Chapter 1
Minion Reality
The 1980's were a good time to be a minion. Gru was the boss who had grand plans to be as despicable as possible. His latest adventure was to steal the Eye of Horus out of the Smithsonian museum's warehouse. Gru and his league of minions had found the artifact, still in the wooden crate. Using ropes and a minion built pulley system then managed to get the crate out of the warehouse almost undetected. But, in the back alley outside the warehouse the pulley system failed and Gru gave an order for the minions to get the eye to the lair while he distracted the authorities.
Four minions loaded the crate into the back of a black painted van. Minion Steve was the driver and out of all minions the best the driver they had. The little minion was slightly taller at four foot with one blue eye and a few strands if black hair sticking up from his yellow head. Wearing the denim overalls and black boots with gloves he floored the gas of the van and drove out of the alley like a professional racer.
Minions Stuart, Kevin and Bob were all still trying to get the crate tied down in the back of the van and were quickly tossed about. They scrambled to their feet to get the crate stable.
They nearly got away when another villain tried to get the eye. Steve pulled the wheel hard as the road before him was blocked by Swamp Creature. A villain that favored all things slimy. The tires of the van slid onto the slim covered road and the van rolled over. The crate was smashed to piece and the Eye, a black ball that looked much like a bowling ball was freed from the containment and landed right next to Minion Steve by the driver's seat.
For a moment the four minions were stunned. Minion Kevin looked up towards the front of the van and found the eye was sitting right next to Steve who was laying face down and staring at it.
Kevin called out, "Domo bida." Warning him to not look at the eye.
It was too late and the black ball suddenly activated. A reddish iris opened with a black pupil and it sucked Minion Steve into the ball. Then it closed and went dark again.
Kevin yelled while reaching for his brother, "Steve!"
Meanwhile
Minion Steve found himself hurdling through space. He was turning head over heels and thus feeling rather sick. His whole body felt off as if he was trapped in some kind of blender only to be spit out on the other side of the Eye through another ball that looked like a black bowling ball. Steve laid on the dusty floor of an attic. It took a moment for him to regain his bearings but soon he sat up. The first thing he noticed was he didn't feel normal at all. His clothing was too short and his boots and gloves were far too tight. He pulled the gloves off his hand. He stared intently at the five fingers that he suddenly had. He made a fist and flexed the fingers on both hands stunned at the change. He pulled off the boots next and found his feet looked human with five toes. He tugged at the denim overalls that were now stretched up around his body. His yellow skin was no longer yellow but rather pale and white. He felt his face. He found he had a nose. He removed his goggles and soon felt eyebrows with his finger tips. He scrambled to his feet upon feeling a thick head of hair. His eyes spied s dusty mirror and he made his way across the attic floor slightly stumbling. He blinked upon looking at his reflection. He looked like a teenage human much to his shock. But his eyes were still the bright blue eyes of a minion. He gasped at the sight of himself. He began to panic and screamed for his brothers.
"Kevin, Stuart, Bob!" he called out. He got no reply. He went back to the black ball on the floor. He grasped it as tears started to run down his youthful face. "Camion." he pleaded to go home. He lay on the floor crying for a moment wondering how to get back home. He didn't know where he was or how he was turned into a human and frankly, he didn't care. He simply wanted to go home to be with his brothers, the Minions.
Steve heard heavy footsteps coming from the other side of a door.
The door swung open and a uniformed police officer entered the attic holding a light. He spoke assuring the home owner, "Probably just a squirrel, Mrs. Smith." His light then shined on what appeared to be a half naked teenage boy curled up and crying on the floor. He let out a deep sigh, "Seems you got a visitor." He assumed he found a runaway.
Short Time Later
Steve was given human clothing that was more his size. Dressed in a yellow t-shirt and blue jeans with white sneakers the police officer drove him to a foster home. Steve, being a minion at heart and in mind, spoke minion when he was asked questions. He tried to answer the best he could but most assumed he was just a trouble teen and in time he would be returned home to his parents. Steve sat in the back of the squad car feeling like a prisoner. He looked at the yellow house that was to be his new home as the car stopped before the entrance. The officer then emerged from the car and opened Steve's door. He motioned, "Here you go, son."
Steve miffed, "Non to ous." He insisted that he was not his son.
The officer had no idea what he said but knew it was a bad attitude. He warned, "Don't make me come back here."
"To lib't." he miffed assuring the officer would not return. Steve's eyes landed on the foster children in the home. Only one was close to the same age, a young man with floppy brown hair, blue eyes and wore glasses. The rest seemed much younger.
