Casey so help me if you're not here in 60 seconds... Chuck thought, scanning the crowd for the familiar scowling face of John Casey. His hand slowly, almost with a mind of its own, crept down towards the back of his pants where his tranquilizer gun was hidden. Sweat began to form on his neck. His eyes once again flashed towards the middle aged red haired woman making her way towards the train. She was no further than 45 seconds now from reaching it. Chuck took a deep breath, attempting to calm his mind, preparing to flash so he would be able to stop her from boarding, knowing it would completely blow their cover. Just as he was about to flash, he suddenly saw the unmistakable form of John Casey step from seemingly out of nowhere, into the woman's path. Chuck watched, his heart pounding in his ears as Casey leaned close to the woman's left ear and whispered something while simultaneously, yet subtly, moving his left hand which was still concealed in the pocket of the black jacket he wore, and pressed it into the woman's side. As Chuck watched, he realized he was holding his breath, and didn't release it until the woman turned and walked away from the train, accompanied by Casey. Chuck sighed with relief, the tension of the moment rapidly draining away. He glanced around to make sure no one was watching, then quickly moved his wrist up towards his face and pressed a small button on the side of his wristwatch.

"Package is secure" he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could.


Back at Castle, after the red haired woman had been secured in one of the holding cells, John Casey emerged into the main conference room and grunted, attempting to get the attention of Chuck, who was sitting at the table in the middle of the room, but who was clearly lost in his own thoughts. At the sound of Casey's grunt, Chuck snapped out of his reverie and looked up, hiding his emotions at once again being caught lost in some very painful memories by flashing his trademark half smile.

"Did she tell you anything?" he asked with the usual hopeful yet naïve tone in his voice. Casey just grunted again in response and silently walked over to the armory to store his weapons. The silence didn't last long however.

"We didn't bring her in for a chat Bartowski. We brought her in for the flash drive she was carrying"

"So she had it then?"

"The intel was good, she had it. Our client will be very happy. Unfortunately"

"That's good then" Chuck replied, a look of confusion crossing his face. "Isn't it?"

"Not if you're me and feeling overdue for a good interrogation. Just once I'd like to beat what we need out of somebody" Noticing Chuck's surprise at his answer, Casey added "For old times sake."

Before Chuck could respond they were interrupted by a voice belonging to the woman walking down the stairs towards them.

"Don't worry about Casey Chuck, he's just tired of all the data retrieval assignments we've been getting lately"

"Gertrude" Casey responded with a grin. "I was wondering how long we'd be waiting for you."

Gertrude Verbanski walked right up to within a foot of Casey and responded in a low seductive voice.

"I make you wait just long enough, to the point where you can't decide if you want me... or need me"

Chuck's eyes went wide and he immediately turned his back towards the two of them to hide his embarrassment.

"Okay, if this is going to be the norm for Carmichael Enterprises I may need you guys to get me my own personal Castle, just sayin'."

"Grow up Bartowski. If you can't handle real adults in the room I'm sure we could turn one of the holding cells into a nursery for you. Besides, I had to put up with plenty from you and Walker..." Casey's voice trailed off, as the weight of his words settled on the three of them.

"Chuck-" Gertrude said gently, but Chuck turned around and cut her off before she could say any more.

"Look, I'm not going to have a breakdown every time you mention Sarah. It happens. So please stop walking on eggshells around me if her name comes up. I can handle it. What I can't handle right now is pity, or for this workplace to come to a halt every time someone accidentally says Sarah Walker, ok?"

Casey gave a brief nod to show he understood while Gertrude just looked at him silently, her blank face betraying no emotion. Chuck decided to leave it at that and walked up the stairs that led to the secret entrance to the Buy More. But before he had even reached the store, he found himself lost again in those painful memories.


