A/N: Here we go with what started as a big joke, but I later found out that it is a genuinely cute 'ship. Don't kill me for this idea, because I found out that there are a lot of us that like this particular ship.

I finally got my CD from the clutches of my good friend Celia as I was making her life a living hell until she forked it over. By the by.... any idiots that want to say that Astra would not actually be in this universe because JKR established elves as being ugly little critters that would do anything for you.

I say to those thick skulled ignoramuses out there that they ought to go run out and buy a copy of the Sorcerer's Companion. In there, it states that there are about as many elves as there are humans. (I think. I hath lost my book for about a couple of months now and can't remember a whole hell of a lot.) Anyhoo... I specifically stated that she was of the Danish variety.

Anyway.. Enough of my ranting.

LET THE INSANITY BEGIN!!!!!!


Chapter Nine


Close to Halloween, the common room buzzed with third years talking about going to the first Hogsmeade weekend. Harry smiled to himself. He remembered when he was in his third year. He had to resort to sneaking out to see Hogsmeade, because no one signed his permission form.

In Potions, Professor Snape was being his usually nasty self to Harry and his friends. He gave the Gryffindors a ton of homework.

In Care of Magical Creatures, Professor Wizworth was a very nice teacher indeed. They had moved on from Kneazles to Augureys. "They are Irish Phoenixes." Professor Wizworth said.

Seamus seemed to twinge at the sight of the bird. "Those are horrible creatures." He mumbled to Harry.

Indeed, Harry thought it looked incredibly sick if it was supposed to be a Phoenix. He remembered that Fawkes would look sick when he was about to die. Maybe this bird was about to die as well.

The bird was smaller than Fawkes was, and it had greenish-black feathers. It looked more like a small, underfed vulture than a Phoenix. It kept trying to hide behind Professor Wizworth as he began to talk again.

"Augureys are intensely shy creatures. They tend to nest in brambles and thorns in tear-shaped nests. They enjoy eating fairies and insects."

The bird tried to hide underneath Professor Wizworth's long black mane. It even started to preen his hair, making it come out of the tie that held in a ponytail. "Ow! Don't do that!" Professor Wizworth smacked the bird on the beak and it gave a long and mournful wail.

Despite the wailing of the bird, which made Harry think it was going to commit suicide, several of the girls in the class started staring dreamily at Professor Wizworth. His long black hair had spilled over his shoulders, making him look more like he should have pointed ears and be looking for the One Ring than that of an actual human.

Professor Wizworth gave a nervous cough and quickly looked for something. "Does anyone have a ribbon or something for me to tie my hair back with?" He smiled sheepishly. Even the Augurey seemed to be drooling at the sight of him.

"I have. Here you go!"

Astra walked up to the front and gave Professor Wizworth the ribbon that she had tied around her head like a headband. It was a shiny black ribbon. "No... you should keep it. I don't want to deprive you of your hair accessories." Professor Wizworth said, handing the ribbon back.

"Oh, you won't! I have another in my pocket for emergencies!" She smiled cheerfully as she took out another shiny black ribbon. She wrapped it around her head and tied it underneath her hair at the nape of her neck.

"Okay!" He smiled down at her cheerily. He tied his hair back and went back to talking about the Augurey. "Now... you heard that mournful sound it made, yes? That is the Augurey's call. Many years ago, people thought that it was a call that brought on death, like that of a Banshee."

"One wizard, Uric the Oddball, was known to have slept with no more than fifty Augureys in his room. During one particularly wet winter, Uric became convinced that he had died and he was a ghost. His attempts to walk through walls resulted in a concussion of ten days." Everyone laughed except Hermione, who looked like she was solving a puzzle.

"Now... by that statement alone, why do the Augureys wail." He smiled pleasantly as Hermione's hand shot up.

"Miss Granger."

"They sing at the approach of rain."

"Very good, Miss Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!" Hermione looked thoroughly pleased with herself.

It was in transfiguration that Harry started to wonder about the sanity of the teachers. While Professor McGonagall was teaching them how an Animagi changes, Professor Snape walked in, sneering at Harry.

"What do you want, Severus... I'm trying to teach a class." She said with that stern voice of hers.

"I'm missing some peculiar potions ingredients from my private store closet. I have reason to believe that one of your students here is the culprit." He sneered at Harry again.

"Really, Severus, you ought to find a better hobby than counting your ingredients in you spare time. Why don't you try sewing, like you used to do. You know, as you so put it to me a couple of days ago, 'chill out' once in a while."

Harry couldn't believe his ears. McGonagall kept that all-knowing smile on her face that seemed to be getting on Professor Snape's last nerve. "I only did that to be doing something. I was bored out of my mind when I started that blasted cross-stitch picture."

"And it was such a cute little puppy." She pinched his cheek in a motherly manner that clearly broke through every last bit of control he had.

