Here I Am
Chapter 2

Disclaimer: um…well, you all probably guess that not all the characters are mine. Some are, I guess, but the Sailor Moon characters belong to their rightful owners. Etc.etc….

Enjoy!

Words in between =l signs means the person is dreaming!
@-@....@-@ remembering

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= "Darien! Darien, please…help me!" She clung on the ledge of the cliff, her fingers barely holding on.
He stared at her, shaking his head. Through a watcher's eyes he witnessed what he was doing, and urged himself to help her…but this other man towering over her as she clung for her life; ignored his commands. Instead he shook his head once more and turned away.
"Darien…No! No! Don't leave me…D.A.R.I.E.N!!"
As she fell, he glimpsed the tears of hate and fear that escaped from her eyes, and the anguished look of betrayal within her face. He cried out to say "I'm sorry," only to find an empty voice.=

Darien woke up and found himself suddenly jolting up to a sitting position. His hand found a limp head to support, and his eyes found that they could not stay open; yet not even stay close. Every time he blinked; he saw for a brief moment, the girl he had allowed to fall. Still, every time he forced his eyes to open, tears swelled up and forced themselves out.
'I will not think of you! I will not think of her! It was a dream! A useless dream!" His finger wiped away the tear that slid like a snake down his cheek. He stared at that finger where the moonlight reflected on the wet surface.
"And tears, what are they but a symbol of fear and weakness?"
That's what he of them these days, although he knew they weren't. Still it helped him get through the day thinking that way.
He longed to be the man he used to be; not so afraid to be alone. Yet finding out what love felt like, what happiness it brought him; it was something no man or woman could ever erase from a heart. So finding that man again, was harder to accomplish than it could've been. Maybe in a way, he never wanted to be that way again, but who else was he suppose to be? He wasn't happy, and he certainly wouldn't be...ever again, unless…His face crunched up and he shook his head violently.
"NO! I will be happy, I will be happy. Time hasn't stopped for me, just because she's gone…just because I've lost so much…"
'Doesn't mean I have to stop living.'
He took a deep breath and lay back down. He would sleep now, and he would not dream of her. He would just sleep.

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My dearest Darien,

Once again I find myself sitting behind my desk, a pen in hand and writing a letter to you.
I've written what I would guess would be thousands of these…I don't know why, what's the use?

I know letters are supposed to be sent…yet every time I want to, I can't.
I wish I could and somehow find out how you are. Every time I glimpse a sight of you,
reading away at the Arcade, I'm not sure how you are. Your face is always emotionless,
and I hate that Darien. I use to always find a smile on your face. Every day we were together, you were the one that made me smile when I was depressed, now I don't know what happened...
Hmm...no, I guess I do.

Oh Darien, I know I promised to return one day, I remember. I just…I wouldn't know what to say now.
An apology wouldn't be enough to mend our broken trust, nor would a smile or a...milkshake. For once in my life, I would be speachless.
To be honest with you though, it was year ago that I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't come back, that I didn't have the right to come back.
I just don't deserve a man like you, Darien Chiba, I've caused you more pain than happiness. So maybe this is the teenager part of me talking, but I just don't know what else to say.

It's a beautiful night outside.
The sky is filled with stars twinkling within the moon's light.
I wish you were here, holding me. I wish you were looking at them with me.
I wish for many things, but mostly you.

I think I'll stop these letters, they only make me cry. You'll never get to read them anyway.

I love you, Darien Chiba.

Wherever you are, I hope you are in the best of health.

Maybe if fate wants it, we'll meet again.

My hear will always be yours,
Serena Tsukino

----

She placed the pen down by the small lamp and looked out the window.
She glimpsed the moonlit night and closed her eyes.
She was outside, just sitting in the park and breathing in the midnight air. Cars would be passing by, but not too many; just a few family cars going home. She opened her eyes and shook her head. It was too late to be out there and too cold to be alone.
She turned off the lights and climbed in bed using the moonlight as her guide. Neatly she tucked herself in.
These days sleep didn't come easy. Sometimes she found herself thinking about Darien, the other times she was worrying about her "patients".
After finishing her nursing courses she found a job within Tokyo's Children's Hospital, a few blocks away from her apartment. She worried mostly about Jason, an 11-year-old kid suffering from leukemia; he was too young to feel so hopeless. Every time she was with him, she wished that she was only dreaming. The little boy in the bed wasn't really sick, just sleeping in his room, at home. She knew wishing was hopeless, but there was nothing else she could do.
One time she walked into his room and found him just staring out the window. He couldn't see much of course, just the sky and the clouds slowly passing by.

