Half of my Soul
Chapter 1: Anguish
Author's note: Hellooo, everyone! 'Tis I! I return, after 8 whole years. So, I've decided to do a re-write of my only other fanfic, 'Falling for You.'. Except it is a little different. I have definitely made a lot of changes. I also did not expect it to be this long. Slow-burnish vibes...? Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! (P.S. there's a glossary at the bottom for any Japanese words/terms used.)
Sunlight trickled through the fluttering leaves of the cherry blossom tree that drooped wearily over the courtyard of the compound, a light wind making them dance ever so slightly. Several wayward flowers being whisked away, carried into irregular directions within their vicinity. One of these unknowing flowers strayed on to the path leading to an open shoji door into the tea room. The flower lands gracefully on the chabudai that sits in the middle of the pristinely managed room, right beside an unsuspecting cup of steaming green tea.
The cup had been set down prior to the arrival of this single flower, and the person who had done so was now staring at it curiously, her lavender eyes full of wonder. Her delicate fingers moving to pick it up, then grazing her fingertips gently along the petals and taking in every little detail, from its thin texture down to its filament. She was lost in thought, almost in awe at this innocent little bud until a rather discernible noise was caught in the background; one that was determined to make itself heard.
"Hinata." The voice of her father, distant but becoming evident with each repetition of her name. "Hinata." He repeated once again, with a hint of exasperation and urgency. "Very well," she thought. She would bite.
"My apologies, Father." She steadies herself, straightening her back once more, the flower remaining in her grasp. "You were saying?"
"Ah, seems like I've finally managed to catch your attention," he states with a slight shake of the head, his sleek brown strands of hair swishing along in rhythm as he does so. Hinata counts the wrinkles on his forehead. One, two. She wonders if she shall be the cause of a third. "Hinata, as I was saying before, I believe it is time for you to start considering taking a husband. You are now 22 years of age. I have never thought of myself as the type of father who would want to place this burden upon you very early on, but I do think that I have given you quite a bit of leeway over the past few years. And that is saying quite a bit, considering you are the heiress of our clan."
She sighs softly, recalling why she had zoned out in the first place. She gazes once more at the flower in her palm, which surprisingly had yet to crease. It was a translucent shade of white. "I understand that it is my duty to wed and bear an heir, however there is nobody in the village that has managed to catch my eye-let alone my heart." She knew that she was lying through her teeth. So did her father. She could see it pass in his milky white eyes…that fleeting flash of pity. She did not want to be pitied.
Her father, having regained himself, takes a slow sip of his tea, eyes closed as if he were deep in thought. "That is unfortunate indeed. Would you be open to meeting any eligible young men, however...?" he poses hesitantly. She blinks slowly, her gaze lowered as she mulls over his words.
"Of course, they will be among the finest in Konoha-that I assure you of." He adds, as if it were any comfort. As if anybody, anybody other than him would ever be worthy.
He loosens up, relaxing over the table to await her answer like there was all the time in the world. Although, they both knew there wasn't. She abruptly swallows the sigh that would've escaped her rosy lips, it slips to the pits of her stomach...only adding to the growing feeling of unease that had been wallowing in its depths.
"Alright, Father. I shall do as you wish." She states with an air of certainty, assuredness.
The corners of her father's mouth upturn slightly, stance now fully relaxed and at ease. Her gaze shifts once more, to the lone flower in her palm. The alabaster petals now appearing to have drooped.
An hour later, Hinata stood in her room, still fully clad in her simple yet elegant lavender iromuji. She had adamantly shooed off the ladies' maid that had trailed behind her with much persistence on the way back. "Not today," she had thought. Today, she wanted to be alone, even if just for a moment. She undoes her obi the way she was taught, and slowly begins to strip, layer after layer pooling at her feet till she remains in nothing but her undershirt, shorts and favourite pair of socks. She steals a glance at herself in a full-length mirror that stands in the corner of her room.
