The job was easy.

To get her home.

Safe and sober.

But Arizona made it all so difficult.

Who was she kidding? This was entirely her fault. She should have read the room and given her the space that she obviously needed.

But she couldn't bring herself to do so. It was clear as day that Arizona needed someone, no matter how she insisted she was doing well on her own. She wasn't even supposed to be at Joe's, for the most apparent reasons, but April had to bail and head back to Grey Sloan before she could even take her first shot of the night because of a trauma page from the ER. And April, who knew better - didn't want to leave Arizona drinking alone, and Alex was still in surgery.

So she practically begged Amelia to stay with Arizona instead for the meantime, before she could even have the chance to walk towards the parking lot, to Meredith's car, and to head home.

"April, I don't even drink." Amelia remarked, almost coming off as a whine - because she was exhausted, and had been in surgery for hours and wanted nothing but to simply head out, have a hot shower and quick meal and be in bed early.

"I know, I know - and I truly am sorry for this. But you're the only one who isn't on call and the only one I trust so -" April was running like hell, struggling to get into her yellow scrubs as she and another resident waited for the incoming trauma at the entrance of the emergency room.

"The only one I trust? What does that even mean -"

"Andi from path is into Arizona and had been eyeing her at Joe's ever since we arrived. And before you'd even think to give me that look and tell me I'm just being paranoid, I heard the nurses from the station had been talking about this for weeks, and it's not -"

Amelia gets it. April was being a good friend - and she supported that fully. Amelia didn't say anything else, but nodded instead in understanding, seeing the ambulance already approaching nearby. The deafening blare of the sirens - putting April back into work mode - bracing herself for the incoming trauma to arrive.

When the ambulance stopped a few steps in front of them, and as the paramedics began to pull out the gurney, revealing the patient - April pulled Amelia from her thoughts and spoke for the last time, "Look, she's been through a lot. Callie and Sofia just left for New York a week ago, and she still hasn't been entirely okay with that. It was her idea to go to Joe's for a drink, but I know it would lead to more - and I don't think I still have the need to explain myself further, but Andi being there just wouldn't help. It - it's not what she needs, right now."

"I understand really, April." She assured her.

"Just be with her. Make sure she gets home safe. Thanks, Amelia! I really owe you big time." She pointed out with a smile, doing a 180 as she was called by the on call resident to help her assist with the trauma patient.

-x-

So Joe's it is.

She figured she could at least have her dinner there, while looking out for Arizona at the same time.

How hard could it possibly be?

She had known the blonde surgeon for the longest time now and had always known her as someone who always did the extra mile for her patients. Professional, great mentor - seeing how Alex Karev turned out. Charming, always seemed to get everyone whipping their heads around with that dimpled smile of hers. She carried herself effortlessly, which made Amelia envious because she had never seen anyone who managed to still look incredibly good after gruesome hours of surgery but her. Arizona had always been fun, and easygoing - beautiful. She didn't even think to question why Andi was into her, because Arizona is Arizona - she was amazing that way.

Fucking Andi.

Amelia arrived at the bar, giving a quick scan of the crowd in search of Arizona. It was fully packed, and she hates it. Not that she was even in the place to demand, when it was technically a bar, and bars are simply just built the way they were. Messy, loud, reeked of alcohol, filled with a crowd of people who've had too much to drink.

She saw Arizona from the corner of her eye, tresses of blonde gleaming brightly even from afar. Her back was turned towards her, but the neurosurgeon could tell she was already drunk based on her repeated movements. She had her head fall back, shoulders that bopped up and down, as if she was laughing over something.

She was not alone.

And so, Amelia swiftly made her way towards her, but before she could even reach her - she spotted an arm swooped around the fetal surgeon's waist, leaning closely to whisper something in her ear, marking her territory.

She rolled her eyes.

Amelia didn't even have to look closely to check who could absolutely be with Arizona at this very moment. Fucking Andi. Seriously.

Of course, it was her.

She was now just a step closer to both women, and she could already hear a few of the words Andi was using on Arizona and she internally cringed. Amelia figured it would be best to hold the impending laughter for later.

Out of instinct, Amelia finally reached Arizona - turning the stool she was sitting on towards her, releasing Arizona from Andi's grip. The swift movement caught Arizona by surprise, frantic blue eyes in search of the person responsible, but softened when her eyes landed on Amelia.

