I started writing this fic a long ass time ago. It's the first HTTYD fic I've written in a while, and you know, it's basically a character analysis fic. It'll be great!

Honestly, I hope you all enjoy it and if you can figure out what early 2000's cartoon and early 2010's video game this fic is inspired by, you'll get a cookie.

Takes place during RTTE before official Hiccstrid.


Harsh Winter. The harshest part of the winter. Obviously.

It was predicted that this Harsh Winter would be the harshest winter in over a decade, as predicted by farmers and partially by Gothi. So it was for that reason that Stoick called Hiccup and the other riders back from the Edge just before Snoggletog. Hiccup was not going to argue this decision, knowing that being home where there were plenty of rations and the safety of the Great Hall was a good idea for the impending storms. While freedom was good to stretch responsibilities, it was overrated in the face of freezing to death. So the Riders battened down the edge, making sure the native dragons had safe shelter, and returned home to Berk for the month.

Snoggletog was lovely. Gifts were given, songs were sung, and yaknog was barfed. Astrid even managed to sneak Hiccup a sweet kiss to the cheek after he gave her a dagger with a blade that flipped into the handle. Yes, it seemed that everyone was happy to be home for the time being.

But, of course, the reason they had left Berk in the first place was to get some independence. Being back in a village, surrounded by vikings, many which they were related to, caused tensions to rise among the riders.

"Hiccup!"

Of which the leader was hardly able to get a break.

"Hiccup, we need you to settle a disagreement," said Mulch, with a crying Bucket at his side.

Hiccup sighed. "Why can't you ask my father?"

"We tried to, but it's hard when he's involved!"

"Okay. Lay it on me." Hiccup took a seat near the fireplace and listened.

"Stoick's had us breaking our backs hauling fish barrels up the hill. He says that since we're the fishermen, it's our job to do it!"

"He has a point."

"But it's hard work in all this snow! We need help!"

"Did you, perchance, ask anyone if they were willing to lend a hand?"

"No one wants to get out in the snow to help. We asked Stoick to rally people to help us, and he said that it's our job to get help and that he can't force people to help!"

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Either make Stoick get help for us, or get some others to help."

"I'm so tired!" Cried Bucket.

"Well, you guys know I can't force Stoick the Vast to do anything. And it's not really my position to tell the villagers what to do. I don't have the authority."

Bucket and Mulch folded their hands together and resorted to the vilest of tactics. Begging.

"Please Hiccup? If we don't get help, we won't be able to refill the food supplies in time. It could hurt the village and the dragons…"

Hiccup considered this, and as the guilt churned in his stomach. "Well, Toothless and I can help."

"Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you!"

And that's how Hiccup spent one of his so-called vacation days doing the arduous task of rolling a dozen fish barrels uphill. Thankfully Toothless did twice that, or it would have been a week long project.

Hiccup returned home in a foul mood and a frozen leg.

"There you are, Lad. Haven't seen you all day! Get stuck waiting for a storm to pass?"

"No," he groaned, falling into a chair. "Toothless and I were helping Bucket and Mulch move their fish barrels."

"What?!" Shouted Stoick, with real fury in his eyes.

This startled Hiccup. "Uh…they said they asked you for help and you said you couldn't force anyone to help them—"

"That is not what happened!"

Hiccup winced at the shout.

"Sorry son, I'm not mad at you. Not at all! I'm pissed with them! What did those lazy knuckleheads say that got you to help?"

"Um, they said that they were overwhelmed and needed help…for the sake of the village and dragons."

"I knew it! I knew it, Hiccup! They played you like a fiddle! Rode on your emotions! Cut right to the heart! The reason why no one is helping them is because they made the mess in the first place."

"They made a mess? I thought they were…"

"Didn't you find it odd that you were bringing the barrels up from the docks instead of over from the store room?"

"Huh. I didn't really think about it…"

"We all worked together and brought the barrels from the store room over to the Great Hall. Bucket and Mulch were supposed to secure them with a net so they wouldn't get knocked over in a huge gust of wind. They decided to not follow my instructions and the barrels were not only knocked over, but rolled down the hill and into the sea. They then had to go out and retrieve them and put them back. Thankfully the water was frozen over so they didn't float away."

Hiccup closed his eyes in resignation. He had been played indeed.

"I should have told you, but I didn't think you'd care. Looks like you actually cared too much."

"I just felt guilty."

"Aye. But sometimes a Chief has to put his emotions on a shelf to get things done. And that's an arduous task."

"Harder than pushing a dozen barrels up a hill?"

"Can be. Depending on the emotion. But, this was a learning experience. Take it as a gift."

