The cop brought me back And handed you a black back pack of new sins You stole a car? You shot up? You spent the night and ½ the day in jail? But all of you- You're talking, all of you But can't you see with too many blinded eyes that I'm drowning You brought me back a memory to show you care and thought of me on your vacation From my existence But he's not enough And I lash out and hit a wall because it's harder than you and so much closer Walk out in the middle of your tenacled reach In the middle of another mindless suffocating sentence

I seek my air-the nurse stares at my intrusion My breaking of the glass and your shouts destroy the silence The medicine cabinet stands tall and friendly is the noise the stolen bottles make Jangling like the bells in my drug induced worlds Your surprised o's of mouths would amuse any cartoonist and make me feel victorious I took the dare your eyes whispered But I haven't died yet or have I done Death-by-pills already and missed my greatest moment? My grand finale?

I swallow the bottle- the little addictions I'm dying (always have been) and now you see it too It's on the outside just for you STOP! You call and now you're real in Fear and Death finally but it's just a little too late to be concerned I snap my arm to your flesh because now the wall is too far for my busted knuckles to reach Feel my pain now as it hits you belly wise and I'm angry for all you haven't saved Grab a few more bottles just in case one won't cut it Then run- flee by flying I'm untouchable because you have not wings And hide

Amongst the height and leaves of trees and for once I'm taller than the sky and Him Suddenly I vomit Surrounded and floating in my own acid Up comes 1 mistake, 2 mistake, 3 mistake, 4 I push the rattling bottles away from me And they splash into the water I stare down the stories And wonder if I jump will the plunge be deep enough to sink me and long enough to finish where the bottles failed and I can finally win the game Fate dealt me

As I contemplate She appears She Who climbed to the cliff's top She Who followed me I think I would fall if my knees weren't already bent Her face a question that asks, did you? I motion to the acid pitting the rock The water where the bottles play at bath time boats She sighs, in horror, shock, relief, dare I think love? and sits next to me Soaking up the dusk

Begins to tell me a bedtime story For a moment I'm distracted by her midnight skin turning her into an ebony goddess Then I realize she's telling me history Of a life in a family differently colored that she loved nevertheless and A sister she felt responsible for The water that swallowed her only light- the little girl So she stole to create a new spotlight to find herself in She thinks and I think for a moment of another lighthouse, another beacon

Suddenly My mouth opens As if my brain subconsciously registered that her story was soup and salad And it's up to I to provide the main course My life yanks itself painful from the cavernous depths of my throat that it leached itself onto Like teeth rotted and pulled without Novocain and a night without Valium

My father's hands and fists The mother who wanted my bed Sara's blood and the gun I tried to grab, but missed Frank standing over me Giving it all up again for Janna- because I couldn't wash my scarlet hands in another blood bath Drugs that created a clouded fantasy And all that I thought no one could know But now she does My throat had tightened and I had thought I'd cry But me dam remained unbroken even when she wept in a torrent And I talked through and couldn't comfort her, couldn't touch her She didn't meet my eyes, but I refused to look The water moved in the darkness of a black midnight moon Unseen but not unheard

Suddenly I stand Back up and run and fall and fall Where I sink And become birthed again Into a new life rejecting the cowl of my past The mother who didn't want me but I ruined her prom anyway The father who had to prove I was forever wrong But I'll remember the sister Who dared to love And Her Whom I love Who dares to try

Review please. Knife thrower is almost over and I only want a few with substance. That's all