Arizona struggled as she immediately flung her arms around Amelia for support. Amelia steadied the blonde by placing both of her arms on her thighs, holding her in her seat firmly. When the stool stopped from turning, Amelia was already trapped in between Arizona's legs who was luckily still seated on the stool. Amelia thanked the heavens that the music was loud enough to cover the whimper that let out from her mouth as Arizona's thighs made contact with the pit of her stomach.

Sure, she had developed a crush on the blonde. Since Hopkins, as a matter of fact.

But now was not the time to dwell on that.

"Oh my god, Amelia!" Arizona yelped, and began to burst out laughing, head almost falling back too long for Amelia's liking, as she kept her hands on her thighs, still holding her steady.

"Woah there." She smiled, trying to hide the small and unexplained blush forming in her cheeks. Her hands left her thighs, as she reached out to pull Arizona in with her arms, before her head could dip back even further which might result in an unnecessary injury. "What are you doing!" Amelia asked with glee, taking one look at Andi who went from confused to annoyed, seeming how Amelia had easily swept Arizona off her feet. Something that she couldn't do no matter how hard she tried.

Amelia took pride in herself for doing just that

"You know, just drinking and having fun - and God, I want to dance, may do that later. Oh and crap! Amelia, no. Fuck, you're not supposed to be here." Her heart was sore, despite how obviously drunk Arizona was - it was apparent that she still hadn't forgotten about Amelia. A wave of panic coursed in Arizona, bringing her back to being sober for a wee moment. She stood off from her stool, about to drag Amelia out with her when Andi blocked her, by crossing her arm on the other end of the table - trapping Arizona underneath her.

"Dr. Robbins I know we've only known each other —" But before Andi was given the chance to explain further, and out of instinct once again - Amelia respectfully removed Andi's arm from the table, freeing Arizona.

Andi looked at her in disdain, but Amelia couldn't seem to care. Arizona's eyes widened, having no idea of what else to say. "She said no. Thanks, Andi." Amelia grinned, bidding goodbyes on Arizona's behalf as they made their way out of the bar, with Arizona being dragged by Amelia from behind.

It was a good sign that she didn't feel any resistance from Arizona while she was being pulled out. Maybe she did the right thing by doing that. She'd be her April for tonight, be anyone Arizona wanted her to be if she asked.

"Is this the part where you drag me into a dark alley and kill me?" Arizona flippantly asked.

"Depends. Which alley do you want us to go to?" Amelia bit back her laugh.

When she turned around, Arizona looked absolutely mortified as if she believed the playful comment Amelia pulled out.

"Oh God, you are drunk. Are you? I was just messing around, Arizona."

"That was a bad joke!" She cuts her off, running a hand in her hair - planting her other hand to her hip.

"You started it." Amelia shrugged, enjoying the banter, the ability for Arizona to make her laugh without even trying.

"Like you said Amelia, I'm drunk. I'd believe every word you say at this point." She pointed out, she tore herself away from Amelia as she found a nearby wall to lean onto for support. She leaned her back against it. She grimaced as she closed her eyes, Amelia knew her leg was beginning to be a problem and so she moved closer to her with concern

"I'm sorry. Let's get you home — do you have your car with you?" She asked.

Arizona bit her lip, reprimanding herself from the pain from her leg. "Keys are in my purse. Would you mind driving?" She opened her eyes, grateful to finally have been able to get a glimpse of the kind of blue Amelia adored but never really had the guts to say out loud in the open.

It baffled her how Arizona even thought to ask. "Of course. Is DeLuca home?"

"No, I think he's on call tonight." She said with a sigh, opening her bag that was slung on her shoulder to hand her car keys, only for Amelia to be given with Arizona's hairbrush instead. Oh boy. "Is Alex with you? - I mean Meredith, y-yeah I meant Meredith." Arizona struggled to stay sober - already reaching a point where she had been juggling for the right words to say well.

"No - she and Maggie had to head home early for the kids," Amelia explained.

The blonde surgeon furrowed her eyebrows, dipping a hand further into her coat, and the other being waved dismissively in the air. "Crap. I'm really sorry April put you up with this. You can take my car, just drop me off and use the car to get back to Meredith's house. I'll drop by and pick it up first thing in the morning -"

She personally grabbed Arizona's bag, in search of her keys instead. "Are you kidding? There's no way I'm leaving you alone in this state."

