"viri tui magnum officium fecerunt!
primus eques apocalypsis adest in forma diaboli ex arbore. qui eum evigilantes peribunt!
hoc corpus mortuum significat initium belli."
is what the carving on Furlan's dead body said. It's written in a foreign language, one barely understood by anyone.
But comprehensible to you.
"alas, your men did a fruitful job!
the conquest, first horseman of the apocalypse, has come in the form of a devil from the tree.
this cadaver signifies the start of war."
Even if you don't have the tiniest clue about what that language was called, you understand it very clearly whenever it speaks inside your head. It speaks when you dream of your life back then. It speaks before it sprinkles events that didn't happen, as if casting a spell to warp your memory.
Erwin cut the rummaging thoughts inside your ringing head, "Come on, you can do it. My flower never wavers, she's always been such a strong girl for me."
He's having you stand in a stress position—one akin to torturing prisoners. It's on a squat, thighs parallel to the floor and your back leaning on the wall. You let out a sharp hiss when he placed a hand on your thighs, just to add pressure and intensify the pain.
"D-do I," you stuttered with a sob as it became too much to handle again, "really need t-to—"
"You need to, darling." he glided his finger on your cheek to wipe a tear away, sympathy laced his features. It almost looks sardonic, really, even if you know he'd never give you that attitude. "You need to diminish your knack of getting disoriented during crisis. How are you going to avenge the lives they took from you? From our comrades?"
You understand that much, you really do. But then again, "It's been—I don't know—half a day? Fuck, please—"
"'s okay, it's okay,' he murmured as if to soothe you, "you can still hear and answer me, see? You're doing just fine." then looked at his clock, "just one more minute left, come on."
He counted slowly and you're unsure if that meant to give you relief or rattle your muscles further. As Erwin muttered the last second, your legs crumbled with a groan.
He caught you swiftly in his arms; your head buried in his neck and loud sobs muffled on his shirt.
"There, there," he whispered praises then, as if he's not the one who just subjected you to more than half a day of utter pain, "I told you that you could do it. I'm never in the wrong, don't you think?' then chuckled, "You're doing great in marksmanship as well. Let's proceed with combat tomorrow."
"R-rest," you're too exhausted to mutter a coherent reply, "I beg…" and your consciousness is fluttering away.
He sighed, "The world should've known better, really." next was a gentle hum as he wiped up the sweat on your forehead, "should've known better and just gave you beautiful things in this life instead." he fixed the creases on your face then, just as if he wasn't being merciless a minute ago.
"I—" you husked, "want to—"
"I know, lovely thing." the last thing you felt was a chaste peck on your head, "Now then, dream of the field of flowers back in Mitras—the one you liked despite it not being as beautiful as you. Just as you deserve so."
Your consciousness relaxed. Such tranquility as if he didn't just hurt you, as if you're just back on his bed in Mitras, as if he's just a young boy again—one who did anything in his power to keep a smile on your face.
You really did dream of the field of flowers years ago, but with the voices conquering the memories.
The sun was striking hot that afternoon and so when evening came, you ran towards Erwin's bedroom. Despite Mitras' constant dry weather, Erwin's room seems out of the word. The temperature's always just right as if it's specifically made to fit your desires. Was it because his bed is right beside the large window? Was it because of the calming blue hues accentuating his walls? Or was it simply because it belongs to Erwin and everything about him calms you down?
You clicked a smile upon realizing he left the door unlocked yet again. The poor boy almost jumped out of his chair when you banged the door and threw yourself on his bed, "Erwin! I'll sleep here tonight!"
"I remember telling you that you're not supposed to sleep in a room without the owner agreeing." he rolled his office chair to face you. You noticed how full his study table is.
Strange. Why does he need to go to a different place to get those books and avail of those lessons? And why am I not doing that?
"I bet Auntie is shouting your name all over the neighborhood as we speak. I told you to not stress her out a lot."
You disappeared outside the door to grab something then. It's needless to say that he was almost too horrified when you started dragging your whole futon inside his room.
"You brought all of that here?"
"She let me," then flashed your little thumbs up, "because I helped her clean the house." He looked stunned for a while. Of course, you thought. You only do that during holidays, which is roughly a few days per year.
"Suit yourself on the futon, then. I'll just wash up." That was a mistake because as soon as he came back to his room, you were already seated on his bed.