"Is this the face of a bride...?" she says out loud, her voice seeming to echo off the walls of her room. She heads over to the mirror, gearing herself up to look. Her fingers raise to trace the corners of her face, gliding over her cheeks and down to her chin. Her lavender-tinted eyes that appear soulless and empty to many, gaze back at her, framed by thick lashes. She studies every detail, from her thin nose to her heart-shaped, full lips, currently painted a rosy red. Her jawline, although not as sharp as that of Ino's or as rounded as Sakura's, retained a little bit of both from her younger years. Her hair was what she had always considered to be her one redeeming feature and the only one that had any colour, thick and long, a dark, deep blue. Almost reminiscent of the midnight sky.
It was currently in a neat updo, a simple bun that left no strays save for her signature hime-styled bangs, the two longer strands loosely framing her face. She reaches up to swiftly pull out the pins holding her bun in place, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as tendrils of silky, blue locks cascade on to her shoulders. She fingers a strand, twirling it around as she glimpses at herself once more. Her father's words pop in her mind...her free hand clenching tightly into a fist at the thought of being wed to a complete stranger. Would she be able to truly love him? Could her heart possibly be freed from the shackles that had been imposed by the one and only man she has ever loved?
'He could've been yours.' The nagging voice in the back of her mind whispered, almost menacingly. That familiar, burning sensation had begun to build in her chest. The corners of her eyes stung with the bout of tears that would've come, had she not stopped them by giving herself a bit of a slap upon her right cheek. She wasn't going to shed any tears today. Instead, she lets out a shaky sigh, unclenching her fist...crescent-shaped marks now carved into her palm.
"I suppose I should get going." She mutters softly to herself, then pads over to her wardrobe, footsteps barely heard upon the tatami flooring of her room. She opens the wardrobe and pulls out a simple, calf-length pink skirt with white finishings, grabbing a loose pastel pink t-shirt to match. She pulls it on over her long-sleeved black undershirt, then slips on the skirt. She opens a bejewelled box that sits invitingly on the dresser next to her wardrobe, a gift from her late mother. Selecting a thin pink ribbon, she weaves it into her navy-blue tresses, resulting in a loose half-up, half-down hairstyle. She dabs a bit of magenta-hued blush on to the apples of her cheeks, noting that she should take more efforts to add colour to her features. Finally, she takes hold of the nearest bag she can find, a plain black cloth sling bag, multipurpose. She gives herself a onceover in the mirror, and attempts a smile which she then drops, silently berating herself for being so very awkward. She picks up a pair of sandals in one hand, the other sliding open her room door, heading to the entrance of the compound.
She hums a soft tune as she draws closer to the village centre. Her mood lifting as she glances at the children playing tag among the trees near the park. She recalls the time she used to watch as her friends played when they were genin, the memory of her retreating shyly when a certain blue-eyed blonde had approached her and asked to play still fresh in her mind. A pang of regret shot through her at the thought. Perhaps she should have joined him, back then. She might have been noticed more. She reaches the village centre, her feet tracking automatically to the flower shop run by the Yamanaka clan. She wanted to add sunflowers to her ever-growing garden. The chiming of a bell is heard as she gently pushes open the front door, followed by a high-pitched squeal that could only belong to that of Ino Yamanaka. Hinata braces herself, plastering on a smile that is quickly turned into a look of dread as the tall platinum blonde dashes at her for a bear hug.
"Hinataaa! Ohmygosh, it has been SO long!" she exclaims as she wraps her arms around her even tighter, nearly squeezing the life out of poor Hinata. She gasps for air momentarily, silently wondering where Ino managed to gain such monstrous strength, until she is finally released. She pants a little, catching her breath and adjusting her clothes as Ino grins widely at her.
Having regained herself, Hinata meets her gaze and grimaces weakly. "Hello Ino! You're right, it has indeed been a while. I hope you're well."
The azure-eyed girl raises a fine eyebrow, placing her hands on her wide hips, her deep purple skirt swishing as she leans closer to Hinata. "What's with the formal tone? It's just me, silly! Not one of your clan members." She pokes at Hinata's cheek playfully. "Come onnn, you can drop ittt~!"
Hinata chuckles softly as she attempts and fails to swat Ino's finger away, a genuine smile gracing her pale features. "Okay, okay. I've missed you too!"
