A/N: Hello! Welcome to my Dreomione, a bit heavier. I will say this to start with. I have no experience with the loss of a spouse, so Draco's struggles are what I've learned. The loss of a parent and the loss of a child are coming from my own personal experiences. This is semi a, reaching in and getting my pain out on paper sort of project. The details of Rose's death in this story are very much coming from my loss of my son. From the start with the birth certificate to the cause of death are all what I've lived through. So, PLEASE keep that in mind as you read.
However, how Rose's life and memory are celebrated are also direct representations of how I've honored my son's life. Much later in the story, there will be a planned pregnancy and the struggles that each of the trio will have with that. So, be warned, if this is triggering for you then I do not blame you. It's a heavy topic. No additional death past what has happened prior to the start of this story will occur.
Much love to you all!
Story Summary: Hermione Granger is struggling with life after the death of her daughter, Rose. When her relationship with Ron ends, Hermione tries to move on, but finds that she needs help. She joins a muggle grief group, where she is met with Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy coming for help with their own losses. Theo, the loss of his mother when he was a child and Draco, the recent loss of his wife, Astoria. The trio find comfort within each other and help to remember their lost ones and grow a new family.
Tags:
Relationships; Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy/Theodore Nott, Draco Malfoy/Theodore Nott, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Theodore Nott
Characters; Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Scorpius Malfoy, Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood, Ron Weasley, Lavender Brown
Additional Tags; Luna Lovegood and Draco Malfoy are Cousins, Past Astoria Greengrass/Draco Malfoy, Child Loss, Widowed Draco Malfoy, orphan Theodore Nott, Triad relationship, Sad with a Happy Ending, Smut, Past Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Infant Rose Weasley Death, Infant Death, Infant Scorpius Malfoy, Pregnancy After Loss, Grief/Mourning, Grief is Personal
A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.
There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is.
Jay Neugeboren 'An Orphan's Tale' 1976
To my sweet baby, Nathan. No amount of time with you could have been enough.
April 23, 2015 - December 30, 2015
Grief Group
The post had just arrived. The tapping at the window announced the owl waiting to complete its job and move on for the day.
"Now, hold on. If you want a treat, you're just going to have to wait a second. Don't ruffle your feathers." Hermione said, grabbing a handful of owl treats. The large envelope with the birth records stamp let Hermione know what was contained inside.
After moving out of the home she'd shared with Ron and into her one-bedroom flat, this important document had been lost in transit. Shaking hands, Hermione walked over to her couch before opening it. Deep breaths let her focus herself and keep the panic attack that was threatening to take over at bay. Two years of therapy, and this was still a struggle for her.
Opening up the envelope, the blue border on the parchment of the birth certificate could be seen as she slid it out. She may have no legal use for it any longer, but she still needed this. Rose Anne Weasley, date of birth 23rd April 2004.
She continued to pull the certificate out when she finally saw the watermarked message in bold uppercase letter splashed diagonally across the page.
DECEASED
Tunnel vision took hold, and all Hermione could see was the word.
DECEASED, DECEASED, DECEASED.
The room was silent, but it was screaming at it. Your daughter was real, but now she's dead. You failed. You had one job, protect her. You didn't keep her alive. You weren't good enough. Clever as you are, it did nothing when it came to saving her.
The reminder that she needed that her daughter was real, that she'd at one point been alive, was now tainted. She didn't need another document to tell her Rose no longer was alive. She had enough of that in her safe.
The death certificate, the autopsy report, the hospital records, not to mention the urn housing her remains. No, she had enough reminders that she had failed as a mother and hasn't saved her daughter.
This, this one thing here was to be the reminder that Rose wasn't just in her head. That she had lived. That she had grown, breathed, smiled, laughed. Her bouncing red curls had bows carefully placed in them. Her blue eyes had sparkled in amazement when Hermione would read to her.
Instead, even this was tainted with the death of her daughter. Another reminder that Hermione had fallen short.
ooo
The plastic chair was hard against her back, the smell of coffee overly powerful in the small room. Julia, her trusted therapist, had given her the name of this grief group at their second appointment.
It had taken Hermione over two years, but when she'd made an emergency Floo call to Julia over the birth certificate, she was told it was time.
'I know we've talked about it in the past, but it's time. This is a no judgment group, and I really feel like it will be a better fit than the SIDS group. These are all different types of losses; it might help you relate a bit better.'
