Chapter 1: Did We?

What was he able to do? This was a simple question that Shinji Ikari had placed upon his shoulders since the day he first joined NERV and was tasked with piloting the Eva unit. The responsibility of saving humanity from the destructive forces known as Angels was the demanding task that he had placed upon him. As far as he was concerned it should have been the most he was ever asked to handle, but much like everything in his life the world showed no interest in what he believed should have been fair for him.

As if he needed another reminder that this was how life viewed him, Shinji heard the music from his headphones stop playing. Reaching for his Walkman and attempting to press play on it only rewarded his efforts with a small click before he tried again several times. As he allowed the clicks to continue however, there was one assuring sound that he was left with when he allowed himself to listen. The sound of silence from the room nearby.

Shinji had no idea how long his guardian was broken down into tears since she received a call over the phone about the man she loved having met his end. Such a tragedy affected not only her, but him as well when he considered that he would never see Ryoji Kaji among the living ever again. Even with this knowledge however, he forced himself to live with the idea that the best thing he could do was drown himself in the music he carried with him to run from the challenges of others around him.

When he was denied even such a simple luxury, he decided the most he could do was go through the necessary motions to reclaim one of the few comforts that he had in life. He discovered that he could not reclaim his music so easily when he looked on his nearby desk and realized there were no batteries nearby.

Unable to find anything he needed, Shinji cursed his luck, "They're still in the kitchen…"

The quiet assurance of the tears of his guardian no longer being heard was the one thing that made him decide he would venture into the kitchen when he never would have thought of placing himself in the sort of danger that instilled as much fear as facing an Angel did. Being face with the fear of truly reaching out to other people continued to be the great obstacle that challenged him in ways he feared continued to be true. Feeling this reminder continued to be the cloud that loomed over him when he briefly reconsidered if he wanted to risk being caught but decided that allowing himself to hear any more of his guardian grieving would be the greater weight on his conscience.

While he believed that he was still just as useless as he was moments ago, he could not help but feel fearful of the possibility of listening to any more of his guardian's cries of grief that would continue through the remainder of the night. He could not tell if there were any other circumstances that would have changed his mind in that moment, but Shinji used this incentive to pick himself up and make his way down the halls of the apartment building to acquire what he wanted.

Shinji slid his door open as he tiptoed into the kitchen which gave way to no sounds that he believed would capture anyone's attention. Shinji felt himself stung when he realized how cowardly it felt to still be seeing his guardian as someone to avoid, but he shook his head briefly when he reminded himself that he was nothing in a moment such as this one. He was only a weapon to everyone around him without any other purpose than to follow orders as he had for so long as a pilot. He was not an individual but someone who could do nothing to offer comfort to others.

Every moment Shinji looked on at Misato Katsuragi leaning on the table in front of her, he still felt shame that this is what gave him the courage to venture through the kitchen and avoid her. Shinji managed to avoid this when he kept his eyes away from Misato holding herself up on the table with her arms and made his way for the nearest drawer. He managed to find the first pair of batteries that he could take hold of and prepared to make his exit right away.

He managed to tiptoe away from the area as he had earlier as he kept himself from being heard by Misato and make his way back to his bedroom. His exit from the area seemed to mark his success as he made his way past the entry door into the living room before he could make his way down the halls. He would only be a short distance away before he could return to the solace of running away from what he perceived as another danger that he could do nothing to face. The hope he had of allowing himself to be completely free of his intrusion was lost when he felt the weight of the situation come crashing down upon him in that moment.

Shinji could not say that he heard anything behind him when he realized there was someone behind him. He simply fell to the ground as he spread out his hands to break his fall and felt the breath escape his lips as he endured his crash. Try to move as he might, Shinji could not bring himself to lift the weight that had fallen upon him even when he mustered the little strength he had.