"What -" she softly wailed.

"You're coming with me to Meredith's house."

Arizona scoffed, "Amelia, you don't have to... I'm clearly fine. Plus, I don't want Meredith's kids to see me like this."

"Says the woman who just handed me her hairbrush instead of her keys. Trust me, that wouldn't be a problem. They're already asleep at this hour anyways." She pointed out.

When she was finally able to retrieve her keys from the far end of the bag's pocket. She once again pulled Arizona back from the wall and across the street to Grey Sloan's parking lot. Seeing how Arizona had been limping, and scuffling to maintain her balance. Amelia stood back on her side to aid her, wrapping an arm around her waist and the other to support her arm that she slung around her shoulder. "Would you prefer it if we head back?"

"Please. I had enough of Dr. Martinez getting into my pants." She slurred nonchalantly, trying to lift her weight with her so Amelia didn't have to carry her all the way. "Take me home, wherever that is."

Amelia failed miserably to simply leave that comment out. To move forward, and to drive her home as asked. She couldn't help but feel for Arizona, for the weight that she now had to carry all on her own all of a sudden. Sure, she had known about Callie - had not been there enough to know what exactly went down, but had heard a lot of stories from Alex. From all sorts of plane and car crashes, their fallout that led to a divorce and their custody battle. The woman had been through enough, more than enough - and she barely survived, but she managed, because she had Sofia.

But now Sofia's gone now too, which was ultimately a choice that Arizona personally made. Now she was left here all alone in Seattle, with literally no one. Arizona had been distant and silent the past few days, which was another decision that they all truly respected - gave her the space, and the time that she needed to be able to get her bearings up and to move forward. It wasn't until earlier today, when she finally came out of nowhere and invited April to Joe's for a couple of drinks.

She figured it may have been something that she needed, and now she felt guilty for taking her away from that just because she was left with Amelia by April.

"Whatever you're thinking, don't." Arizona sighed. She had her eyes closed now, the passenger seat adjusted far too back as she had removed her prosthetic to give her leg a rest, propping it on the backseat of her car.

Amelia blinked, trying not to let Arizona get into her as she held her focus back on the road.

"What makes you think I'm —" she shrugged. She was the worst liar, there was no getting by, no matter how she tried.

"Please, you haven't said a word since I left that remark when we were heading towards the parking lot." She could see from her peripheral that Arizona had opened her eyes now, but instead of looking back at her. She propped her arm on the side, as she gazed through the car window instead. "I may be drunk, but I'm not stupid. Ask away."

She had questions, all right. A lot that had something to do with the night Callie and Sofia left. How she was holding up, what made her decide to give Sofia away despite winning the custody battle - questions that were so intrusive that she could never bring herself to ask. Questions that were better off to be left in the back of her mind, because she didn't want to pull her back to her own thoughts. That she was alone. And that she could never really give her the assurance that she could never be one because she still had her and the others around.

And so, she decided to course the conversation to a different topic.

The goal was to not dwell.

To make her forget.

To get the Arizona she knew.

They'd only been together for quite some time, but she'd known her longer at Hopkins.

Right. Hopkins.

"Do you still remember Mich?" She blurted. Keeping the conversation light, as discussed. Amelia hoped Arizona could still remember her, she badly needed her to remember - it was the only way she could steer the conversation away from discussing Callie and Sofia.

Arizona cleared her throat, her mind seemingly prying to keep your eyes open to stay awake. "H-hopkins Mich? I do we used to -"

Amelia cuts off, before she could let Arizona finish her sentence. "Date. Yeah, I know."

"Of course you would. You were friends with her. Wait, is she okay!?" Arizona inquired, a slight panic and a major secondhand embarrassment now evident from her tone as she asked.

"Mich was literally one of my closest friends back then - God, did you know I literally spent the whole year letting her go on and on about how pretty and how good you were in bed." Amelia remarked.

Why was she even bringing this up to her - now of all nights?

Should she have left the last part, because she sounded bitter?

That the truth was, she was slightly - no, magnanimously envious that it was Mich whom she decided to date.

