So, let's do an intro! It's long, but it has some necessary information in it, so go ahead and read. ;)

In season 2 episode 1 "Beggin' on Your Knees", Jade starts mocking Tori at a really low point for her and in response an exasperated Beck tells Jade that she's in time out and gets her to sit on the stairs. This moment was really interesting for me as someone who loves examining power dynamics in relationships. Although Jade will literally fight Beck on anything (and if you've watched even one episode of the show that had both Beck and Jade interacting in it, you will know that is a literal "anything), the only argument that she gives in this is that she didn't mean it like that. Beyond that tiny protest, Jade still listens to Beck and goes off to sit (with an adorably sulky expression). And as if Jade not fighting back isn't surprising enough, literally no one in the room pays attention to the fact she is in time out - something you'd think that at least one person would tease her about after the amount of digs she takes at all of them for less conventionally embarrassing events (I must say that I JUST laughed at the lack of reaction in that scene as I'm watching that episode while writing this intro). Instead, they all move on with the evening - and end up creating a song that definitely seems to have a very Jade flare to it. :D

Anyway, the oddities in that scene made me think that it would be fun to try out creating an explanation for that scene that I think fits the rest of Beck and Jade's relationship and characters. I personally find that Jade has practically zero self-regulation skills and that ends up with others (particularly Beck) having to put up limits for her that keep her in emotionally safe territory. With her internal view of the world being so skewed, I can see her finding others putting up limits for her both frustrating but also comforting. It's a complex concept in a very complex relationship ... meaning that it is taking a LOT of words to explain it with justice in story form. ;)

So, if you like Bade and some basic psychological concepts (or just really long chapters), let's go! Please enjoy!

...

The silence in Beck Oliver's bedroom was charged with frustration. He was glaring at Jade West - his provocative girlfriend - who had been by turns ignoring and shouting at him for the last two hours. Beck might have more patience than the average sixteen-year-old male, but it was now at an end.

Jade wanted to get Beck as mad as she was. He had kept asking her what was the matter periodically through the day, but she refused each time. She wanted to argue, not discuss. Even though in her heart she knew that Beck's gentle pleas to "tell me what's the matter" would be more beneficial than her dramatic shouting fit that would put even the most disappointed toddler to shame, that would require trusting him with her pain. That could get ugly really quickly. Her voice would get wobbly, tears might come to her eyes, she could end up crying!

Despite having been with Beck exclusively for nearly two years, only now were things starting to get more serious. Before it had been a bit like a game - they were only junior high students after all when they had started. But now Beck was getting all mature and wanting to learn more about her beyond her favourites (and most hated) in the realms of colours, food, and music. Kissing was not the only thing he wanted to do anymore. He wanted to invest in what they had.

Unfortunately for Beck, that thought terrified Jade more than she would ever let him see. So when her bad days came - as they inevitably did - she did her best to annoy him either into either leaving or lashing out - because that was what Jade knew: people around her would let her down and hurt her. And as that was what she knew, it was how she knew how to live. She had become an expert at behaving in a way that kept people away so she did not have to hurt again. As she told Tori Vega, "That's not how it works! You can't be nice to me when I've been mean to you!" Clearly, Jade West understood the world! Others were incorrect with their illusions of goodness and peace. However, a certain Beck Oliver had not received the memo, despite her best attempts at communicating to him through her actions what her words and heart could not yet acknowledge and articulate. So here he was, still trying to love her even as she had been lashing out at him in increasing volumes throughout the week.

But the "volume" was getting to him a bit.

"Know what you need?" Beck demanded.

"What?" Jade shot back immediately, clearly still in combative mode.

"A time out!"

Jade had been taking an angry gulp of her soda right then and she ended up spluttering on it. Somehow she managed not to spit all over Beck's bedroom floor, but a drop of it dribbled down her chin. She hated that Beck's face - despite her having been egging him on to exploding for an entire day - was once again crinkling with amusement. She jerked her arm off an rubbed her face with her sleeve. She was not going to have a coughing fit ruin her attempt to really rile Beck up to the level that she was at.

"Time out?!" she said with incredulous scorn. "What do you think I am, Oliver? Five?"

