Santa Baby~Chapter 19
Christmas Eve: Belle's Apartment
Four days. Four excruciatingly long days since she'd last seen him. Since she'd last tasted him. Since she'd last heard his voice. Dammit, it shouldn't be getting to her like this. She shouldn't feel so heartbroken just because she'd spent a couple of days without him. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just take things--including men--at face value?
Her relationship--or whatever it was--with Shawn was strictly casual. He was under no obligation to come by or even call for that matter. She was just making too big of a deal out of silly technicality. She needed to take a step back and put her emotions in check; however, some things are simpler said than done, and after that last encounter with Shawn, it was nearly impossible to simply put him our of her mind and forget. For now, though, she had to.
It was Christmas Eve morning, and any minute now her little girl would come crawl into bed with her mother, a habit that had become a simple Christmas tradition in their tiny household. Christmas Eve was one of the rare days Belle had off, and both she and her daughter would take full advantage of the morning, the afternoon, and the evening. It was morning's turn now, she thought, when she heard the quiet padding of Madison's feet across cold linoleum. Automatically, she smiled as her little girl, with the bed-tossed mane of golden hair and the sleep-heavy eyes, crept into the room. Pulling back her covers, Belle gestured for Maddy to join her, and within seconds, they were both wrapped under the warm protection of the quilt.
Belle gently went to stroking and taming Maddy's wild hair and in a whispered, beautiful voice that was only for the two them, she sang Away in A Manger, a Christmas lullaby favorite of both mother and daughter.
Lulled into sleep by the soft singing, Madison curled into the bed and enjoyed the quiet, simple routine of one of the best mornings of the year. Even Belle allowed herself to relax for a few moments and bask in the love of her daughter. It was funny, though she'd been left heartbroken by her first love, she'd never regretted a moment of her and Phillip's time together. After all, he had given her the most precious gift she'd ever received. Madison Renee. And though their quick-paced, naive relationship had left Belle with no dreams, no family, and no love, she couldn't resent any of it because of Maddy.
What had she done to deserve such an angel? Such a precious gift? With Maddy she had love. Unconditional love that she'd never even hoped to have. And now that she did. She would always have it. Pressing her lips to her love's soft hair, Belle carefully rose from the bed and tiptoed across the room into its adjoining bath.
After stripping, she turned on the water of the tiny shower and stepped into its lukewarm stream. She'd been meaning to get their hot water fixed for several weeks now, but due to the lack of funds this Christmas, she'd had to put everything into getting her daughter at least one gift. She thought of the soft, rather sad teddy bear that she'd picked out. It wouldn't replace Da--nothing could in Maddy's heart--but it certainly would make Maddy's blue eyes light up as a child's should on Christmas morning. Belle had then gone to Wal-Mart and picked out a bright bag with Santa Claus on it to slip the bear into, then bought a bag of Hershey's kisses to fill the single stocking that was hanging on the end of Madison's bed.
It wasn't much--the teddy bear or the candy--but it was from her heart. And, by God, it was all she could afford.
Tears streamed down her face and mixed with the hard water of the shower. As a child, she'd never imagined a Christmas of want or need or longing. Now, she couldn't imagine a Christmas without it. So much had changed, so much had been lost and forgotten. Would she ever have that careless, childhood feeling of Christmas again?
The knocking at the door shattered her thoughts like glass. Meredith probably, she thought with a smile, stepping out of the shower and throwing on a huge, terricloth robe. She glanced at her sleeping daughter as she passed through the bedroom, relieved that the knocking hadn't awaken her, then plodded to the door and pulled it open. Moments later, she was giggling in Shawn's arms.
"Merry Christmas!" He announced cheerfully, swinging her through the door and kicking it shut behind them. "Miss me?"
When she managed to regain her footing, she brought her index finger to his lips in order to silence him. "Shh. She's sleeping." Her eyes widened when he took her finger in his lips, sucked gently on it. "Yes," she breathed, enjoying the sensation. "I missed you very much."
"You taste like rain." He drew her closer, pressed his lips to hers. "And honey."
She raised an eyebrow, swatted him playfully away, and thought it best not to ask where he'd been the last four days. "Honey, hmm? Well, I probably taste like rain because you interrupted my shower. And the honey, well frankly, I think you're making that up. What are you doing here? It's Christmas Eve, shouldn't you be with your family?"
The pain that shot through his heart at the word was best to ignore. "Shouldn't you be with yours?" He countered, not giving her a chance to respond, and capturing her lips in yet another heart-melting kiss. His hands came up to frame her face, the skin he found there was moist and soft and terribly alluring. It was strange that something so little as a touch or a kiss could so completely unnerve him. And because her touch and her kiss were doing just that, he pulled away and gave her bottom a friendly pat. "Go get some clothes on. We're going out."
"Out?"
"Yep, don't worry, just for a couple of hours, and I've made arrangements for Madison." He crossed over to the door, pulled it open to reveal Jenifer leaning on the door of the apartment across the hall.