Three Months Ago

Chuck slowly and reluctantly pulled back from the kiss. He was almost afraid to pull away and open his eyes. When he finally did he immediately scanned Sarah's face for any sign of recognition, any glimmer in her deep blue eyes that would tell him she was back, that she remembered. What he saw felt like a knife being driven into his heart. Her expression was one of longing, but not for him. It was longing to remember something, anything. Her eyes were brimming with tears as she looked at him. He knew what she was going to say before she even said it.

"It didn't work Chuck."

The pain in her voice nearly broke him right then and there. He could see how badly she'd wanted it to work. He KNEW how badly he'd been hoping the same. He also knew he needed to say something. But his mind was as blank as her memory. Chuck felt like if he spoke he would break down, and he couldn't do that. She needed him to be strong, now more than ever. After several silent moments, watching Sarah looking at him, desperately waiting for him to say something, he calmed himself to the point where he knew his voice wouldn't crack.

"Maybe it'll just take some time" he suggested, knowing how lame it sounded even as he said it, but he didn't know what else to say.

Sarah continued to look at him, then she turned her head and sniffled once, wiping away a tear that had snuck out of her left eye. When she turned back there was a change in her expression. Something had shifted. She somehow looked more like Agent Walker instead of his wife.

"Chuck, I made a decision." Her voice was flat, emotionless. Chuck felt his chest tighten with sudden fear, though he had no idea why.

"Sarah you don't need to decide anything right now. Let's go back to my place, or to Castle, or maybe to Morgan, I'm sure he's got other ideas. Let's just-"

"Chuck, listen to me" she interrupted, and he heard a hint of emotion in her voice. Was it pain?

"I'm listening" he replied.

"I decided that if the kiss didn't work I would leave Burbank and go back into the field. I already contacted Beckman and she's arranged everything. I'll be leaving within 24 hours."

Chuck felt his fear turn to sheer panic.

"Sarah you can't leave! We can figure this thing out. You don't belong out there! You belong here, right here, with me." Chuck didn't care that he sounded desperate. He would have gotten on his knees and begged if they weren't already sitting.

"Chuck I made up my mind already. This is for the best." Her voice wavered just a bit as she said this and once again tears began to well in Sarah's eyes. Chuck wanted to drown in them.

"Sarah" Chuck pleaded, the volume of his voice rising to a near-yell. "We can't fix this if you're out there. You're my wife, you're a part of Carmichael Industries, and I need you here! I need you home, this is home Sarah! Here, not out there! I don't want to go back to worrying about you on a mission, I can't go back to only hearing from you-"

"You won't hear from me"

The response was so quiet Chuck wasn't sure he'd heard her right. He was living a nightmare and he wanted to scream until he woke up.

"What do you mean I won't hear from you?" he asked, lowering the volume of his voice, his tone as serious as it had ever been.

"When I told Beckman about my plan to re-enter the field if I couldn't regain my memory, the agreement was I'd be placed somewhere far from here..." Sarah's voice wavered again, nearly breaking as she continued, "...and you wouldn't be told where. It'll be classified. Not even Casey will know." Her voice finally cracked, a sob escaping her lips as she finished, barely able to speak louder than a whisper: "It's for the best"

Chuck's world was turning upside down and now he DID yell, not out of anger, but out of pure desperation.

"You keep saying it's for the best, but best for WHO Sarah? It's certainly not for the best for me, or for Casey, the guy who has been your partner now for 5 years, or for your friends like Morgan and Alex who care about you, and its DEFINITELY not the best for our marriage, so who exactly do you think this is best for Sarah? Because from where I'm sitting this isn't the best for ANYONE. It's the WORST. Literally the WORST.

Tears were streaming down Sarah's face at this point, and Chuck felt his eyes getting wet as well. After a few moments, she responded, choking back sobs as she did.