"You're acting like it," Beck said honestly, sitting down on his bed next to her. He did not touch her - she had clearly stated earlier that she was not in the mood to cuddle - but he was coming toward her rather than moving away. Jade could not figure out what was wrong with this guy that he would continue loving her even when she was doing so much to give him justifiable reasons to hate her.

"If you think I'm acting like a preschooler, than why in the world are you dating me?" she snapped, avoiding eye contact. Although she wondered that a lot - and kept expecting him to end it - she still dreaded looking up into those brown eyes and seeing that he was truly done with her.

Beck let out a small, stressed chuckle that made her snap her head up anyway. "You really don't give yourself enough credit for your charms - when you let them out," he said calmly. He caught her gaze and gave her a tired smile. "But Jade, please let me be good for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jade demanded shortly, much differently than how their friend Cat would screech that phrase whenever she was confused or semi-offended.

"It means that I love you and I'm trying to be good for you! You bring so much good into my life, Jade - so much! But you aren't letting me return the favour."

Jade frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Beck gently reached out and took her hands, squeezing them softly as he looked into her green eyes. "If this relationship is going to work long-term - and I really want it to - then we need to be good for each other, not just good with each other."

"What's the difference?"

"If we're just good with each other, then we make-out, have fun on dates, hang out, make others jealous." Jade smiled a little at that. She liked the idea of other girls wishing they were her. She was the lucky one who had Beck - for now. And he was pretty lucky to have her too, she supposed, at least in her confident moods.

Beck continued. "But if we're good for each other, then we need to be able to be helping each other improve as humans. You do that for me every day."

"I do?" Unintentional shock was in her voice as she asked.

Beck leaned forward, excitement sparkling in his eyes as if he was some nerd describing a favourite fandom (maybe he was a nerd for her). "Of course you do! You were the one who finally convinced me to go on anti-depressants and stay on them, but you're also the one thing that is stronger than them in bringing a sense of meaning into my life in a way that nobody else does. Your passion for the arts convinces me to try harder every day, just so that I can keep up with you and engage with you on the same level. You're fearless and don't care what others think, which is slowly teaching me to care a little bit less when it doesn't matter. You're honest - brutally so - but it makes me realize that maybe sometimes my indifference is actually me lying to myself about not caring when actually I'm just too nervous to defend my opinion. You're colourful - you demand that people either love or hate you, and I love you. That's how you're good for me."

Jade felt like melting as Beck gave her all those sweet compliments. She had never heard anyone list off her personality traits in such a positive manner. She was used to "stubborn, caustic, argumentative, angry, jealous" being used to describe her. Even she had even gotten used to seeing herself as more those terms rather than the more accurate terms of determined, honest, convincing, justice-focused, and protective. Listening to Beck, she remembered that she was not such a bad person after all.

Beck continued, breaking Jade from her content reverie. "But right now? I'm not sure if I'm helping you."

Jade's stomach fell a little as she bit at her lower lip to steady it before asking with quiet desperation, "Why do you think you're not good for me?" She could not let him keep thinking like that! She needed someone on her side who thought about her the way Beck apparently did.

Beck shrugged, looking down. Jade noticed for the first time today that he looked a bit defeated. It was not just that he was annoyed about losing an argument - this was a deeper look that she could not fully understand.

"If I were good for you, would you really be yelling all the time? Would you constantly be choosing to fight rather than discuss things?"

Jade shrugged a little. "Maybe ... that's just how I am! I always argue with you. Why's it bothering you now?"

"Because it's getting worse. The more I try to get close to you, the more you push me away." He gently touched her chin and she reluctantly looked at him. "Jade, I know ..."

"Know what?"

He continued slowly, weighing each word before he said it. Jade listened quietly, her anger forgotten for the moment. "You ... don't 'do' trust much, do you?"

She shook her head.

"And that's ... that's okay. I can trust that you have reasons and ... you don't have to tell them all to me."

Something tightened in her stomach. She didn't even know all the reasons herself why she acted the way she did. Talking about them with Beck could get into uncharted territory fast.

"But ... and please don't get upset when I say this?"

She took a deep breath and nodded for him to continue.

