A/N: What you are about to read is not only the first Sonic/Helltaker crossover (technically Sonic/Doom/Helltaker, but FanFiction won't let me do three-way crossovers), but also quite possibly the most vile, Satanic fanfic you will ever read. If copious amounts of blood and gore, explicit sex, swearing, Satanic imagery and even alcohol and tobacco references bother you, please turn away. Otherwise, read on for a heavy metal hellride unlike any other!


"Carl…" Bob Alberink pulled out a Smith & Wesson Model 586. "…I remember everything, you son of a bitch."

"Ah, so you HAVE regained your memory!" said Carl Shearer. "Unfortunately, it won't be of any help to you, Bob!"

"Shaddy, are you watching cheesy action movies again?"

Shadow the Hedgehog, who had been watching Dead Men Don't Die Twice in the living room of Rouge the Bat's mansion, looked over and saw Rouge standing next to the couch, her fists on her hips.

"And what if I am?" said Shadow. "At least I'm doing something that gives me some measure of happiness in this rotten world."

Rouge briefly glared at Shadow before bursting out into laughter.

"What?" said Shadow.

"I'm sorry, it's just that you're so cute when you try to be an edgy hedgie!"

"Rouge, you're lucky that you're my favorite person and that I'm grateful that you let me board here."

Rouge smiled. "Awww, you're so sweet!"

Rouge sat down on the leather couch that Shadow was sitting on and gave him a big hug. Though not ordinarily one to be into affection, he returned her gesture, mainly because deep down inside, he cried out for someone to look past his rough, edgy exterior and see the good that lay within his heart. Ever since he first saw her, he had somewhat of a liking for her, but it wasn't until the Metal Sonic incident and the Black Arms invasion that he truly began to see her for who she really was: someone who – despite her cheeky, flirty, gem-seeking nature – showed kind, motherly affection to people in dire need. If he were mortal, he gladly would've given his life to protect hers. However, he didn't dwell too much on this morbid thought and instead concentrated on how soft, warm and cuddly she felt and how he enjoyed holding her while watching the rest of the movie. By the time the end credits were rolling, they let go.

"Thanks again, Rouge. Really, I can't tell you how much you mean to me."

"You're always welcome, honey! You're such a nice guest to have!"

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be returning to my room. I'll probably still be there if you need me for anything that's actually important."

"You got it!"


After hopping off the couch, Shadow headed up to his bedroom. On his way there, however, his Hedgehog Sense tingled. This was a sign of impending danger or something that would otherwise be of interest. Shadow turned towards the direction that it was tingling in, and he noticed that Rouge had left the door to her personal office open. On one hand, he respected Rouge's personal business and would feel bad about rifling through her papers, but on the other hand, whatever his Hedgehog Sense was telling him about was something of grave importance, so he threw caution to the wind and entered. On her office desk, he found what he was looking for in the following report:

"FILE# 05X600061901

FOR: AGENT ROUGE

RE: OPERATION: NO REMORSE

CLEARANCE: TOP SECRET

According to Agent Doak, scientists at the Ekhsezhaba Research Center in the Roseinian Empire are working to open a portal to Hell. While we are unconvinced of the Roseinians' ability to succeed in this task, we are nevertheless gravely concerned about what would happen if they were to succeed. You are to command a strike team to secure the facility, and if any creatures have escaped from Hell, to deal with them accordingly. As always, should you or any member of your strike team be caught or killed, I will personally disavow any knowledge of your involvement. Best of luck.

-Commander Tower"

For the first time in his life, Shadow could feel his stomach turning as if he ate something that disagreed with him. Remembering how Professor Gerald Robotnik got involved with the Black Arms and how Duke Russell Willis of Soleanna tampered with Solaris, he decided that every second that the Roseinians were left to their own devices was another second that the world was in even greater danger. Carefully putting the report down as close to its original position as possible, he quickly walked out of Rouge's office and kept up his brisk pace as he headed downstairs, encountering her as he neared the bottom of the stairs.

"Shaddy, is everything OK?"

"Sorry, I can't talk; I have to check something really quickly."

Rouge gave a sly smile. "Well, OK then!"

Shadow headed to a hardened metal door, which led to the mansion's armory/firing range.

"HALT, SHADOW," said E-123 Omega. "STATE YOUR PURPOSE FOR HEADING TO THE ARMORY."

"Sonic and Tails requested my help on a top-secret mission, so I need to arm myself."

"MY ANALOGIC CIRCUITS INDICATE THAT YOUR STATEMENT IS 100% TRUE. I SHALL PERMIT YOU TO DO SO."

