THIS TOO SHALL PASS - HARRY'S STORY - CHAPTER 2

Far away a star twinkles, bathing the sweetness of the autumn night in the light of its single ray. A beacon is kindest when the night is the most dark. That is what I come to you as, Love. That is what I would be to you, if you would let me. The night is at its deepest raven now, and you are alone. As am I! It will be morning, morning will come. But by the time night departs, so may we.

Once I asked you if you loved me. Your answer was, that you did not know. Now I ask you, will you be loved by me? Now love is all we have. Love and faith! If the enemy comes, let him come. We will not go into the night afraid. Not as long as we have each other. Not as long as we can pray.

I wonder what it is like to live in times of peace, in times of harmony. Sometimes I lie in bed and listen to myself breathe and think to myself that this is death, and then I think of you, and remember that this is life. I have been fighting all my life. Fighting for my memories, fighting for my duties, fighting for my friends. Tell me, what is it to live without struggle.

I see myself fifty years from now - an old, withered man. I see myself as a man without a dream. That frightens me, love. Because it is a vision of what is good and what is right that has kept me alive so long. If I stopped believing I would die. Or worse still I would live, but without a soul.

Once, I remember you asking me, what I believed a dementors kiss felt like. I remember too, telling you that I did not know. I was young then and less imaginative. Now I believe I know. It would be like having all you hold dear taken away in front of your eyes, and you must be mum as you watch it happening. The soul would leave you then, the heart would leave you.

Don't leave me just yet. There is so much I need to say to you tonight. So many things I must confide in you about. Who knows whether we shall see tomorrow? Are you scared? Are you angry? I used to be both. Now I am just ... resigned. When he will come, he will come and no amount of preparation or worrying is going to make any difference. If I must, I will fight. If I must, I will die.

Tonight the night sky is like it has always been. How dare it, you will say? Oh Love, you have always been the fighter, the one who tries to change what will never change. Today we are here, yesterday we were not, and tomorrow we may not be. But some things are constant. If they were not, how could we survive? We pin our hopes on that which never moves. That which does may betray us.

Betrayal - I have grown up with betrayal. My father was betrayed by his friend, I was betrayed by mine. I have trusted you for I know in my heart that you will not betray me. But even if you do, I will love you, for love has no limitations or conditions. Job's words in the midst of his sorrow "Though thou slay me, yet will I love thee."

No, Love, I do want to run. Run away from this world, which has been very harsh to me. There is a universe out there for me to explore. A universe which may have love and faith and truth. All those things that I have never seen before! But don't you see, that is something I can't do, if only because there are still people lighting lamps for me. Wherever I go, I will always be the boy who lived and there will be hymns sung for me and prayers breathed for me.

Today we must part. Today there is very little that we can do for each other. But this I must say to you, you have always been there. To help me escape from Azkaban, to help me rebuild my life, to give me a new dream. It's always been you, Love. Do you doubt me?

A long time ago my mentor told me that there was fear in me, fear and bitterness. The same qualities that had driven that blackest of men to do his dastardly deeds. If it weren't for you and for those other people who believed in me, I would have turned away. I don't know if I should thank you, or curse you. You made me choose between what was right and what was easy. Why is what is good always more difficult? I am weak now. So weak!

If we survive tomorrow and the day after that and then a few days more, will you give me one more hope? The hope that when all this is over, you will still be here waiting for me. Perhaps I ask for too much. Perhaps I want too much. But can you blame me? Can you really blame me?

It is time. I think I hear the armies, the squadrons of darkness, as they sweep down on us in their morbid magnificence. Their steeds emit fire, their eyes amusement. How can they laugh as they brutally butcher men, women, children? Are they not human? In the need to become superhuman, have they become subhuman? This is the difference betweens them and us, Love. We can never kill callously, however much we may want to, or need to.

Leave now my love. You have made a bitter life less bitter, a tragic life less tragic. Be proud of that. Most lives boast of less. I cannot ask you to stay now. I have known from the beginning that this is my battle. I have always known that when the time comes I must fight alone. But I am resigned now. If I die, I will die a martyr, if I live, I live a hero. I go to do a far, far better thing, then I have ever done.

Let me fight alone now, as it is my destiny. But remember, remember if anything should happen to me, do not grieve or weep, for Love, nothing lives forever and nothing lasts for long. This too shall pass.