''

Hmm, in two hours time it would be five and a half hours to go, Sam thought absently.

'' I am listening, O'Neill. Daniel Jackson and I will be at the Stargate in two hours.''

'' Great. O'Neill out.''

He let go of the radio and shook his head at her wearily. '' Looks like it's just you and me, Carter.''

'' Yay,'' Sam said automatically. He looked at her sharply and she sought for a recovery. '' In an entirely professional sense. Sir.''

His smile, usually so reserved, was broad and genuine. '' Of course, Major.''

Now that she had nothing like work to occupy her thoughts, she enjoyed watching his ass all the way back to the Stargate. And she just bet he knew, as well.

All in all, she decided, a highly productive mission.

'' 1245,'' he announced as they dropped their packs and weapons on the steps that led up to the gate and sat down. '' Too early for lunch?''

Sam wrinkled her nose. She wasn't really hungry but there wasn't much else to do. '' I shouldn't think so.''

Moments later, they were comparing ration bars, decided each preferred the others and swopped. Munching in a companionable silence, they surveyed the scenery.

'' Why is it that trees on alien planets just look... alien?''

'' Because they glow in the dark?''

'' Smart ass. That only happened the once, anyway.''

It had been totally cool, though. Sam had won the 'best natural phenomena' category in the annual SGC photo competition, narrowly beating out Lieutenant Phillips' photograph of the eight-legged green woolly.. sheep things from P2Z 123, a planet that was actually next one over to the one she was currently on.

'' Purple?'' she suggested next.

'' Shut up.''

'' Or the time when the trees kept grabbing your ass?'' The best damn planet in the universe as far as she'd been concerned. She'd never laughed so hard in her life.

'' I'm so glad I brought this up.''

Okay, serious now. '' You're just biased. You approach each new planet with this pessimistic attitude. The trees look alien because you know they're not Earth trees. Therefore they're, you know...'' She couldn't believe she was about to say this, '' ... evil trees.''

'' Huh. I like to think I'm realistic, no pessimistic.'' He pulled off his sunglasses and tucked them neatly into one of his vest pockets.

She smiled, leaned against his shoulder, which was technically pushing the unspoken boundaries about fraternising off-world but who was watching? '' Okay, what was the first thing Daniel said when we came out of the wormhole?''

'' Achoo?''

Giggle. '' After that.''

'' Oh, you know, a usual Daniel-ism along the lines of 'God, what a nice day'.'' He made a face. '' And I said - 'It'll probably be snowing by the afternoon. Oh, look, are those trees?'.'' Casually, he looped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. '' I see where you're going.''

'' Then again, with that kind of attitude, you're reminding at least me and Daniel that the planets we visit are potentially hostile until we know better.''

'' See? That was my plan all along. Otherwise, Danny'd be all 'Oooh, rocks' and you'd be all 'Oooh, dirt' and... are you sure you shouldn't be dating Daniel?''

She laughed, and laughed hard, which seemed to please him no end. '' Yes, Jack. I'm sure.''

The hand that was resting on her waist moved slowly, subtly, down to the rim of her trousers. '' Just checking. I used to worry, you know.''

With half her mind on his hand (currently pulling her black T-shirt out of her trousers) and half her mind on what he was saying, Sam watched his profile. Anyone looking would think he was intently keeping watch, but she knew better. He was planning something. '' No way.''

'' Yup. I was almost convinced at one stage that you and he was sleeping together.''

She felt her eyes bulge. '' Really? When?'' And bleurgh! Her and Daniel... imagine! No, don't imagine. God, what a ... distinctly unpleasant thought.

His left hand made sudden, delicious contact with her bare skin and she yelped, totally throwing her mind into chaos.

He grinned, head turning to look at her, smile smug. '' Watch this,'' he murmured, leaning towards her.

Mesmerised by the look in his eyes - a look she didn't seem to be getting used to despite the number of occasions she'd seen it up and close recently - Sam felt herself leaning back against his arm and being lowered down, unable to put up a reasonable fight. His right arm came up and reached for the zip of her vest, pulling the vest apart. By the time she was lying on her back with his body half over her, the vest was open and her t-shirt halfway up her torso, displaying her stomach to the elements.

