Wrong
Part 2
Disclaimer: Refer to the first part.
The second part is up, yay! I managed to get it up before the end of HanaRu day! Joy to the world!!
And by the way, this part contains no flashbacks.
Also, to everyone:
"Happy HanaRu Day!"
*Breaks out champagne* Free-flowing alcohol for everyone!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------
I've drowned in you And I won't pull through Without you by my side
An endless blanket of blue intertwined with a soft brown.
Four orbs.
Two glistening ones.
Two shocked ones.
"Do'aho."
I don't know what to say to this except what I feel.
"Don't you call me that you bastard! You have no right to ever call me that! You have no right to call me anything! You.. You..."
I couldn't continue. Even as my fists plummeted onto his chest I knew I was melting into him again. After all this time, and he still had a hold on me. But I kept on screaming, I couldn't hold it inside anymore.
"You left me! YOU LEFT ME! Do you know what that did to me? Do you know how much I wanted you to come back? Do you know I waited for you? You never came then, why the fuck are you back know?!"
He said nothing. His arms were open.
I fell into them sobbing.
"I waited, Kitsune. I waited..."
Eternal bliss. All I need is this, to be held by him.
I don't want to let go.
Not again.
He pulled me into his hotel room. I didn't resist, or rather, I couldn't. All I ever wanted was placed in front of me, how was I supposed to deny it?
Every time I cried, every time I felt so lonely I thought I would wither away and die, every time was worth this moment. Just one moment of being able to love him and know without doubt that he loves me too.
And it has to be wrong. Why?
He starts to kiss me. Those soft and beautifully shaped lips trailed my own. I had to close my eyes, the moment overwhelming me.
But I have to fight it, I can't let him do this. I can't let him see that I still need him, I still live, breath, eat, sleep him. I can't let him see that I still love him.
I want to say no to his sweet caresses. I want to tell him not to touch me. But I can't, because this is all I want. This is all I need. I just want to enjoy this, even if it's only for now.
I'm pushing away the bitter truth of it all. I'm denying the unshakably painful irony of this. It's perfect. Perfectly wrong.
It's times like these that I wonder if there really is a God.
"I missed you."
He didn't answer. He put a finger to my lips. I obeyed and was silent. His fingers still felt the way they used to. His light touches around my whole body still felt like they had ignited a burning flame inside me.
I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to hurt Akira. I should stop him.
But I don't.
I let him lead me to his bed. I let him kiss me and make me moan. I let him remove my clothes. I let him touch me, feel me. I let him inside me and once again, we were one.
It was wrong, yes, but God did it feel good.
I was flying again, but it was tainted by the knowledge that it was only a matter of time before I was going to start falling.
I reached up and pulled his warm body closer to my own.
I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could and decided that I would live in this moment, and this moment only.
I reached up to brush away some moisture on my cheek. I couldn't tell where it was from, my own tears, or his.
"You should never have left." "You never asked me to stay."
Was that what made him leave?
"I wanted you to come back." "You said you would wait."
It was my turn to be silent. I had told him about Akira. As much as I wanted to keep him from knowing about me and Akira's relationship, I couldn't. As always, I had faltered under him. I couldn't even lie convincingly.
"I did," I whimpered. I had waited, for three whole years. Once again, my anger flared up. "I did wait for you, you bastard! I fucking waited for you! You were the one who never came back! You were the one who deserted me when I needed you the most. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP EVERYTHING!" "You never asked me to stay." "How was I supposed to ask you to stay? You wanted to go, what was the use of trying to stop you? Did you even bother to think of what would happen to me if you left? Did you even care?!" "I waited for you to ask me to stay." He didn't understand, I had wanted him to stay, more than I had ever wanted anything before. "I. I. all I wanted." my voice faltered as the sobs overtook me. He didn't offer any words. All he did was pull me closer toward him, but that was all I needed. When I was able to stop crying -it was a miracle I wasn't severely dehydrated- I started to tell him what I had intended to tell him from the start.
I was still flying, but it was time to take the plunge.
"I have to leave." Silence. "I promised him I wouldn't ever leave." Silence. "I'm going to go now."