"I'm… sorry…"

Shinji felt a chill down his spine when he heard the apology come from the weight behind him. He realized that he had just heard them from his guardian Misato herself. He shifted his way from underneath Misato when he accepted, "It's… fine…" The exchange was not enough though when Shinji still felt Misato's weight pressed upon him and keeping him pinned to the floor. He tried to gain his freedom by breathing and telling her, "Miss Misato I… I can't get up…"

Misato recognized her intrusion when she told him, "I… oh… God damn it…"

Before he knew it, Shinji heard Misato's voice cracking and the source of his lamentation had begun to take hold of him again. The fact that he was about to hear Misato crying again and now with her on top of him had become an even more intimidating notion to believe. He could not tell if he would have rather been in the void of the 12th Angel again rather than feel the weight of someone he considered more capable than him, but it was the first instance he thought of that made him feel anything resemble a similar experience to the moment. The crushing defeat that lay itself upon him being an even greater example of what he was dealing with.

As much as he feared where he was, what would happen to him if he did nothing in that moment, he only became more desperate to find his way out of the situation. Shinji tried to encourage Misato to lift herself up when he suggested, "Let's just go to sleep Miss Misato."

The offer managed to be enough to make Misato begin to lift herself off the floor before asking him a question he did not realize he opened. "Will you Shinji?"

"Uh what?" Before he knew it, he was being guided away from the direction towards his room to the other side of the apartment. There was only one room that Shinji knew of that lay in that direction. He decided that if Misato was ever going to find some sort of rest, he was the only one who could bring her to that source of comfort. It would only be a short detour before he could finally have the chance to run away again.

Keeping Misato's arm around his shoulder, Shinji guided her into her bedroom before making his way over to her futon. Shinji felt a mighty weight fall off his shoulders as he knelt and allowed Misato to slide off him and lay herself down. Even with such an achievement as guiding her to her bedroom, Shinji still found that it was not enough to escape the sight of what Misato had become.

Misato did not allow herself to cry in despair from the recent events, but trails of tears poured down her eyes as she looked up to Shinji. Shinji wanted nothing more than to run away in that moment, but the sight beneath him had become so captivating in its tragedy that he could not look away. One of the few adults in his life who seemed to be capable of projecting some sense of strength was reduced to a tragic mess that reminded him of himself at his weakest.

Shinji then attempted to give what he hoped would be parting words when he told her, "I'm… sorry Miss Misato…"

He was denied the chance to even move the moment he offered his condolences and felt the weight from before attack him again. This time Misato thrust herself upon Shinji in a mighty embrace while pressing her cheek to his just as she did when she found him sprawled out in a puddle of LCL from the core of Eva Unit-01. Before he could ask what the cause of this was, Misato shook her head when she told Shinji, "This wasn't your fault…"

The embrace that formed around Shinji became so great that he felt himself struggle to even move. His position of kneeling down to release her caused him to feel Misato pressing her weight on his knee while she held on to him in fear of losing him as well. For the great loss that she had just endured, the possibility of seeing it happen again was not something that she wanted to occur.

A moment with so much weight behind it made Shinji wish that he was capable of simply releasing every bit of thankfulness he had for his guardian only to shake himself away from the idea that there were any words he could speak that would offer any sort of comfort. The alternative he thought of however was the idea of simply pushing Misato away from him. Inflicting a form of harm only to add to what she was feeling now.

Frightened as he was at the possibility, Shinji was placed in a situation where running away would bring real physical harm to her for what he would do. The possibilities widened to even darker ideas when he considered that she might simply muster the energy to seek him out anyway. Try to rationalize it as he might, Shinji realized that his best option in the moment was not to push Misato away. The thought became even more distant as soon as he felt a teardrop make its way upon his cheek to confirm that Misato was not regaining her strength any time soon.

The cumulation of observations in front of him left Shinji with only one choice that he would have only considered on a select few circumstances. He brought up his arms and returned the embrace as Misato brought him closer to her. While he did not feel Misato's embrace lighten from the returned embrace, he felt the tear on his cheek roll its way off and was not replaced by another. He was further rewarded when he heard an audible breath make its way down his neck to confirm the sense of content that he was able to elicit from.

