Chapter 11



I get up tired, again. I swear I haven't had a decent night's sleep in a week. At least there were no bouts of vomiting last night. I've never had a weak stomach, but then again, I've never been this depressed either. I take a shower and go down to have breakfast with Mia. It's Saturday morning and although I don't have to work, there's no way I'm spending another day sitting at home. I'll be at the garage alone today. Vince said he might come by, but we rarely ever converse in the garage. This will be good for me. I can work all day, and go to the races tonight. I can keep myself busy, and hopefully actually enjoy the races. I sit down at the table. Mia smiles at me. I smile back. "Sleep well?" she asks concerned, probably seeing the dark circles under my eyes that grow darker and larger every morning. I shrug as she pulls a carton of milk from the fridge and walks back to the table. She pours the milk over my cereal as I yawn. "Thanks," I tell her as I begin to methodically eat the corn flakes, one dripping spoonful at a time. She also begins to eat the hot breakfast she has prepared for herself. I can feel her eyes on me. I look up and meet her gaze. "Wha?" I ask, my mouth full of flakes. She looks at me with her face scrunched in confusion. I swallow. "What is it, Mia?" I push my soggy cereal around. She continues to look at me for a moment and hesitates before speaking. "Do you still wanna talk about..........you know?" she asks reluctantly. She can tell that I really don't feel like divulging the story again, but I want her to know my side. I take another bite from my bowl while she waits for me to answer her. She starts back eating as I tell her exactly what happen the night Letty left. She nods along the way, because she knows most of it. The end of the story is last night. I tell her about Letty coming over to get her keys. When I finish she sits back in her chair and sighs. "So......why, Dom?..........why?...........what was so horrible between you.........that you had to go to another woman?" she asks me, not angry, but truly confused. I shake my head. "In all honesty, Mia.........I don't know," I tell her simply. She looks into my eyes and sighs again. She knows that I'm telling the truth. She knows that I'm not trying to weasel my way out of the blame. I guess that's why this all hurts so much............cause I am the blame. This whole situation is no one's fault but my own. One person caused me all my pain.............me. "So what are you gonna do now?" she asks softly, almost felling sorry for me. I get up, place my bowl in the sink, and sit back down at the table. "Go to the garage," I tell her before taking a sip of orange juice. "That's not what I mean........." she sighs. "I know what you mean, Mia," I stop her. "But that's what I'm gonna do..............before all this happened, I could tell you what I'd be doing years from now, because I knew, no matter what.......I would be with Letty..............But now, I don't know anything anymore, besides the fact that nothing's permanent. I can't see past today, Mia..............and today I'm gonna go to the garage, and tonight we're gonna go to the races," I tell her looking her in the eye. I can see her eyes glazing over with wetness. She's always been a very emotional person. She nods. I get up and kiss her on the top of her head before leaving the kitchen. Soon after, I hear her go back to eating breakfast. I wanted to tell her how sorry I am for screwing up..........for hurting her best friend, for making things awkward between her and Letty now. I pick my keys up and grip them tightly as I walk out to my car. I get in and start the engine, hesitating before putting it in reverse. I pull out of the driveway and moments later I'm at the garage. I get out and unlock the bay doors. I slide them up and close them behind me as I walk in. I would hate for someone to see them and think we were open today. I walk in and get started on the Acura that came in the other day. I walk over to see it sitting, gutted. The seats to be installed are sitting right next to it. I'm guessing Leon started ripping and left before putting them in. Either way, it'll get done today. I take off my jacket and lay it in the office. I walk back with my footsteps echoing throughout the empty space. This is how I've been felling the last few days. Empty...alone. I only recently started eating again. My knees have been becoming weak for some odd reason. My chest tightens every time I think of Letty. My throat constricts; my eyes burn. I'm beginning to think I have some sort of medical condition. God, help me.......I need her. I wish she knew how much I needed her. I wish she knew.