'I know what took her from me, the guilt I felt watching these other parents struggling to cope with the unknown…I felt like an outsider.'
'That's okay, but I want you to try this other group. This is for people who have lost friends, parents, siblings, spouses, and children. Any type of loss, there's no box you need to feel like you have to fit in.'
Her leg bouncing, hands fidgeting, Hermione could only feel thankful that Julia had pointed her in the direction of a muggle group. No one would recognize her here or ask about her bloody divorce. The news of the 'Golden Trio' power couple going their separate ways had caused a bigger stir than was necessary. It'd been almost eight years since the battle was won. No one should care that her and Ron's marriage had imploded as a result of their daughter's death.
Rita Skeeter had made sure that it was front page news though. For nearly two years they had dragged their feet and walked on eggshells around each other. Ron had been ready to move on from the loss and pack Rose away, as if she'd just been a footnote in their lives.
Hermione couldn't do that. She wasn't able to say her daughter's name. She wanted to hear other people speak about her and about how wonderful and loved she not only had been, but still was. Ultimately, the loss and their individual ways of living with their grief had driven a wedge between the couple. They had simply begun to exist parallel to each other.
When Hermione had suggested a separation without reconciliation, Ron had jumped at the opportunity. He'd offered to be the one to move out of the home they'd purchased together, but Hermione declined and said he could buy her out. She didn't want the house. The carefully crafted nursery that had been turned into a storage space with the door almost permanently shut, Hermione was ready to never lay eyes on that door again.
She'd rented a flat in central London, just a two-bedroom place. A room for a home office and then another for her bedroom. Ron had let her take all of Rose's belongings, not that she was surprised. It had hardly been a week after her death when he'd started the process of taking the nursery down.
"I'm not bloody ready, Theo." A familiar voice broke through the silence, outside the double doors.
"Yes, yes, well you'll never be ready, and six months is more than enough stagnant time. I gave you a limit and you have to be a functional human for Scorpius." A second familiar voice replied.
You've got to be utterly shitting me, Hermione thought as the doors were flung open. In walked two towering men she'd thought she'd never see again.
Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy. The former had filled out since their days as co-heads at Hogwarts during their eighth year. His mop of perfect black curls was now styled into a frohawk instead of the shaggy shoulder length style he'd gone for when they were eighteen. He also now sported wire rimmed glasses to frame his almond shaped sapphire eyes and his honey skin tone practically glowed, even in the dim fluorescent lighting. The light brushing of a full face of stubble gave him that look of 'I don't even have to try to be beautiful'.
The latter, on the other hand, looked so tired. He was clean shaven, and a fresh undercut had the top of his hair slightly hanging in his eyes. His porcelain skin looked even paler than usual, and he was thin, as if he hadn't been eating properly for a while. The purple bruises under his eyes were the screaming clue that he hadn't slept. What he had in front of him, however, drew her eye away from the men.
A stark white pram and she could hear the cooing of an infant inside it.
Deciding that this was her cue to leave, Hermione rubbed her sweaty palms onto her paint-stained jeans and moved to stand up with her back towards the door. Sorry, Julia , she thought to herself, you're going to have to be my only lifeline for just a while longer.
Shuffling her feet to move slowly and not draw attention to herself, Hermione reached up and quickly threw her frizzy hair into a bun. She could act like she was getting herself a coffee and slip out the door without anyone noticing her. Solid plan. Only, life always has other ideas.
A thread from her navy knit jumper got caught on her chair without her realizing. When she went to take a step, the entire thing hit the ground. Making a loud crashing noise, every eye turned in Hermione's direction.
"Granger?" She heard the voice of Theo Nott say as she bent over to right the chair. "Bloody hell, it is you! I should have recognized that sentient mass of hair on the top of your head!" Leaning in, he whispered into her ear. "Only had to master spells to clear the shower drain after living with you for a year because of it."
"Theodore, charming as always I see." Hermione replied with her lips pressed in a tight line.
"Don't even think about it, Drake." Theo called over his shoulder without turning around. Hermione looked up to see the back of Draco as he tried retreating out of the room. "You can sit with us, Granger. Come on, it should be starting soon," Theo finished, pulling out a chair for himself next to Hermione and gesturing for Draco to sit next to him.
"Come here often?" Hermione asked, whispering in Theo's direction as a therapist stepped in to take a seat at the front of the circle.
