TRUE FEELINGS (JUNJOU NA KANJOU)

"I think of myself someone stupid." Marina thought.

She was beside Ayako watching Shohoku's practice. Everyone was glad about their new skills. Well about Hanamichi's new hairdo of course. The gym was noisy. The Rukawa's brigade was also there; Hanamichi's friends were there too. Everyone was present. They were all alive but her.Nope.She was watching the game but her mind wasn't in the game.She watches Rukawa's moves but thinks of something else.

"My friends has been always beside me whenever I needed them.So as HIM. But am I? I can't distinguish my responsibilities whenever they are around.What is my role in their lives? Am I doing what I must? Why are these people so close to me? Can I live without them? Can I? Can I possibly do? Kenji-san was always beside whenever I was lonely.Akira-kun was too.Aki-chan would always be there and so as Toki and Souji.But Kae-chan? I can feel you're going far from me everyday.You are more closer to me when I was still in Tomoeda.But now."

Then the freshmen got the score. They were on the lead against the seniors. HE was exhausted, sweat dropping on the floor, catching his breath. She looked into him and HE did too.HE just stared.No reactions at all. If a person could be a block of ice each time a person stares at him or her blankly, Marina could have been an ice long ago. But she didn't care. HE is her friend. Not only a friend but her best and the most special.

"You could hardly smile. Serious. That's what you are. I wonder if your feelings for our friendship already faded. Or does it really fade away? If so, why can't mine just fade so I won't be hurt? Hurt each time you tell me you need to practice so you must leave me, hurt each time you look at me blankly, hurt each time you ignore me because of your game, hurt each time you even know I do exist, hurt each time you.Each time you hide yourself. This hurts me so much but I need and must understand you. If I really care for you then I must. I am your closest friend, I know you expect me to understand you but.But you must take a break sometime.We were happier when you didn't took things seriously."

Break. The team had a ten minutes break. Everyone was exhausted. Water. That's what they need. And then a towel. He sat on the bench. His other teammates sat on the floor. She sat beside him and gave him his towel and water but she remained quiet. Unusual, she would always greet him about his practice whenever she handed out his towel. But today it was different. She didn't even look at him. Didn't. Ayako was patting Ryota's back, they were happy. He looked at the couple, he envied them. They could be happy with these things, they were too. When they were kids. WERE. But now? What happened? Did he pushed so hard that he took her for granted. He was worried. She was never like this before. "Are you sick or something?" he asked worriedly laying his palm on her forehead. She was shocked. It was the first time he ever did that since 4th grade. "No." It was such a short reply. She always replied in sentences but now it was a monosyllable word. "Is there something wrong?" he asked again. Then Akagi called them for the next practice. "Your practice is on." that was all she said. She didn't reply on his question. Something might be wrong he thought. She was strange that day too. They didn't talk that morning and he never noticed that because he was sleepy. On lunchtime she ate a bit of food and on their practice, she spoke in a monosyllable replies. What could be wrong? He thought.

He couldn't concentrate on the game. He thought that something might be wrong. He looked at her again and she wasn't paying attention. She is thinking about something deep he thought. Then he slipped on the floor. His knee was injured. It wasn't bad but Coach Anzai told them to bring him to the clinic. She came after them. She would always do. Then he was on the clinic bed. Maybe he just acted like it really did hurt so that she would come. He wanted to have a serious talk. Then he slept. The next thing he knew when he woke up is she was beside him. Her head bowed low. She was holding his hand when he was still sleeping.

"I want to stay like this through eternity." "You would always be by my side" "I would always see you." "You remain with me" "Always happy"

Then she woke up. He was now holding her hand. Tightly. Then she looked at him.

"Are you okay?" She asked in a low voice. "I am, but are you?" "What do you mean?" "It's not you." "Huh?" "You changed. Your acting strange." "I was thinking about things, Kaede" "Kaede? She would always call me Kae-chan when we're all alone talking but why did she call me plain: Kaede?" he thought "What about it?" "I." Then she pulled her hand off his. She never did that. "I know that I am just distracting you." "What do you mean, Ran?" "It would be better if I stay away from you." "Away?" he thought "What?" "You couldn't keep your focus when I'm around.You can't have your schedule fixed when I'm around. I am not helping you.I.Good-bye." Then she went out the room. "Wait!" he called.

"Away? I can't. Please Ran, don't." he looked at his hand, the one she held a while ago. Then he realized what was going on. "Away? Is this why she was so quiet? And cold? Is this how I make her feel? Is this? Stupid. That is what I am. I can't learn how to take care of the one I love. But how could I do this to her? What would happen next? I can't go on with this. I lost her. I lost her. Lost, again." then he looked at the window and at the door hoping she would come back. "Come back.Please do." He was hoping her to come back.Come back.Back again.Back to him.

-What would happen next?-