Aurelia's earliest memory was when she was two years old. Her Uncle B had sat her in her high chair for a snack while he folded the laundry. She was given a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios with milk, but for a while, she only had eyes for the plastic bowl the food was contained within.
It was so pretty! In a way that she might have seen before, but it felt like she was seeing it for the first time. It had such a bright, happy look to it! It felt like she could look at it forever! Until her belly rumbled insistently, and she began eating in Ernest.
When her uncle returned, he immediately noticed his niece's interest in the bowl. "This is a yellow bowl, Aurie. Do you like yellow?"
Later, Aurelia would wonder if her entire life had set course from her encounter with the yellow baby bowl.
She sat on the back porch, safe and warm on her uncle's lap. It was past her bedtime, so she was quite sleepy, but kept awake by the beauty above their heads.
"See those white, twinkly things, Aurie?" Uncle B asked in a hushed voice.
"Mmm-hmm," she replied, in a drowsy but awed daze.
"Those are stars. They may look tiny, butt that's only because they're very far away. But there's one star that's not."
"What is?" Aurelia asked eagerly, slightly more awake from the question.
"It's the sun!"
"Daytime star?"
"Exactly!" Her uncle chuckled, shaking her a bit. "But the other stars are still there in the day; you just can't see them."
"Ooh!" Suddenly, Aurelia caught sight of something else. It glowed like a star, but didn't twinkle. It also looked much larger. Did that mean it was closer? She points at it. "That closer nighttime star?"
"No, sweetie, that's the moon. It's a big rock that reflects light from the sun, and spins around the Earth. That's the planet we live on."
Aurelia continues to gaze up at the sky, full of quiet, wide-eyed wonder. She couldn't believe she had been missing this every night.
It wasn't long before her bedroom was adorned with glow-in-the-dark stars and a moon nightlight. She loved them, but always preferred to look at the real stars and moon whenever she had the chance.
Aurelia loved to play hide and seek. She enjoyed hiding the most. She always picked places her uncle wouldn't think to look for a long time.
"Boo!" She shouted as she bounced up from beneath the kitchen sink.
"Whoa!" Her uncle cried out, raising his hands. "How'd you fit under there, Aurie? You're little, but not that little!"
Aurelia couldn't help but giggle. "It was squeezy, but I did it!"
Uncle B suddenly looked serious. "I don't mind you hiding in small spaces, but please don't hide under there again. I keep a lot of cleaning things there, and they're not safe for little girls to be around."
"Oh, so that's what that funny smell was."
It was Aurelia's fifth birthday, and she was helping her uncle make the cake. Normally people didn't help with their own birthday cakes, but Aurelia enjoyed doing it a lot. But birthdays always got her thinking about her birth, and by extension, her mom.
"Uncle B?" Aurelia started as she worked the lumps out of the strawberry cake mix. "Did Mommy really work in space?"
"She sure did!" Uncle B said with a smile. "She was superb at her job, too."
"Did she see the stars closer?"
"Stars are so far away, that even in space, they still look small. Plus, you can't get too close to a star because they're so hot."
"Hotter than the oven?" The girl asks, pointing at said kitchen appliance. As if on cue, it beeped, indicating that it had been pre-heated to the wanted temperature.
"Oh, much hotter than that, sweetie. Are you done with the cake mix?"
"I think so."
"Good, now we can add the wet ingredients."
As her uncle cracked the eggs into the bowl, and Aurelia went to the sink to get the first cup of water, she couldn't help but continue to think about her mother, and her exciting life in space. "Did she really live in a spaceship?"
"Yup. Her crew lived with her. They were all the best of friends and learned new things about space every day."
"Ooh! Did they meet any aliens?"
"Not that I know of," She turned around in time to see her uncle's face grow thoughtful. "But even if she didn't, it's possible that there are aliens out there. There is so much of space that still hasn't been explored."