'' Very smooth,'' she said, impressed. Instinctively, she decided to go with the flow and shrugged the vest off, threw it to one side. '' How long had you been plotting that one then?''

'' Ever since you sat down next to me,'' he replied proudly.

'' Practised that sort of thing on anyone I should know about?''

'' Kowalsky, of course.''

'' Of course.'' Grinning, she unzipped his vest and carefully helped him out of it, knowing those sunglasses were his favourite. Then she flicked his cap off and enjoyed the sensation of him climbing on top of her and lying between her legs.

How long was it now? Seven hours to go? Six and three quarters?

He raised himself off her top half by resting his weight on his elbows - a procedure that put more stress on their bottom halves but Sam didn't mind that at all. In fact, Sam was pretty damn pleased with their current situation.

Jack smiled down into her face, his hands stroking the hair away from her temples. '' Did I mention how much I liked your dress?'' He bent his head and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth ever so lightly.

She sighed happily as trembling tingles edged the places he touched. '' Oh really? And what colour was it?''

'' Um... I don't recall.'' This time, he kissed just below her earlobe where he knew from a great deal of experience she was oversensitive. In response, she arched up uncontrollably against him and felt her blood begin rush faster around her body.

'' Can't have been that impressive, then,'' she murmured, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair, then automatically fisting tight when he began nibbling delicately on her neck. He was way too good at that.

'' Okay, okay, it was the cleavage that I liked. I admit it. I'm a pig.''

'' Trust me, you're not.'' Enough was enough, she pulled his face up to hers, looked him in the eye and conveyed all she was feeling through that one communicative contact. He smiled and kissed her.

HolyHannahHolyHannahHolyHannahHolyHannah...

There was something about the way he held her when he kissed her that made Sam's heart constrict tightly, made her gasp that extra bit louder against his mouth, made her hold him tighter, wrap her legs around him, press herself as tightly as possible against him. No slouch in the kissing department was her Colonel despite his protested lack of experience in recent years (Hah, she'd said at that point in the conversation, what about your woman on every planet? To which he'd turned the tables and pointed out her own male alien fan club).

The kissing stopped being enough, as it always did. His hands began rubbing and stroking at her bare stomach and she pulled up his T-shirt swiftly, wishing they didn't have to break off kissing as the black cloth was pulled off and flung away... somewhere. Their eyes flicked down each others bodies before the separation became too much and the close contact resumed. His hands smoothed up to their favourite position, gently covered her favourite almost-practical-but-not-quite bra that she'd worn (and bought, if she was honest) especially for him.

He drew away momentarily, looked down more closely and smiled in that really male way of his. '' Man. Tell me you have matching panties.''

'' Of course. But,'' she put her hands on his chest (and what a nice chest it was, as well), '' you're not going to see them off-world.''

He cleared his throat and looked around them swiftly in what could laughably be called a reconnaissance. '' I realise that. But a guy can dream.''

'' I should hope so too.'' She removed her hands and pulled him back down.

After that there was very little talking. There was a lot of small, soft noises from Sam and lower, gruffer noises from Jack, but that was to be expected. Aware that they had a time limit and that they might need to leap back into their clothes, Jack stopped at actually getting her bra off but decided to improvise as much as he could, but it soon got rather too much for them.

'' Okay, we'd better stop,'' she whispered breathlessly against his chest.

'' Five minutes.''

She was a sucker for him. '' Okay.''

Five minutes later, he said, '' Stopping soon?''

'' Five more minutes.''

'' Absolutely.''

Ten minutes later they stopped. But only because suddenly Sam realised something was licking her ankle. And it wasn't him. He was licking something else.

She froze.

'' What?''

'' Jack, something's licking my ankle.''

In a move she would later think miraculous considering his age, her weight, and their previous occupation, he had her up and off the ground in seconds. Clutching at each other, her legs around his waist, they turned to look at what it was.