"It's all I know Chuck. It's all I remember. Staying here... it wouldn't be fair to you. It would be like living with a shell of a woman. You'd be living with someone who you have all these memories of, who can't remember them herself. You'd be living with the person you remember, only it wouldn't be! I'm not the Sarah you married. I'm not the Sarah in the story you told me. When I told you to tell us our story its because I truly hoped, believed even, that I'd remember and be that Sarah again. But I didn't, and I'm not. I'm not that Sarah now! That story is your story with her. I don't remember being that Sarah. I don't know how to be that Sarah! I'm sorry Chuck. I really am. I'm so sorry you lost your Sarah. I wish I could be her. You have no idea how much I wish I could be her. But without my memories I can't...I just can't..."

At this point the dam broke and Sarah was no longer sobbing, she'd completely burst into tears, burying her face into Chucks chest. As Chuck felt her body shake from crying, he realized he was shaking too. He was silently crying himself. He couldn't bear to lose her. After a few minutes of shared tears, Sarah slowly began to compose herself and gently pulled away from him, slowly sitting upright.

"There's one more thing Chuck" she said, still sniffling a bit. "This might be even harder to hear."

Chuck looked at her incredulously.

"I just found out you want to leave, for who knows how long, maybe forever, and I won't get to see you or talk to you or even know if you're alive or not, and you're telling me there's more, and somehow its worse? Sarah, to me there is NOTHING worse than losing you. Nothing."

Sarah took a deep breath, steadying herself. When she spoke her voice was strong again, only a hint of the pain Chuck knew she was sharing with him remained.

"When I leave, I don't plan on coming back. For my safety and for yours, Beckman suggested that we remain married when I leave... but that at some point, and I'm not exactly sure when, we will need to divorce. When the appropriate time comes, I'll fill out my part of the forms and send them to Beckman, and then she'll send them to you to finish and file."

Chuck felt like he'd been shot.

"Divorce?" was all he managed to respond.

"Chuck, it wouldn't be right or fair to either of us to be in a marriage under these circumstances. I don't want to endanger you, and I want you to move on, to be able to live your life."

"You are my life Sarah" he responded flatly.

"I know you feel that way" Sarah responded as tenderly as she could. "I may not remember you or the life we had, but these past few days you've made an unforgettable impression on me. This wasn't an easy decision, Chuck, I want you to know that. I do feel something towards you. But I need to go where I can be helpful. I remember all my training and I know my life as a spy. I still remember that much. That's why I made this decision. I can't stay here and just be a painful reminder of another life. I can't look at you, knowing you have all these memories of me, and not be able to remember them myself. It would be too painful for me. I told you I hoped I would remember everything. I meant it. The life you and... well... the life that would be here in Burbank if I had my memories is the one I'd choose if I had my memories. I want you to know that. But I have to do what I think is best since I don't have them. I know this is going to be harder on you than me, you DO have those memories. All I can tell you is I'm sorry Chuck. I really am. But I've made up my mind so please don't fight me on it. I'm going to go now, and I'm asking you to please not follow me or try to contact me. I want my last memories of you to be here, on this beach. I don't want them to be of us fighting. This way this beach can be special for both of us. One thing at least we can still share."

Sarah stood up, Chuck remained seated, silent. Finally he lifted his eyes to meet Sarah's. She was looking at him with a mixture of sadness, determination, acceptance, and maybe a hint of something more. Chuck nodded, a silent agreement that there would be no fighting, no more pleading. This really was it, regardless of how much it tore him apart. After a few moments gazing at each other, Chuck broke the silence.

"I'm never going to forget you Sarah. I'm never going to stop hoping. I'm also never going to get over you."

Sarah Walker smiled, bent down, and kissed him on the cheek, her eyes watering again as she looked at Chuck one last time.

"Goodbye Chuck" she said, her voice tight.

Without waiting to see if he'd respond, she gathered herself, turned, and walked away, leaving Chuck alone on the beach. He didn't look back to watch her go. He couldn't bear to. He heard her car start, and the sound of the tires as she drove away.

"I love you Sarah Walker" he whispered.