He tapped on your shoulders to usher you away. You responded with a shrug and said, "That's why I brought the futon, Erwin."
"Then why don't you settle on it already?"
You closed your eyes and savored the breeze without giving a reply. When he noticed that, he bargained, "You always sleep here when I'm in school. Savor the breeze during that time."
"It's hot during the daytime! Also," you finally turn to him and your face isn't sneering anymore, "it's scorching hot in my dreams. Flames are all over."
Erwin wasn't able to answer then. The bargain on who'll have his bed was concluded. He silently laid down on your futon; your eyes followed suit as he turned his back on you.
"Can I like," you let a hand down and rested it on top of his head, ruffling his hair along the way. You added in a whisper, "hold onto this while I sleep?"
"You're repaying my generosity by pulling my hair?"
"You're too young to be bald. I'm not planning that on you just yet."
"Yet."
You frowned, "I just want to be awake easily by the time fire comes."
He turned to face you after that. Tranquil laced his voice as he called your name, "There will be no fire."
"You can't know."
"Are you scared?"
"No," you chuckled, "just safety measures."
Erwin then reached for your cold hand, held onto it, and clasped it on his own. "You're trembling, you fool."
"Because it's breezy?"
He let out a sneer. Luckily, he didn't dare argue with that anymore. He closed his eyes again but didn't release your hand. "Go here whenever you dream of fire," he said.
"You seemed really annoyed earlier, though." you teased and clutched his hand tighter.
"Because you didn't say it sooner. If you entered here and spoke of fires then the talk is over." his voice tipped lower this time and you can feel the heave of his chest from your hand.
That voice—along with the sound of night crickets covering the room—eased the tension and worry in your muscles. When you felt your eyes fluttering as well, you asked, "Why do I deem fires unpleasant?"
"What do you think? What makes you scared of them?"
"You look so good in yellow and you're fitted under the sun. I really wonder what makes me scared."
He opened his eyes again, and now the look he gave you was solemn, "Me looking good under it doesn't mean it's not supposed to be scary."
"It is. I'm not scared whenever I'm with you. Not because you could protect me, just with your presence alone."
"And it'll stay that way."
You were silent for a while. He noticed how your eyebrows curled in worry as you finally laid all your anxiousness. His stare softened more, encouraged you to let it out to him—just as you always should.
"Then why do I feel like everything is fragile right now? Like the life we have is on the precipice that'd crumble with just a tiny pressure of my feet?"
"Then don't put your feet in there," he chuckled.
You sighed and defeatedly withdrew your hand from him, "You're not taking me seriously."
Even before you could cover yourself with his blanket and bid him a good night, however, he grasped your hand again. It's much tighter this time, "It'll stay this way. The precipice will not crumble." The worry didn't subside, though, so he added, "Do you trust me?"
"Even if I put my feet in there?"
"Well," he pondered, "I'll make a way."
You chuckled, "Yeah, I'm doomed." then closed your eyes again. This time, the tranquility stayed for good.
"Don't you worry," it stayed for him, too; for this night at least, "you're quite a pesky little flower but I got you."
You wondered if he meant that. You genuinely believed he did until the day you made a big mistake, or so you felt.
A few days later, a tall tree with a crevasse at its base randomly appeared on a nearby farm that was previously commercialized until Erwin's aunt—one who took you in—bought it and gave it away to the small-scale farmers in the town. You ran back to his house gleefully, thrilled to show the phenomenon to your seemingly stoic boy, and you just know he wasn't able to resist you with the grin plastered on your face.
You thought he'd be happy, too. Erwin has a knack to gleam whenever he discovers something new. So why? Why was his face laced with horror upon seeing that tree?
"Where…" his mouth gaped open, "did this come from?"
The beam on your face dissipated. The thrill on your nerves was replaced with sheer cold. The most composed being you've had your entire life is completely scared.
"I-I don't know, I'm sorry. I thought it was cool and you'd like it—" you stopped as his face changed. He looks angry this time, unsure if at you or at the situation in front of him.
"I'm sorry, Erwin." you muttered in guilt, perhaps more of fear.
And he sensed that, surely. Your tone made him snap out of it and look at you. You're about to cry. He heaved a tired sigh, turned his back, held onto your hand tight, and started walking. You attempted to apologize again but he's unmoved already—no apparent emotions anymore, just as if nothing had happened.
