A/N: lyrics to the REAL bohemian rhapsody are in parenthesis next to corresponding std lyrics :O)

Disclaimer: bohemian rhapsody was written, recorded, blahblahblah, by queen.



is this the real life (is this the real life)
is this a bad nightmare (is this just fantasy)
lots of tiny lice (caught in a landslide)
crawling round in my pubic hair (no escape from reality)
all over my thighs (open your eyes)
things that aren't nice to see (look up to the sky and see)
i'm just a big whore (i'm just a poor boy)
covered in stds (i need no sympathy)
cuz it's easy to come (because it's easy come)
burns to go (easy go)
lots of itching (little high)
down below (little low)
anytime his load blows (anywhere the wind blows)
more nasties find their way inside of me (doesn't really matter to me)
of me (to me)

daddy, just did a man (mama, just killed a man)
let him get into my bed (put a gun against his head)
gave him ass and gave him head (pulled my trigger, now he's dead)
daddy, we were having fun (mama, life had just begun)
and now there's oral herpes on my tongue (and now i've gone an thrown it all away)
daddy, oooooh (mama, oooooh)
didn't mean to do that guy (didn't mean to make you cry)
if the rash ain't gone again this time tomorrow (if i'm not back again this time tomorrow)
get the cream, put it on (carry on, carry on)
hope it doesn't reach my bladder (as if nothing really matters)
too late, the deed is done (too late, my time has come)
i thought his junk was fine (sends shivers down my spine)
and now im itching all the time (body aching all the time)
goodbye, clean vagina (goodbye, everybody)
i'll miss you so (i've gotta go)
gotta leave you far behind (gotta leave you all behind)
and face the douche (and face the truth)
daddy, oooooh (mama, oooooh)
i don't want vd (i don't wanna die)
sometimes wish i'd never had sex at all (sometimes wish i'd never been born at all)

i see a little syphyllis on your man (i see a little silhouette of a man)
what a hooch! what a hooch! (scaramouch, scaramouch)
your man is a whore banger (will you do the fandango)
the scratching and the biting (thunderbolts and lightning)
is really quite exciting me (very very frightening me)
gonherrea! gonherrea! gonherrea, oh god no (galileo, galileo, galileo, figaro)
i'm afraid so (magnifico)
i'm just a poor whore (i'm just a poor boy)
a dirty dude fucked me (nobody loves me)
she's just a poor whore (he's just a poor boy)
from a poor insurance plan (from a poor family)
please spare her cooch cuz it burns when she pees (spare him his life from this monstrosity)
love to come (easy come)
hurts to go (easy go)
won't you let it go? (will you let me go)
itching, burning (bismillah)
we will not let it go!
*repeat last three lines*
here we go... (here we go)
chlamydia has an outbreak set aside for me... (beelzebub has a devil put aside for me)

so you think you can bone me and jizz in my eye? (so you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?)
so you think you can fuck me and leave me all dry? (so you think you can love me and leave me to die?)
no baby, can't give it to me baby (oh baby, can't do this to me baby)
just pull the hell out, just pull the hell outta me (just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here)

oooh yeah, oooh yeah (oooh yeah, oooh yeah)
always use a condom (nothing really matters)
cuz take it from me (anyone can see)
you don't want to get an std (nothing really matters to me)