That she didn't even realize she was attracted to girls, until she walked around Hopkins with that damned smile and charm and flew into her friend's life.

That most nights when Arizona would come by, she'd wish it was Amelia she was looking for.

Sure Amelia developed a crush - a stupid little crush. Arizona was simply just the chief resident and the top of her class, no big deal. Always carried herself well, and endearingly beautiful - who smelled like strawberries, and smiled too often and was sexy without even trying. Too smart and was a favorite of every patient because of her huge heart. The perfect partner, who made sure Mich ate on time, and would often bring her coffee before the day even started. Would often stay up late with her girlfriend to make sure they get as many hours in the OR as much as possible. Brought out the best in each other - Amelia wanted that. God, how stupid she used to be back then for wanting something she couldn't have.

They never really talked much back then, only when Mich was around - never really had any depth in their conversations, other than for the sake of formality. That she purposely avoided Arizona, and became distant to keep her feelings at bay. Because she was trying to be a good friend. For Mich.

When she thought she could no longer survive to keep her feelings hidden - Arizona broke things off with Mich and Mich was left devastated.

Devastated to the point where even Amelia's feelings towards Arizona changed and became easier for her to let her stupid feelings go.

They both wanted to start their fellowship at Seattle Grace. When Arizona got in, and Mich failed to do so, Mich was promised that they could still make it work and- she believed that.

But months flew by and Arizona began to become distant. Increasingly more when she and Mich heard she was offered the position as head of peds surgery. Until Arizona was the first to tap out, proclaiming how wrong she was and realized she couldn't do long distance.

Arizona broke her promise, and now - couldn't work well with long distance, and so officially ended things between her and Mich.

Amelia hated her, for a while she swore she did.

A phone call from Derek a month later changed that. When Derek asked her how her fellowship was going, she assured her she was well and a couple more exchanges of how Derek and Meredith were and the extensive surgeries he operated on. There wasn't much to talk about after, and the silence turned too deafening so she did the next thing.

She knew it was not her place to ask, but she couldn't help it when she decided to ask Derek if she knew Arizona Robbins.

When Derek replied, Amelia knew him long enough to know that he was actually smiling - mentioning nothing but good things about the blonde peds surgeon.

How incredibly good she was, and with her patients and with her peers. And was starting to become a mentor to a rather difficult resident to deal with. He talked briefly about her Heelys, how she spoke sunshine and rainbows, and how it annoyed Bailey at first, but eventually grew into liking her.

Amelia ended the call before she could even let Derek finish.

She was wrong.

She could never really hate Arizona no matter how hard she tried.

But she put Mich in pain, which was a non-nego. It was something that still didn't sit right with her.

That was the last time she thought about Arizona Robbins.

Not until six years later, when she received another phone call from Derek - asking if she could fly to Seattle.

Back then she had no idea, she would be moving in for good. Not counting all the other messed-up shit that happened in her life after she came here.

"Amelia." Arizona pulled her back from her thoughts. Placing her palm on her lap, squeezing one side of Amelia's thigh that she could reach from the passenger seat. The abrupt movement put her back into place, yet somehow lost by how Arizona held her.

They arrived at Meredith's place, parking Arizona's car at the nearest curb. "What?" Amelia began to ask, turning her head around to look at Arizona now with furrowed eyebrows and a worried look imprinted in her features.

"You didn't answer my question." Arizona pointed out as she removed her seatbelt, to have the adequate space she needed to retrieve her prosthetic leg from the backseat.

"Sorry, just remembered something. What was it?" She pulled the key off from ignition, stepping out of the car to be able to help Arizona from the other side.

"I was asking how Michelle is now." She extended her hand which Arizona reluctantly took as she got out of the car, "How is she?" She repeatedly asked.

"Oh. Great I think? The last thing I heard she was happily married to a bigshot gen attending in NY Presbyterian." She replied. It was the truth. Arizona felt relieved and satisfied with Amelia's response.

Grinning hard, pulling Amelia closer to her until they were only inches apart. "Good for her! At least she gets the stable marriage between the two of us." She bit back a laugh as Amelia walked her through the steps to Meredith's front porch.