A sense of déjà vu came over me. It was my turn to want him to ask me to stay, even though I know I couldn't. I pulled on my clothes, he was still silent. He didn't protest.
Once I walk out that door, I would hit the bottom.
"I'm going."
I pulled on my shoes as slowly as I could without making it too obvious. He didn't say anything.
So this was how it was going to end.
He never said he loved me.
Ironic that I should be the one to leave him now, never thought it would turn out this way.
My slow deliberate actions in opening the door also did not provoke any reaction from him. He just sat there, staring at me.
Wasn't he going to ask me not to go?
I'm about five inches away from crashing into the ground.
It wasn't supposed to end like this.
As I closed the door, he didn't move.
It was over. He would just let me leave him like he left me.
It wasn't supposed to end like this.
I feel a hand on my shoulder.
He came after all.
He came.
"Do'aho, I love you."
This time I'm not hallucinating, he really said he loved me.
I stopped short in my tracks.
The only words I have ever wanted to hear all these years but. it's wrong.
"Akira." was all I managed to say. Could I just walk away from him, after what he did for me?
He removed his hand from my shoulder.
The burning sensation from his touch lingered.
One inch from ground and the hands that were there to catch me had just been moved.
It was now or never.
My last chance.
"Akira."
"Akira will understand," I said again.
I turned around and faced him.
The blue that I stared into this time was the only blue that I had ever wanted to see.
I had to stop pretending, there never was anything real between me and Smiley.
Nothing could justify my leaving Akira, on my road to self-discovery I had managed to trample on his innocent feelings. It was wrong for me to give in to Kitsune, and it's wrong now to leave Akira.
They always say two wrongs don't make a right but I think they're the ones who are wrong.
I've just discovered love is never wrong.
If it's wrong to love you Then my heart just won't let me be right
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------
Eh well so, that's the end. Personally, I don't like the ending much, I think it's a just a wee bit too mean of Hana too just leave Smiley hanging but I would like to hear what you, dear reader, think. So please review and Happy HanaRu Day everyone!
E-mail: fracky_00@hotmail.com
Part 2
Disclaimer: Refer to the first part.
The second part is up, yay! I managed to get it up before the end of HanaRu day! Joy to the world!!
And by the way, this part contains no flashbacks.
Also, to everyone:
"Happy HanaRu Day!"
*Breaks out champagne* Free-flowing alcohol for everyone!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------
I've drowned in you And I won't pull through Without you by my side
An endless blanket of blue intertwined with a soft brown.
Four orbs.
Two glistening ones.
Two shocked ones.
"Do'aho."
I don't know what to say to this except what I feel.
"Don't you call me that you bastard! You have no right to ever call me that! You have no right to call me anything! You.. You..."
I couldn't continue. Even as my fists plummeted onto his chest I knew I was melting into him again. After all this time, and he still had a hold on me. But I kept on screaming, I couldn't hold it inside anymore.
"You left me! YOU LEFT ME! Do you know what that did to me? Do you know how much I wanted you to come back? Do you know I waited for you? You never came then, why the fuck are you back know?!"
He said nothing. His arms were open.
I fell into them sobbing.
"I waited, Kitsune. I waited..."
Eternal bliss. All I need is this, to be held by him.
I don't want to let go.
Not again.
He pulled me into his hotel room. I didn't resist, or rather, I couldn't. All I ever wanted was placed in front of me, how was I supposed to deny it?
Every time I cried, every time I felt so lonely I thought I would wither away and die, every time was worth this moment. Just one moment of being able to love him and know without doubt that he loves me too.
And it has to be wrong. Why?
He starts to kiss me. Those soft and beautifully shaped lips trailed my own. I had to close my eyes, the moment overwhelming me.
But I have to fight it, I can't let him do this. I can't let him see that I still need him, I still live, breath, eat, sleep him. I can't let him see that I still love him.
I want to say no to his sweet caresses. I want to tell him not to touch me. But I can't, because this is all I want. This is all I need. I just want to enjoy this, even if it's only for now.
I'm pushing away the bitter truth of it all. I'm denying the unshakably painful irony of this. It's perfect. Perfectly wrong.