Every second that came after was one that Shinji tried to keep track of only to find it go on too long when he continued to hold Misato in hopes of removing what pain he could remove. The experience captivated his attention the more he thought about where he had gone when he allowed it to progress. Moments ago, he was asking himself what he was supposed to do when Misato continued to display such an apparent deal of grief from her situation and now had the answer resting within his arms. For the first time in what felt like forever, Shinji felt a feeling of hope that he was proving to be a positive impact on someone's life.

Presented with a reminder of what he had just allowed to happen, Shinji felt himself fall forward as Misato fell onto the futon beneath her with Shinji still in her arms. Shinji never knew that someone could hold on to another person like a teddy bear a young child wanted to keep close to their chest, but he was given a demonstration of that when Misato lay down and turned on her left side while she clung to him. The position Shinji was left in made him feel uneasy when he considered that he was effectively captured in an embrace that only allowed him a little room to move but not enough to slide under the embrace that held him.

The thoughts of running away from Misato's grief seemed to become a fading memory when Shinji saw where he was now. He was captured in the embrace of his guardian and presented with a face of a woman who wanted nothing more than to remember what she was still living for. Such a face had a serenity to it that Shinji struggled to make himself consider breaking. A long look into a face that had seemingly only recent taken hold of some sort of peace drained Shinji of what little hope he had of running away from what he believed he would only bring further pain to both him and Misato.

So little had been spoken and yet Shinji felt as though he had given everything he was capable of offering Misato in that moment. At least he initially believed that to be the case when he reminded himself of the great harm he would inflict her if he was careless enough. Even as Misato allowed her grip to lighten a little, Shinji concluded that the last thing he was able to offer was simply being in her embrace.

Letting a small sigh escape his lips, Shinji allowed himself to begin being lulled into falling asleep. Just as he shut his eyes however, he felt a jerk against him when he looked to his side to remind himself of where he was. While he was able to remember Misato was still present with him, the knowledge of her making the occasional tug against him kept him from allowing his eyes to fully close from slumber just as much as the occasional heavy breath he heard from her that sounded like the coming of another fit of grief that he hoped to avoid.

As much trouble as he was having allowing himself to sleep, it was not only the chance that Shinji could have heard another fit of grief from Misato that alarmed him but the something else entirely. He turned his head to look at Misato who whose face had softened a little as she began to give way to sleep despite her breathing. He allowed his free hand to make its way up to her face when she brushed aside some of the hair that folded over her face as he was offered a sight that humbled what fear remained in him.

Not since Asuka found her way upon his futon did Shinji feel himself stirred by the presence of a woman pressed so close to him. Thinking back to that moment made him feel a sense of dread when he remembered why he did not act upon his instincts in the first place. Being reminded that Asuka was just a child herself was enough to make him feel guilt from the thought of taking advantage of someone. It was easy for any observer to point that Misato Katsuragi was hardly a child herself, but after seeing the displays of grief that he had seen earlier Shinji found it difficult not to draw upon parallels that threatened to take hold of him if he were to consider making any gestures himself.

Thinking back to that night caused Shinji to be taken by a string of questions that rushed through his mind when he considered what sort of life he had with Misato up to where he was now. She was so much older than him and seemed to carry at least as much responsibility as Shinji did when it came to contributions to NERV. She had such expectations placed upon her and yet seeing her reactions and handling of everything she was asked to deal with made her seem not so different from him. It left him in a ponderous state where he wondered if he was the one who acted too different from what was expected of his age or if Misato was.

Attempting to answer such a quandary was one of the only ways that Shinji felt he was able to keep himself from more base thoughts that threatened to control his mind. Such a task was difficult when Misato was so close and personal to him in the moment. As flustered by any suggestions he heard in person, he found it difficult to argue against the notion that Misato was a beautiful woman. Ever since he received her very suggestive and revealing photograph letter from what did not seem so long ago, images of her always captivated him whenever he allowed his thoughts to wander back to her.

