Title: At the End of the Road
Author: chescaOtaku
Pairing: HanaRu/RuHana
Genre: Shounen-ai
Status: Ongoing; 2/9 (series)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers:: All Slam Dunk characters mentioned below are properties of Takehiko Inoue, TOEI and his other colleagues. Only the storyline is mine. So…don't sue me. ^_^ I'm too young to go to jail. ::
===============================================================
At the End of the Road
Chapter 1
~*~
Sakuragi Hanamichi stared at the ceiling of his room, with guilt and sorrow flashing through his tear-streaked puppy, brown eyes. His eyes felt like burning and everything was just blurry. Yet, that can't be compared to his shattered heart. A heart that can /never/ be mended again.
His hands were made pillow by his auburn head as he lay still at his bed. He still wore his training clothes full of sweat. Changing some wardrobe was totally out of his mind right now. When he reached his home, he did not even bother to kiss his mother good evening and eat a steaming, hot ramen prepared for him. Instead, he went straight to his room, slammed the door, threw his bag and went straight to his bed. There, tears suddenly spilled out and he cried a river. No one knows how long he had been crying like that. Guilt, hurt and intense grief filled his heart. He never intended to bring pain to the one he love most, yet it seemed that he had no other choice but to end their relationship.
/I never wanted our relationship to end this way, Kaede… Gods only know how much I love you…but we—I can't do anything but…to put an end to this…this…what…we were doing was…wrong…./ Sakuragi silently told himself.
Slowly, the heart-shattering event that occurred to them a while ago flashed through his mind.
~*flashback*~
It was a normal day of practice for the Shohoku Basketball Club. It was only five days before the most awaited Inter High would take place. Everyone was excited and nervous at the same time. Each member had a strong will within him and practiced shots and passes with full coordination. They had a practice game again, and this time, it was the freshmen that won, thanks to Rukawa's superb skill and Sakuragi's incredible rebounds. Their teammates were astonished, never did they thought that Rukawa, that walking block of ice would actually team up and cooperate with an egotistical, loud and self-appointed tensai like Sakuragi Hanamichi. After the practice, everyone left after cleaning the court, except for the two rookies. Sakuragi once again challenged Rukawa into a one on one and they played for about ten minutes.
Yet, there was something in their short one on one that made Rukawa ponder. For once, his redhead seemed less concentrated, less focused. It was like his mind was one something else. He didn't even react 'violently' when his fox-eyed lover stole the ball from his hands and executed a perfect three point shot. Sensing this, Rukawa stopped the game between them and told Sakuragi that they should take a break.
"Nani yo, Kitsune? Already tired? We were not even in the middle of the game!!"
"Do'aho. It's you. Your mind was not in the game. Any problems to share with me?"
"Hah! The Tensai? A problem! Not a chance! Now, if you mind, let's get back to the game! Or are you afraid to be beaten by me?" Sakuragi retorted, trying to sound his usual self.
Rukawa only stared at him and said, "Do'aho. Spill it out. Doshitano?"
Sakuragi was trapped. He had no way out now. He had to tell his Kaede sooner, before it gets more painful for both of them. He told himself that what he was about to do, was right, and that he would not—never regret it.
"Kaede. Look…I think…we…should…break up."
There. He said it. He looked away, clenched his fists and prevented tears from spilling. He knew the consequence; he exactly knew what would his lover's reaction be. He hoped that his fox-eyed lover would understand why, yet somewhere in his mind to him it was nothing but a false hope.
Upon hearing the last two words his Hana-kun told him, his once, shining, whole heart shattered into a million pieces. It felt like glass hit by a crashing car that was broken and scattered everywhere. He never thought that Sakuragi would break up with him. It was even his redhead that told him he would never be alone again.
/This must be some kind of a sick joke…this…this can't be true!!/ Rukawa said to himself.
"Hana-kun…. Are you insane?! How…why?! Tell me this isn't true!! Tell me this is a nightmare!! Punch me…kick me…do whatever you want! Wake me up…this…can't be…happen—"
"Don't Hana-kun me, Rukawa. I was serious. It's over between us. Heard it? It's over. Don't make things harder for the both of us than it already is."
"Do'aho. Doshite? How…could you? You owe me some explanation…"
"We… are not and never meant to be, Rukawa." He flinched at the sudden coldness of his voice and then continued, "You are fully aware that we are both /guys/. And keeping our /secret/ relationship to everybody else is hard enough to maintain…and shit! Our…well, the relationship isn't working! Creating a world of our own, kissing when no one was looking, hugging in private…they were all… insane!! I mean, was bullshit! We can't hide from them any more!! What if they found out?! What would they call us?! Fags?!? Hah! Never!!" Sakuragi breathed hard, after saying such cruel words. Every foul word that came from his mouth felt like poison. /Forgive me, Kaede, but this is the only way./
He was about to walk out of the court when Rukawa's unusual cold tone made him stop at his tracks.