@-@

"Hey, Jason, how are you feeling today?" she asked him. He didn't bother to look away from the window, her voice was enough to tell him who it was.
"Well, I guess I could be better, but I'm fine. I don't feel much pain today," he said with a gentle smile.
Like always she smiled at him, to her he was so brave, like a knight fighting the beastly dragon.
"What are you looking at?" she asked softly, placing his breakfast on his table.
"Oh, you know, the same thing that I always look at; the sky. Say, Serena, what's outside my window today?" he asked. Her smiled widened as she moved to stand beside the window. It was a routine they developed; he'd asked her what was outside, close his eyes, and listen to her as she described the scene outside. It was a scene that never stayed constant.
"There's a family of robins down there, pecking away at the seeds the visitors throw at them. It's strange the way they're not racing to get the food, like pigeons do, you know? Mother robin is gathering a pile of seeds for her babies, and Father robin is just eating away like a father does; watching mother robin lovingly feed their babies," she paused to see if he wanted to say something, when he didn't she continued on.
"The flowers are blooming quite nicely for summer, the Cherry Tree is blossoming just in time. There's that single red rose growing nicely among the flowers again, isn't that weird? I didn't know rose bushes only bloomed one rose at a time."
Again she paused.
"What else do you see, Serena?" he asked softly feeling a peaceful pain.
"I see a lot of other things, Jason. A little girl and a little boy are gathering up some flowers, and you know what the boy is about to do?"
"What? Is he going to give the rose to the little girl?"
"Yup, that's exactly what he did. Haha, isn't that cute, and she gave him a kiss in return."
Jason laughed behind her, seeing everything in his mind.
"What else, Serena?"
"I see people walking, just walking and talking enjoying the outdoors. You know what else? I see a little boy tinkering around with his bike surrounded by his friends. He's one of my patients, and today his cheeks are bright red and he's full of energy. He's a fighter and his determined to get better," She turned and looked at him as she said this. At the same time a tear escaped from his eyes. As she walked towards him to wipe away his tear, a sad smiled passed her lips.
"Oh, Jason, what's wrong?" she asked him, sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at her with tearful eyes.
"I wish I was out there, Serena, I wish I could." She gathered him in her arms and softly caressed his head.
It wasn't often that Jason cried in front of her, he always put on a brave front when she was there.
"Don't worry, the doctor said you'll be able to go home soon. Then you can spend a lot of times with your friends, you'll see."
She had taken one last look outside before she asked him to eat breakfast.
All she saw was pavement and a deserted bus stop. Nobody was outside enjoying the good weather; everyone was probably at work or away on vacation.
@-@

She turned over on her bed and squeezed her eyes shut.
She wished she could do better for Jason, but she couldn't.
Sometimes she wondered if she had some healing powers in a different dimension, she'd exchange places with herself then.
What use was dreaming?

-----

The next morning she got up early, and as always, quickly got ready for work. Today was her last day before she would go on a two-week break. Her supervisors quickly agreed at her request, knowing full well that Serena hadn't asked for any since she started working. She had been preparing another nurse to take care of her "patients" for her while she was gone, her name was Adriana. She was young and just graduated from university, but Serena was sure she would do all right. Hopefully.
She walked slowly to the hospital, knowing she would arrive early again. It was ironic how that was. Before she was always late, always running to get to places, but how fast things did change.
"Good morning, Serena," neighbors who saw her called out to her.
Every morning they saw her walk to the hospital and everyday they chatted with her when she came back.
It was a small neighborhood, but everyone was respectful and caring. She was glad Dr. Heero introduced her to this place, it was so comforting sometimes when she was alone.

In a matter of minutes she found herself within the hospital.
"Hey, Serena, you better go to room 315, Jason's asking for you."
Serena turned to see Adriana come up to her.
"I'll be right there," She said. Quickly she put her stuff in her locker, and headed with speed to Jason's room.
"What's wrong, is everything all right?" she asked as she walked in the room.
Adriana had placed herself on Jason's bed, a sad mask on her face.
She sat on the other side of the bed and looked at Jason, who had taken off his oxygen mask to talk to her.
"Dr. Kumiko said I could go home tomorrow, he said I would be able to get out of the hospital for just a few days."
"That's great," Serena said with a smile, taking Jason's hand and asking with her eyes why he seemed sad.
"You're going to be gone for two weeks aren't you?" He looked away and stared at his hidden feet.
"Yeah, I told you that didn't I?"
"I know, I just…I'm scared I won't be able to say good bye to you when my time is up."
"Oh, Jason don't talk like that, you have a long time yet, you'll see. You can't give up, you know that."
"I'm not, Serena, I'm merely accepting where my life is heading. I'm not scared, or sad, because I lived my life the best I could and I made a friend like you. I just feel so tired, that's all, tired and old. Nothing stays forever, everyone, every being sooner or later dies to start anew." As he talked he sounded so far away, older somehow. Not a kid, he never did sound like a kid.
"Don't talk like that, you'll make me cry. Promise me, promise me you'll still be here or at home when I get back to work."
Serena cherished the boy's friendship. They were together at least half the day every day. Losing him now was like losing her brother…she had to make sure he wouldn't give up on her.
"Promise me,"
"I don't want to make a promise I can't keep, Sere." Jason smiled and squeezed Serena's hand.
At that moment, he was the older person, the wiser being, and she the child.
"Just try, I won't hold it against you. I just want to make sure that you know that you'll live for a long, long time. I want you to be that boy, tinkering around with his bike, determined to get better."
"I don't know, Serena...I'm so scared..."
"I know, I am too. But sometimes, to get better, you have to face the fear and believe that you will get better. Jason…for me?" By this time, Adriana had started to cry. The scene in front of her was a like a sad movie; on one side was the merciful pleadings of a caring woman, and on the other, was the honest acceptance of child.
"I'll try," Serena sighed and sobbed, she had been trying to hold her tears, the ones that just came up when she heard Adriana sobbing. She cleared her voice and wiped the tears away. She sighed again and this time put on a big smile.
"Did you eat your breakfast yet?"
"Not yet…but first, can you tell me what's outside my window?"
"Gladly,"

whoa, too much drama isn't it, well probably not? i can't help it, i'm into sad things these days, don't ask why.
hope it was all right, been in a slump lately and i'm just making this up in my head right now as i go along, have no
idea where this story is going.