The Beggining

Sevvy: Woe is me. I suck. You suck. They all suck. Plus- get this-I am dying. Bohoo. Oh what the fuck. I'm still cool enough to get one last laugh before I'm six feet under, I might as well scare you kiddies with my life story. Should be fun, No?

*Insert Melodramatic Flashback Music here*

Mommy Snape: SEVERUS! Get your pathetic rear in here you good for nothing boy!

Sev: Yes mother...

Mommy Snape: Don't use that tone with me! Gar! You wimp of a child!

*Back to the Present*

Sevvy: My parents loved me. Really.

*At Hogwarts, Snape's 5th year*

Sevvy: SLICE AND DICE! Muahahaha. Woah! Blood loss. Going skitzo..

Vampire!Sevvy: You suck. You can't even maim yourself properly! What type of depressed moron are you?!

Sevvy: *Sob!*

*The Next Day, at Breakfast*

Peter: I'm a looser.

James: I'm perfect! W00t!

Remus & Sirius: *Insert slash undertones here*

Sevvy: *Snicker*

Lucius: Hey, we both hate Gryffindors. Lets fuck.

Sevvy: ...

Lucius: Great!

*Later that Day*

Lucius: Oh Sevvvvvvvverrrusssssss. Blood! Yummy! So pretty! You know I love pale boys, tehehehe.

Sevvy: *Catholic undertones here*

Lucius: See ya at dinner, Sev-boi!

*In the shower*

Author: Ooooo. Naked. Pale. Sevvy. *Giggle*

Sevvy: *Sob Sob Sob Sob Sob* Hair Cut! MUAHAHAHAHA. *Sob Sob Sob*

Lucius: Done yet my Sevvy-poo?

Sevvy: *Mutters* Fuck off.

Lucius: What was that Sevvy?

Sevvy: Oh nothing my dear Lucius!

Lucius: I thought so.

*Potions Class the Next day*

James: Where ever did you get that violent bite mark?

Sevvy: Not telling...

James: Fuck you.

Sevvy: Hey! At least I'm getting some action you prude. Now. As you can see I am horribly weak from blood loss and what not. Help me lift this cauldron.

James: I'll find out where you're getting this mad hot sex Sev! If it's the last thing I do!

Sevvy: Who said you could call me Sev...

James: ...