CHAPTER 1: ROLLING WORDS WITH THE ENDS CUT OFF
Dun, dun, dun dun dun DUN, dun, dun dun dun DUN, dun, dun dun dun duh...
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, a creepy chick was babbling about stuff. But since
she's so creepy, we'll paraphrase.
"Stuff changed. People have terrible memories. Bad stuff happened."
See, Jackson? Ten minutes of talking into three simple sentences!
*ahem* Anyway, on with the story. You know the whole deal; Sauron made a very powerful wedding
ring, and everyone else was jealous so they popped off to Mordor and had lots of fun killing orcs.
Yay! *maniacal glint* Killing fun... *ahem* ANYWAY! Sauron came out and killed a bunch of men and
elves.
Meg: HE BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED LEGOLAS!
...Um, Meg? Legolas sort of wasn't there?
Meg: ...oh. Hehe.
...And "just by coincidence," he happened to kill the king. No one knows his name, except maybe
people who read the book. And then Isildur, the son of the king (not the prince) got really mad at
Sauron and hacked his finger off. Just like Luke and Anakin, only Sauron was too stingy to give his
whole hand. Anyway, Sauron didn't like this, but he couldn't do anything about it, 'cause he didn't
have his wedding ring anymore. Isildur stole it! Isildur's a klepto! Coolness!
On the way back to Gondor, Isildur got killed by orcs. Mean orcs! He fell into the river. He was
dead. Oh well. The ring didn't want to stay with a dead person, so the ring floated away down the
river and drowned. The end.
Ha ha, fooled you, didn't I? No? Oh well. Anyway, after a while a hobbit-ish sort of person was
swimming around for some reason and he found the ring. Yay! For the ring, anyway. Then the ring
made the hobbit-ish sort of person go and hide. The ring wanted to turn the hobbit-ish sort of
person to the dark side. Mean ring! And the ring more or less succeeded. The ring made the
hobbit-ish sort of person look like a frog with lanyard on its head. Hee hee! By the way, the
hobbit-ish sort of person is named Gollum. Hee hee! That's fun to say! Gollum gollum gollum.
Then one day, the ring was gossiping with its friends Slinker and Stinker and it heard about some
bad stuff happening far away. The ring decided to dump Gollum and go join Sauron, because Gollum
was, like, so uncool. So the ring slipped away in the middle of the night (walking in its sleep) to
the valley so blue, to the river so deep...Huh? Oh, sorry. Anyway, the ring was found by...BILBO
BAGGINS OF THE SHIRE! Dun dun dun!
Bilbo looked at the ring and said, "Shiny...". Then he snapped out of it and said, "Look, a ring.
Shiny..." Then he put the ring in his pocket and went on his way, stopping every five minutes or so
to look at the ring and say "Shiny...". They didn't put that in the book, though. I wonder why
not?
So Bilbo kept the ring. The end. (of the beginning.)
________________
A/N: Yes, yes, I know it's short, but, um...I didn't feel like putting any more. So there.
Meg: Well, at least she's honest...
And for anyone who doesn't know, the chapter title refers to the text at the beginning of all the
Star Wars movies. It can be funny if you read it at when it's at the very bottom of the screen. ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or Meg. I...guess I don't own anything!
Whee!
Dun, dun, dun dun dun DUN, dun, dun dun dun DUN, dun, dun dun dun duh...
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, a creepy chick was babbling about stuff. But since
she's so creepy, we'll paraphrase.
"Stuff changed. People have terrible memories. Bad stuff happened."
See, Jackson? Ten minutes of talking into three simple sentences!
*ahem* Anyway, on with the story. You know the whole deal; Sauron made a very powerful wedding
ring, and everyone else was jealous so they popped off to Mordor and had lots of fun killing orcs.
Yay! *maniacal glint* Killing fun... *ahem* ANYWAY! Sauron came out and killed a bunch of men and
elves.
Meg: HE BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED LEGOLAS!
...Um, Meg? Legolas sort of wasn't there?
Meg: ...oh. Hehe.
...And "just by coincidence," he happened to kill the king. No one knows his name, except maybe
people who read the book. And then Isildur, the son of the king (not the prince) got really mad at
Sauron and hacked his finger off. Just like Luke and Anakin, only Sauron was too stingy to give his
whole hand. Anyway, Sauron didn't like this, but he couldn't do anything about it, 'cause he didn't
have his wedding ring anymore. Isildur stole it! Isildur's a klepto! Coolness!
On the way back to Gondor, Isildur got killed by orcs. Mean orcs! He fell into the river. He was
dead. Oh well. The ring didn't want to stay with a dead person, so the ring floated away down the
river and drowned. The end.
Ha ha, fooled you, didn't I? No? Oh well. Anyway, after a while a hobbit-ish sort of person was
swimming around for some reason and he found the ring. Yay! For the ring, anyway. Then the ring
made the hobbit-ish sort of person go and hide. The ring wanted to turn the hobbit-ish sort of
person to the dark side. Mean ring! And the ring more or less succeeded. The ring made the
hobbit-ish sort of person look like a frog with lanyard on its head. Hee hee! By the way, the
hobbit-ish sort of person is named Gollum. Hee hee! That's fun to say! Gollum gollum gollum.
Then one day, the ring was gossiping with its friends Slinker and Stinker and it heard about some
bad stuff happening far away. The ring decided to dump Gollum and go join Sauron, because Gollum
was, like, so uncool. So the ring slipped away in the middle of the night (walking in its sleep) to
the valley so blue, to the river so deep...Huh? Oh, sorry. Anyway, the ring was found by...BILBO
BAGGINS OF THE SHIRE! Dun dun dun!
Bilbo looked at the ring and said, "Shiny...". Then he snapped out of it and said, "Look, a ring.
Shiny..." Then he put the ring in his pocket and went on his way, stopping every five minutes or so
to look at the ring and say "Shiny...". They didn't put that in the book, though. I wonder why
not?
So Bilbo kept the ring. The end. (of the beginning.)
________________
A/N: Yes, yes, I know it's short, but, um...I didn't feel like putting any more. So there.
Meg: Well, at least she's honest...
And for anyone who doesn't know, the chapter title refers to the text at the beginning of all the
Star Wars movies. It can be funny if you read it at when it's at the very bottom of the screen. ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or Meg. I...guess I don't own anything!
Whee!