-x-

"Arizona, I know you're drunk - but you have to at least help me on this." She sighed, stretching her neck out in exhaustion as she guided Arizona towards her room and into her bed. The woman was now a dead weight. Amelia practically dragged her body all the way to her room with all the strength she could muster. Beyond that, Arizona was laughing so hard, could not even contain the amusement on her face seeing how Amelia was struggling to get her to where she wanted. She used to be tipsy earlier, but now she was borderline drunk - seemingly all the alcohol she consumed now entered her system in full force and there was literally nothing Amelia could do.

At least Arizona helped her out with the removal of her prosthetic leg. Tried. Amelia's gaze drifted back to the prosthetic leg that Arizona threw haphazardly across the room. Insisting that Amelia's bed was too damn inviting and that she wanted nothing more but to sleep at this point.

She wished she could laugh with her, if the situation permitted her in doing so. But right now, she too was also exhausted - hungry, hadn't even figured out how their sleeping arrangements would go about because the couch could not be an option for Arizona, and neither was she - not after the long hours of surgery she just endured earlier that day.

"You're going to have to take your blazer off." Amelia placed her hands firmly on both sides of her waist. She watched Arizona nodding in approval, evidently agreeing even with her eyes closed - given the beads of sweat now poured down all over her face, and locks of hair had been sticking out in all the unwanted places. She sat up, using the last ounce of energy she had to remove her jacket but failed to do so.

"G-god, I'm so tired. I don't think I can – Amelia." The sound almost came off as a whine. She plopped back down on the bed in defeat. She opened her eyes a little, enough to get Amelia's attention - and before she could even playfully rant about how difficult Arizona could be, Arizona looked at her with an expression that screamed an unsophisticated innocence - with pleading eyes. There was no way of saying no to that.

"Will it be alright if I do it myself?" Amelia softly asked with permission.

Arizona nodded one last time, before dozing off completely - Amelia assumed she just did, because Arizona's lips now had parted slightly, and had not had her eyes open for the past few minutes before she decidedly volunteered to remove her jacket.

Amelia cleared her throat, masking the awkwardness of what was taking place. There was something about the domesticity of the situation that made things very odd yet right at the same time. How she swooped in to save her from another woman who was into her, how she drove her car, and personally led her to her home. Now in her room, in her bed - sleeping. Fucking great because Arizona still had the audacity to look adorable despite the drunken state and now sleeping, tresses of blonde hair all over her pillow. "Okay. Removing it now, cause you're sweating like hell and I don't want you to get sick or anything–" she reasoned with her. Which honestly was the lamest excuse, but even her head was no longer in the right place to have the effort to make sense.

She kneeled on the bed carefully, using that leverage to get to Arizona who was lying in the middle of her queen-sized bed. Scooted closer to where she was, and reached out to the collar of her jacket, pulling the material from her. It took a lot of tugging - like she was playing dress-up with a baby, only this time - the baby was Arizona. A literal adult who was taller and probably weighed more than her.

Amelia wanted to celebrate with joy when she was finally able to get rid of the material from Arizona, when she realized that she was still wearing another long-sleeved white blouse underneath she muttered a curse under her breath, knowing damn well she had to go through the heavy lifting all over again.

A long trail of sweat, even more evident now bore through her blouse as if Arizona soaked herself in the rain before Amelia even found her at the bar. "God, you're sweating hard. I'm going to need to - if it's alright, Arizona?" She whispered closely to her ear, with hopes that it could somehow wake her up - but failed. "Arizona?"

Amelia's hands were shaking. Could be of the fact that she was not well-rested, or maybe she was actually nervous she was doing something she'd never thought of doing for Arizona. She hoped it was alright, she wasn't able to get her permission, but she was doing it with the best intentions. The feeling of domesticity lingered - Amelia was never one to do any of these things unless it was with someone she was with. She took a long breath, deft fingers making their way at the front of Arizona's blouse. She unbuttoned slowly, taking her own time as to not wake the blonde up.

Because God, what would have been the circumstances if Arizona woke up and the first thing she'd see was the neurosurgeon kneeling in front of her in bed, taking her clothes off?

Definitely the last thing Amelia wanted to happen.

She heaved a sigh of relief, when she finished unbuttoning and revealed that Arizona was wearing a tank top underneath. Satisfied with the outcome, Amelia reached out to her nightstand to get the clean towel folded neatly atop, and used it to wipe the dampness off her face, from the crook of her neck, down to her arms. While doing so, Amelia made all the best efforts in trying to deny the fact that the whole thing had turned rather intimate. Platonic, but intimate - not that she was one to complain, but being able to be there for Arizona in the way she could for her tonight, felt more than alright.