Just those first thoughts alone managed to be the catalyst for Shinji reaching out his hand to brush his fingers through her hair while Misato moved closer to him. Her left hip found its way on top of his right hand to force Shinji into a position where he would have to force himself out of the position if he wanted to leave. While the thought was on his mind, the thought had become less of a consideration to him when he began to feel more of his earlier reflections of Misato's beauty come back to him.

There were a few times that Misato demonstrated flirtatious attitudes towards him before, but Shinji over time tried to accept that it was done purely out of gest. Actually having the opportunity however had become a notion that he knew many would have been tempted to take hold of for themselves. He could not make contact with her skin but feeling the shape of her around her clothes had become the closest thing he had in that moment.

Shinji could not tell what was taking hold of him when he felt such tempting thoughts flood his mind. Was he truly being tempted with the offer of her body or was he truly feeling remorse for her current situation? Either answer made Shinji realize there was a selfish desire at the center of it when he considered what the main reason for his growing desires became.

As Misato shifted again, Shinji moved his right hand up her side and earned a soft moan from her when the feel of his hand made its way across her side. His other hand kept itself behind her head before he used it to pull her closer to him and was once again reminded of the close proximity he had with Asuka that night not so long ago. The situation this time however played out much differently.

As though Misato was still awake next to her, she brought her lips down to Shinji and planted them on the left side of his mouth. Shinji was petrified when he felt Misato bring herself to him. It was not his first kiss when he was brought to remember his first one with Asuka, but this one was not brought about by either of them simply doing so out of force. It was simply a contact between two bodies that awkwardly continued to bring themselves closer together and with little regard for any implications that might have been had in the moment. A contact that made Shinji struggle to comprehend how he allowed himself to be captured in such a situation as this one.

Unlike his first kiss, Shinji felt he was given the room necessary to breathe as he instinctively brought his lips to Misato's. He could not bring himself to call it a pleasant experience however when he was forced to remember the implications that came with remaining where he was. Misato was still so damaged, broken, unwilling to reach out to others. Yet after his long internal attempt to rationalize where he was in the moment, here he was committing an act he thought before should have made him feel ashamed for even considering.

The consequences of his action were soon to be realized when Shinji heard a stirring sound within Misato. Parting ways from her lips, Shinji gradually felt terror within him grown when he saw Misato blink her eyelids open as she refocused her attention to the one next to her. As her eyes regained their focus, Misato shakily asked, "Sh… Shinji?"

Shinji gasped when he realized that she had woken up from what little sleep she had allowed to take hold of her before. All the work he did to make sure that she did not have to endure another fit of grieving seemed to be standing upon a crumbling foundation when he realized he would have to answer for what he had just done. He felt the threat of the reminder of just what sort of burden he was to those around him looming over him like another imposing Angel that threatened his life.

Believing that running away was the only option for him in that moment caused Shinji to back away from Misato when he told her, "I'm… I'm sorry… I'm going."

Before he had a chance to lift himself up for what he believed would be the proper response to the situation, Shinji felt himself locked in place when he tried to let Misato go. Despite his best effort, Shinji found himself stupefied by the fact that Misato kept him from being able to move from his current spot. He had just brought himself in to capture a kiss for his own instinctive desires a few moments ago and he was having himself locked in place from her embrace.

Before he could ask what made her even slightly okay with her current situation, he heard her offer a small plea, "Please Shinji… I don't… want to be alone…"

Despite receiving an answer that might have moved him to accepting the circumstances, Shinji tried to remind Misato of what immediately began to weigh on his conscience when he told her, "But Misato… I just…"

Misato brought a hand to the left side of his face when she told him, "You did. And I… felt something."

Shinji felt his head shake when he heard Misato offer the reason for her acceptance. There was no way that she should have been willing to accept being approached in a matter like now. She was a far stronger individual than she allowed herself to be seen even when the circumstances of the moment caused her to allow her weakness to be shown. She needed to be around someone who could offer support, not someone who would do what he just did.