You turned your head at the tree again and on a second look, you wondered why you got thrilled upon seeing it. Why, when some curse clearly lurks around its air? It stood so tall and huge, and you just know its very presence entails drastic and violent beginnings—a giant entailing nothing but chaos, catastrophe, doomsday.
"You didn't see anything," Erwin said after a while, "understood?"
"No, why?
"You didn't see anything." he repeated and this time the tone was grim.
You purse your lips tight and nod. Satisfied with your response, Erwin brought you home without a word.
He has avoided you since then.
You had known yourself as someone utterly stubborn and petty since you knew Erwin would always end up being the bigger person to your childishness. However, it's the first time this has happened. Your other friends from the farm—mostly coming from the Smiths as well since almost everyone here is related—won't affect you if they're the ones to give you cold treatment.
Erwin transcends their existence, though. Despite not remembering everything about you until a few years ago, let alone why you even ended up under the care of Erwin's aunt, his presence gave you a sense of security—that even if you don't know where the hell you came from, even if you sometimes doubt if you're actually human because no traces of your childhood is accessible to you, even if you feel the fragility of this tranquil life—Erwin's presence makes it feel like you could somehow get by it. It's as if he's the only familiar person standing here. He knew you'd lack the sense of security and belongingness, thus he never fails to remind you that he belongs to you.
That's why you eventually stormed inside their house one evening, banged the door open as they ate, and with tears in your eyes, you muttered, "I'm sorry, okay! If I knew you wouldn't like that, I wouldn't even bother you! I'm sorry if I keep entering a room without permission, for making you sleep on my futon while I conquer your bed, for breaking your vase and never admitting to it, for not listening to you, for—"
"What's the matter?" Erwin's father stood up at the dining table and walked towards you, knelt down, and wiped your tears as you sobbed loudly.
"Erwin's angry at me," you stuttered in between sobs, "You know, I'm sorry if I'm too hard-headed and I keep on being a burden to everyone when y'all don't even know where I came from—"
"I'll talk to her," the young man cut you off, swiftly cleaned his plate, and gestured for his father to move so he'd have his way.
Before doing so, his father whispered something to him, face slightly stern. You quickly clarified then, "N-no. He didn't do anything wrong."
The old man turned to you and smiled, "Of course, Erwin would never." it's a gentle one again, one he really meant. He left the dining room and entered his office.
"I'm not angry," he said gently after both of you were left alone.
"You can't even look me in the eye and you started locking your bedroom door before leaving for school, just so I wouldn't be able to enter!"
"I have stuff to take care of at the moment."
"You're lying. It's because of that tree!"
"You didn't see anything that day," Erwin's muttered sternly, "wasn't that clear to you?" you immediately flinched and shut up then. The pressure of having him flutter away from you teetered the emotions to snap. When he sensed that, his tone went gentle again, "You said you trust me when I say things will stay this way. Is that not the case anymore?"
"Because things are going differently right now. You're ignoring me, Erwin!"
"I'm sorry," he smiled. Despite it being strange and questionable, it eased you just that easily. "You see, the things I'm working on right now are something that needs to be done so the precipice wouldn't crumble."
"Why? How?"
"I can't say more than that."
Silence enveloped the room then. If Erwin says he can't, that really wouldn't change anytime soon.
"Okay, then just—" you reached for his hand—perhaps for comfort—only to cut yourself off because he flinched and avoided it. Your breath hitched and your body froze, "What was that?"
The door banging open again cut Erwin's impending explanation. It's Carly, his aunt. The woman sighed in relief, looks like she roamed the whole neighborhood searching for you again.
"Oh god, you—" just like always, she's on the edge of crying, "I told you to not stray during the night. If someone were to grab you into the woods, no one would notice!"
"But Erwin's—" you shot the man a look again but then he's already on his back, walking towards his room without a word, "…angry." you weakly muttered.
If he indeed was doing it so the precipice wouldn't crumble, then why is that every attempt you make to have things stay this way always precedes more unfortunate events? You never saw that tree again nor bothered anyone about it. And with your resolution to have the young boy look at you again, you roamed all over the place to find something that'd be considered an apology gift, one of which included his father's bedroom.
However, the agenda changed as soon as you came across a cut-out newspaper dated years ago.
"A mysterious fire struck a family of three in Trost City, lone survivor was a child aged ten: Investigators deduce it was arson.