As she poured the water into the mix, a flutter of excitement danced its way into the little girl's heart. "Uncle B?"
"Yeah, Aurie?"
"I want to go to space when I grow up; like Mommy did."
"ThatS great!" Uncle B says with enthusiasm. "What color spacesuit would you want to wear?"
"Yellow! It's my favorite color! Like the sun!"
"Really? It was your mom's color, too!"
"Yay!" Aurelia jumped up and down, waving her arms in giddy excitement. But accidentally whacked into the bowl, which spilled all over the counter. "Oops…"
"Class," Aurelia's first grade teacher addressed the room. "I have some very exciting news. We have a new student. This is Rose Parker. She moved here all the way from The United Kingdom. Why don't you tell us about yourself, Rose?"
"Hello," Rose began. She seemed shy, but doing her best to pretend she wasn't. She spoke in a way that Aurelia had only heard before on TV. Is that how everybody in the United Kingdom place talks? She wondered.
"My name is Rose. I'm six years old, and… uh… I like drawing a-and… I saw a squirrel once?"
The teacher seemed to take pity on the increasingly stressed Rose, and called the class for circle time to read a story. Excited, Aurelia trotted over to the alphabet rug, temporarily forgetting about the new student. But remembering her real quick when they ran headlong into each other.
"Ow!"
"Sorry!"
"What're you doing?"
"I'm sitting on the R."
"You can't sit on the R! It's R for Rose!"
"My name has an R in it, too! Aurelia!"
"But it doesn't start with R! Go sit on the A."
"No!"
In truth, Aurelia didn't actually want to be on the R because of the letter itself. All the letters had pictures to go with them; the picture for the R was a rocket. And since Aurelia was obsessed with space more than ever, obviously she wanted that spot. It was much better than A's boring apple.
But everybody knows it's proper elementary school etiquette to sit on letters that are in your name, preferably the one it starts with. There were no kids whose names started with R before this, so Aurelia could get away with sitting on it. She really should just give up the spot to Rose and go to the A, but she loved this spot on the rug, and wasn't willing to leave it without a fight.
"I don't want to sit on the A!"
"Well, you can't sit on the R!"
Aurelia tries to sit on the R despite Rose's protests, but the other girl shoves her. Hard. She falls sideways, banging her head on the floor with a thud. Pain lancing through her skull and tears burning in her eyes, Aurelia determinedly pushes herself up, and shoves Rose the opposite direction. She flails as she tumbles over the Q and the picture of a quilt, knocking into Pam, who falls into Oliver, who accidentally smacks Nico in the face as he's jostled. With a horrified expression, Mary yells for the teacher.
Rose is also crying when the teacher has puzzled out what happened. She decides to put both girls in timeout. Aurelia didn't get to sit on the R today, but neither did Rose, so she counts it as a win.
Later, Aurelia sits inside one of the play structures outside, bored. All the swings were taken, which is how she usually spent recess, but she didn't feel emotionally capable of trying to convince someone to give theirs up. But all the other things on the playground weren't as fun to play with alone, at least not in Aurelia's opinion.
"Hey." She jumped at the voice, nearly banging her head. She glances over her shoulder, revealing that the voice belonged to none other than Rose. "Are you gonna go down the slide? I want to go."
Aurelia considered not moving, but ultimately decided against it. Being difficult with this would only make her more upset in the end. So she just nodded, still a little pouty, taking the most unenthusiastic trip down a slide ever.
Rose comes down shortly after, grinning widely. "This slide is a lot better than the one at my old school!" She exclaims. "It was almost always in the sun, so it was really hot."
Aurelia winces at the thought. Then brightens when the vacant seesaw catches her eye. "I bet they didn't have a seesaw at all."
Rose follows her gaze, shaking her head. "They didn't. Actually, I don't think I've ever been on one before."
Aurelia has to stop and think for a moment at this point. She didn't think she liked Rose very much; her first impression wasn't all that great. But, it was Aurelia who broke the elementary school etiquette in the first place, so it wasn't Rose's fault. But she really wanted to sit on the R! But she also really wanted a playmate.