He tried to make this intention clear when he told her, "I can't help. I'm just a burden to everybody."

Misato shook her head when she brought an arm behind Shinji's head and told him, "Please Shinji. I just don't want to be alone."

Fearing the thought of comparing himself to the man she had just lost made Shinji shake his head when he tried to remind Misato, "You want me? But I can't be him."

Misato nodded in agreement when she told Shinji, "I know you're not. And I don't expect you to be. But… you made me feel. I didn't want to just cry."

Shinji was baffled when he tried to comprehend what sort of reaction Misato had to the embrace he placed himself within. He had a difficult time being able to comprehend just what sort of feelings were rushing through her mind but began to find himself questioning his own established preconceptions as well. This realization made him venture to ask, "And you… want that?"

Misato sniffled when she heard the question and looked to her side when she gave an admission of the weakness that she was placing on display and asked, "I really shouldn't. I'm not a good person am I?"

Shinji wanted to slap himself when he realized he almost brought Misato back to the edge of breaking down in tears when she asked that question. As he continued to hold on to her however, he came to feel more of the weight fall into his hands just as the current situation demanded of him. It was now his turn to counter her loathing when he reminded her, "You did so much for me. I don't get how you can say that."

Misato's lower lip trembled when she told him, "After all the pain I put you through? I just can't be."

Being faced with another display of sorrow made Shinji desperate to quell what he feared would hurt him the most. He lingered in his attempt to find out what he could say as a wavering silence filled the void between the two. After struggling to find an answer, Shinji could not bring himself to believe that Misato would ever accept words as a way to keep her from falling into despair once again. Against everything that he allowed himself to believe in that moment, Shinji allowed himself to bring his lips down to Misato and capture her in what was this time a mutual kiss.

Now with the freedom to breathe and the minimal amount of experience that guided him before, Shinji found himself enraptured in Misato's embrace as the two pull each other towards one another. In the moment it was the only action Shinji believed could keep Misato from releasing a flood of tears that would overwhelm them both with sadness. It was at its core a very selfish thing to justify, but the added approval offered Shinji a sense of security that he did not believe he would have earned before. The back of his mind still found himself unable to believe that he was willing to push himself further into the embrace he was sharing with her but being trapped and threatened with the feeling of sorrow that would have upset him just as much became the most critical thing that made him chose to embrace the moment he was in.

Mere seconds ago, Shinji felt that he should have been ashamed of what he saw as taking advantage of Misato but began to feel another sense of dread that threatened to take hold of him. He was not fulfilling an obligation after all this time. He was instead enjoying it. He found himself completely taken with connecting his lips with Misato's and allowing his body to press down upon her as he felt her breasts press against his chest. The fabric of their clothing remaining the only barrier that kept them apart from one another. Neither of them believed this could be a display of love for one another but were able to revel in the fact that their senses were being stimulated simply by the closing distance of one another.

Shinji ran his left hand down to Misato's hip before running up again as he allowed his imagination in the moment to conceive the shape of her while his other continued to bring her face to his. Shinji believed that neither he nor Misato would have allowed anything to separate them but feeling her part way from his lips left caught him by surprise as he brought his face down to her neck. He was surprised when he felt himself being denied the chance to kiss her any further but still found being pressed against what little skin she allowed to be revealed to be a pleasant experience as he took in her smell.

Before Shinji allowed himself to be completely taken in by the sensation however, he noticed a completely different sound that overtook his hearing that he did not hear before. He was pleased that it was not anything that sounded like a cry of desperation but found himself wondering what could have possibly caused Misato to begin releasing such heavy breaths. He looked up to her when he asked, "Miss Misato… Are you okay?"

