Disclaimer: This chapter is going out to Funkee Munkee cause she's the only
one who frickin reviewed the last chapter! :: points finger accusingly at
computer screen::
Well, she was the only one who reviewed at the time I typed this
installment so if you reviewed two seconds after I turned off stats, well
sorry. Thanks anyway.
"And I didn't mean to put that guy in the coma. It's just. Johann was always on my case and the day it happened. The night before that slut of a foster had told his mom over cards what happened to Sara. And she had told Johann. And when I came to school the next morning I was already in a bad mood because the night before the foster bastard had smacked around and when I got to school I saw a bunch of kids talking and they came over and Johan said real loudly, 'Hey Gypo is it true that your sister killed herself cause she didn't like the way you screwed her?' And I couldn't help it. Cause I didn't see Johann's face. I saw my dad's face and Sara's face and my face and I wanted to just be rid of those faces and those memories and not have to deal with it anymore, with hating those people. My da for giving the gun and Sara for leaving me and me for killing her. Or helping to kill her. Because they're had to be something I could have done. Some small act that would have erased those mistakes, make her still be with me. And when they pulled me off him I didn't see Johan's face. I just saw mine staring back at me, after my dad or Frank or a foster was done with me. And I couldn't take be more like them then I already was and am." Rowan paused for a long second. "So I confessed. I better just go and get my stuff. K. I'll be ready in 5 Dwayne." Rowan turned his hand on the knob. "Wait," said Dwayne. "Rowan, repeat after me for a sec. Please? Just say 'it's not my fault'." "Yeah sure whatever. It's not my fault," said Rowan, head still to the door, voice lacking any emotion. "No," said Dwayne, afraid they were losing Rowan. More than he had thought possible, getting desperate, "Please, face me. Now say it, mean it, please, Rowan. Please say it and mean it." "OK, fine." Rowan turned, and keeping his eyes staring out the window said in the monotone voice, "It's not my fault." "Please, Rowan, I'm begging you, mean this. Look into my eyes and say it. Please, just mean it." Rowan turned his head to Dwayne, and tried to say the words. He really did. But they wouldn't come out. He leaned against the door. Chest heaving, he tried to say the simple sentence, squeezing his eyes shut. But it wouldn't come. Silently, he started to cry, the first time in years. Sinking down he curled into himself on the floor, like a flower refusing to bloom. Crying and sobbing but without making a noise; shaking like he was being beaten, like his tear were huge weights or scabs being ripped off old flesh wounds. Kat knelt next to him and tried to fold him into a hug but he flinched, pulled away again. Dwayne tried but didn't let go and slowly Rowan relaxed and soaked Dwayne's shirt. And he slept then, head against the strong chest, the fist time he had ever been able to sleep like a child. They watched him sleep. And then Kat asked, "Can he say?" Peter didn't ry to say no. He couldn't now. Dwayne lifted Rowan easily and carried him to the couch, laif him down. And Rowan slept on.
"And I didn't mean to put that guy in the coma. It's just. Johann was always on my case and the day it happened. The night before that slut of a foster had told his mom over cards what happened to Sara. And she had told Johann. And when I came to school the next morning I was already in a bad mood because the night before the foster bastard had smacked around and when I got to school I saw a bunch of kids talking and they came over and Johan said real loudly, 'Hey Gypo is it true that your sister killed herself cause she didn't like the way you screwed her?' And I couldn't help it. Cause I didn't see Johann's face. I saw my dad's face and Sara's face and my face and I wanted to just be rid of those faces and those memories and not have to deal with it anymore, with hating those people. My da for giving the gun and Sara for leaving me and me for killing her. Or helping to kill her. Because they're had to be something I could have done. Some small act that would have erased those mistakes, make her still be with me. And when they pulled me off him I didn't see Johan's face. I just saw mine staring back at me, after my dad or Frank or a foster was done with me. And I couldn't take be more like them then I already was and am." Rowan paused for a long second. "So I confessed. I better just go and get my stuff. K. I'll be ready in 5 Dwayne." Rowan turned his hand on the knob. "Wait," said Dwayne. "Rowan, repeat after me for a sec. Please? Just say 'it's not my fault'." "Yeah sure whatever. It's not my fault," said Rowan, head still to the door, voice lacking any emotion. "No," said Dwayne, afraid they were losing Rowan. More than he had thought possible, getting desperate, "Please, face me. Now say it, mean it, please, Rowan. Please say it and mean it." "OK, fine." Rowan turned, and keeping his eyes staring out the window said in the monotone voice, "It's not my fault." "Please, Rowan, I'm begging you, mean this. Look into my eyes and say it. Please, just mean it." Rowan turned his head to Dwayne, and tried to say the words. He really did. But they wouldn't come out. He leaned against the door. Chest heaving, he tried to say the simple sentence, squeezing his eyes shut. But it wouldn't come. Silently, he started to cry, the first time in years. Sinking down he curled into himself on the floor, like a flower refusing to bloom. Crying and sobbing but without making a noise; shaking like he was being beaten, like his tear were huge weights or scabs being ripped off old flesh wounds. Kat knelt next to him and tried to fold him into a hug but he flinched, pulled away again. Dwayne tried but didn't let go and slowly Rowan relaxed and soaked Dwayne's shirt. And he slept then, head against the strong chest, the fist time he had ever been able to sleep like a child. They watched him sleep. And then Kat asked, "Can he say?" Peter didn't ry to say no. He couldn't now. Dwayne lifted Rowan easily and carried him to the couch, laif him down. And Rowan slept on.