"Almost every week, twice a week, since graduation," he answered with a wink. "Now, hush, it's starting."
ooo
"I really don't understand where you're going every Monday and Thursday night. It's been three months since you moved, and I feel like I hardly ever see you. The boys miss you; I miss you, Luna misses you." Harry said, adjusting his glasses on his face and running a hand through his already unruly hair. He was following Hermione through the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, her heels clicked against the marble floor of the halls.
She'd considered telling her friends about the muggle grief group she was attending. Really, both Harry and Luna would benefit from it, seeing as they both lost parents as infants. Only, twice a week she stepped away from being Hermione Granger, the Golden Girl, and got to be just a bereaved mother.
She didn't have to put on a face, she didn't have to have the answers. She just got to be a devastated mother whose baby died of a rare disease. There were no expectations for her.
Theo, who she'd actually recommended seek out grief counseling, almost never missed a meeting. During their eighth year, when they worked together as heads, and shared a dorm, Hermione had discovered that Theo was more than the flirtatious playboy persona he'd projected all year. One night, Hermione was late coming back from the library when she'd stepped into their shared common room to find him. Theo was self-harming and almost had a full bottle of firewhisky finished.
That was the first and only time the pair had an open and personal conversation. Hermione had sat with Theo into the early morning hours as he told her about his parents. How his father hadn't always been terrible. When he was thirteen, his mother had been expecting a baby. When he was home on summer holiday before third year, she was rushed to St. Mungo's, neither she nor a baby ever came home.
The loss had twisted Thoros Nott into a raging alcoholic and an abusive bastard, not that he had been a loving parent before that anyway. His father had died during the final battle, leaving Theo without any family. He'd begun self-harming after his mother and brother's deaths. The drinking, however, started after his father threw a table and broke his leg on the one-year anniversary.
At that point in time the field of mind healing was in its infancy. After the war, muggleborns healers had stepped up and said we have to do better. The suicide rate was climbing, people were being admitted for potions addictions, and something had to change.
Penelope Clearwater was the healer who approached the ministry and spearheaded the program. After graduating from Hogwarts, she had gone on to be trained as a licensed therapist in the muggle world while also completing her healer training.
At the time, however, that was still a pipe dream. Hermione vanished the razors Theo had been using and transfigured the firewhisky into soda. They sat up until early morning while Theo just talked, and Hermione listened without judgment.
The next day was graduation and they parted ways. She married Ron and started working towards her dual mastery in runes and arithmancy, and she never knew what had happened to Theo Nott.
"I've not been avoiding you, if that's your concern. We have lunch daily, I might add." Hermione said as they reached her office and Harry followed her in, shutting the door. "I've been working on taking care of myself."
She wasn't going to mention that taking care of herself included snuggling with a fussing Scorpius during group. She was not in the mood to discuss why James or Lorcan couldn't fill the spot that Scorpius had carved into her broken heart. There was something about the baby, maybe it was that they were each missing what the other stood for, but whatever it was, they had bonded in a way she couldn't with her godsons.
She couldn't explain it either, really. In the second group she attended, Scorpius began to uncontrollably sob. Malfoy and Theo had tried changing the infant, feeding him, and walking with him, all in vain. Hermione saw the little boy, who looked the complete opposite from Rose, but he was the same age she'd been. Eight months and seven days.
She'd stood up and walked over to him, her hands outstretched with the silent offer. Sheer desperation had taken over her childhood bully and he'd handed the screaming babe without a second's hesitation.
The pale chubby hands had clung to her jumper, and he had rubbed his face into her chest. Tears, snot and drool soaked through as a sob broke through Hermione's throat. Dropping her face into his fine white hair, she whispered soothing words and hummed while Scorpius hiccupped and settled into her breasts.
After that, it became their strange routine. Malfoy brought Scorpius in his expensive pram, after he woke up, he would go straight to Hermione for the remainder of the meeting. After a month of this, Theo had demanded she join him and Malfoy for their Saturday tea at Nott Manor. One look at Scorpius and she agreed, it wasn't hard to get sucked into his hazel eyes.
"Hermione, we don't even see you on the weekends. Or any night of the week anymore. What are you up to?" Harry asked, and Hermione cringed at the look of hurt in his eyes.
