SUFFERING (KURUSHIMI)

Sunday. I liked Sunday. But I never particularly loved Sundays since I'm always alone but then you came. But now you're gone. I couldn't believe I did this to you. You're the only one for me. But now you are suffering because of me. Suffering. I would not like to see you frown because of me. But now I'm left suffering. It's been two days and now is the third day. You haven't called me or even look for me. I can't go on like this with you. We are close at each other but our worlds are apart. I can't stand a week like this. I was able to do that in two years when you left because I had such high hopes that you would come back but now. I don't know Ran. I know it did hurt you so much.You won't act like this if you weren't hurt.How could I be so careless? How could I? How could I just take you for granted? How? Now you are suffering because of me.

He clutched his head on his pillow. He wasn't moving there since yesterday. He was just thinking. They have been close since they were children but now they are breaking apart because of his carelessness.

What could she be doing right now? When she's hurt I would always be there for her but now, I'm the sole reason why she is hurt. Maybe Sendoh or Fujima or anyone else is far more better than I am. A lot better. Much more considerate and sensitive. Better for her. Shit. That is what I am. I couldn't careless. Why wasn't I able to realize sooner? Sooner when we were still together? I should patch things out. We can't continue like this. I can't live without you. Can you? No, what am I thinking? I should patch things up not tomorrow, not the next day, today.

He went out his room. Wrote a letter, a not-so-short-not-so-long one. It was a simple message. He hoped so much she would reply.

He went out his apartment's door and out the gate holding the envelope in his hand, right hand to be exact. He was nervous, he was thinking about possibilities that she might not come. Then he slipped the letter on her gate. Then he went inside his house again waiting. He partially closed his blinds but not completely, he wanted to see if she was coming out.

She went out. She was really sad. Then she noticed a small envelope on her gate. Weird it was. She wasn't receiving anything for the past few years. Odd it was. She knelt down and picked it up. No address just her name: Ran- Ran. She knew whom it was from. She looked at his room's window, then he hid himself.

She went inside, opened the envelope and read the letter:





Ran-Ran,

I need to see you, today before the sunset on the bayside.Please come and meet me there.I would be there and would wait for you for three hours and more. Please give me a chance, I know what I have done.Please come. Kaede

Kaede. Your name means bravery and strength. You are strong. But I know me leaving you is the best solution to your problems, I am indeed distracting you. But should I go?

I need to see you, today before the sunset on the bayside.Please come and meet me there.

If I go, what would happen? Would it be for the better? But you could concentrate if I'm not with you.You could think only about your game when I'm not around.

I would be there and would wait for you.

I'm now here beside the bay but where are you? Are you coming? He leaned on the brick wall.He looked at the water as it flowed.It was so clear.So blue like him.Could it be cold too? Much like him?

Should I really go? It would only be thirty minutes before sunset.

three hours and more.

I couldn't resist. I must go. She went out and went straight to where he was expecting her.

It's been hours. Maybe she won't come. I should leave now. Then he turned his back and then he was surprised she was there standing behind him, just waiting for him to turn his back.

I am afraid to go near him. So I waited here. Now I am here. What shall he say?

He just looked at her. But not blankly. His eyes were full of emotions this time. Sorrow, happiness, loneliness.Full of emotions. He didn't know what to say. His eyes were stuck on hers. She was trembling but why? In fear, in nervousness or what? He approached her slowly.she was just a meter away from him. He didn't say a word he just embraced her. She can't speak; she dropped her bag on the floor and he embraced her tighter, tighter than ever. She cried, tears flowed from her eyes. A tear was visible in his eyes too but he remained strong.

"Please don't leave me.that's the worst thing that could happen to me.please" She was clutched by his arms. She can't even move. Words aren't needed this time.Not needed.