"You don't ... regulate yourself well."

Beck knew about self-regulation from some books he had read from his mom's office. Sometimes being the son of a therapist was helpful when he was trying to understand others. Jade's reactions had sent him scrambling for his mom's old textbooks often enough that his mom was now teasing him about having a future as a counselor or psychologist. He still wanted to be an actor, but he did think that psychology would be a good backup plan. That was something that he kept quiet about with Jade though. He did not want her to think that she was simply a case study for anyone, so he kept his psychology fascination hidden around her and refused to say his mom's exact job when asked.

"Regulate, like...?" Jade asked, a little confused. "Self-regulation" was not as familiar to her, having had zero interest in ever paying attention to any of the psychologists or counsellors who had tried to discuss her "issues" with her over the years.

"You don't know how to put up limits for yourself, do you?"

"I'm ..." she started to snap, but then paused. Beck's face was gentle, open, without a hint of judgment. The care and compassion in his words was getting through to her, whether she wanted it to or not. "Maybe not," she admitted in that soft voice she used when she was letting some rare vulnerability get through.

Beck squeezed her hands and she had to gulp hard to keep a lump from growing in her throat.

"I notice sometimes that you don't know where is a good place to draw a line on your behaviour or words."

Jade shifted uncomfortably, pulling her hands away from Beck and folding them across her chest. A defensive frown protected her face from looking too weak as she asked, "Like what, oh mighty Beck? What do I do that's so clearly wrong?"

Beck was undeterred by her words. Even though she was still responding defensively, they were finally talking, like he had wanted to all day. He reached out and reclaimed Jade's hands.

"You know that I love your sarcasm..."

"Oh, really?"

He laughed and Jade smiled a little too, glad to have helped lighten the mood a bit.

"Clearly!" Beck chuckled, before getting a bit more sober while also remaining sensitive, watching Jade's face for any sign that he was offending her. "But sometimes you can end up hurting people with it - when you're not trying to."

Jade hesitated on responding. Maybe he was right. There were times that she was brutal on purpose, but there had been more than a few times that she had realized that she had hurt the feelings of someone she really did care about and had not meant to offend, like Cat.

"You can be rough to a point that it could be seen as bullying rather than being brusque or just having a good sense of personal space."

Probably true.

"It seems like you don't always know where to stop yourself. And I'm wondering - do you want to let that keep happening? Or would you want to become more aware of those boundaries?"

Jade considered it. Once again, she realized that this was a first. Someone was asking her - and not in a demanding "Are you going to be like this forever?!" way - if she wanted to change for the better.

"If I don't, are you going to break up with me?" she asked nervously. Was this secretly some sort of ultimatum? Beck hesitated and she jerked away from him. "You are, aren't you?!"

Beck shook his head. "Jade, listen to me," he said incredibly firmly, taking her wrist and giving enough resistance that she was not going to be able to escape without dragging him along. She stopped. This new tone had her curious. Beck had never spoken like that to her, and she was not sure if it was something that she should fight against ... or maybe just enjoy. She settled for a moment, jerked her wrist out of his grasp, and threw her hands up in exaggerated exasperation.

"Fine! Continue."

He waited patiently for her to put her hands down and calm a little. She folded her arms - he couldn't take her wrist this way - and glared at him but remained quiet to listen.

"What I was going to say was that I think you deserve a relationship with someone who is going to help you instead of harm you. I personally don't feel like standing to the side and letting you lash out without saying or doing anything about it is helping you. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be you - I'm just saying that it is good, healthy, to have boundaries and say 'I'm not going to let myself act in a way that takes me outside of these limits'. I love you just as you are, Jade, but I don't want to be a person who stands by in your life as you socially self-destruct. And maybe ... if I'm the trigger, if you're doing this to impress me or push me away or whatever it is that's going on in your head ... then we would need to end. Because I don't want to be in any way responsible for destroying you. You're too precious for me to be okay in being part of anything that could hurt you, now or in the future."