Spotted at the scene was the son of the neighbor, Mr. Smith, carrying the unconscious child out of the house…"
Flames all over. Scorching hot. Aching throat. Airways blocked. Burnt body of a bulky man. Your house. Your family. Where you came from. Where you belonged.
You can't breathe.
All of it taken away from you for…
For that…
Your scream reverberated all over the place.
Why?
Why was Erwin there?
"beneath the tranquility of your life was the edge of a precipice, and beneath the precipice was him. you sought for him or so you thought, as he seems to be the one to bring you refuge."
When you gasped and shot your eyes open from what felt like air suffocation, you realized you were already lying down on your own bed. Strangely enough, Erwin's there, waiting patiently with worry. However, what you were supposed to celebrate turned out the opposite.
"Are you fine? What happened?" it seems like he knew what just happened, though. After all, his surprise faded as he saw your glare.
Your head rang painfully again, and somehow Erwin's presence is bringing you back to the fires. The room's getting hot and your airway's getting blocked for the second time around.
I'll die.
If this persists, I'll surely die.
I'll die. I'll die. I'll die.
"Get out," you muttered dully.
"I won't."
"Get out! The place is burning! I'm gonna die!" you gripped your hair hard and with bloodshot eyes you screamed again, "This place is burning! I'll die, I'll die, I'll die!"
Erwin called your name as he held onto your shoulders, "You're not. I told you, you're safe here," but you cut him off by screaming and swatting him away as if you just got burnt with his contact. With your noise reverberating the room, Aunt Carly entered and gestured for Erwin to get out.
Erwin didn't follow until someone—perhaps a voice begging to be heard inside you—spoke on your behalf, "Monster. Devil. Cold-blooded murderer. Go away from me. You repulse me."
The voice was cold and resentful, and even the most intelligent boy in the town knew better than to anger it more.
Not long after, Carly ended up leaving the city with you so your episodes from seeing him would subside.
"you sought for him or so you thought, but perhaps that wasn't the case at all. perhaps you never got the agency to choose, for ignorants don't get to talk."
"We've been here in Stohess for years and it won't change. You never became a burden to me. Not even now." Carly remarked coldly as she put the utensil down, "Even if that didn't happen, I'm still bound to leave Mitras. Back then, I just wanted you to be ready for it. Or perhaps have you decide if you'll come with me or stay with Erwin—" she cut herself off upon seeing you flinch, "okay, that's it. Let's eat now. You have a busy day ahead. Let's not start our morning this way." then defeatedly turned the stove off.
When you were done getting the plates and settling them on the dining table, you muttered, "I'm sorry. I'm just—I guess I'm just nervous. This is the first time I'll study like this after years of being homeschooled."
Finally, the curl in Carly's eyebrows was replaced with relief. She held your cold hand firmly, "You've met the guidance counselor last week, didn't you?" you nodded blankly so she added, "What do you think about him?"
"Mr. Eisner is a good man, I think." you mumbled and held the spoon, "He asked me nicely about stuff… all without pressure."
"He is. And he's going to assist so you could get used to it." she withdrew her hand and started eating as well, "You have people to help so don't you shoulder it on your own, okay?"
"But see, I still don't get the rationale behind this." you could see her eyes go stern again but still encouraged you to let it out, "Why did you take me in? You have a good life ahead of you without the burden of a broken chi—" she huffed a tsk to correct you, "—a child." you clarified with a sigh.
"I was actually married, even before you appeared in my life." her smile turned rueful, "Until he got assassinated by bad guys. I told you, hadn't I? The Strattman family is full of bad guys."
"Oh no, I'm so sorry. We don't need to talk about it—"
"You need to know about this so you'd stop thinking as if you're a pesky sack of dirt I brought in with me." she firmly hushed. When you nodded, she continued, "When my husband died, I went to the family he had left behind to pay for what the bad guys did. The Smiths welcomed me with open arms nonetheless and told me that I could stay there if I didn't have a place to call home. You know, I was set on leaving into thin air not long after. That's what happens when you're deprived of your purpose. That is until they brought you to me. Do you remember the first time we met?"
"No, I'm sorry. Even now, I don't remember everything else. It's just that…"
"That you can't see that boy, hm?" you nodded, quite thankful she didn't drop the name again. "You were meant to enter an orphanage after recovery and I just happened to be available for fostering. But just when I was about to bring you there myself, I got… afraid. I realized I love you and can't fathom losing someone like that again. Of course, I asked you if you feel the same because you really weren't that talkative at the start of it but when you nodded—even just that meek nod—I just know I won't be able to leave you alone. I just know we don't have to be alone again."