Present Day

"Chuck, my main man, I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you don't look so great"

Chuck looked up from the computer screen at the Nerd Herd desk to see his best friend Morgan, who was looking at him with great concern.

"Morgan, hey listen man, it's, it's nothing, I'm fine."

Morgan leaned in closer so they wouldn't be overheard

"Chuck, I know you're not fine. I wouldn't be fine in your shoes either."

"WOULD YOU JUST STOP?" Chuck yelled, surprising several customers shopping nearby.

"Just a workplace disagreement" Morgan told the customers, trying to sound professional. "Sorry for the disruption"

Chuck buried his face in his hands for a moment, then removed them with a sigh.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you Morgan. It's just, its been a rough day and the timing of your attempt at sympathy couldn't have been worse.

"Hey, hey I get it Chuck. As far as I'm concerned you get all the slack in the world. No apology necessary."

"Thank you Morgan, I-" but anything further Chuck was going to say was interrupted by his cell phone going off.

"I know that ring" Morgan said excitedly. "That's the special ring meaning the call is for Car-"

"Shhh!" Chuck hissed. "Yes, it's the special Carmichael Industries ringtone" he said in a low voice, "But that doesn't mean all of Buy More needs to know that!"

"You're right you're right you're right" Morgan replied, putting his hands together while backing away. "I'll let you handle that, let me know if its a job I can help with."

Chuck gave him a thumbs up and waved him off while answering his phone.

"Carmichael Industries, this is Charles Carmichael how can I help you?"

When the voice on the other end spoke Chuck nearly fell over in surprise.

"Chuck, this is General Beckman. Don't ask me any questions. I just have a message for you, and it's important."

"Is it Sarah?" Chuck blurted out

"What did I just tell you? And no, it isn't." Beckman replied, annoyed.

"Sorry. You were saying?"

"I learned through several sources that your company has received a number of clients requesting data retrieval services lately. Is this true?"

"Yes..." Chuck replied, confused. "Did you need-" but Beckman cut him off.

"No, I don't, and if you get any more requests, turn them down until you hear from me. Is that clear?"

"Yes General, but can I ask why? I mean it is a part of our services and if we can't-"

"Chuck" the General interrupted again. "I wouldn't be telling you to do this without a damn good reason."

"And that would be...?"

"I told you not to ask me any questions and you're already up to three! Look I can't give you any details right now. But this is a serious issue Mr. Bartowski. Very serious."


The wooden table split in half as a man's body crashed on top of it. As two more men ran to assist, they were met with a metal folding chair and a well placed fist. Both went down in heaps on the floor. The last man who had been part of what was supposed to be a secret meeting made a break for the door. As he tried to flee, the person who had knocked out his three companions removed a small blade from a holster on their thigh and flung it. It flew end over end straight into the mans hand, and the force with which it was thrown was sufficient enough to allow it to travel another foot and embed itself into a wooden post the man was trying to run past, pinning the mans hand to the post and immobilizing him. The man let out a screech of pain and impulsively reached to try to pull the blade, and by extension his hand, free. It was the wrong move. As soon as he reached for the blade, his assailant, who had followed the blade immediately after throwing it, swung a fierce kick at the side of his head, connecting with a loud crack, sending him into unconsciousness.

"You thugs are never as tough as you look" the red-haired woman who had just knocked him out said smugly to his unconscious form.

"You know Carina," a second woman said, entering the room from the opposite end, "You might be almost as good with knives now as I am"

Carina laughed then shrugged.

"I may be good but I still don't think I'm at the level of the great Sarah Walker."

Sarah looked at the four unconscious men lying around her.

"Well, you did the easy part. Now let's get to work."


A/N: For the record I believe the kiss worked and Chuck and Sarah remained together. (And to paraphrase another author whose work I enjoy, if anyone doesn't think they ended up together, I'll fight you.) This story was born out of the thought of what would've happened if it hadn't. Hopefully you've enjoyed this first chapter and will enjoy this story as a whole once it is complete. I have big plans ;)