"Yeah, builds character and muscle, right?"

"Mostly muscle."

There were still a few weeks left of their quarantine. The blizzards had only continued, making flying a difficult, if not impossible, activity.

But Hiccup, being the person he was, couldn't sit by restlessly. Even the coldest days couldn't dissuade his penchant for adventure. Cabin fever set in, and he was aching to ride. And so, one morning, he let his father know that he was going out exploring for the day. Stoick wanted to protest, but after seeing that look of wanderlust in his eyes, he knew it was fruitless and let his heir go.

Hiccup asked the other riders to see if they were up for exploring in the white landscape with him.

The answer was a unanimous 'hell no'.

And a 'please be safe' from Astrid.

So off Hiccup went on his own, for once not having to babysit his teammates. It was just like old times. Just a boy and his dragon.

The North wasn't often a direction traveled in the winter, especially since dangers were often found there. But Hiccup didn't mind. He bundled up in furs from head to toe, ready to brave whatever was to come.

For a while, it was just ice. The islands were fairly barren and devoid of life in this miserable climate. But Hiccup pressed on, just content to ride with his best friend.

Toothless grumbled.

"What's wrong, bud?"

The dragon spotted an island down below, hidden within the ice and drifting snow, and prepared to land.

"Oh, you want to stop there?" Hiccup adjusted the tail, following Toothless' lead.

Upon landing, Hiccup slid off of the dragon's back and into the snow. Immediately, Toothless bounded over to a tree and lifted his leg.

"Oh I see," Hiccup said with a snort. "I thought I told you to go before we left!"

Toothless merely grumbled and shifted behind the tree.

"Fine fine, take your time." He waved him off.

Looking around, Hiccup couldn't remember which island this was. It wasn't very big, certainly not big enough for any dragons to inhabit. It was rather light on trees too. He wondered if it was mostly rocky in the summer.

"I'm going to take a look around," Hiccup called to his companion as he wandered off.

The island, or rather islet, was divided by a narrow gorge, nearly right through the middle, east to west. It was dark at the bottom, and was impossible to gauge how deep. The wind whistled along the crack, making the depth howl with deep notes. Hiccup followed it, walking along the edge until he found a point safe enough to cross.

Carefully, he stretched across the divide to reach the other side, but his leg slipped on the icy rock and he fell down the crack with a shout. He tumbled down a slope and landed at the bottom on his back. "Ow, gods dammit."

He sat up, rubbing his head. There'd be a bump there tomorrow. Surveying the slope he fell down, he found it too steep to climb back up. "Toothless! Toothless!" He called.

There was no reply.

Well, he'd have to find another way up. The gorge was long, and perhaps had a less steep slope further down. So he started his walk, going deeper and deeper into the caves.

"How did I miss this?" He said aloud, studying the particular landscape. The rocky cliffs were dotted with large geodes and crystals, huge, sharp and colorful. The faint light from above reflected in the crystals, sending little fragments of color all over the walls and floor.

"Wow…this is beautiful…"

Suddenly, he was grabbed from behind, as a hand clapped over his mouth. He fought against the hands but to no avail. His captor dragged him through a crack in the wall, into the island itself, through the caves, further and further into darkness. Finally, they reached an open room. A grotto with a waterfall on one side, now frozen completely in winter. Once brought in, he could see the room was alight with candles. A circle was drawn on the floor with red paint and inscriptions decorated the outside.

Hiccup trembled at the sight, this was something evil. Something spoken of very rarely, and only of a warning as a sign to run. Pagan magic of the most ancient, but most cruel and forbidden.

"You have arrived," A woman said. She looked ancient, older than Gothi. And she pointed at him with a crooked finger. "I knew you'd come here. I saw it myself. This place would be where you'd be separated from those who would protect you. All alone, for the first time in years. And so I will have you for myself."

Hiccup fought, throwing himself backwards at the person holding him, but they didn't budge. A rope wrapped around his wrists painfully, as a cloth substituted the hand on his mouth.

He was turned around, and a knife shredded his coat and shirts, exposing his chest. The person who was holding him was a man, a viking, who was pale and emotionless, his eyes gray. Craning his head around, Hiccup could see others around him in the same state. All emotionless. All watching. No mercy, no fear, no excitement.

Empty.

"I will add you to my collection. You…with the most radiant soul I've beheld. Half viking chief, half dragon…"

Hiccup's eyes widened as she approached him with a little pot with red liquid. She dipped her finger in, and drew a sigil over his heart.