You finally lightened up then. It took you a while to ease the emotions down. "So if I hadn't nodded…"
"Then I'll coax you to do so. Who do you think I am?"
With a sad smile, you said, "Someone who'd certainly get what she wants if she set her eye on it," she beamed with your answer and encouraged you to say more, "just like this table you won at the market lottery when we're still new in this town."
"That's my girl," she ruffled your hair and you scoffed in defeat.
Little did you know, that attempt at peace would crumble just right after through a knock on a door. You were even thrilled to see who that was—perhaps one of Carly's suitors as she has tons of it—but the visitor churned your guts instead.
"Erwin!" Carly gasped as she rushed to the door to scoot you behind her back, "I told you to settle for my updates regarding her welfare. You have to wait 'til she's ready again. You agreed with me before, didn't you?"
Your hands started to shake despite the frozen demeanor. You couldn't even feel anything else, let alone your mouth to close it, and Erwin reciprocated the stare very well. He's unyielding and thus you realized that whatever he came here for, he wouldn't go back without it.
What more does he need from me?
"I'm living here from now on," Erwin announced flatly.
"Did you even tell your dad about this? No, wait. Don't go near her yet, she might—" Well, it's too late. He's already in front of you, and what Carly deemed as good news is that you stayed still. No flinches at all.
"Why are you here?" you lowly asked.
If Erwin was hurt by the behavior, he didn't show any sign of it. He rather nonchalantly answered, "I'm here, indeed, as the neighbor who got you out of the fire years ago and the one you go to whenever you dream of it."
"Hey!" the aunt exclaimed and intervened the distance before you could explode by its pressure.
However, he continued, "And I'll stay with you so there'll be no fires. No fires would hurt you if I'm here."
Your aunt pulled Erwin away and examined the benign reactions you're showing for the first time in a while.
"But you're the one who had set it." you weakly remarked, "You're the one who set it." followed by a mixture of fear and spite, "You're the one who set that fire back there!" and ended with a scream.
"Go home now, Erwin." Carly lowly said. Erwin didn't answer. She sighed, "That's it. I'll call your father."
Erwin's still unmoved and for some reason, his demeanor is utterly tranquil despite the reprimanding. As if this occurrence is predestined and in accordance with his plans.
He gave Carly a look, "I suppose we must have a small talk first before I go," a gentle tone, coaxing despite the woman's stern glare, "privately."
"Oh… 'kay. I suppose we can have that." Carly nodded slowly and you stomped back to your bedroom, banged the door angrily, and cried on your pillows.
"perhaps you never got the agency to choose, for ignorants don't get to talk. but then again, how does an ignorant recognize what's real with what's not?
do tell, little flower. what exactly have you seen that day?"
Never in your life had you thought you'd get this horrified seeing such a smile on your beautiful guardian.
"It'd be fun, don't you think!"
Carly, who was completely stern a few moments ago before she talked to Erwin, now all smiles with a hearty laugh. You stayed still with wide eyes.
Strange it is, indeed, as Carly is never someone to be coaxed so easily with things she deems wrong.
You shot Erwin a glare; he stayed unperturbed. He's rather looking at you, perhaps establishing with his benign look that everything will be going his way one way or another, and not even your daggers could waver that.
"after all, this occurrence is predestined and in accordance with his plans. all for you, indeed, a flower hanging at the edge of the precipice with which he holds underneath."
You don't eat whenever he does. You don't get out of the room until he's out. Not too long after, your aunt decided to butt in. She said she vehemently dislikes people fighting in her household so both of you have to come up to terms with each other or one has to go away. You lashed out and said it'd rather be you to go away if that's the case.
He stepped up the game then.
You don't know if he got some sort of agreement with your aunt, but she rarely goes home now. She claims it's due to business trips that she never expounds. Erwin ends up cleaning the house and doing the laundry. He doesn't even let you lift a finger, he does it even before you could. Perhaps he's waiting for you to transpire a feud with him regarding that matter just so you'd talk to him again.
"What are you going to do with this, then?" he asked as you stared at the food he just put on the table. He leaned on his elbow with a palm on his chin, "Are you gonna throw it in the bin?"