Misato continued to breathe as she nodded her head before answering, "I feel… alive. Shinji I…" Misato found herself unable to give a complete answer when she brought a hand to the zipper of her dress and began to allow it to fall off her body. Shinji realized too late what Misato did in the first act of revealing herself to him when he looked down to see her sliding the dress off her shoulders to reveal her bra as the only article keeping her from being totally exposed.

He had no idea of what was going through her mind in that moment, but Shinji found himself wanting to follow through with the act when he released Misato to draw his arms underneath his t-shirt sleeves and life it over his head. He placed it to the side when he allowed himself to be seen and saw Misato's face beneath him flushing in response. He could not tell if it was from the tensity of the moment or if she was embarrassed to be in such a position, but Shinji was left in awe at the fact that two of them had allowed themselves to expose to one another.

Shinji received his answer of what caused Misato to react in such a way was answered as she brought her fingers to the center clasp of her bra and allowed it to fall the moment it was undone. He could feel memories of when he met Rei Ayanami in her apartment remember when he fell and felt her breasts and this experience invoked similar feelings rushing their way upon him when he saw Misato expose more of her body to him. Her form commanded his absolute attention as he found himself entranced by the area that he had run his hands upon earlier. Even the scar that managed to be visible in the darkness of the room was not enough to make Shinji find anything that would make him proclaim it as an imperfection.

As if to be reminded that she did indeed want more of this, Misato brought her hands up to Shinji while he brought his back around her body and allowed her to press against him. The two embraced into another kiss while this time Shinji was introduced to a feeling that he did not anticipate he would have imagined. His skin pressed against hers and his grip tightening to ensure she would not leave him in that moment became two factors that brought his body temperature to a higher level while his crotch area began to tighten from the continued embrace that he was wrapped into.

Misato caught on to this development in the lower extremities of his body as she brought a hand to the area and felt himself intensify at the feeling of being touched in such a sensitive area. This became a moment that caused Misato to back her hand away as she realized a serious threshold she had brought herself to. Desperate to find some way out of the moment, she told herself, "God… I…"

Before she had a chance to force her way out of the situation, Shinji brought himself down to her again and began to follow through what only briefly went through Misato's mind. He brought his hand to the zipper of his pants and made it descend before he allowed himself to slide his pants and underwear off his waist. Before Misato was able to respond to the sight of Shinji stripping himself, she realized her panties being unclasping as Shinji used his hand to free her of the last article of clothing that separated themselves from one another.

Both completely naked and captivated by one another, Shinji and Misato entered another embrace that enforced how much closer they had come together. Misato brought her arms around Shinji's body as she accepted his kisses while feeling herself explored by his hands. As he continued to make his way down the lower areas of her body, Shinji eventually found his way to the area that separated her legs. Much to his surprise he found one of his fingers slip across a slit that seemed to

What little reason that kept her from acting upon her ultimate desire was lifted when Misato felt herself being touched. The area of her body that she did not expect to be touched in that moment began to ignite a great flame within her that she desired to feel extinguished by the one who was offering her the comfort she desired. Before she was able to continue, she realized one key thing that kept her from being able to follow through with her most cardinal desire.

Misato looked up to Shinji when she asked, "You… never did this before have you?"

Shinji blushed when he realized what he was being asked and admitted, "Um… yeah."

This time, Misato brought her hand to Shinji's crotch area when she brought her fingers around his shaft. Shinji gasped when he felt himself touched by Misato's soft skin of her hand and allowed himself to descend with the small tug that came from guiding him further down to her. What he felt next was something that he never would have imagined if he had been told of what he could expect.

"Just do what feels right." Those words were the only ones Shinji had to go off before he felt the next overwhelming sensation that would take hold of his body. He made a thrust of his hips towards Misato and found his erect phallus sliding its way into a narrow slit that took its form around him. The warm and wet feeling around his organ caused Shinji to clench his eyes in surprise as he felt a jolt of shock force its way through his body when he allowed his first sexual connection to absorb him completely into the moment.