It's times like these that I wonder if there really is a God.
"I missed you."
He didn't answer. He put a finger to my lips. I obeyed and was silent. His fingers still felt the way they used to. His light touches around my whole body still felt like they had ignited a burning flame inside me.
I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to hurt Akira. I should stop him.
But I don't.
I let him lead me to his bed. I let him kiss me and make me moan. I let him remove my clothes. I let him touch me, feel me. I let him inside me and once again, we were one.
It was wrong, yes, but God did it feel good.
I was flying again, but it was tainted by the knowledge that it was only a matter of time before I was going to start falling.
I reached up and pulled his warm body closer to my own.
I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could and decided that I would live in this moment, and this moment only.
I reached up to brush away some moisture on my cheek. I couldn't tell where it was from, my own tears, or his.
"You should never have left." "You never asked me to stay."
Was that what made him leave?
"I wanted you to come back." "You said you would wait."
It was my turn to be silent. I had told him about Akira. As much as I wanted to keep him from knowing about me and Akira's relationship, I couldn't. As always, I had faltered under him. I couldn't even lie convincingly.
"I did," I whimpered. I had waited, for three whole years. Once again, my anger flared up. "I did wait for you, you bastard! I fucking waited for you! You were the one who never came back! You were the one who deserted me when I needed you the most. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP EVERYTHING!" "You never asked me to stay." "How was I supposed to ask you to stay? You wanted to go, what was the use of trying to stop you? Did you even bother to think of what would happen to me if you left? Did you even care?!" "I waited for you to ask me to stay." He didn't understand, I had wanted him to stay, more than I had ever wanted anything before. "I. I. all I wanted." my voice faltered as the sobs overtook me. He didn't offer any words. All he did was pull me closer toward him, but that was all I needed. When I was able to stop crying -it was a miracle I wasn't severely dehydrated- I started to tell him what I had intended to tell him from the start.
I was still flying, but it was time to take the plunge.
"I have to leave." Silence. "I promised him I wouldn't ever leave." Silence. "I'm going to go now."
A sense of déjà vu came over me. It was my turn to want him to ask me to stay, even though I know I couldn't. I pulled on my clothes, he was still silent. He didn't protest.
Once I walk out that door, I would hit the bottom.
"I'm going."
I pulled on my shoes as slowly as I could without making it too obvious. He didn't say anything.
So this was how it was going to end.
He never said he loved me.
Ironic that I should be the one to leave him now, never thought it would turn out this way.
My slow deliberate actions in opening the door also did not provoke any reaction from him. He just sat there, staring at me.
Wasn't he going to ask me not to go?
I'm about five inches away from crashing into the ground.
It wasn't supposed to end like this.
As I closed the door, he didn't move.
It was over. He would just let me leave him like he left me.
It wasn't supposed to end like this.
I feel a hand on my shoulder.
He came after all.
He came.
"Do'aho, I love you."
This time I'm not hallucinating, he really said he loved me.
I stopped short in my tracks.
The only words I have ever wanted to hear all these years but. it's wrong.
"Akira." was all I managed to say. Could I just walk away from him, after what he did for me?
He removed his hand from my shoulder.
The burning sensation from his touch lingered.
One inch from ground and the hands that were there to catch me had just been moved.
It was now or never.
My last chance.
"Akira."
"Akira will understand," I said again.
I turned around and faced him.
The blue that I stared into this time was the only blue that I had ever wanted to see.
I had to stop pretending, there never was anything real between me and Smiley.
Nothing could justify my leaving Akira, on my road to self-discovery I had managed to trample on his innocent feelings. It was wrong for me to give in to Kitsune, and it's wrong now to leave Akira.
They always say two wrongs don't make a right but I think they're the ones who are wrong.
I've just discovered love is never wrong.
If it's wrong to love you Then my heart just won't let me be right
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------
Eh well so, that's the end. Personally, I don't like the ending much, I think it's a just a wee bit too mean of Hana too just leave Smiley hanging but I would like to hear what you, dear reader, think. So please review and Happy HanaRu Day everyone!
E-mail: fracky_00@hotmail.com