An older red headed woman who ran the foster home cheered happy to welcome him. "Hi Steve!" she called out with welcome arms. She wore jeans and a brown sweater with brown shoes. Her face was a bit rounded and her eyes were hazel. She wrapped an arm around what she assumed was a human boy. "I'm Miss Hinkle. I will be your foster mother. These here are your foster brothers and sisters." She motioned towards the younger kids. She then pointed to the older boy, "And this young man is Daniel Jackson. You two are about the same age." she introduced the pair.
Daniel didn't seem very enthused about meeting yet another foster child. He stood in his jeans and red- t shirt and crossed his arms, "Hi!"
Steve stated, "Wed da ivy to." he greeted.
Daniel squinted, "What language is that?"
"Minion." he stated firmly.
"Minion?" he questioned. "I can speak twelve languages and I have never heard of any langue called 'minion'."
"Estudo?" he asked if he would like to learn his language.
"Does that mean learn?" Daniel questioned.
"Si." Steve nodded eager for he instantly like Daniel. He seemed grumpy and miserable. Traits that attracted a minion.
Daniel replied amused, "Why not? My brain is turning to mush here anyways."
Steve jumped for joy and gave him a hug which made Daniel nearly jump backwards.
"Easy!" Daniel had to practically peel Steve off. "Don't be so…clingy."
Miss Hinkle assured, "You and Steve are foster brothers, Daniel. Some times family is not blood."
Steve embraced the new kind of brother. "Foster brothers." He spoke in broken English.
Daniel rolled his eyes for he was still upset that his grandfather dumped in a foster home after his parents died.
The officer handed Miss Hinkle the file, "He says his name is Steve LaMinion. Got nothing else on him. I'll let you know if we find anything else."
She grasped the file, "I appreciate that officer." She asked Steve, "What is your favorite kind of pie, Steve?"
"Banana." he stated firmly.
She melted, "Not many kids want banana cream pie nowadays. You are a boy after my own heart." She placed her arms around him and then lead Steve and the other foster children back into the home.
Years Later
Dr. Daniel Jackson retrieved his mail upon returning to his apartment after a long day at Star Gate Command. He never told anyone it was his birthday. He didn't think it mattered all that much after defending Earth against an alien invasion. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped down on the sofa going through a weeks worth of mail to sort. Most were bills that he tossed into a pile. He then came across a bright yellow envelope that was obviously a greeting card. He read the return address and recognized his foster brother's writing. His lip tugged up on the corner of his mouth as he gave a slight smile. He opened the envelope to find a musical card. He opened the card and a familiar birthday tune played but the words were in minion.
"Fid oflit da to. Fid oflit da to. Fid oflit, Daniel. Fid oflit da to." the recording of Steve sang the song. He then cocked his head and read the writing on the card scribbled in minion. "I'm coming to Colorado Springs for a work job. See you Saturday. Dinner is on me. Love, your brother, Steve." He closed the card and placed it aside. "Steve is coming to Colorado Springs. Oh boy!" he laughed.
Saturday
Daniel Jackson walked towards his apartment door sporting jeans, a plaid shirt and a leather jacket expecting to find his friend, Steve as it was nearing the dinner time. Upon opening the door he found Jack standing in civilian clothing of tan cargo pants, black t-shirt and black leather jacket. Behind him was Sam also in civilian clothing of jeans and a white blouse. Behind Sam was Teal'c sporting black jeans, black t-shirt with a black jacket. Behind Teal'c stood Janet Frasier sporting jeans and a flannel and beside Janet was Cassie also wearing jeans and a flannel shirt. He paused for he didn't expect any company.
Jack smiled mischievously, "Happy Birthday, Daniel."
He paused, "You remembered?" He opened the door wide for his friends to enter. "Come on in."
"Of course we remembered." Jack assured.
Sam gave him a hug, "Happy birthday. I know it was yesterday. We were kind of busy."
He hugged her in return, "Thanks, Sam."
Teal'c walked by with a nod of respect. Next Janet had to hug him for his birthday as well.
"Happy Birthday, Daniel!" Janet cheered in an embrace.
"Thanks Janet." he replied feeling blessed.
Cassie copied the move, "Happy Birthday, Daniel." The girl gave him a hug as well.
He wrapped one arm around her, "Thanks kid." He looked out for Steve but didn't see another vehicle. He closed the door figuring Steve would arrive soon. "This is unexpected." he mentioned.