After a month of Saturday teas, Theo began insisting on her spending the entire weekend with them. And when Scorpius had chosen that moment to take his first steps towards her, she wholeheartedly agreed as she scooped the baby into her arms. The nightly dinners they had were after Scorpius had choked on a piece of egg and she'd dislodged it. Theo insisted that she had to help with meals after that.
It wasn't just spending time with Scorpius though. She was enjoying her time with the former Slytherins. Theo was funny and charming. The scars she knew he'd created in his youth along his forearms were now hidden beneath a mass of tattoos. His naturally playful nature kept her enchanted by him, not to mention his sex appeal. Merlin help her, but she would climb him like the tree he was and ride his face if he'd let her.
At this point, Hermione was all but moved into Nott Manor, only sleeping and eating breakfast at her flat. What was holding Hermione back from engaging in this fantasy with the flirtatious man? The broody blonde that actually did live at Nott Manor.
Malfoy and Theo weren't showy in their affection for each other, but it was there. The small touches, low whispered conversations, the occasional brush of their lips when they thought she wasn't looking.
It wouldn't be so bad if Theo was the only one Hermione was pining after. Really, she needed whatever help she could get with controlling her libido. She'd had a crush on Malfoy since she had thrown open his compartment door their first year while she'd been looking for Neville's toad. His white-blonde hair and pale flawless skin had always drawn her in. Even when he was being nasty towards her, she'd still fantasized about him during secret moments at night while touching herself
Seeing Malfoy being a father, and a good one, had left her panting in her bed after spending an evening with the men more than once. Sometimes she'd picture herself with just one of them, but mostly she wanted them both, together. Even watching their stolen kisses left her slick between her thighs. She frequently imagined catching them doing more while she laid in her bed and would cum with their names on her lips.
Since they'd started going to Group, the change in Malfoy had been slow, but it was there. He'd gained weight back, so his face was fuller. The bruises under his eyes remained, but they were less pronounced.
Harry cleared his throat, bringing Hermione's attention back to him. "I'm sorry, I'm just…I can't explain it, Harry. It's nothing bad, I swear." She twisted her fingers in her lap before looking up at him, "I will try to do better. Maybe we can meet for dinner Wednesday?"
"Are you going to bring the mystery man, who's stolen all your free time, with you? You know, we would like to meet whoever this person is. If he makes you happy…well, that's all we want for you, after…well, you know." Harry said, looking down at his hands, messing with a button on his robes.
"After Rose died," Hermione snapped at her friend who looked up at her abruptly. "You can say her name," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I just, I don't know 'Mione. I don't want to say her name and make you sad again," Harry muttered. "I don't want to remind you of her when you seem like you're in a good place."
"Harry, don't be daft." Hermione said, now rolling her eyes at her friend's stupidity. "Saying her name isn't going to remind me that I lost her. There isn't a day, there's not an hour that passes that I don't think of her." Even though she knew that she shouldn't be the one comforting her friend while she talked about her loss, Hermione couldn't help but reach out to touch his hand. "Thinking that people have forgotten about her, that's what makes me sad. Regardless of if you say Rose's name aloud or not, I'm still going to think about my baby."
Harry's silence was telling enough that this conversation was making him uncomfortable, just like it always did. Rose had been born four months after Lorcan, and when they'd found out they were expecting together, Harry and Ron had been ecstatic to have children who would be attending Hogwarts together. They'd made all the plans, the kids would all be sorted into Gryffindor together, they would play Quidditch together, they'd grow up as if they were cousins.
James was only two at the time and he'd been obsessed with the babies. They spent the summer going on picnics together and splashing in the pond at The Burrow. Even though Ginny and Harry hadn't ended up together, and she'd opted to stay single, Molly had told Harry that she still considered him one of her sons. It had been the perfect spring, summer, and fall.
Christmas had come and gone, James had turned three in November, and they were all excited for Lorcan's birthday in January. All of that changed though on the thirtieth of December. Their lives were forever altered and nothing could fix what had been lost.
"I'll see you Wednesday night, Harry." Hermione said in a curt dismissal. Harry looked up at her with his pleas on the tip of his tongue. "Wednesday," Hermione said again. With a sigh, Harry nodded his head and stood to leave. Looking over his shoulder at her, Hermione could see the apology in his eyes, but she tilted her head down to avoid any more of this conversation.
Only three more hours until she would have Scorpius in her arms again, she couldn't wait.