Eventually, Aurelia's desire for someone to spend recess with won out over her grudge. "We could do it together, if you want."
Rose's eyes widened; she clearly wasn't expecting such a proposal. "…Really?"
"Yeah. I mean… we can both sit on it."
Rose thought about this for a minute, but eventually, she slowly nodded. "Okay. Your name's Aurelia, right?"
Aurelia smiles slightly and nods. "Yeah, but most people call me Aurie." She gasps, suddenly coming up with an ingenious idea. "Or, if you want, you can call me Yellow!"
Much to Aurelia's surprise, Rose's eyes seem to get a little sparkly. "Yellow? Like, the MIra spacesuit?"
"Yeah! My mom worked on a MIRA crew, she wore the yellow suit, and yellow's my favorite color and space is awesome and I really want to be in a crew like that in space when I grow up!"
"That's so cool!" The girls finally make it to the seesaw, and continue talking as they begin riding on it. "I really want to go to space too, but I don't know if I can do it. I'm not doing very good in class…" Rose's face suddenly grows sad. And Aurelia… feels like she should try to cheer her up? Is she actually starting to become friends with this R-stealer?
"Don't worry. Since space stuff is a lot better than it used to be, you don't need to know as much as you used to have to. So just do your best, and I'm sure you'll do it. Just like I'm going to."
"Thanks, Aurie. By the way, sorry for not letting you sit on the R."
Aurelia can feel her own eyes widening at that. Out of all the ways this scenario could go, this is not what she expected at all. And she found herself saying: "No, I'm sorry. You're the one whose name starts with R."
"But you were there first."
"But everyone knows you sit on the letter that your name starts with if you can."
"I pushed you. I shouldn't have done that.
"I pushed you, too. And also…" She hesitates for a moment, but eventually lets the confession stumble out. "I actually didn't want to sit there because of the R: I wanted it because there was a rocket on it. A just has a boring old apple on it."
"Oh!"
"But, if anybody asks you, it was because of R being in my name, and not the rocket."
Rose looks perplexed at this; maybe the elementary school etiquette is different in the United Kingdom? But she nods anyway. "Okay."
Rose and Aurelia spend almost every recess together after that, and take turns sitting on the R during circle time. They become really good friends, and are seen together more often than not. But that's not everything that comes out of their meeting.
"Uncle B?"
"Yeah, Aurie?"
"Would it be okay if… could you call me Yellow?"
"Sure, Yellie."
"No! Not Yellie, Yellow!" They both laugh.
Soon, almost everyone Aurelia knows is calling her Yellow, her passion for making it to MIra becoming even more well known than before. Though some think her desire to be called by a suit color a silly childhood phase, Aurelia knows in her heart that she will be a real Yellow someday.
Yellow never got along well with her Aunt Saffron. Not even when she was a baby. When her aunt tried to hold her, she screamed until she vomited on her. Yellow doesn't remember this event, obviously, but she wished she did. Because she entirely understood her past self's actions, now more than ever.
"Oh, it's so good to see you again, Relie!" The woman croons, taking Yellow into her arms. Normally Yellow couldn't get enough of hugs, but for some reason, she got a weird slimy feeling in her guts whenever her aunt did it. And that nickname…
"Aunt Saffron, please call me Aurie or Yellow."
Her aunt laughs, but it isn't a nice sort of laugh. "Oh, Relie, you can't go by Yellow now. You're not a spaceman."
"But I'm gonna be a spacegirl!" Yellow always felt strange around Aunt Saffron. Like the air was closing in on her, compelling her to hide who she really was to avoid the woman's wrath. She'd never listened, though. It had caused more than a few problems, but she was nothing if not stubborn. Yellow refused to hide herself from anyone, no matter what.