How she looked, how her skin felt underneath the thin fabric she used to clean her up. She held herself from overthinking too much, of how the morning after would go about - and Arizona would wake up without having any clue what happened. How it may disappoint her despite having no right, that Arizona may wake up the next day and move on with her life as if nothing happened. That Amelia could no longer be able to hold her and be there for her the way she did tonight. That Arizona might build her walls up all over again, that April once again might be the only person who'd be given the permission to come through for her, or Alex or Richard - because what was she ever to Arizona?

She was technically a nobody. A colleague. A friend of someone she used to date. The one who had managed to save Herman's life. Amelia was literally nobody to Arizona beyond the walls of Grey Sloan or even Hopkins.

Amelia stopped. She chewed the inside of her lip, eyes drifting back to Arizona - in her sleeping form. She looked at peace. As if it was where she belonged. At Meredith's house, in the bed she used to sleep in every night.

How many nights had she dreamt of this?

How wrongfully had she wished that Arizona stayed, all those nights where she would drop by to the place she and Mich briefly lived in, only for Arizona to leave the minute Amelia would tell her that Mich was still stuck somewhere in the OR back then?

Or all those times Mich was home, and Arizona was there - whether they were simply watching a movie on the couch, or reviewing patient's files at the dining room area - how Amelia would often catch Arizona stealing a kiss from Mich in between those moments.

How she wished she'd kiss her instead.

How many times had she been irrationally jealous of Mich? How Mich could come home from a bad day, and how Arizona could effortlessly swoop in to make it all better for her?

During those times she had no one, desperately trying to get a decent sleep in bed and Mich and Arizona were in the room across the hall, and she would hear Mich struggling to contain her moans, and all her whimpers and grunts and everything that would come after. How the persistent creeks of Mich's bed, and the laughter that followed made Amelia want to scream because it only proved time and time again how alone she was.

Desperate to feel something. How many times had she wished, it was Amelia underneath her. How many times had she pathetically had to relieve herself while they made love? How many times had she wished anyone could love her, the way Arizona did?

During one of those mornings when Arizona stayed over the night before, and Mich was still asleep - she couldn't forget that one day Arizona was the first to wake up early, and made the initiative to cook breakfast for them. Amelia joined her a little later, and volunteered to take over the pan, while Arizona prepared the fruit bowl. How Amelia internally panicked because a) she can't cook for shit and b) she only did it to help Arizona out

How she was overthinking too much and how stupid she was that she forgot to use the oven mitt when the pan out of nowhere started to get too hot to hold with bare hands. How she yelped and how Arizona flew in from behind to the rescue. How she led her to the sink, with concerned eyes - holding her fingers together until it was drenched completely by running water to relieve the pressure. How she repeatedly asked how Amelia was, and how Arizona kept saying she was an idiot for letting Amelia help out, when it was something that she was capable of doing herself.

"Arizona, seriously it's fine." She insisted. Pulling her hand out, only to be tugged gently back to the running water by Arizona.

"Amelia, you're a surgeon. A damn good one. Just have to make sure there won't be any swelling, okay?" She looked at her with so much intent, not leaving her gaze until Amelia understood. When she nodded in defeat, keeping herself from the impending grimace she wanted out, she could feel Arizona's hand tightened around her, protectively. "Does it still hurt?"

Fuck, yes. Amelia could only whimper in response because it did hurt a lot. They stood together in silence at the front of the sink, Amelia averted her eyes from her and focused her attention back on her burnt hand instead. It didn't really help at all that it was Arizona who aided her, and was being sweet and was holding her hand delicately as if it was the only thing that mattered to her, and was looking like wanting to beat herself up because Amelia got burnt in the process.

And at that moment Amelia knew.

That maybe it wasn't a stupid little crush after all.

It all came full circle - a couple of years later when Amelia reunited with Arizona at Grey Sloan, and Amelia had just endured 14 horrid hours of surgery, relieved but still with the weight of her anxiety trudging on because of the uncertainty by the thought that Nicole Herman might not wake up as she scrubbed out.