"I didn't ask you to cook for me."
"Then, are you gonna throw it away in the bin?"
After all, he secretly snatched your allowance away. You ended up not buying anything throughout the school hours. Now you're dead hungry and you vehemently dislike throwing food away, perhaps due to your upbringing beside the farmers of Mitras.
Defeated, you finally sat down and silently munched on the food. Too exhausted and hungry to even mind that Erwin is still sitting as you eat. But then you noticed something crafted on the table—handwriting that's akin to a child.
A horse, and above the horse is a crown, above the crown stands a tree.
You squint your eyes then. You never noticed such a thing before. Carly would go berserk at this.
"What is this…?"
"Is there something wrong with the food?"
"No, the stuff here. Did you draw this?" Erwin scooted towards you without hesitation and as ironic as it is, you got flustered at the sudden proximity. You turned your head the opposite way as he examined it. "Did you draw that? Carly would kill you, you know?" you mused. When he didn't answer nor move, you turned to him only to be taken aback again because he's been staring at you all along, not on the drawing, not at all.
"Since when did you start getting embarrassed with distance?" he asked.
"I'm not!"
"Well, I can sense the heat in your face from here." That's when you moved your chair backward. Despite Erwin's composed features, you could see a slight curl in his lips.
"Are you making fun of me?" it wasn't anger for you, though, but rather the embarrassment.
He finally smiled then, the first time in a while. "No. I'm glad you didn't waste the food though." then finally stood up to clean the table.
"what,
what exactly have you seen that day?
what?"
Rather than musing about what the voice just whispered, a seemingly unrelated question popped out of you.
"That day, years ago... When I brought you to that huge tree, what made you look like that?" you trailed, a lump forming in your throat upon having the memory again, "…why did I see a tear from you that day?"
"I saw something."
"And that is?"
"How beautiful you look even in worlds beyond this one."
"Stop being strange to me right now."
"Don't you think that was more strange? The tree's nowhere to be found right after. Only the two of us saw that."
"But you told me I didn't see anything that day. If anything, that might really be the case."
Erwin had a little smile plastered on his face as he examined your features. Three years ago, you'd tease him about it, but then it's different now.
It's unnerving. You had to fight the urge to beg him to stop looking at you like that.
"What do you think a tree does in its nature?" he asked gently, "Come on, little flower, show me what you've got for your first day in school."
"I don't need a public school to know that much." you glared, "Of course, it's to sprout and flourish. Bring fruit to life."
"Through what?"
"A seed?" you curled your eyebrows. What's the point of this?
"Indeed. Metaphorically, a seed is deemed as the source of all beings. With a tree that huge, it's needless to say that all sorts of possibilities could be born from it." you squint your eyes at him for more so he added, "Perhaps a world ruled by giants, perhaps a privilege for a human being to witness the existence of multiple worlds," he paused for a while, this time his tone changed, "perhaps a divine being to bring prosperity to our land, or a devil to wage a strife to end it."
You gulped then. Despite the concept not being too terrifying to think of, you got scared. "Y-yeah, captain smart. What's your point, then?"
"That I was able to take a glimpse of what it could bring. And there, I saw you being the beautiful lady that you are in worlds beyond." he concluded with a smile, "See, that's possibly the truest thing I've said in a while."
The wall you had built for Erwin disintegrated a little bit.
"come on, come on.
the crust is weakening, little flower. just what do you think would happen if it crumbles?
do tell, do tell, what exactly have you seen that day?"
You're not even sure anymore.
But the concept of school thrilled you. All sorts of things you've seen in just weeks exuded all sorts of possibilities you imagined to experience.
That's why when a faculty interrupted a class to summon you because someone from the household called, it wasn't the curiosity of what Carly or Erwin would possibly say. It's the thrill of seeing the faculty room upfront.
"Carly was brought to the hospital," it's Erwin and his voice was grim. You dropped the telephone to the floor, your class adviser gaped his mouth open.
He asked you to wait at the convenience store after class because he still had stuff to do and he really can't leave that yet. You demanded him to just tell you where the hospital was. It seems like he didn't hear it, though, as he hung up the phone and you couldn't reach his number afterward.