Ino nods, satisfied. "So, you mind telling me where you've been for the past two weeks? Nobody else has seen you AT ALL. I would know, I've asked almost everyone!"
"Well..." Hinata starts, then meekly trails off. She isn't sure how much she's willing to tell Ino. She could be a bit of a blabbermouth, after all. Her gaze lowers, flitting to a bunch of purple orchids in the corner of the store.
Ino's smile suddenly drops, her expression one of concern. She places a hand on Hinata's shoulder, her tone lowering by a few decibels. "Hey...could it have anything to do with...the news we all got two weeks ago..?
Hinata starts, a sliver of hurt reflected in her lilac irises. A faint memory of that night slipping into her mind. The crippling, blinding pain. The smile that she had to force, despite wanting to sink into the floor and simply disappear forever. The tears that never ceased, wracking her over and over again. Her tatami floors had been soaked. Her eyelids so puffy and swollen the next day, she couldn't even recognise herself. The hollowness in her heart.
She gathered herself, smiling as she looked up at Ino and saying "No, not at all. I was handling some duties in the compound, that's all. Kept me really busy."
Ino's expression of concern turns into one of uncertainty. She chews her lower-lip slightly, evidently holding back from pestering Hinata with more questions. "Ah, I see. Well, that does make sense! At any rate, it really is good to see you again. Try not to go missing like that too often, okay? We get worried."
Hinata nods, wanting to ask who "we" is. But she doesn't. "So, what are you here for? The usual lilacs? Roses?" Ino asks.
"I'm here to get some sunflower seeds, actually. Do you have any in stock?"
"Oooh, lucky you. Some came in just yesterday. Have a look!"
She smiles in thanks, heading over to the section marked "Seeds" in Ino's elegant writing. She picks up a packet of sunflower seeds and heads to the counter, but her eye is caught by a bunch of red camellias among the flowers in the centre of the store.
Ino's high-pitched voice chimes in. "Eyeing the red camellias, are we? A good choice. They represent love. A sign of deep desire for someone. Do you want some?" She smiles, almost sadly at Hinata. The dark-haired girl catches it from the corner of her eye. There it was again. That look of pity. How she resented it.
She continues to the counter, tearing her eyes away from the camellias, striking as they were. "No, thanks. I'll just take these," she replies, placing the packet of seeds on the counter before rummaging for her purse in her bag. Ino looks her over once more, hiding any further thoughts she had.
"Sure, that'll be 1000 yen." The door of the store flings open, the bell chiming loudly in response to the extra force. Ino's face lights up as she eyes the person who has just entered, waving excitedly as she beckons for them to come over. Hinata raises a brow, wondering who it could be as she turns to face them. Her insides begin to turn immediately, as her gaze lands upon that of Sakura Haruno. Otherwise known as, the girl who had been newly engaged to Naruto two weeks ago. The pink-haired girl clad in a strappy maroon sundress happily skips over to them, returning Ino's wave with equal fervour. She immediately wraps her arms around Hinata, giving her a warm squeeze coupled with a friendly smile. "We haven't seen you in ages. Are you doing okay?'" The same questions rained down upon Hinata. She could not be bothered less.
"Not good at all," she wishes she could say. "I'd be feeling a lot better, if it weren't for you." The bitter part of her screams. But it would be out of character for her. She had always been quiet, sweet Hinata. Why should she change that now? What she had wanted for so long had already been taken. By someone who was the polar opposite of her. Bright, friendly and outspoken Sakura. The ideal girl for Naruto. He certainly believes so. She knew that it wasn't the emerald-eyed girl's fault, especially since Naruto had always been the one who chased after her for years. But she could not help the resentment and bitterness that she felt. Sakura never had to try. Sakura never had to fight for him, or even risk her life for him. It was all for naught. She hated that she felt this way, she never had anything against her. But feelings are feelings, and they do not simply vanish.
She smiles softly at Sakura, answering her questions as best as she could. Sakura could tell something was wrong, however.