These thoughts were put to rest for a slight moment, when Arizona opened the door, with a smile formed on her face and tears welled in her eyes, she pulled Amelia in for a hug. "I knew you could do it. Because you are a surgeon, a damn good one." She remembered.

Did Amelia's feelings really stop, or had it only magnified throughout the years? Unexplained feelings are even stronger now, upon knowing she hadn't changed. Not even one bit. She was still the same person whom she knew at Hopkins. Never treated her any differently, or been thrown in the shadow of Derek. Recognized her for her own capabilities, and respected her for every decision she made on Nicole Herman. The one Mich and Callie fell in love with, the one Alex had so much respect for, he didn't have to say anything but Amelia was drawn to how overly protective Alex could be for Arizona. Richard and April, who both had been good friends with her and stuck with her for the moments she needed someone.

She hastily got up from the bed where Arizona lay, feeling overwhelmed with her own realizations. She heaved a sigh before heading straight to the bathroom, taking all her clothes off, and dragging her feet to the nearby stall for a quick shower. She soaked herself in the hot steam, giving her the ability to think even more of just about everything. It was all too immense. How she only had this time to process everything she was feeling for Arizona just now. How she tried to put these feelings to rest the minute she moved to Seattle to spare herself from the possibility that it might actually break her. Now it was all coming back to her, and had been constantly reminded how these feelings never really went away no matter how she pushed it down. It was still Arizona. Foolishly, still Arizona - someone she'd never been in a relationship with, yet someone Amelia still longed for and thought about over the years.

She wrapped herself up in a towel as soon as she finished, changing into a tank top and a pair of sleep shorts. She grabbed her blow dryer and combed her washed hair repeatedly until it dried, brushed her teeth, and went back to Arizona who now moved to the other side of the bed, giving the woman the space that she needed without even asking.

Amelia bit the inside of her lip for a short while, unsure of where to sleep. There was obviously plenty of room for the both of them to be sleeping under the same bed, but at the same time - she was hesitant, thinking about how Arizona might freak out with the sight of her colleague in bed the next morning. No, definitely not an option.

Sleeping in Maggie's room was the safest choice. And so, she made a few steps to her side of the bed to grab a pillow of her own. She tiptoed back on the other side, gently tugging the covers under Arizona to use it to tuck the blonde surgeon in. When she was done, Arizona stirred slightly - and Amelia panicked. Before she could even let go, as if by reflex, Arizona pulled Amelia back in with her wrist. With eyes still closed, and creased eyebrows, she implored.. "Stay."

And so she did.

-x-

"I'm not sure if this is drunk you speaking but… okay." Amelia whispered in defeat. She turned back to her own side, climbing up her bed slowly - until she joined Arizona under the covers, turning the light off from her nightstand.

She closed her eyes.

Opened.

And closed.

And now for some reason, couldn't sleep.

She huffed. The thought of sleep had been buried far back in her mind, and now was feeling restless. She turned her body to the side, directly facing Arizona now who was still fast asleep. She could feel the warmth radiating from Arizona's body that was mere inches from where she laid.

God, how peaceful Arizona looked while sleeping. Amelia couldn't seem to tear her gaze from her. She took in her features one by one. Tresses of blonde still sprawled across her pillows, candied scent, sweet smell of faint strawberries overwhelming her senses - losing her capacity to think. Amelia took so much inexplicable pride for having her scent proliferate on her pillows, in her sheets, and even through the towel that she used on Arizona earlier. It was intoxicating - frankly, everything about her is intoxicating. She doted on how long her lashes were, the slope of her plump cheeks, and how her moist lips parted just a little bit, almost inviting. She adored how Arizona aged beautifully in her own way, with barely visible lines splayed on the corner of her eyes and on the bridge of her nose.

It reminded her of all those moments she would often steal glances towards her back then, whether she was too occupied with Mich or how she would often endearingly squint too hard - and would chew the inside of her lip firmly whenever she was too engrossed examining a surgical case. How her face hadn't changed, in spite of the many years that they've walked past.

It was like Amelia was somehow stuck on a dry spell. She tried to steady her breathing as she tried to avert her eyes from the rise and fall of Arizona's chest. How her tank top hugged her curves, and how the swell of her breast was just there - unconcealed. She tried to ignore the warmth on her thighs, or how her stomach felt like it was already doing somersaults in the air.