It was knee high, dark green, woolly. Sheep-like. Eight legs. With a huge, salivating tongue and pale blue eyes. It was looking at them curiously, the tongue hanging out somehow threateningly.

'' That looks familiar.''

'' Apparently they're all over the planets in this galaxy,'' she deduced.

He shifted her in his arms, but didn't let go. '' I'm trying to remember what SG-7 said about them.''

'' Ah... Jack?'' She'd just looked over his shoulder and was rather regretting it. '' I think they move in packs.''

'' It's a sheep. They don't have packs. They have herds. Big, fluffy herds.'' But he too was looking around. There appeared to be twenty, maybe thirty um, sheep-things, circling the gate and therefore them.

'' These have packs. They, ah, hunt in them, as I recall.''

'' Hunt! Sheep don't, damn, hunt.'' He crouched and grabbed his P-90, handed it to her.

'' These ones are carnivores. SG-7 were chased by them all the way back to their gate. They, um, study their victims before making a move. Damn, I can't believe we were...'' Well, that was obvious. Clearly they needed to set down some solid rules and not break them. This was exactly the type of situation they should be trying to avoid.

Jack was looking around for a way out. '' Right. Can they jump?''

'' No.'' She looked at the thin, stubby sheep-like legs. '' I don't think they have the legs for it.''

'' So, if we, ah...'' He paused as the leader sheep stepped towards them, its legs moving in a confusing mass of green-ness. They waited a moment, to see if it made another move, but it didn't. '' If we climbed on top of the DHD, we'd be safe?''

She glanced over at the DHD, which was on a high platform with large steps up to it. '' Um, I should think so.''

'' Okay. On three, I'm gonna put you down and we're going to run over to the DHD and climb on top of it.''

'' Right.''

'' One, two, three!''

Running madly, not looking behind, or in front, or to either side, they headed for the platform, threw themselves up the steps and clambered up on top of the DHD, the large buttons making their swooshing noise as they found somewhere comfortable to sit.

'' Just don't touch the...'' Big red button? Activation button? What did they call it, anyway? ''... thing in the middle. We don't want to dial up some planet,'' Sam warned.

He nodded, watching the sheep jumped up onto the Stargate platform and ambled over to them. '' They sure don't look scary.''

'' It's probably an evolutionary thing. You know, look cute and then, surprise! More dangerous than they look.''

'' Why didn't the UAV pick up these thing?''

'' They're camouflaged.''

'' Good point. Never thought I'd say this, but I miss normal sheep.''

She hugged the P-90 to her chest and was thankful the weather was so warm. '' I miss my t-shirt.''

He looked at her, then looked at himself. Then he closed his eyes. '' Oh crap.''

Sam sighed. '' Never again.''

'' Never again.'' He rested his cheek on his propped up hand. '' I guess it's good that Teal'c gonna find out about us early on.''

'' I guess so.''

There was an ominous crunch from over where all their clothes were. A sheep was confusedly looking down at the vest it was standing on with all eight of its legs.

'' Oh, man, my sunglasses.''

The sheep looked up, narrowed it eyes, pulled in its tongue and bared its teeth. Its considerably sharp, huge, knife-like teeth.

Sam and Jack leaned back as one, horrified in unison.

That decided her - she was throwing away her green woolly jumper as soon as she got home.

'' Woah!'' Jack exclaimed, holding up his hands. '' Have 'em, buddy. Take 'em. Don't care. I'll just stay... right here.''

'' Can we shoot them yet?''

'' And just how would that look in the report? We came, we saw, we shot thirty green eight-legged sheep? Come on, we have a reputation to be maintained. Besides, we don't have enough ammunition.''

Sam made a face. '' Daniel's going to laugh at us.''

'' Fine. We'll change the coffee in the commissary to decaf. That make you feel better?''

Well, yes, actually. It did.

She looked at her watch. Six hours to go. She was sure she could laugh about this mission after she'd got laid.