"Hinata, are you really okay? You know if you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me-"Yes Sakura-san, I know I can. I'm really sorry, but I have to go now. Lots of other things to buy, you know how it is. I'll see you both soon!" Hinata sputters out hurriedly, before placing the money on the counter, grabbing the seed packet and dashing for the door.
The door swings shut slowly, leaving two bewildered yet concerned girls gazing at it.
"I hope she's doing alright." Ino says. "Yeah...me too."
A flash of lightning could be heard in the distance, followed by a bellow of thunder. The dark grey clouds unforgiving as they add to the downpour that drenches the village. A dreary and ruthless scene unfolds in one of the houses in the compound. A child no less than 7 years of age, stood before the lifeless bodies of his parents lying inanimately on the ground. A pool of blood surrounds them both and darker, dried-up patches of the crimson liquid were scattered across the wooden floors. He is frozen in terror, his glazed obsidian eyes locked upon the grisly sight. "M-mother...? Father?" he stutters out. A chill runs down his spine. A presence is sensed behind him, he turns around slowly...to meet a pair of glowing red eyes.
Sasuke Uchiha rouses from a nightmare, his chest heaving as he gasps for air. He runs a hand through his hair, hissing softly as his fingers touch a sweat-masked forehead before reaching his tresses. He turns his head to look at the nearest window, noticing that it was late evening. He had returned home, exhausted from a brief training with Naruto and collapsed on his bed for a nap. Although brief, training with Naruto was never not tiring. He was, after all, the only person in Konoha who could contest Sasuke.
"Tch." He says out loud in mild irritation, remembering that Naruto had won today's spar. The whisker-marked man never failed to gloat afterwards. He gets out of bed and heads to a mirror, assessing the damage from earlier. Sasuke was a lean-muscled man, taller than most, with broad shoulders. He studied his upper torso, noticing a bruise just below his left pectoral. He reaches out to touch it, wincing sharply at the sore feeling. Assuring there were no others on his body, he moved closer to check his face. Fortunately, there was nothing save for a small cut on his bottom lip. He sighed in relief. Though he didn't consider himself particularly vain, Sasuke did care about his looks a little. After all, it was what made him one of the most sought-after men in the village. Besides Naruto, that is. "Oh right," he thought. "The idiot got engaged." 'Suppose he was officially at the top of the list again. He did not think much of it.
He vaguely attempts to recall his plans for the evening. He remembers that he was to go to the market and get tomato seeds. He had been meaning to cultivate his own little garden for a while now. It would also save him a hell of a lot of time, if he could just grow and eat his own tomatoes instead of constantly having to buy them. He takes a quick shower, then pulls on a loose navy sweater with a pair of comfy black slacks. He spends several minutes in front of the mirror, debating on his hairstyle. He finally settles on tying it back loosely, leaving only his usual long black fringe over his rinnegan. He studies his features, affirming that he looked decent enough. His near-perfect jawline, sharp as ever and his dark, jet-black eyes glaringly obvious. He doesn't bother smiling, picking up the nearest pair of dark blue sandals and heading out.
He strolls casually through the square, ignoring the stares that were bound to come his way. He was used to them. He had been a spectacle for nearly his entire life. "Look, it's the Uchiha boy!" they used to say. "The only surviving member of his clan. Did you know, they were all slaughtered by his very own brother? Even their parents! Such a shame indeed."
Although the times had changed after the war, and the truth was revealed about Itachi's true nature, the eyes and the whispers had never really disappeared. He would always be cursed, branded as a traitor. He had yet to fully earn back the trust of most of the village. The only ones who did trust him were Naruto, Sakura, and most of the other jounin. There were a few exceptions, though. He scowled at the thought of the Inuzuka. He increases his pace as he trudges past the florist, his sharp eyes catching a blur of pink, platinum blonde and...dark blue? Who did that hair colour belong to, again? Hyuga...Hana? Whatever. It didn't matter. He notices that he's approached the market, at last. He heads past each stall, combing the sections for tomatoes. Besides the seeds, he had a hearty tomato soup in mind for dinner. A meal that he liked to secretly indulge in during his time alone on missions. It reminded him of his mother. Of home.