She wanted to. Tried to make the situation less awkward. But she couldn't deny that she too was also a woman who couldn't sleep. She rearranged her position, her back meeting her bed once again, drifting her gaze away from Arizona and onto the ceiling instead.

She wondered if Arizona ever thought of her the way she did.

Wondered if she ever caught Amelia looking at her longer than Mich herself back then. The trepidation, that Mich might eventually have figured it all out when Mich woke up to the sight of Arizona and Amelia standing too close with one another, Arizona's fingers interlocked around her burnt hand at the front of the sink. Mich didn't even say a word, Amelia remembered how she didn't even bother to comment, but her look on Arizona gave it all away.

How could she honestly say to her closest friend and roomate that she was already attracted to her girlfriend? That maybe she too, might be a little bit in love, surely not the same but to an even greater extent? Which even terrified Amelia all the more because she wasn't the one Arizona chose.

It was never really written in God knows where that she'd fall for a person that she couldn't have. Surely it was unplanned that it'd be her closest friend's girlfriend above anyone else. She wondered if the wave of anxiety hit Arizona as well when she found out Amelia was moving to Seattle. That it meant she'd see Amelia once again.

If it ever occurred to her to ask how Amelia was to literally everyone but her. That when she offered to save Herman, did she feel relieved knowing she'd be in good hands?

Did she miss her?

Or at least thought about her.

The idea that this all could only be in her head and that Arizona might not have felt the same way about her made Amelia uneasy. Not because she was incapable of handling rejection, because she'd been down that road plenty of times before and had grown accustomed to it, but because this was already Arizona that she was talking about. Amelia wanted nothing more but to feel loved - and though things between her and Arizona might still be bleak now despite the number of years they've known each other, she'd always thought about giving them a try before anything else, to prove to her that she too, could be worth it. If Arizona allowed her. The thought that she could be rejected, right before she could even pursue her made her weak.

Inadvertent tears began to form in her eyes. She heaved a sigh, with hopes that Arizona would not wake up to muffled sounds and the sudden, unnecessary movements in the bed where they laid because Amelia was struggling to keep it together.

It had been so long since she had anyone.

And she just needed someone, who just gets her and for who she is and she needed something to feel for. Maybe it may not be Arizona for now, and she understood that. But God, did she just want to feel something - to make up for the resentment, and anger - with how everything in her life seemed to have fallen apart. She wanted someone who could remind her how life could still be worthwhile, regardless of how unfair the world had been on her. The fear that she may one day lose herself because she lost just about everyone else. She needed an anchor that would pull her back to how she used to be. A feeling that she could not fulfill all on our own, because God she tried that and it didn't work and had only made things worse for her.

It seemed as if Arizona had the ability to read minds when she turned her body around to face Amelia. The room was dark, but she could feel the weight of Arizona's eyes on her all thanks to the faint light coming from a post right outside her window. Amelia had no idea how much Arizona could see, but she knew she had been crying, maybe even had woken her up from the constant sniffles she uncontrollably had.

Arizona extended her hand towards Amelia's face, intricately skimming her fingers to wipe the tears in her eyes. Amelia, a bit taken aback by how quickly Arizona was able to be there for her once again, got her frozen in place. In between her disheveled heap, Amelia watched as Arizona's palm landed on the side of her face after wiping her tears. With creased eyebrows and the look of concern once again evident in her features she spoke, "Hey. What's wrong?"

It was gut-wrenching, the way she tried to hold back her sob resulting in her throat tightening, and short intakes of breath. She struggled to find the words to say, surely now was not the time. But Arizona's warmth made her secure and salubrious and she couldn't deny that it was all she wanted at that very moment. Without saying anything else, as if in understanding - Arizona nodded her head, and decided to pull Amelia in her arms instead. Without putting too much weight on her, Amelia's upper body partially landed on top of Arizona, and into her chest - Arizona enveloped her in a hug, arm behind her back and the other just below her waist. She rubbed her fingers gently across her back, calming her. She tried to contain the rapid beating of her chest, but failed - surely Arizona wouldn't mind anyway. "Whatever you wanted." Arizona said in assurance. Three simple words.

That was all it took to put Amelia to sleep.

-x-