The feeling of Misato's inner walls forming their way around his organ left Shinji in complete bewilderment as he realized what he had put himself through. There were scant few times where Shinji imagined what the experience of sex would be like for him, but he could not describe what he was feeling. Was it pleasant? Did it hurt? He could not fully comprehend what he was feeling in the moment as he was given context of what he had just put himself through.

The confusion that was rushing through his body only offered Shinji one confirmation that he would be able to confirm to outside viewers. That the shock that made its way through his body was a brief and fleeting feeling and he wanted to feel it again. With only the initial thrust as a hint of what he was supposed to do, Shinji pulled himself back a little before thrusting himself forward again. He was disappointed when he found that it only gave way to a smaller shock through his body than before but tried again when he pulled back a little and felt his phallus exposed to the colder air around him that made him desperate to reclaim the warmth that he originally had. This feeling was enough to send a familiar shock up his spine as he began to prepare himself for the same thrust he had just made before and began to desperately reach for that familiar feeling he wanted to experience again.

As Misato allowed the thrusts into her to continue, what little doubt that made its way through her mind before had completely evaporated as she allowed herself to be completely enraptured in the embrace above her. The sorrow and grief that had a hold of her before seemed to be washed over as she allowed Shinji to push his way in and out of her and clutched her body to his as their hips collided with one another. The feeling of their organs coming together in a union as deep as their kissing lips became the predominant feeling the two of them allowed themselves to have in the moment.

The doubts and fears that consumed Shinji before had become an afterthought as he allowed himself to be completely enraptured in the repetition of the motions that he made for himself. He thrust himself in and out of Misato in a desperate attempt to recapture the feeling of unity that he had achieved with her. While each one did not feel like the first entry, the shocks that made their way through his body were more than enough incentive that caused Shinji to continue making the entries that he wanted to feel again.

The sounds of their moans and the slapping of their skin together as the only sound in the room gave way to the only communication the two allowed themselves to have in that moment as they continued to hold on to one another as though they were threatened to be torn apart. Shinji felt his breathing increase at a rapid pace while he heard Misato continued to press herself to him while her arms and legs tried to pull him in further. The two formed together into a single being in that moment at they allowed themselves to be completely taken with the moment that provided them with the sort of comfort that neither of them imagined they would be able to claim.

Neither Shinji nor Misato could tell how much time had passed but Shinji began to feel as though his last few thrusts were at hand. He felt his phallus begin to build an even greater burning sensation than he felt before boiling within him that wasn't dissimilar to him preparing to urinate. What little he knew about sex before was completely at odds with his knowledge when he found himself wondering what he was supposed to do at this point.

Shinji tried to compose himself when he told Misato, "I… I feel… I feel funny!"

Misato refused to allow Shinji away from her when she encouraged, "Do it! Do it please!"

Instead of forcing himself out, Shinji felt himself thrusting in at a faster rate than he managed before and continued to press into Misato as hard as he managed while the boiling sensation in him continued to build. He still had little understanding of what he was doing in this moment but could not bring himself to question what everything was building up to. Shinji only managed a few more thrusts before he finally felt the accumulation of everything that he was building up to in this moment.

The great heat that built itself within Shinji's phallus reached a mighty climax as he felt the warm fluid within him make for a mighty release as he remained wrapped inside Misato. The clench of her body was accompanied by the yelp of pleasure that she felt from the feeling of her own release while her womb took in every drop that she could take. Her inner fire burned through her but the seed that found its way within her became a quenching fluid that made her feel fulfilled.

Shinji could not keep track of how long he had kept himself within her but was reluctant to separate himself from her when he fell onto Misato's right side and rested his head against her neck. When Misato caught her breath from what happened and tried to process what she was feeling in that moment, she moved herself to bring Shinji back within her grasp as she allowed for a simpler embrace between her and him. The two of them looked into one another's eyes when they reflected on what had just happened between the two of them without any words that could escape their lips in the embrace they now shared.