"I would warn you, Minerva, that I don't take kindly to being patronized. I want that boy in Dumbledore's office!"

"I didn't do anything. Ask Seamus or Dean or anyone here...." Harry finally said.

"When do you suppose that your ingredients were stolen?" McGonagall asked.

"Last night... I heard someone rummaging in my cupboard, but I found nothing." growled Snape. He glared daggers at Harry.

"Last night, Harry was in a Quidditch meeting with us." Said Nevaeh standing up.

"You see... It must have been your imagination, dear Severus. We all know that no one can be in two places at once." Smiled McGonagall in a way that made Harry wonder if she wasn't slightly drunk.

Professor Snape watched her very closely. He seemed to be scrutinizing every part of her. Harry watched as something seemed to pass between the two of them, before Professor McGonagall seemingly regained her normal stern stance and demeanor.

Professor Snape walked out of the room silently, grumbling to himself. Professor McGonagall adjusted her hair back into place she walked back to her desk.

In Divination, Professor Trelawney was oddly cheerful. She wanted nothing more than to sigh dreamily out the window facing the forest. Whenever she got near Harry, instead of flinching, like she normally did, she smiled and patted his shoulder at his mouse's entrails. "You have good luck in your future! Grand tidings everyone!" she cried.

Ron's jaw nearly broke through the floor as she kept dancing around and twirling every chance she got. "I think she's finally flipped!" he whispered into Harry's ear.

Then, Professor Trelawny did a front flip on her carpet. She straightened out her skirt and winked at Ron and smiled. "Naughty boy! No peeking!" she sing-songed at him.

When she took off her glasses, Harry was astounded at how she looked. She no longer resembled a bug, but a pretty woman about the same age as Professor McGonagall. "Oh blast.... I wish I could see without these confounded things. I think I look much better without them." She got into the face of Harry and smiled. "Don't you think, Mr. Potter?"

"Er--yes?" Harry stammered out.

She giggled like a little girl and blushed furiously. Then, she twirled around and disappeared behind the shimmery curtains she always came out of.

When Halloween came on the Hogsmeade Saturday, Harry was relieved to be away from the insanity the teachers seemed to be suffering. When the coaches brought Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Harry to Hogsmeade, they each set about to find something interesting.

Ron walked away reluctantly with Hermione until she whispered something into his ear, in which he suddenly walked away with more fervor. Harry wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know what she had said to him.

He walked with Ginny to Zonko's joke shop. "I want to find some stuff to pull on Ron. He's been a pain the last few days, so now he must pay." She said gently.

"Have you seen how the teachers have been acting during this week? That would make anyone be scared for life!" Harry said to her.

They walked into Zonko's and were surprised to find it not as full as it usually was. Harry walked over to the counter and found Mr. Zonko none too happy. "What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"Damned kids! I've been losing business since those two moved in across the street!"

Harry and Ginny both looked out the door to see something that surprised him even more than the teachers. Across the street, was a small shop that was full of students. There were a few outside playing with oddly familiar fake wands. The sign on the window read, "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes"

Ginny nearly tore Harry's arm off trying to run to the shop. Harry followed her as she shoved through the crowd to get to the counter. "Ginny!" said a familiar voice.

Ron was stuffing his face with sweets as he let Hermione show him a trick that she found. "I thought you two were off doing naughty things!" she giggled at Hermione.

"What did you expect?! We're in Hogsmeade! Of course I'm going to check out my brothers' new shop!" Ron smirked.

"Ronnie-kins!" came a familiar singsong voice. Ron gulped his chocolate suddenly.

Fred Weasley made his way through the crowd. His broad face grinned at his rail thin younger brother. Fred wore black robes with a red and gold 'F' on the right side of his chest.

"Where's George? Normally, you can't find one without the other." Hermione said.

"Getting propositioned." He winked at them as he pointed to a small corner away from the crowd. There was George Weasley kissing a very familiar brunette fervently. "He forgot what Nev looked like, so now he's making sure he doesn't forget." He smirked.

"Well... you seem to be doing fine. Mum will enjoy this news." Ginny said cheerfully.

Fred looked down as if he hadn't seen his sister in ages. "Ginny? Great Merlin! I didn't get the chance to see you before you went to Harry's. How was it!"

"Do you know who Harry lives with, by the by." Harry heard her whisper to him.

Fred grinned knowingly. "Of course I do! It's...." He scratched his head in thought. "Er...." He scratched his chin in more thought.

"Do you need more time, Fred?" smirked Ginny.

"You've hung around us too long, Gin! Now you are starting to sound how a Weasley should!" Fred laughed.

"You're stalling for time aren't you."

"Yes..."

"You do realize that you're putting Zonko out of business over there?" Harry asked as he indicated across the street.