Jade sat quietly, the sarcastic retorts shocked out of her system by Beck's sincerity. How had he just summed her up in a way that she understood better from him than from her own questioning of her character? Now she was nervous - because did she dare trust someone who could summarize her and recognize her weaknesses to get close enough to touch them? She had always kept significant distance between herself and others who could figure her out too well. Now that Beck was becoming a "threat" to her "security", she was going to have to decide if it was worth it.

But she already knew - it was.

"I don't think you harm me," she whispered, slumping to take a seat next to him.

"What?" Beck asked, leaning in closer.

She refused to raise her head but raised her voice a little. "I don't think you harm me."

Beck smiled a little and slowly put his arm around her. She didn't jerk away, so he let it rest around her comfortingly.

"I'm glad. I never want to hurt you." He paused and then asked, "But ... do you think that I help you?"

Jade nodded without any hesitation.

"How?"

Jade tried to shrug it off, but Beck gave her the look that he used when he was not going to be content without an answer. She rolled her eyes a little, then mumbled, "Sort of how you said, I guess." He did not reply, clearly still waiting. Jade let out an annoyed huff - what was this anyway? an interrogation? - and added, "You're ... sort of right. I don't stop myself and sometimes, yeah, it helps to have you point out that I probably shouldn't do it - even if I want to strangle you in the moment."

"But you haven't yet, so that's a win!"

Jade giggled a little. If anyone else said that she had giggled, she would deny it, but around Beck she felt freer in sharing those parts of herself that gave a glimpse into how sweet she could be when all her defenses were down far enough to let herself be free. Beck grinned at the sound of her laughter and leaned in, kissing her cheek. She looked up at him, content.

He leaned forward again and she expected him to kiss her again, but he was back to being serious.

"Jade, will you let me keep helping you?"

She hesitated. "I haven't ever stopped you."

Beck sighed a little, although it sounded more sad than annoyed. "We've been arguing all day because I've tried to help."

"No. We were arguing about ..." She stopped short as she realized that she actually had no clue what had sparked off her temper this morning. She could remember that she had felt Beck was acting morally superior, but that hadn't been her resisting him giving her common sense advice, had it? Maybe it had really all come from the argument that she had with her father during their forced interaction last night rather than anything involving Beck. Maybe she had been using him as the lightning rod for her frustration because the people she really wanted to blame were never around long enough for her to fully express her disappointment and hurt. She bit her lip and turned away a little, not liking the feeling of shame washing over her.

"Babe?"

"I'm ..." She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. "Sorry that I yelled at you all day. You were ... right. Probably."

He smiled a little, understanding how much it took her to say that.

"Thanks," he said softly.

Jade shifted. "What got us talking about this anyway?"

Beck thought it over. "I think it was when I said you needed a time out."

"Oh yeah." She frowned. "Yes, you did! What do you mean, I need a time out?!"

"Calm, J," he coaxed softly, squeezing her to him in a hug. She tried to remain stiff, wanting to revert back to arguing since her feathers were a little ruffled, but Beck seemed determined that this conversation was not going to head in that direction again. She eventually had to relent and relaxed in his hold. When he could tell that she was listening, he said softly, "Sort of like I was saying, you don't always have respect for boundaries. And so I was saying that maybe something like a time out would help you calm down."

She scowled.

"That's a punishment for toddlers!"

Beck shrugged. "Maybe, but when I played hockey in Canada, we had to sit in a penalty box when we broke the rules of the game. It gives you a chance to calm down from the heat of the moment and rethink your choices."

Jade considered that for a moment. "Athletes in one of the toughest sports have time outs as part of their game?"

"Yeah, sort of. 'Time out' is used for the time that teams talk over game strategy or make decisions or whatever, but the penalty box is sort of like a time out in terms of a discipline technique."

She thought it over again for a minute, then cautiously asked, "You ... think it would help?" She could not fully believe that she was actually considering that discipline might be good for her, but since they were already in this wacky wonderland of emotional jargon and conversation, they might as well talk through everything to the fullest extent. If she hated Beck afterwards ... well, that wasn't going to happen. She could already guarantee that.

Beck shrugged. "Seriously? I don't know if it would. It'd probably depend on if you used it as a chance to plot revenge or as a way to actually calm down when you are getting out of control."

"I don't get out of control ..."

He gave her a look.

