Stacy stands looking through the glass of the sliding door to the Flynn-Fletchers' backyard. "It's really weird coming over and not seeing anything out there but Perry."
"Did you just wave at our family platypus?" asks Candace.
"What? No! Yeah, but… He's so cute, look at those crazy eyes. Where are your brothers?"
"Upstairs. We all went to that anniversary party last night for Grandma and Grandpa Flynn, so the boys didn't have time to finish their homework. Phineas was puttering around the yard all morning, and Ferb had to wrestle him into the house to help him stay focused enough to work on his English essay."
Candace's phone buzzes. She clenches her hands together, knuckles going white.
"Aren't you going to check that?" Stacy asks.
Candace shakes her head emphatically. "It's probably Jeremy."
Stacy stares incredulously. "And you haven't answered in five seconds? Are you guys fighting?"
"No, we are not fighting," snaps Candace. "I am practicing chill."
"A little late for that, isn't it?"
"You told me to do it!"
"Yeah, before you were dating. Three or four months into this thing, he already knows you really aren't chill, so what brings this on now?"
Candace picks up her phone and hands it to Stacy. "What does it say?"
"'LOL.'"
"Of course it does. And look at my last text."
Stacy scrolls upward for a long time. "Good grief, why didn't you just call him?"
"I was in the car with my parents and brothers; I had to get it all out while I was thinking of it."
"I mean, I guess the last line of your text was funny…"
"Look at the time stamp."
"Last night at 6:45?"
"Exactly! And now it's 3:30 the next day, and he only texts back 'LOL'?" Candace collapses against the arm of her chair. "He wants to break up with me."
"Whoa," says Stacy. "I thought we were practicing chill?"
"We're practicing reality," Candace says bitterly.
"You talked for thirty minutes after school yesterday. I had to drag you away so we could get to work on time. I don't think it makes sense that he'd be dumping you today."
"Neither do I. Boys are a mystery." She sits up. "It's Saturday, and I haven't seen him all day, so who knows what could happen?"
"We're sixteen, I'm pretty sure we have a strong sense of object permanence by now."
"Pretty! That new girl at Mr. Slushy Dawg is super pretty. He might have had a shift with her after school yesterday."
"You don't really think Jeremy's that shallow. Remember the whole Paris thing where you thought he was into those girls?"
Candace smiles. "When he said he thought his girlfriend would have more faith in him, and that's when I found out he thought of me as his girlfriend?"
"If his heart wasn't swayed in Paris, it won't be next to a slushy machine."
The redhead transfers her phone from hand to hand. "But what if he just keeps hanging out with me because he's super nice and he's being polite and he only answers my texts because he's bored or because it's rude not to and anyway I'm always the first person to text so maybe…"
Stacy leaps from her seat and snatches the phone from her best friend.
"Hey!"
"It was either that, or slap you," Stacy says matter-of-factly. "You need to stop. You're totally amazing, and Jeremy totally agrees with me, but if for some unfathomable reason he didn't, he wouldn't be worth all this angst, anyway."
Candace sits up straighter. "But he's Jeremy."
"Seriously, two seconds from slapping you."
"Okay, okay." Candace sighs. "I guess it isn't fair to him for me to dissolve into a jealous puddle of insecurity when he doesn't text me back in three minutes."
"I'm more concerned with it not being fair to you, but sure, not to him, either."
Candace sighs again, more heavily.
"Now what?"
"Whenever I see him again after I get freaked out like this, I always overthink the hug. Too quick and maybe he'll think I'm mad at him; too long and maybe he'll sense the insecurity."
"What's the margin of error?"
"The one and a half seconds between the two."
The doorbell rings. "It's probably Vanessa," says Candace. "She was going to stop by to return the English class notes she borrowed from the day she was out sick last week. One of the boys will get it."
"They're upstairs doing homework."
"Ferb has really stepped up his door-answering game recently. He's practically a butler."
Sure enough, Stacy hears feet on the stairs, followed by the sound of the door opening and greetings being exchanged.
Candace's face goes white, and she grips the arms of the chair. "It's Jeremy."
Stacy rolls her eyes. "I take back what I said; you can still stand to practice a little chill."
Jeremy enters the room, pointing back over his shoulder. "Ferb's a regular mini butler now. I told him all he needs is a suit."
"Give it time," says Candace.
Jeremy crosses to her, and she stands to give him a hug that lasts for exactly two seconds. Stacy gives her a thumbs-up.
"I missed you," he says. "I tried to pick up the phone to read your text last night when I was doing dishes, but my hands were slippery and it fell into the sink. It was sitting in a bowl of rice all day. I almost called you from work to see what you'd said."
"You did?" Candace's left heel comes off the ground, toes just touching the carpet.
"Sure. I always wanna know what you have to say."
Candace's hands meet in front of her. "Oh, Jeremy…" she says dreamily.
Stacy coughs.
Jeremy looks over to her. "Hey, Stacy. Sorry for crashing. What're you girls up to this afternoon?"
"Nothing much..." Stacy starts, but breaks off at the sound of running on the front stairs. There is a loud thump, as if somebody jumped off the landing. A second after that, the doorbell rings. More conversational sounds drift into the family room.
A few minutes later, Vanessa is pointing over her shoulder towards the front door. "Why is Ferb wearing a suit and tie? I asked, but he changed the subject."
"It's a butler thing," Candace says, holding out her hand to accept a sheaf of notes from her friend.
"I would've sworn I saw him in the upstairs window as I was pulling into your driveway. He must be really committed to the bit to get down the stairs that fast."
"What can I say?" Candace shrugs. "Boys are a mystery."
Jeremy laughs and puts an arm around her. "We just need the right detective."
Out of the corner of her eye, Stacy sees movement. She turns to the sliding door in time to see Perry disappear around a tree, and wishes she could follow him.
Secret agent drama is much more straightforward.