"I'll have that soul," then she beckoned the man to bring Hiccup forward to the circle. All the while, he struggled, yelling through the cloth.

The woman began chanting in a foreign tongue, each word sending shivers up his spine.

He was tied down to stakes secured to the floor. He now lay in the center of the circle, heat radiating off of the stone that should have been cold.

The evil woman held up a black crystal, one that would shine purple in the light.

She kept chanting and a little spark appeared on his chest, right over the sigil, and Hiccup began to feel faint.

A blue wisp, like smoke, rose from his body and curled its way into the crystal, making it glow very faintly.

The woman chanted louder, her voice echoing with triumph as, what was assumably, his soul left him.

But as the soul still emerged, a roar cut through the cave as the crystals exploded in a shower of blue light.

"MMHHMMM!" Hiccup called with all his strength.

The Nightfury swept into the scene and knocked the woman and her helpers down. He bit through the ropes that bound Hiccup and roared at him to board.

Hiccup stumbled forward, kicking the crystal away from the vile woman. "Grab that!" He commanded Toothless.

Toothless snatched the stone in his mouth as Hiccup clambered into his saddle.

"No! No my soul! My beautiful soul! You ruined it! Now neither of us will have it! No no no!"

Hiccup didn't have the time to consider, or even care about her inane ramblings. He clicked his foot into place, and they ran.

Toothless easily scrambled up the side of the gorge, and then they were in the air.

Hiccup swore he could still hear the woman's anguished cries.

When his heart slowed down from the adrenaline rush, he felt numb and tired. Neither scared nor relieved. Just a dullness that made him feel sleepy.

"Still got that crystal, bud?" Hiccup leaned forward.

Toothless pushed the crystal into his hand with his tongue.

It was dripping with slobber, and yet Hiccup felt no disgust towards it. Really, he felt nothing as he looked at the rock, but something in his mind was yelling at him to hang onto it.

What he did feel, however, was very cold, since his shirt had been ripped and his skin was exposed.

"Let's get to warmth quickly, okay Toothless?"

Toothless warbled in agreement, and they hurried back to Berk.

When they landed at the Great Hall, Hiccup went inside quickly and sought out the fireplace.

"Yo Hiccup!" Called Snotlout from a nearby table. It looked like he, the twins, and Fishlegs were playing cards. "How was it in the blizzard?" He laughed.

"Cold," said Hiccup flatly. "I think I was almost enslaved by a pagan witch, but I'm not sure. Toothless saved me."

The complete nonchalance had the twins in stitches. "Good one Hic! So nothing to report really, huh?"

"What do you mean? I'm dead serious." He turned and showed the painted mark on his chest.

"Whoa!" Said Fishlegs, standing from the table. "Are you okay?"

"I hit my head when I fell down a gorge. I think I may have a goose egg. It's a little tender."

"But didn't she like…curse you?" He wiggled his fingers.

"I don't know. I think she might have trapped part of my soul in a crystal." He walked over to the table and showed the rock to his friends. "See? It's kind of glowing. But it wasn't before she did this weird ritual."

"You're awfully calm about this…" said Snotlout with skepticism.

Hiccup screwed up his lip, considering. "Hmm. I suppose you're right. I probably should be more concerned."

"Hiccup!" Astrid burst open the door to the great hall, snow trailing in behind her. "You're back!"

"Hello Astrid. Yes, I arrived back a short time ago. I've been warming up."

"Okay, what happened?" She set upon inspecting him. "Oh my gods is that blood?"

"No. Just paint. I think. Well maybe. It might be blood. Not my blood."

"Apparently, our dear Hiccup was almost enslaved by a pagan witch," provided Tuffnut. "Show her your rock, Hic."

Hiccup held out the crystal to Astrid. "It was black, and then she did a ritual and this blue stuff came out of me and went into this crystal. Then Toothless saved me."

"Blue stuff? What inside of you is blue?"

"She said she wanted my soul. So I guess it's that."

Astrid held the crystal delicately after he said that. The potential that she was holding Hiccup's very soul in her hands… "shouldn't we take you to Gothi's?"

"Why? I'm not in any pain."

"But…you're acting weird."

"How so?"

"Flat. Dull. It kind of feels like I'm talking to a brick wall."

"Hmm. I don't know. I am tired. Maybe after a nap I'll feel better."

"And if not, we're going to Gothi's okay?"

Hiccup stared at Astrid, suddenly struck by the realization that he couldn't read her. He was usually so perceptive and pretty empathetic to humans and dragons. But right now, he was at a loss. She was somewhere between sad and angry. Or maybe afraid. Not happy at least.