Beside the convenience store is an abandoned lot. It's seven in the evening. Whether it's intentional or not, perhaps he remembers that you got a knack for liking such places—playing or lurking around places of the abandoned, pretending as if you're a part of some paranormal group hunting down ghosts, and more. Perhaps it's him trying to console you and so you grabbed it. He might take quite a while after all. Your mind needs a little bit of distraction as well.
You tiptoed in the middle of the lot with your cell phone flashlight, immersed in awe at the disintegrating cement and moss forming up. However, the slight elation was short-lived with tink as you heard it.
Tink of a lighter. A damned lighter.
Your insides roared in sync with the lot being conquered by flames.
How dumb could I be for not smelling the gasoline before the place lit? How did this happen? How would I get out?
Suddenly, the scene disintegrated in your eyes; you're back in that day, in that house. And just like that day, you see someone walking towards you—hues of fire accentuate his features.
"Erwin…" you muttered in horror, throat in a struggle. Despite the tears blurring your vision, you can still see what his face says—indifference, not even a curl in his eyebrows, "You said we're on the way to Carly!"
Erwin's demeanor is rather gentle as he walked, hands on his back, way too relaxed for such an emergency. The tap of his shoes could be heard along with the crisps of the fire. And when he's finally standing right in front of you, he calls your name, "Remember that day, when I went inside and saved you from these fires?"
"You're the one who set it up," your knees are about to give up on you. Still, you try to take a step back and have the anger transcend the fear, "Are you the one who set this one too?" It might just be the impending suffocation but Erwin's figure in your vision disintegrates into one akin to a monster, "You're a devil. Monster. Cold-blooded murderer. And now you've come to kill me." but rather than spite, it was rather a horrifying announcement on your end. If it was Erwin to kill you, you'd really end up dead.
"No, you're a little angel I could never kill," Erwin still has his tranquility despite the accusations, "even now in these fires, I'll be the one to get you out of it."
"So you really are the one to—" you almost gasped when Erwin languidly rested his hands on your shoulders.
"I saved you, just as I always should."
"You didn't!" you shakily retorted.
"I did. Don't you remember? That man was hurting you." it was then you froze, "See? Does my little flower remember now?"
"He wrecked your happy little home with your mother," your face says how successful Erwin is—unrelenting, merciless, bringing up the most horrifying stuff that even your mind can't take just so he could make a point, "and yet he got the guts to act as if he's the one being deprived of things."
"Please stop," you begged.
The tall young man scooted his head onto your level, his eyes brightened with the ambiance of fire.
Indeed, this might be where he belongs all this time. See, whenever Aunty Carly opens the stove which you despise, you used to demand her to put it on the lowest heat because you don't want to see the orange hues. Blue fires calm you down. You thought that might be because it's similar to Erwin's eyes.
But wrong. Little did you know back then, blue fires are way deadlier than the others, hotter than you could ever imagine. It'd conquer your body into a tiny speck of dust.
And that's what daunts you as you look at the menacing glint in his eyes, "You asked me to kill them. I saved you, didn't I?" he whispered. You tried to get away from his grasp but he didn't let you.
"I didn't…" Did I? "—ask you to do that." Why am I not sure?
"You did," he rested a palm on your cheek. For some reason, his voice tipped way gentler as if his earlier tone wasn't gentle enough. The most unnerving part is that this is too familiar. Whatever this evil being is, he's going to distort your mind in the world's favor.
He's such a young man, not even too old for you. How is he capable of doing this?
"No, no, no." you attempted to get out of his confines again, "Please don't do this."
"but you need to stay pure, untainted by the harsh rules mercilessly subjected upon you."
You couldn't comprehend the moments that ensued afterward. His voice was replaced with the foreign one you're hearing inside your mind.
It teeters your brain to the edge of despair.
"little flower on a cliff, afraid to cease existence by the crumbling precipice,
pray tell, pray tell, what have you seen that day?"
He uttered more reminders of what your life used to be, detailed events that caused your scars.
Their faces were distorted, though. Perhaps it's intended to save you from completely breaking for good.
"you sought for him as he's the one to bring you refuge.
perhaps that really was the case."
The fires suffocated your mind further. Heaps of Erwin's overwhelming phrases had your rationality disintegrating.
"after all, how does an ignorant recognize what's real from what's not?"
"Do you understand it now?" was his final question.
You nodded mindlessly, "You saved me."
Erwin gave you an endearing smile, perhaps a proud one. "There you go, my little flower. Always the best for me."