"...much! And besides, I don't need anyone else controlling me, whether or not you think I'm good at it myself."

He smiled again. "It's not about me controlling you, Jade. It's about you controlling yourself. And if I can help you do that, I think it'll be good for you, and that'd be good for me."

Jade shrugged a bit. "So, what? You want to tell me more often when I'm being mean to people? And what? Give me a 'time out' whenever I say something that you don't like? That'd just be you being bossy and annoying!"

Beck laughed a little and shook his head. "Not exactly. Just when it gets to a point that is crossing the minimal boundaries that should be respected in a humane society."

They sat together quietly. Jade thought things over a bit more then said, trying to portray a confidence that was now wavering, "I think that I'm able to stop myself from being too rude most of the time. Possibly. If I'm not too mad at the moment."

Beck shook his head a little. "That tends to be the time when you cross the most boundaries. Or when you're having fun with it. I think it happens just about equally when you are upset and when you are just too engaged in amusing yourself with someone else's situation at their expense."

Jade's forehead furrowed with a curious frown. "Really?"

"Really."

So being nicer to people and improving social skills would not just involve stopping herself more when she was really angry, it would also involve giving up some of her amusement. She would have to curtail both fury and enjoyment. It did not feel entirely fair that she was going to have to limit herself on both sides of her emotional spectrum.

But then ... there could be some compensation for that. She had noticed that sometimes people at auditions and interviews were put off by her personality. It was easy to claim that they were idiots who didn't know good talent when they saw it, but maybe that hadn't been the whole story. Maybe it was partially her. She considered it for a moment.

"Maybe it could help, a bit."

Jade felt a little vulnerable after making that admission and leaned against Beck's chest. He smiled as he pulled her onto his lap, cuddling her as she hid her face against him. He knew that saying things like that was not a small deal for her. He kissed her, then patted her back encouragingly. "Maybe we could try then? Only if you want to, though."

Jade nodded a little against his chest. "Okay." She began to pout a little, which Beck found adorable. He could tell that she was seriously considering everything that he had said, and he was proud of her for even investing thought into it. Earlier, when he had determined that this was a conversation that they needed to have this weekend, he had partially believed that he was going to end up single within five minutes of breaching the topic. This was a pleasant alternative, especially if Jade's brief foray into acting insecure was also making her more clingy than normal. It felt good to be the person she was turning toward for security. Despite her other words and actions, this was giving him a shot of assurance that she did find him a secure person in her life, and that was a relief for his heart.

Jade finally looked up. "But you can't ever do anything to humiliate me," she said suddenly. Beck shook his head adamantly.

"Of course not, Babe! How in the world would that help you?"

She looked into his gaze and found sincerity, so she went back to leaning against him, letting him play with her hair the way that he liked so much.

"So, when you said I needed a time out earlier, if I had said 'oh, yes, Beck, of course I do!'," - she somehow didn't dissolve into laughter while making her eyes wide and innocent and her voice high-pitched and sugary sweet - "what would you have made me do?"

Beck was laughing at her own mockery of her imitation of "innocent and sweet Jade" - his girlfriend certainly knew how to be a comedienne when she wanted to be one. "Well, I would have made you bury me, because I think that would have shocked me to death," he teased, loving when she shrugged and smiled back. Her smiles that were left untouched by smirking or sarcasm always touched him the most. And now he wanted to kiss instead of talk.

"Maybe we could talk about this later?" he asked, bending his head toward her in a familiar manner.

Jade rolled her eyes. "Ah, and here I've been thinking all day, what would it take to get Beck to shut up and make out instead?"

"You being all sweet," he said with a grin, dipping his lips against hers.

Jade must have agreed to continue the conversation later, because she got awfully quiet too.

It was a talk they would return to ... later!

...

I hope that you enjoyed the first chapter! Please review if you like long free chapters that take hours to write and edit. ;)

Warning: next chapter will have Jade in a complete fit with her mom and she yells out some very offensive things. There aren't so much bad words as bad insinuations from Jade about her mother (had to have her completely step over even the widest of boundaries). I just wanted to let people be aware ahead of time so you won't be surprised.

I will likely update on Wednesday or Thursday. :)