Jack asked, "You going somewhere?"
"I'm going out to dinner and have a few beers with my foster brother. Steve! He's in town on a construction job." he informed.
Jack smirked, "Foster brother?"
He informed, "Steve helped me through some tough times after I lost my folks. He kind of adopted me as his brother."
Janet spoke up, "We were going to take you out for dinner. Do you want us to come back some other time?"
He assured, "Nah! Steve loves company. I'll warn you though. He is a little eccentric."
Jack asked, "How so?"
"He invented his own language and likes to speak it all the time." he warned. "He called it Minion. He knows English, but that kind be more difficult for him. Not sure if it's a stutter or what. Minion is a mesh of all these different languages together. He taught it to me when we were teenagers. Looking back, it's rather impressive language he managed to invent."
Sam assumed, "Sounds like genius material." She then noticed the painful expression on Daniel's face. "He's not a genius?"
"I suppose he could be…kind of…sort of…" he winced. "He's a Jack of All Trades. Can do all sorts of construction, masonry, electrical, plumbing, you name it. But…I doubt he could understand advanced physics. And he comes up with some weird ideas. But, he loves to party, loves music and to sing."
Janet cheered, "Nothing wrong with that."
The doorbell than rang.
"Must be Steve." Daniel figured. He went to the door and opened it. There stood Steve who still looked rather youthful. He looked about twenty years old though Daniel knew he was much older. Steve wore blue denim overalls over a yellow t-shirt with black boots. He held a hard hat under his arm with a pair of black gloves and work goggles inside. For a minion, old habits were hard to break. "Steve!" he greeted him.
Steve grabbed Daniel in a near bear hug and nearly lifted him off his feet. "Brother!" he cheered.
"Put me down, Steve." Daniel instructed.
Steve complied and then stepped inside the apartment behind Daniel.
Daniel closed the door, "Steve meet my friends from work. They will be going out with us for dinner tonight. That's Jack."
Jack waved.
"That's Sam, Teal'c, Janet and the girl is Cassie. Janet adopted her." he informed.
Though Steve has lived as a human for years he could not help but be a minion. He started speaking in minion, "Bello." he greeted. His eyes settled on the red headed doctor. He smiled for he liked her looks. He went right over to her and tried to be suave and sophisticated as a minion could be. He grasped her hand ever so gently and bowed before her. "Lindo." he whispered and then gently kissed the back of her hand.
Janet looked over to Daniel who was trying hard to not laugh as he knew Steve was harmless.
Daniel then instructed, "Don't forget to tell Sam she's beautiful too and kiss her hand."
Steve agreed and stepped over to Sam who stood looking at the site of this construction worker. She cocked an eyebrow as he did the same to her. She gave Daniel a not amused look as he found it hilarious.
"He's kind of a big kid." Daniel whispered to Jack.
Jack reached over and grasped Sam's hand. "Thanks but enough, Steve." he told him.
Steve stood up and shrugged, "Meh." As if it was nothing at all.
Daniel stated, "Jack is military. He's a Colonel in the Air Force, Steve."
Steve came to attention and gave a salute. "Nim."
Jack looked at Daniel. "Is that 'Sir' in whatever language he is speaking?"
"Minion and yes it is." he confirmed. He then asked his foster brother, "Jee kapee?" he wondered if he flew out to Colorado.
Steve shook his head, "Am." He then made a motion as if his hands were on a steering wheel and accompanied the motion with motor sounds much like a child would.
"Ka pik." Daniel gave a nod.
Jack asked, "Are you two going to speaking this…minion…the whole time we are out?"
"It is easier for Steve to speak minion than English." Daniel defended. Secretly he liked being able to speak a secret language with his foster brother so they could talk about things and Jack would have no idea what was said.
Sam assured, "I'm sure we can all get through one night of minion."
Cassie cheered, "Can I learn minion? It would be cool to speak minion in school."
Janet asked, "Why would that be cool?"
"So the teachers won't know what us kids are saying." she confessed.
Janet rolled her eyes as Sam smiled amused.
Steve held his hand up to the girl, "Hi five."
She gave the slap of the palm laughing for she found Steve fun.
Jack smirked to him, "So…you can speak English?"
He rolled his wrist as if annoyed, "English, blah, blah, blah."
Daniel placed an arm over Steve's shoulder and turned him towards the door, "Alright! Let's go have dinner." He then led his foster brother and his teammates out the door for an evening on the town.