Fred sighed. "Yeah.... I know, but he won't listen to us when we proposition him to do merge with our business." He put his fists in his pockets and gritted his teeth. "He just growls 'Damned kids think they know better!' and stalks off in a huff!"

" I think we'll quit for a break. We've been busy keeping everyone happy over here. Maybe some business over there won't be so bad for him." Fred said as he started to shoo the students out of the store. "We'll be back, kids! Don't worry! Give us some time to recharge ourselves!" He grabbed George and Nevaeh and tossed them out the door.

"Ow! Fred!" George put his brother in a headlock. "That wasn't a nice way to throw out a lady!"

"Exactly!" smirked Nevaeh.

"But, my friendish, friendly, friend-like friend of a brother of mine, we have guests!" Fred clapped George around the shoulders and led him toward the Three Broomsticks.

When they settled down at a table toward the middle of the room, Madame Rosmerta came around and served them mugs of butterbeer. Fred and George had butterbeer extra. "Ah.... I love this stuff..." said Fred.

"But be careful you don't become addicted to this particular butterbeer. You'll have to go through the whole detoxication and twelve step program." George said winking at Harry.

"Yeah.... and the program alone will leave you a shell of your former self." Fred said as he took another sip of his Butterbeer Extra.

Just then, the door opened and in walked Professor McGonagall. She had her black hair down and tied over her shoulder in a long braid. She sat down at a table somewhere toward the front of the room. "Please, Rosmerta, a glass of Butterbeer, please."

Rosmerta stared at McGonagall like she was seeing something strange. "Professor?! Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine.. I just felt like a change today." McGonagall smiled and touched her hair. Harry noticed that she didn't wear the same Victorian styled black dress as she usually wore. She was wearing a dark red, oriental styled dress, that had no sleeves and let her shoulders be seen, with a dark green overcoat with long wizard sleeves.

Then, Professor Snape walked in. He looked worse than he usually did. His shoulder length black hair looked even more unkempt and he was paler than usual. He reminded Harry of Sirius after getting out of Azkaban.

"Severus Snape! Well, I'll be!" Madame Rosmerta walked over to Professor Snape and smiled cheerfully. "I haven't seen you around here since your last year at Hogwarts!"

Suddenly, Rosmerta seemed to get a good look at him. "Great Merlin...!" she gasped. "You look horrible! No wonder you're never down here! Why don't I get you some nice mulled mead. I know it's still too warm outside for that, but you look like you could use a meal and a good drink!"

Snape nodded his head curtly and walked over to McGonagall's table. "Hello, Minerva..." His voice seemed strained. "May I sit with you?"

"Yes, of course you may, Severus. I enjoy having company." She said as she sipped her butterbeer.

"This is way too cool." Said Nevaeh next to George.

"What do you mean? Why are they acting so strange?" Ron asked as he downed some more butterbeer. Hermione looked as if she were solving a problem in her head.

Snape seemed even more strained as he attempted to sit down and fell into his seat a little ungracefully. Madame Rosmerta came over with a mug of mulled mead. "Drink up, Professor. You'll be feeling better in no time!" Then, she walked off to help someone else.

Professor Snape sipped his mead slowly. He looked like he was trying to solve a very disturbing puzzle. "I don't think any amount of that mead is going to make you look any better." Said McGonagall sternly.

"I could say the same for you." Snape said quietly.

Professor McGonagall seemed to act as though she were going to let his comment slide. Snape, however, seemed to see an opening. "I see that you're wearing some nicer clothes, although, they're too young for you."

"Are you saying that an old 'geezer' like me can't look a little fresher, so I might as well dress like I'm from the eighteenth century?" she sneered.

"YOu mean you're not from the eighteenth century?" Snape countered.

Professor McGonagall stiffened in her chair and picked up what she thought was her glass. She drank the mulled mead and snorted into the drink. When she stopped choking, Professor Snape sighed and took his drink back. "S-sorry... I d-didn't mean to do that."

"Now that is interesting." Hermione finally said.

Everyone turned to Hermione, who blushed at the sudden attention. "I was noticing how Snape seems to actually seem interested in what she is doing."

Harry turned and watched Snape closely. Snape seemed to actually smile for the briefest moment when McGonagall was sneezing. He had a sort of glazed look to his normally cold, black eyes. They looked warmer, until he saw that he was being watched.

Harry stiffened and grinned sheepishly as Snape glared at them. "Sorry, Professors!" Then, everyone turned around hung their heads.

"What is going on with them! Snape and McGonagall hate each other!" Ron said. Harry wasn't sure he quite knew what Ron was talking about.

"We had better get back to work." George said, shuddering for a second time.

"Yeah... those third years are going to bust down our door if we don't get back now." Fred said as he stood up. "See you later!"

When Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione got back to the castle, Harry would see more than his share of strange happenings.