She sent a wink at Belle and strode confidently in the room. "Where's that angel of yours, Belle, honey? I'm ordered to look after her a couple hours." She reached down into 'V' of her bright red sweater and pulled out a crisp hundred dollar bill. "Don't argue, darling, he's paying well."
Shocked, Belle's eyes passed from Jenifer to Shawn then back again. All she could manage to do was nod and disappear into her bedroom to dress for her day. All the regret and longing of the early morning had passed and were now aptly replaced with excitement and childlike joy.
Santa Baby~Chapter 20
"You're a lawyer." Belle stated dully, eyeing Shawn's BMW which looked terribly out of place in the tiny parking lot of her apartment complex. "A rich lawyer."
Shawn caught her hand in his, kissed it through the gloves she'd slipped on. "I'm a lawyer, and I suppose I'm fairly wealthy." He stopped and turned her so that she was facing him. "Neither of those facts have anything to do with us, Belle. Don't let that intimidate you."
Intimidate? The emotion she was feeling at the moment was not intimidation. It was pure terror. And though his easy smile and touch were helping to soothe that terror, she still could've easily been sick right there in the parking lot. "Of course not. It doesn't intimidate me at all."
He raised a skeptical eyebrow. If she wasn't intimidated, then why was she looking at his car like it would shatter into a million pieces if she so much as touched it? Instead of pursuing the issue, he opened the passenger door and shuffled her inside.
It certainly was strange that a thing as simple as a car could seem so fragile and luxurious. The seats were a dark, charcoal grey leather and nicer than anything she'd ever owned herself. Wasn't that sad? She thought, fingering the soft leather, while Shawn rounded the hood of the car to join her. That a car could be nicer than her entire apartment. Hell, her entire life. This damn car was reason enough not to get involved with a man like Shawn Brady. Reason enough. "Nice car." She murmured when he slipped into the seat beside her.
"Just a car, though." He could see the worry in her eyes. And the distant desire. Just a car, he repeated in his mind. Yet a car to some could be everything. She could've had a car like his. Very easily she could have gone to college, become a lawyer herself if she'd had the mind to. Or a teacher. Or a doctor. She certainly had the brains, the hidden ambition. What had happened in Belle Black's life that made her choose the path she did? She was obviously capable of much more than exotic dancing in his eyes, why was it that she ended up doing something that left her so clearly unhappy?
"Where are we going?"
The question startled him from his thoughts. He refocused his eyes on her and offered a gentle smile before cranking the car. It purred smoothly and even sounded rich. "Shopping."
She secretly admired how easily the BMW took to the road. "Shopping?"
"Yeah--you know--buy a few gifts, fight rude crowds, try on unflattering clothes. Shopping." Her laughter was welcomed by both of them and cut through the awkward tension like a knife. It was probably fairly useless to tell him that she didn't have any money to shop with, so she simply settled back in her seat and enjoyed the ride.
"So," Shawn cleared his throat and sent her a sidelong glance after a few unsettling moments of silence. "What does the monster want from Ol' Santa Claus?"
Belle felt her throat tighten. Telling him that Madison wanted a father for Christmas would seemed presumptuous, wouldn't it? She shifted against the soft leather. "It's silly really."
"Every child's Christmas wish is silly, Belle. Tell me."
"A father." She blurted out, taking no heed to his reaction. "Madison wants a father for Christmas."
He shrugged and chuckled a little. "A father, huh? Well, I'm not sure I can find one on such short notice, but I'll sure try." He liked the way she'd said it. With that same hopefulness that her daughter had said it. A tone that made him want to cry and gather them both in his arms, then make all of their dreams come true. At the moment, he didn't much care for that feeling. And it was probably best to get off this touchy subject of Christmas wishes altogether. "What happened to her real father, if you don't mind me asking?" So much for switching to less awkward topics of conversation.
It was ridiculous. So ridiculous that every time she thought of the man her stomach would tie up in knots. She didn't hate him. She'd never hate him, yet still the thought of him made her want to puke. "He wasn't ready to be a father." She whispered, quietly.
He could've denied the anger and frustration that he felt at that statement. Or he could've just ignored it and left it hanging. He did neither. "And you were ready to be a mother?"
She noted the rage in his tone. "I had no choice. Madison was meant to be a part of my life, and I wouldn't have given her up for anything. He chose to, and it's his loss."
How could she be so calm and rational when this was obviously tearing her up inside? He focused on the road as it winded out in front of them. "Yeah, his loss. Does he keep in touch at all?"
She thought of Phillip and the impersonal greeting cards that he sent on Madison's birthday and at Christmas. She thought of the article she'd seen in a local newspaper over two years ago that announced the engagement of socialite Phillip Kiriakis to one of Atlanta's most upstanding women. Yes, he kept in touch. She knew what was going on in his life, even when she didn't want to. He had no idea of what was going on in their's. He probably didn't even care. It was best that Shawn knew nothing of that. "No."
Asshole! He wanted to scream it. Wanted to shake Belle and make her see just what kind of man he must've been to leave darling Madison. To leave them both. Yet, he chose to say nothing because he could see that deep down Belle knew it. She knew it and she accepted it and that was just what he needed to do.
The rest of the drive to Town Center Mall was in silence.