Thus, Shadow punched in an access code on a nearby keypad, and he entered the armory, which had lockers upon lockers of various types of weapons, from small stuff such as throwing knives, handguns and shurikens up to heavy machine guns and rocket launchers. Knowing that no good could come from a portal to Hell being opened, Shadow armed himself accordingly, with a Heckler & Koch MP5A5, an M16A1, a Franchi SPAS-12, an M60 and an M79, plus ammo for each, including buckshot and high explosive rounds for the SPAS-12 and high explosive and "beehive" rounds for the M79. However, he also found an additional weapon locked in a drab green metal crate with the words "GRIM REAPER" spray-painted on it: an M202 FLASH. For this, he grabbed three packs of M1968 "Blockbuster" tactical nuclear rockets.

Aside from grabbing weapons, Shadow also headed up to his room to grab a bag marked "SURVIVAL KIT". He also grabbed one more weapon that was special to him: a Smith & Wesson Model 29. Aside from grabbing some speedloaders, he grabbed a couple of boxes of Federal Premium Barnes Expander hollow point rounds. He then pointed the revolver at the wall.

"They pushed it too far. Now I'll give them a war they won't believe."

After imitating one of his favorite action movie lines, Shadow put away his Model 29 and pored through his record collection. He pulled out a copy of Warfare's Pure Filth album – a foreign edition with a couple of extra songs – put it on his Crosley CR-704 combo player and began rocking out. Warfare was one of his favorite bands because they brought a thrashy, punky flavor to NWOBHM, which made him want to headbang really hard. While this particular album had a bunch of great songs in his opinion, his favorite was a track called "This Machine Kills". In his opinion, it was a fitting song because even though he didn't think of himself as a machine, he was definitely a cold-blooded hardass who would kill someone for so much as looking at him the wrong way, and the Roseinians did more than look. Then, while Shadow was rocking out, he thought he heard someone knocking on his door, so he stopped the record and opened the door.

"Rouge, I hope you have a good reason for interrupting me while I'm listening to one of my favorite heavy metal albums." Shadow crossed his arms.

Rouge smiled. "Well, I figured you might be going on a long journey, so I brought you something important!"

Rouge handed Shadow a box of Trojan condoms, which he narrowed his eyes at.

"And why would I need those?" Shadow cast the box aside. "I have no plans to have sex with anyone on this particular journey."

Rouge frowned and put her fists on her hips. "Oh, don't get sassy with me, mister! I've seen the way you look at certain women!"

Shadow crossed his arms. "So? I'm still not bringing those condoms with me."

Rouge pointed at the condoms. "Shaddy, you get your little hedgie butt over to that box of condoms, and you pick them up this instant!"

"And if I don't…?"

"Then I'll NEVER make you those honey fried chicken and bacon biscuits you like EVER AGAIN!"

Shadow groaned. "Fine…"

Shadow headed to pick up the box of condoms, while Rouge smiled.

"Good boy!"

Just as Shadow picked up the box, Rouge hugged him from behind.

"Have I told you how proud I am of you?" said Rouge.

Shadow teared up. "Stop!"

"What? I'm just telling you about how happy you make me feel!"

"I know, it's just…you're too kind."

"Well, you deserve the kindness, sweetie!"

Shadow said nothing else. Even if Rouge's kindness felt syrupy at times, he was nevertheless grateful to receive any at all. Granted, he still felt rather sore from being forced to take the condoms along, but he decided that it couldn't hurt to take them, either. Eventually, Rouge let go, and Shadow wiped away his tears.

"If you'll excuse me, I have to do some work in the lab…"

"As you wish!" said Rouge.


Among other rooms, Rouge's mansion also had a science and electronics laboratory, where Shadow headed after putting Pure Filth back in its sleeve and back on the shelf. Down here, Shadow took out the boxes of .44 Magnum bullets he'd taken with him, put them on a lab table and began rifling through one of the chemical cabinets. Soon enough, he found what he was looking for: a bottle filled with a silvery salt marked "PLUTONIUM CYANIDE". Naturally, the bottle was marked "DANGER: RADIOACTIVE" and had the familiar radiation trefoil on it. Undeterred, he opened up the boxes of bullets, and using a small lab spoon, he poured as much plutonium cyanide as he feasibly could into the nose of each bullet, and after filling a bullet, he soldered a thin piece of cadmium onto each one so the radioactive powder wouldn't fall out. After filling a few speedloaders with ammo, he grabbed all his stuff and headed out the door when…

"Shaddy, wait!"

Shadow turned around and saw Rouge coming for him.

"Yes, Rouge?"

"You seemed like you were going on a long journey, so I made some crepes and sandwiches for you!"

Shadow took the brown paper bags with the crepes and sandwiches. "Thank you."

"Come here!"

Knowing that Rouge wanted to give him a goodbye hug, Shadow set the bags aside and hugged her. Consciously, he knew that he was going to succeed, but deep down inside, he just couldn't help but feel a tinge of sadness about leaving her and wanting to return to her, which is why this hug felt special to him. Shadow and Rouge held on for about a minute before letting go.

"Thank you, Rouge. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to see Sonic and Tails."

"Bye, Shaddy!" Rouge waved at Shadow. "Call me if you can!"

Shadow nodded and left.


Criticism is gold. Negativity and nitpicking are pyrite.