"So. You called our relationship bullshit, huh? You consider this… love meaningless? Those times we were at the park, staring up at the sky, those meetings at my house, encouragements during practice, concern for each other…were trash? Were nothing but shit? Damn you to hell Sakuragi Hanamichi. How cowardice of you. I should have known…"
Sakuragi turned to Rukawa and smiled bitterly. "What else would I think?"
"You are a coward, a rotten bastard. Do'aho. You are afraid of what others would think? You consider our relationship abnormal? Some….lover…some /real/ friend you are. Sayonara."
After saying those words, Rukawa quickly packed his things, went out of the gym and walked away into the night.
Sakuragi was left there, standing and staring into nothingness. He suddenly felt nothing at all, and his clenched fists turned white until it bled. His bit his lip hard. That was what he wanted, right? For Rukawa to take it easy. To end it as soon as possible. To make the raven haired boy understand matters immediately. But… why did his heart contracted painfully?
He then recalled what his former lover had said. //Some… /real/ friend you are…//
"What the hell…?"
~*end, flashback*~
Sakuragi closed his eyes as tears continued to spill from his cheeks and down to his pillow. Every bitter word that Rukawa said to his was trapped in his memory. The tone of his voice when he said the words 'real friend' and 'lover' struck him the most. He knew that the guy had been alone most of his life, never given the chance to have a true, real friend that he could count on. The way he emphasized the words hit him real hard. He remembered how Rukawa told him once that he was the /only/ friend he had. The fox thanked him for everything. His former lover had poured so much trust in him, only to break it because he was /afraid/.
/I was the only friend he had… I should at least told him we could still be friends…but how could he consider me as a real one…after…what I had done to him… what a goddamn mess I made…but this is the right way to…live…this /must/ be…/
Ever since their neighbor named Takehara Kouji was disowned by the Takehara family as a son because he admitted that he was gay, Sakuragi's point of view regarding same sex relationships changed. It happened two weeks ago, when he heard a shout and a pleading from the house next to them. With curiosity, he went down the stairs and asked what in the devil's name was going on. His mother had told him that Takehara-kun was thrown out of his own home because his own family cannot accept that the lad was gay. Upon hearing this, Sakuragi was stunned. He saw hatred and humiliation in the eyes of his neighbor and thoughts and questions came popping out of his mind from nowhere.
He remembered the disappointing look on his mother's face as she relayed the events to him. He then began to question his relationship with Rukawa and what might happen if his /own/ family would discover it. He suddenly became scared and decided to break up with the kitsune. He was afraid that he might be rejected the same way his neighbor was. Rejected by fifty girls hurt a lot, but the thought of being rejected by his /own/ family would be more than of what he could handle. He imagined the shocked expression of his mother, the hatred in the eyes of his older brother and the embarrassment they would going to face, if ever. If his father were still alive, he surely would curse him forever. From there, he made up his plan on ending the relationship with Rukawa.
Yet, things weren't as easy as he planned it to be. Whenever he looked at Rukawa's eyes, he saw pure love and trust that the failed to show to anybody else. The way Rukawa kissed him made him melt and entrapped. The way his former lover made love to him was like entering an everlasting paradise. He just couldn't bring the topic up, until tonight, when he decided to end all of it, before matters would get worse. In addition to that, the kitsune was starting to notice his rather abnormal behavior, so he decided to spill the beans off. But he never expected to see the fox full of hurt… and betrayal. He never realized how fragile Rukawa could be, how easily pain and grief could penetrate his whole being. When he saw how shocked the raven-haired boy was, when he heard his pained voice, he felt the urge to envelop Rukawa in his arms and tell him he didn't mean it.
Yet, he couldn't bring himself in doing so.
For he cannot take back what he had said.
/Kaede…do you love me that much? I'm really sorry…I never meant to hurt you…/
With that, Sakuragi drifted off into a dreamless slumber.
~*tbc*~
===============================================================
a/n:: ok, that was the first chapter. I have only edited this, so this means that this chapter hasn't gone formal editing yet. There were several clichés in this part, I know but I just couldn't bring myself in relaying them into real events. They wouldn't fit in the story line and the flow of events may be disorganized. And, there will be more chapters anyway for me to explore our main characters' inner struggles, ne? I hope you liked this one… I'll upload chapter two soon, as soon as I finished editing it. ^_^ For now, please review. They are much, much appreciated. Those are the things that make us authors keep on writing. ^_^ if you have any further comments, feel free to mail me at chesca14316@yahoo.com . ja!
