Just get it over with. The words ring in her ears as she peels back the duvet to climb into her empty bed. She exhales. Her mind races, and demons beg to come to the surface. Her phone lies on the bedside stand next to her.
Stone cold sober, and questioning his existence he glances at his own reflection in the mirror. He stands in his bathroom with a white towel around his waist. The wrinkles around his eyes remind him that time is not his friend. The phone vibrating on the counter next to the sink jars him back to reality.
"Is this a call for the members of insomnia anonymous?" He teases as he answers.
"El, come over," she insists just above a whisper.
Without a second glance backward in the mirror, or another moment of consideration he breathes, "I'm on my way.
She pulls the door open, and he smirks as he enters the apartment. There she is, in all of her glory clad in a pair of grey shorts, and an NYPD t-shirt. Her hair is barely secured into a clip. His eyes dance as he waits for an explanation.
"Noah isn't home," Olivia begins.
"Are you okay?" He sees a hint of panic in her dark eyes.
"No. I'm not okay. You walked away, and left my life in the middle of a chapter. I need closure."
"I'm standing here, right now. I've got all night. We can talk until our lungs give out."
She shakes her head, "I don't want to talk. I need to know if what is between us is anything more than a series of chemicals."
"What?!" His eyes widen, slightly taken aback by her casual approach to this conversation.
"Is it love, or is it lust? It seems pretty easy to test."
He bites his bottom lip, but remains frozen.
She sighs with the burden of twenty three years of frustration. Without warning she closes the gap between them, and presses her lips to his. Instinct takes over. His fingers are in her hair. It cascades onto her shoulders as he casts the hair clip aside. Her hand slips beneath his white t-shirt, and begins to peel it off him. In a matter of seconds their clothes are little more than a trail on the floor, as she leads him to the bedroom. They don't manage to make it as far as the bed.
Crumpled on the floor moments later they pair of them try to catch their breath. Olivia turns towards her former partner and shakes her head. With a single glance between them they begin laughing hysterically.
"You know this would have been better twenty years ago," Elliot insists.
"Youth did not suit either one of us particularly well. We were both too stubborn."
She smiles at him, "Lust it is."
"It is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason," he agrees.
"So we're both clear that we can move on with our lives now, right?"
"Yeah. This was great, but… I think we just needed to get it out of our system," Elliot answers.
"Not to be rude, but you can go. It's not as if I want to cuddle."
She's brushing her teeth when her phone buzzes. She spits her whitening toothpaste into the sink, and unlocks the screen.
I'm sorry for what I said. I put you in a tough spot. Before she can respond the phone begins ringing.
"Rafa, are you drunk?"
"No. I just called to apologize for putting you in an unfair position."
"So I'm what's keeping you up at night?" She queries.
"I'm going to take that as my cue to hang up, and go to bed."
"Is that what you really want?"
He scoffs, "You know that it's not. I just wish my heart weren't so foolish."
"The heart wants what it wants," Olivia counters.
"And your heart wants someone else."
"I don't think it's my heart that wants someone else."
"What are you saying?"
"There is a big difference between love, and lust."
"Fair enough."
"I am still wide awake, if you want to come over, and give your heart a break."
"Do not play with me, Olivia Benson."
"I am done playing. No more games. I owe it to everyone in my life, including myself."
In the light of the morning sun streaming in through the window Olivia feels relieved. As a pair of arms wrap around her she finally feels like she is home. She rolls over to find Rafael staring at her.
"I should probably go before Noah gets home."
"This time," she nods in agreement.
He offers a sly grin, "What do you mean this time?"
"We probably should have taken things a little slower, but I want more of this."
"Do not toy with me. Please be specific."
"Waking up next to you feels right. I've spent such a long time numbing myself from the possibility that anything long term, regardless of the partner could never work out. We both know I sabotage myself at every turn. I never want to let anyone too close. Rafa, I want to leave the door open, but I am going to require a lot of patience. We should pump the breaks, and take this one moment at a time."
"What do you have in mind?"
"We could start with an actual date," Olivia suggests.
"How did you come to the conclusion that you should give this a shot?"
"You don't want to know."
"Liv," he implores.
She sighs, "Sometimes you just have to let in all of the feelings long enough to tease out fact from fiction."