He finds the tomato section, picking out the usual large, beefsteak ones that he loved so much. He heads over to the seed section, but is then faced with a dilemma. He realises that he had no idea how to plant tomatoes. He picks up a packet of cherry tomato seeds, then a packet of large tomato seeds. He glares at them, flipping around the packets to see if any instructions came with these things. Alas, there were none. He did not know who to ask. Naruto would probably laugh in his face despite not knowing, and Sakura might know but tell Naruto. Either way, he didn't want to found out by Naruto. He stands there for a good five minutes, torn between leaving the packets altogether, or taking them home and winging it. He sighs to himself, about to return the packets to their former positions until a soft voice is heard from behind him.
"Uchiha...san?" He turns, noticing that it's the Hyuga girl. "Hyuga," he states plainly, with a little nod in her direction. She bows in greeting, ever the proper heiress.
"I couldn't help but notice you as I was heading over to get some tomatoes. I didn't know you grew your own greens."
He glances at the packets in his hand, then back at her again. Maybe he could ask her. She didn't seem like the type to blab. He combs a hand through his hair out of habit. What a pain. "Truth be told, it's my first time. Have you grown tomatoes before?"
She blinks slowly, seemingly taken aback by his answer, but regaining her composure and replying with a "Yes, I actually have. It's not complicated at all, really." She steps closer to the aisle, picking up a few packets and beginning to explain. Sasuke does his best to listen, but it eventually grew a bit too technical for him.
He holds up a hand, as if to stop her in her tracks. She halts abruptly mid-convo, a hint of disappointment glinting in her violet-hued eyes. He almost felt bad. "Hyuga, listen. Maybe you could write it down, or something? It would make things a lot easier for me."
"Ah, of course. Good idea, Uchiha-san." She says, proceeding to pull a notepad and pen out of her bag. He cocks a brow, slightly amused by the fact that she had a notebook handy. He observes her as she writes, analysing her features as he had rarely ever looked at her. She was reserved in stature, but her body language indicated friendliness and openness. Her thick lashes were lowered as she concentrated, cloudy indigo locks of hair draping forward as she leaned over the nearest counter. She finished up and tore out the page, handing it over to him.
"I hope it helps, Uchiha-san. If you have trouble, please do not hesitate to ask."
He nods once more, taking the piece of paper from her and replying with a "Yeah, I will. Thanks."
She smiles politely, bowing again before padding off to the tomato section. He watches her from the corner of his eye for a bit, before paying and heading home.
A few hours later, Sasuke sits back comfortably in his chair, stifling a yawn. He had just dug in to a nice, warm bowl of tomato soup and was feeling a bout of drowsiness. His eyelids had begun to droop slowly, until a knock was heard at the door. He groans audibly, wondering who it could possibly be at this hour. Only one person came to mind, a certain loud-mouthed blonde. He shuffles lazily over to the door, swinging it open and bracing himself to yell at the idiot. A look of surprise crosses his face as he sees that it is someone from the Hyuga clan. A member of the cadet branch, as he notes by the forehead covering.
"Sasuke Uchiha-san, I arrive with an official proposition from the head of our honoured clan, Hiashi Hyuga. He is currently searching for a groom for his eldest daughter, of whom is also the heiress to the Hyuga. She is eligible for marriage, and he wants only the finest for her. He seeks audience with you at the Hyuga compound, later this week. Would you be keen in gracing us with your presence...?" the man pauses, straightening up from his bow to await Sasuke's answer.
Sasuke raises a brow, leaning against the door frame as he contemplates the man's words.
This just got interesting.
Glossary
Shoji door - Sliding outer partition doors made of a latticework wooden frame and covered with a tough, translucent white paper.
Chabudai - A short-legged table used in traditional Japanese homes.
Iromuji - A single colour kimono often worn during Japanese tea ceremonies
Obi - A broad sash worn round the waist of a Japanese kimono.
Hime-styled bangs - Hinata's signature hair style, y'all have to know this!
Tatami - A type of mat used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese-style rooms.
Author's note: I hope you enjoyed it, if you've made it this far. Please leave a review and any comments, I promise I'm open to constructive criticism!