Author: chescaOtaku
Pairing: HanaRu/RuHana
Genre: Shounen-ai
Status: Ongoing; 2/9 (series)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers:: All Slam Dunk characters mentioned below are properties of Takehiko Inoue, TOEI and his other colleagues. Only the storyline is mine. So…don't sue me. ^_^ I'm too young to go to jail. ::
===============================================================
At the End of the Road
Chapter 1
~*~
Sakuragi Hanamichi stared at the ceiling of his room, with guilt and sorrow flashing through his tear-streaked puppy, brown eyes. His eyes felt like burning and everything was just blurry. Yet, that can't be compared to his shattered heart. A heart that can /never/ be mended again.
His hands were made pillow by his auburn head as he lay still at his bed. He still wore his training clothes full of sweat. Changing some wardrobe was totally out of his mind right now. When he reached his home, he did not even bother to kiss his mother good evening and eat a steaming, hot ramen prepared for him. Instead, he went straight to his room, slammed the door, threw his bag and went straight to his bed. There, tears suddenly spilled out and he cried a river. No one knows how long he had been crying like that. Guilt, hurt and intense grief filled his heart. He never intended to bring pain to the one he love most, yet it seemed that he had no other choice but to end their relationship.
/I never wanted our relationship to end this way, Kaede… Gods only know how much I love you…but we—I can't do anything but…to put an end to this…this…what…we were doing was…wrong…./ Sakuragi silently told himself.
Slowly, the heart-shattering event that occurred to them a while ago flashed through his mind.
~*flashback*~
It was a normal day of practice for the Shohoku Basketball Club. It was only five days before the most awaited Inter High would take place. Everyone was excited and nervous at the same time. Each member had a strong will within him and practiced shots and passes with full coordination. They had a practice game again, and this time, it was the freshmen that won, thanks to Rukawa's superb skill and Sakuragi's incredible rebounds. Their teammates were astonished, never did they thought that Rukawa, that walking block of ice would actually team up and cooperate with an egotistical, loud and self-appointed tensai like Sakuragi Hanamichi. After the practice, everyone left after cleaning the court, except for the two rookies. Sakuragi once again challenged Rukawa into a one on one and they played for about ten minutes.
Yet, there was something in their short one on one that made Rukawa ponder. For once, his redhead seemed less concentrated, less focused. It was like his mind was one something else. He didn't even react 'violently' when his fox-eyed lover stole the ball from his hands and executed a perfect three point shot. Sensing this, Rukawa stopped the game between them and told Sakuragi that they should take a break.
"Nani yo, Kitsune? Already tired? We were not even in the middle of the game!!"
"Do'aho. It's you. Your mind was not in the game. Any problems to share with me?"
"Hah! The Tensai? A problem! Not a chance! Now, if you mind, let's get back to the game! Or are you afraid to be beaten by me?" Sakuragi retorted, trying to sound his usual self.
Rukawa only stared at him and said, "Do'aho. Spill it out. Doshitano?"
Sakuragi was trapped. He had no way out now. He had to tell his Kaede sooner, before it gets more painful for both of them. He told himself that what he was about to do, was right, and that he would not—never regret it.
"Kaede. Look…I think…we…should…break up."
There. He said it. He looked away, clenched his fists and prevented tears from spilling. He knew the consequence; he exactly knew what would his lover's reaction be. He hoped that his fox-eyed lover would understand why, yet somewhere in his mind to him it was nothing but a false hope.
Upon hearing the last two words his Hana-kun told him, his once, shining, whole heart shattered into a million pieces. It felt like glass hit by a crashing car that was broken and scattered everywhere. He never thought that Sakuragi would break up with him. It was even his redhead that told him he would never be alone again.
/This must be some kind of a sick joke…this…this can't be true!!/ Rukawa said to himself.
"Hana-kun…. Are you insane?! How…why?! Tell me this isn't true!! Tell me this is a nightmare!! Punch me…kick me…do whatever you want! Wake me up…this…can't be…happen—"
"Don't Hana-kun me, Rukawa. I was serious. It's over between us. Heard it? It's over. Don't make things harder for the both of us than it already is."
"Do'aho. Doshite? How…could you? You owe me some explanation…"
"We… are not and never meant to be, Rukawa." He flinched at the sudden coldness of his voice and then continued, "You are fully aware that we are both /guys/. And keeping our /secret/ relationship to everybody else is hard enough to maintain…and shit! Our…well, the relationship isn't working! Creating a world of our own, kissing when no one was looking, hugging in private…they were all… insane!! I mean, was bullshit! We can't hide from them any more!! What if they found out?! What would they call us?! Fags?!? Hah! Never!!" Sakuragi breathed hard, after saying such cruel words. Every foul word that came from his mouth felt like poison. /Forgive me, Kaede, but this is the only way./
He was about to walk out of the court when Rukawa's unusual cold tone made him stop at his tracks.