Shinji continued to look longingly into Misato's eyes when he began to contemplate everything that occurred in such a brief period of time that night. It seemed that just moments ago he was wondering what he was supposed to do to keep one of the few people who seemed to really care about him from being completely taken with grief and had now just brought himself into a union that he only seldom had thoughts of before. Out of everyone he ever considered, being in the arms the one who took him in for real shelter seemed to be one of the last things that would have happened.

Afraid to break the silence between them, Shinji allowed himself and Misato to catch their breath while their eyes began to feel heavier from the weight of sleep that began to find its way upon them. Before either of them fell to sleep, Shinji heard Misato speak, "Oh Shinji… You're so… kind…"

Those last few words fell upon Shinji as ringing notes that caused butterflies to form in his stomach when he heard what Misato had to say for thanks. He never imagined that he would have had the courage to consider what he had just done in this moment, but as one thing led to another he could not tell if there was any one factor that made him enter a point of his life that he wondered if he would ever live long enough to experience. Realizing that he went through in this moment became a chilling thought when he found himself trying to comprehend where his life was going to take him.

The consequences of his actions were not the first thing on his mind however when he still found himself baffled by the recent union he placed himself through. He only heard of the Hedgehog's Dilemma a scant few times whenever he was with the NERV personnel but had enough information that he could piece together to begin to appreciate his current situation. It was described as an idea that two individuals could come in between one another in a desire for comfort but that doing so would bring pain to one another from their quills. From the union he had just placed himself in, Shinji realized that the current situation could not only be summarized as him allowing himself to be pierced through his body by such a quill. He took hold of the quill, endured the pain that made its way through his hands, and thrust it into himself.


A/N:So, if you've read the whole thing and ended up thinking, "Hey this is like I'll Help Dry Your Tears," well… you're right. Very old Eva fic indeed but I've always wanted to see a story that took place after it. Essentially giving an idea of the wide range of effects that would occur as Shinji and Misato's relationship develops to change the narrative entirely. It's been on the back of my mind for a long time and I'm now getting around to doing it.

So, what can you expect from this one? Well, I do have a few goals set for myself and some ideas of what to do.

A big deviation from the original story. After what you've read, this should be pretty obvious. I will make it my goal to for this story to be as "Eva" as possible. Basically I'm hoping that I can at least somewhat capture the feel of the series in writing form like this could be at least be somewhat close to the canon of the original story as possible. I'll leave the results for you to decide if I was successful or not but that is my intention.

Content from other Eva material. Pretty much one of the better ideas for allowing this story to expand. Won't say what will be added yet, but with the wide amount available, I bet there will be a lot to speculate and look forward to.

Use more Angels. The divergence point for this story is the end of episode 21, pretty late into the story of the anime overall and leaving room for Arael, Armisael, and Tabris/Kaworu to be the final enemies to face. Leaving the number of enemies the same as it is would really put a strain on what I could do with the story, so adding a few more will offer me a little more breathing room. I know it's going against canon to add more this way, but this is fanfiction, it's breaking from canon as it is already. If I get around to that idea, I'll just let you discover what that plan was all along when we get there. If you're wondering which ones I plan on using, there are unused concept angels on various websites that you can check out if you want to prepare yourself.

I'll just get this out of the way, I plan on a happy ending. If you're hoping for a poignant or gut-wrenching experience, I just want to give you the idea that I don't intend to end this story on either of those kinds of notes. I know this is basically giving away how I plan to approach this story, but I also don't want to get people's hopes up that I might be trying to go a certain way. I know most people have an idea of how this particular ship should be treated or what the most realistic outcome would be, but I have an idea of where I would like to go and I hope that it can at least be judged somewhat seriously. Hopefully if anything this will allow you to decide if you want to continue reading the future chapters or not, I just hope that I don't set anyone up for disappointment by the time I declare the final chapter.

I think that should be everything, I plan on posting every month or so this year. I know it's pretty slow, but I write in my free time and I do as much as I can.

Hopefully this will stay the longest Author's Note in the story, so until next time everybody.