Chapter 9



"Ok.........calm down...........everything's gonna be okay..........everything's gonna be okay," I chant to myself. I breathe deeply again right before I pass by his house. The car is gone.

"I guess it was a quickie," I mumble out loud. I don't want to think about it. I drive right pass my house, not knowing where I'm going. I just don't wanna be around anyone right now. I have to be alone. I don't want to unleash my bitterness on anyone else. Yes, I'm at that point now. First there was hurt, followed by anger, then hurt again mixed with anger, now I'm just bitter. I hit the steering wheel out of frustration as I pull into the beach parking lot. I get out. I take off my boots and throw them back in the car along with my socks. I walk out onto the beach. I didn't realize how long I had been driving. The sun is already setting. I sit down. I've lived here for sixteen years and I've never watched the sun set. I sit back and take it all in. The large glowing sphere illuminates the water for the final moments of the day. The most beautiful orange and purple pigments begin to blend into the horizon. A breeze blows in off the Pacific and stings my eyes, but I fight to keep them open. I don't want to miss a second of this. I hold on to the sight of the sun as everything around it blurs. The water ripples at various points; the foam capped waves roll in. It's almost as if everything holds its breath as the sun finally dips below the horizon and out of sight. The birds silence their cries. I hold my breath and close my eyes. I begin to cry at the grace of it all. I'm realizing that everything is so much bigger than me. My mother always told me that there is a reason for everything. God has a plan, and He'll never put more on you than you can bear. Although you feel like you can't go on, you can. All you have to do is try.

"All I have to do is try," I tell myself out loud. I don't need him. I want him, but I don't need him. He doesn't make me.

"He doesn't make you, Letty," I repeat out loud. It's his loss. He needs to know that. He needs me......I don't need him.

"Yes I do," I finally confess to myself out loud. No matter how much I try to convince myself, the truth is I do need him. We need each other. We complete each other. It's times like this when I wish I actually smoked. I tried it once in Jr. High but it felt like my lungs were gonna explode, and Dom would never let me do it again. It was the same thing with racing. After some fighting, fussing, and lovemaking he finally agreed to let me do it, but not without a detailed lecture on safety first. He made me promise that if I ever got hurt in any way that I would quit. He also made me promise that if something felt wrong, I had to pull out, no matter what. That one was hard for me because I had to win, but I promised. He did show that he cared. His eyes may have wandered but I knew he was mine. If he was talking to someone, man, woman, or child, and I came up, his attention immediately turned to me. I loved that. I love him. God, we were good together. Our bodies fit perfectly. We understood each other without words. Now all that is gone. Gone because he had to get off. Gone because I wasn't enough anymore. "Shit!" I yell wiping my eyes. I'm so fucking tired of crying.

"That's pretty harsh language for the birds." A voice startles me behind. I quickly finish wiping my eyes and harden my face.

"I mean I know they can be pests, but they're good at heart." He walks in front of me smiling. He's about as tall as Jess. I think he has brown hair but I don't look at him. I continue to stare into the ocean, hoping he'll get the message and leave. He just stands there with this goofy grin on his face. He puts out his hand.

"Hi, I'm Troy."

"Yeah, where's Helen?" I retort sarcastically, still not looking at him.

"She speaks," he says surprised. Come on Let, you don't have to be mad at the entire world.

"Letty," I shake his hand giving in.

"I.....uh...don't mean to bother you, but um.....this is private property," he tells me looking around.

"Yeah, right," I tell him.

"I'm serious.....my family owns this stretch of beach." Shit. I did walk down kinda far. I look around and notice that there are no lifeguard stands or buoys in the water. My car is parked at least a mile and a half down. Damn, just what I need....a trespassing ticket. I get up.

"Sorry......I didn't know," I try to tell him.

"Oh, it's okay. I thought you were the maid's daughter or something."

"Well, I'm not," I tell him brushing sand off of me. I start to walk away.

"You don't have to leave," he yells to me.

"Actually, I do.....I gotta get home, but thanks anyway," I yell back with the wind blowing in my eyes. There's a storm coming in.

"Okay.....come back any time....," he yells. I wave back and nod my head as I run to my car. The wind is really picking up. I jump in just in time to see the first raindrop hit my windshield. I bet it's not even raining in the city. With my luck, by the time I get home it will be. It's ten already by my radio. I begin driving. The wind is blowing the rain across the roads, but it's dying down. The rain gets fatter and plops down on my windshield. The wind is no longer blowing, just a steady downpour. I really was driving for a long time, because when I pull into my driveway it's already 11:30. I turn the car off, open the door, and then lock them back in one swift motion before running to the porch. I fish my pocket for my keys. No way......there's no way I left them.......in the car. I cannot believe I locked my keys in my fucking car. What the hell? I peer into the living room through the break in the curtains covering the window. All lights are off. Great. She's in her room. There is no way on earth she is gonna hear me knocking from upstairs. My mom and me are both heavy sleepers. You could run a heard of elephants through the middle of our house at night and we wouldn't flinch.

"Shit!" I yell out loud. We never unlock our windows, so that's out of the question. I sit down in one of those flimsy plastic chairs that everyone in America owns that has been on our porch for ages. I put my head in my hands and wipe the moisture back off my face into my hair. I then ring out my soggy hair and clothes and return back to my head-in-hands position. I reluctantly look over to the Toretto's knowing that that is the only solution to my problem. I mean I would go to Jess's or V's but my keys are in the car. I pick my soaked body up and I walk down the road to their house. The rain hitting my eyelashes causes me to squint my eyes and blink frequently. I walk up the steps onto the porch, and wipe my dripping face again. I reach up to knock but stop myself. What if Dom answers? What do I do then? I finally knock on the door praying to God that Mia is still awake. I shiver from a slight breeze hitting my drenched body. After a moment no one answers. I knock again and wait. Still no answer. I sigh and roll my eyes, frustrated. Tonight, they would decide to go to bed early. I begin to stalk away. I get to the next to the last step, when I hear the screen door creak open. My heart stands still and I stop dead in my tracks.

"Letty?" that all to familiar gruff voice asks from behind me, confused.

"You couldn't let Mia answer the door this one time?" I whisper towards the heavens right before I turn around to face Dom for the first time since we broke up. It's gonna be a long night.





There it is. Feast and be merry! Love you kids. Check out my new fic. = )