"So. You called our relationship bullshit, huh? You consider this… love meaningless? Those times we were at the park, staring up at the sky, those meetings at my house, encouragements during practice, concern for each other…were trash? Were nothing but shit? Damn you to hell Sakuragi Hanamichi. How cowardice of you. I should have known…"
Sakuragi turned to Rukawa and smiled bitterly. "What else would I think?"
"You are a coward, a rotten bastard. Do'aho. You are afraid of what others would think? You consider our relationship abnormal? Some….lover…some /real/ friend you are. Sayonara."
After saying those words, Rukawa quickly packed his things, went out of the gym and walked away into the night.
Sakuragi was left there, standing and staring into nothingness. He suddenly felt nothing at all, and his clenched fists turned white until it bled. His bit his lip hard. That was what he wanted, right? For Rukawa to take it easy. To end it as soon as possible. To make the raven haired boy understand matters immediately. But… why did his heart contracted painfully?
He then recalled what his former lover had said. //Some… /real/ friend you are…//
"What the hell…?"
~*end, flashback*~
Sakuragi closed his eyes as tears continued to spill from his cheeks and down to his pillow. Every bitter word that Rukawa said to his was trapped in his memory. The tone of his voice when he said the words 'real friend' and 'lover' struck him the most. He knew that the guy had been alone most of his life, never given the chance to have a true, real friend that he could count on. The way he emphasized the words hit him real hard. He remembered how Rukawa told him once that he was the /only/ friend he had. The fox thanked him for everything. His former lover had poured so much trust in him, only to break it because he was /afraid/.
/I was the only friend he had… I should at least told him we could still be friends…but how could he consider me as a real one…after…what I had done to him… what a goddamn mess I made…but this is the right way to…live…this /must/ be…/
Ever since their neighbor named Takehara Kouji was disowned by the Takehara family as a son because he admitted that he was gay, Sakuragi's point of view regarding same sex relationships changed. It happened two weeks ago, when he heard a shout and a pleading from the house next to them. With curiosity, he went down the stairs and asked what in the devil's name was going on. His mother had told him that Takehara-kun was thrown out of his own home because his own family cannot accept that the lad was gay. Upon hearing this, Sakuragi was stunned. He saw hatred and humiliation in the eyes of his neighbor and thoughts and questions came popping out of his mind from nowhere.
He remembered the disappointing look on his mother's face as she relayed the events to him. He then began to question his relationship with Rukawa and what might happen if his /own/ family would discover it. He suddenly became scared and decided to break up with the kitsune. He was afraid that he might be rejected the same way his neighbor was. Rejected by fifty girls hurt a lot, but the thought of being rejected by his /own/ family would be more than of what he could handle. He imagined the shocked expression of his mother, the hatred in the eyes of his older brother and the embarrassment they would going to face, if ever. If his father were still alive, he surely would curse him forever. From there, he made up his plan on ending the relationship with Rukawa.
Yet, things weren't as easy as he planned it to be. Whenever he looked at Rukawa's eyes, he saw pure love and trust that the failed to show to anybody else. The way Rukawa kissed him made him melt and entrapped. The way his former lover made love to him was like entering an everlasting paradise. He just couldn't bring the topic up, until tonight, when he decided to end all of it, before matters would get worse. In addition to that, the kitsune was starting to notice his rather abnormal behavior, so he decided to spill the beans off. But he never expected to see the fox full of hurt… and betrayal. He never realized how fragile Rukawa could be, how easily pain and grief could penetrate his whole being. When he saw how shocked the raven-haired boy was, when he heard his pained voice, he felt the urge to envelop Rukawa in his arms and tell him he didn't mean it.
Yet, he couldn't bring himself in doing so.
For he cannot take back what he had said.
/Kaede…do you love me that much? I'm really sorry…I never meant to hurt you…/
With that, Sakuragi drifted off into a dreamless slumber.
~*tbc*~
===============================================================
a/n:: ok, that was the first chapter. I have only edited this, so this means that this chapter hasn't gone formal editing yet. There were several clichés in this part, I know but I just couldn't bring myself in relaying them into real events. They wouldn't fit in the story line and the flow of events may be disorganized. And, there will be more chapters anyway for me to explore our main characters' inner struggles, ne? I hope you liked this one… I'll upload chapter two soon, as soon as I finished editing it. ^_^ For now, please review. They are much, much appreciated. Those are the things that make us authors keep on writing. ^_^ if you have any further comments, feel free to mail me at chesca14316@yahoo.com . ja!