This should be a cause for alarm, but it wasn't. He even knew that he should be feeling panicked, but he was calm. Neutral.

"Yeah, maybe after the nap. I'll let you know if there's any change." Without much of a goodbye, Hiccup called for Toothless and they wandered back into the snow.

"He's a zombie," Snotlout stated.

"Yeah, major weirdo," agreed Tuff. "Normally he's all goo-goo eyes when Astrid walks into a room but today it was like he was looking at a stranger."

Astrid blushed despite the knot in her chest. Tuff was right, though she hadn't noticed before. There was a light missing from Hiccup's eyes and she intended to get it back.

When Hiccup awoke three hours later, he felt worse. No, that's not quite right. He felt less.

Was the world always this gray?

Hungry, he got up from the bed and climbed downstairs. There, Toothless was sitting with his father.

"Evening lad," Stoick greeted without looking up. "The kids said you were napping and that you got in a fight with a witch?"

"Yes. That's right. She wanted my soul, or something. I'm not sure."

"Well, you're home safe and that—" Stoick halted as he looked up.

Hiccup was so pale, so ashen gray, he looked like a corpse. His eyes were dull, and face blank.

"Son?"

"Yeah?" There was no inflection in his words.

"How do you feel?"

"Hungry."

"Well, I have some soup on, it's not ready yet. But besides that. You look awful."

Hiccup shrugged, "I feel fine."

There it was again. His father was looking at him with an emotion he couldn't grasp. Somewhere between sadness and anger. Perhaps both? Smad. Sangry?

"How do you feel?" Hiccup had to ask, because he couldn't tell.

"I'm concerned. You look really sick. What did you say happened with this witch?"

Hiccup went back upstairs and grabbed the black crystal that he had left on his bedside. It looked to be glowing brighter now, if that was possible. He gave it to Stoick, who stared with concern. "It happened rather fast. I think she had some sort of future sight. She said the island I was on would be the first time I'd be alone in years. Toothless was peeing, and I journeyed away from him to explore. I fell down a gorge, and she was waiting there. She said she wanted my soul, because it was radiant. So she marked me with this paint," he gestured to his chest that he hadn't wiped off yet. He didn't really care about it. "Then she took me to this circle with weird markings and chantings…then she held up this crystal and a bunch of blue stuff came out of me and went into it. I don't think she took my whole soul, because Toothless saved me."

Stoick stared at him, his jaw dropped. "Son…"

"But I feel fine," Hiccup repeated. "So, nothing to do about it."

"Define fine," Stoick demanded.

Hiccup paused to consider. "Gray, is the best way to describe it. I don't really feel anything. I can feel cold, hot, hungry, and tired…but that's all. At least right now. Maybe it will get better."

"I'm taking you to see Gothi!" Stoick wrapped an arm around him and tried to corral him out the door.

"Why? Isn't this a good thing? Viking's shouldn't let their emotions interfere with their decisions."

"Aye lad, but sometimes emotions are more than just a distraction. They make us human. You don't want to lose that, do you?"

Hiccup was quiet for a while, too long for Stoick's taste. Then he said, "I don't mind never being sad or angry or scared."

"But never being happy? Never being in love?"

"If memory serves me correctly, being in love and not in loved in return was also not a good feeling."

"Why are you focusing on all the bad feelings, son? Didn't you once tell me that flying on the back of a dragon at sunset was the best feeling ever? Won't you miss that?"

"I…I guess so."

"You guess?"

"I can't feel melancholy or regret right now either."

"But you remember what it feels like to do those things, right?"

"Yes, but I can't say I miss it. I don't feel that emotion of missing something."

"Alright," said Stoick, raising his hands defensively. "Appealing to your missing emotions isn't going to work. But you know something is wrong, right? There is something wrong with you and the rest of us want to fix it."

"Why?"

"Why?! Hiccup, son, we love you! That doesn't stop because you don't love us anymore!"

"I love…you guys…" he said it stiltedly, like he wasn't quite sure if it was true.

There was a knock at the door before Astrid and Gobber came in.

"Oh good! You're awake! I couldn't wait around anymore–Oh my god, Hiccup! You look horrible!" Astrid cried.

"Like a corpse," added Gobber.

"See?" Said Stoick. "We love you and we're worried about you. You should take that as a cue that something is wrong and should be fixed!"

"He's not any better?" Astrid asked with dismay.

"He can't feel anything."

"Oh Hiccup…" she pouted, heart aching for him.

"Why are you upset? I'm not sad."

