Yu-Gi-Oh:
In Five Minutes


This is not my fault. I swear it!

The Introductions

Tea: I'm the cheerleader!
Joey: I'm the idiot!
Tristan: I'm the character with absolutely no personality!
Yugi: I'm the tormented kid who somehow manages to grow two feet tall with the magic of my Puzzle.
Yami Yugi: I'm a magic spirit of a dead Pharoah. I'm not only cool, I'm kickass. I protect Yugi and yet I threaten to destroy his mind. Whoa.

Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh...

(Clips and recaps from the past three episodes. These mainly consist of two of the characters, highly stylized, staring at each other. There is a fair amount of yelling, and then this bullshit about faith and trust and friendship.)

Theme Song

American Version: Impressive drums and deep notes. Yugi voice clips. Cool mechanical stuff. Downbeat and really not very uplifting. In fact, downright depressive. Why the hell is everyone CRYING, dammit? General impression: Everyone's a wimp.

Japanese Version: Upbeat. Much better vocals. Better chorus girls. General impression: Yugi's gonna kick some ass.

The Episode

Yugi: Everything is okay with my world. I'm a childlike innocent kid and I love my friends.
Joey: I'm hungry all the time, but it's okay because if it comes down to it, we'll cook Tea first.
(Tristan does nothing)
Tea: I'm a happy cheerleading prep. I love Yugi, he's so cool, I'm so proud of Yugi.
Mai: (pops in out of nowhere) I challenge Yugi to a duel! I trade witty remarks with Joey! I try to make Tea like me! Tristan seems to have no feelings in ANY WAY towards me. (gets her ass beat by Yugi, and pops back out)
Tea: (more cheerleading)
Mokuba: (makes an appearance, in which Tea pretends to be his big sister, Tristan threatens to beat him up, Joey attempts to ACTUALLY beat him up, Yugi protects Mokuba, eventually befriends him, and Mokuba is taken away by Pegasus because apparently Croquet is magic and disappears)
Seto Kaiba: I blame Yugi for everything! I don't need your help, I'm going to save Mokuba! (gets his soul sucked away) Fuck.
Pegasus: Whine whine whine. Mope mope mope. I loved Cecilia. Brood brood brood. Evil evil evil. Evil is good. I'm a fucking psycho, and I really should get some help. Red wine makes everything better. (crashes to the floor) Owch.
Croquet: A thousand pardons. A thousand pardons. A thousand pardons. A thousand pardons. A thousand pardons. (shortcircuits and falls apart)
Pegasus: I'll beat Yugi!
Yami Yugi: No you won't!
Seto Kaiba: I suddenly respect Yugi and will help him now!
Tea: Go Yugi go! Rah rah rah!
Joey: Kick butt!
Tristan: (is twiddling his thumbs)
Yugi: You can't win, Pegasus!
Pegasus: Fuck, he's right. (poofs)
Bakura: I'm evil!
Yami Yugi: I banish you!
Bakura: I'm evil AGAIN!
Tristan: (does something productive for once and throws away the Millenium Ring)
Bakura: Still evil.
Yami Yugi: Man, I HATE you.
Yugi: No! Trust and love must prevail!
(A lot of name calling ensues, and a load of hot air is tossed around. Nobody actually does anything, and nothing is accomplished.)