She reached for him and took his hand. "Hiccup, it's not that I don't want you to be sad or angry. I want you to be happy. So so happy! I want to see you get excited when you see a new dragon or passionate when you have an invention or a plan. If you stay like this, what drive will you have? Do you have any desires?"

"Hmm. When you say it like that, it makes sense. I know, morally, I have to do the right things for the tribe and the dragons, but if it brings me no emotion…I get no joy from it or guilt from avoiding it. What would be the point?"

"I think never feeling happiness again would make for a really miserable existence. You gotta take the good with the bad, lad."

"Okay. You have all convinced me. Take me to Gothi."

Up on the hill, the group met with the old medicine woman and told her the story. Hiccup recounted the whole ordeal, from landing on the island to waking up from his nap. The whole time, everyone just listened.

Hiccup, normally, was a very good story teller. He picked up on details that others missed. He put real emotion into his words and made everyone believe the things he was saying.

This story was flat, sterile, and clinical. Borderline boring.

Gothi listened intensely, her eyebrows furrowing deeper with each word.

Finally, Hiccup handed her the crystal that held his soul. This gave her the most grave look of them all.

"Yikes lad. Haven't seen Gothi look this frightened in a while."

"Can this not be fixed then?" Hiccup asked her.

Gothi set the crystal on her potions table and began to scribble in the dirt with her staff. Gobber stood beside her and read over her shoulder.

"She says 'that woman soul-trapped you. An ancient ritual that removes the soul from the body so the body becomes a mindless puppet'."

"Okay. But she wanted my soul more than my body."

"'Souls can be used in magic for a variety of different things. The more powerful the soul, the more powerful the spell. And Hiccup does have a very powerful soul.' Well, now we know the why, but do we know how to reverse it?"

Gothi examined Hiccup's face closer, staring into his glassy eyes. She then demanded he stare at Toothless.

"She wants to know what you feel when you look at him."

"Hmm…Toothless is my best friend," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Not what you know, what you feel."

Hiccup knew that he was supposed to love Toothless, but at this moment, he felt…"nothing."

Toothless let out a sad whine.

"Now look at Astrid."

Hiccup did as he was told and looked at her.

"What do you feel, lad?"

Hiccup watched as Astrid blushed slightly under his stare. He tried to put away all the normal things he knew about her and focus on what he felt looking at her.

"I seem to be slightly aroused. But that's all."

Astrid looked mortified and halfway near tears.

"Keep looking at her, lad. Stare until you feel something."

The longer he stared blankly at her, the worse she felt. It would be different if he was looking at her with anger or even disgust, but this look…it was like he was looking at a stranger. Like Tuff had said.

She couldn't help it. A tear slid down her cheek, but she briskly wiped it away.

"Why are you sad?" He asked.

"You're looking at me like I'm a stranger!"

"You aren't. You're my friend. I trust you."

"Can you smile for me?"

He did. But it looked so fake.

"I hate this! Fix him Gothi!" Cried Astrid.

"We might as well get on with it. Staring at her isn't doing anything but making her sad. And I know that making people sad is bad, at least."

Gothi nodded and scribbled in the dirt her plan.

"She says she's going to make a potion. It will contain the remnants of his soul. The person that drinks it will fall asleep, and in their own mind, they will be able to explore and awaken the parts of Hiccup's soul that are dormant. That sounds like a tall order to me."

"Who's going to drink the potion?" Asked Stoick.

It seemed that Gothi was not looking for volunteers as she pointed at Astrid.

"Me?"

"Well, besides Toothless, you really know the lad best. And as smart as Toothless is, I don't think he quite understands what's happening," Gobber explained.

"Okay, I'll do it! But wait…if his soul is going into my body, how will it get back to him?"

Gothi made a suggestive hand gesture and Stoick and Gobber laughed.

"Makes sense," said Hiccup.

"Have you no shame!?" Astrid shrieked, red faced.

"Not currently, no."

Gothi scribbled further explanation. "'His soul will return with prolonged contact. Skin-to-skin, hand holding, kisses, hugs. Whatever is comfortable.'"

Astrid let out a sigh of relief. She did love him, but since they've barely kissed, sex felt like a huge jump.

Though, taking his soul into her body was pretty significant in itself.

Gothi went over to her table and began mixing liquids and minerals in a glass jar. She then put the crystal inside and put the lid on. She continued, "'the soul tea will need to steep for 12 hours. Come back at dawn.' Soul tea?"

She held up the jar where the liquid inside was just very faintly beginning to glow the same color as the crystal.

"Oh, I get it," said Astrid. "Like regular tea with a tea bag."

"'I will explain the rest of the process in the morning when you return. For now, go away.'"