Her aunt seemed to want to continue this train of conversation, but before she could, yellow's uncle B, her brother, arrived on the scene. "Saffron, good to see you. You brought something for our niece, yeah?"
Aunt Saffron nods, an unreadable expression on her face. Yellow now notices that she's carrying a grocery bag with her. It looked like it was made of plastic, but it was actually composed of a similar, more environmentally friendly alternative. Most plastic had been banned before Yellow was born.
"Since Halloween is coming up soon, I wanted to make sure you had something pretty, and Not scary to wear. Go ahead, take a look!"
The bag was all but shoved into Yellow's face, and it took all her willpower not to scream when she got a peak at its contents. It looked like a giant, pink, human-eating poof monster. "Uh, wh-what is it?" She managed, trying not to start hyperventilating.
"It's a pretty pink princess dress!" Aunt Saffron squeals. "There's a tiara and shoes in there, too. Oh, I really hope you will come by my house wearing it, you'll look so beautiful!"
"Uh… thanks." Being herself and being rude were two different things, and Yellow could do the former without the latter. Luckily, uncle B saved her before her aunt could make her try the costume on.
"So, you told me you were having issues with your car?"
He came back a few minutes later, without Aunt Saffron. Yellow had gotten all the items out of the bag and set them out on the table, trying to destroy them with her stare. Her uncle sat down across from her.
"What do you reallythink of the costume, Yellie?" He asks in a soft voice.
Yellow takes a deep breath. "Well, I don't hate pink, or princesses, but…"
"No, Aurelia. You know you don't have to beat around the bush with me. You can be a hundred percent honest. So, I'll ask again, what do you think of the costume?"
Yellow sighs, but it's more out of relief than anything else. "I don't like it." she confesses, and a huge weight lifts from her shoulders. "I mean, look at this dress." She runs her fingers through the fabric, shuttering at the texture. "It's so scratchy. And the tiara has so much glitter on it; I'm scared it'll fall into my eyes if I wear it. And don't get me started on the shoes. They're so high, and they look like they'd pinch my feet. Is it even legal to make somebody wear this stuff?"
"No one is going to make you wear this stuff." Her uncle's voice is firm, leaving no room for argument. "If you don't wanna wear this costume, you don't have to."
"I don't."
"Well, okay then." Uncle B puts the items back in the bag and takes it away, never to be seen again. Yellow would never learn what happened to it.
When he returns, Uncle B's serious expression is replaced with a smile. "So, since a pretty pink princess is off the table, what do you wanna be instead? A yellow crewmate, like last year? Or the year before?"
Yellow thinks for a moment. She's tempted to go for the classic at first, but then her aunt's words from earlier pop up in her head. "And not scary."
"Actually, no. This year, I wanna be an alien! A scary alien!"
"Uncle B! Uncle B!" Yellow ran into the house as fast as she could without disturbing the precious cargo in her hands. "You have to come look at this!"
Yellow had been enjoying summer vacation, and today she was going on a bike ride around the neighborhood, pretending she was exploring a different planet. She had been pretending that a storm drain was a crater, but she didn't expect to find something actually interesting sitting next to it on the grass.
It was a plastic jar. It looked like it used to hold peanut butter, but now the label was gone, and a few holes were poked in the top. The jar wasn't empty, though, it was full of slightly dirty-looking water. And in the water were a pair of small pink creatures the likes of which yellow had never seen before. They didn't look like anything that could've possibly come from this world.
"Aliens!" Yellow shouted, heart full of wonder. "Hmm, you don't look too happy in that jar, though. I'd better take you home; Uncle B should know what to do."
Now she was back home, jar in hand, and her uncle couldn't possibly get here fast enough.
He finally did show up an eternity later, laptop under his arm. He must've been looking over information about his patients. "What is it, Yellie?"
Yellow handed him the jar. "Aliens! I found real aliens! But they don't look so good…"
Uncle B squinted at the sad duo for a moment, then he started chuckling. "Oh, Yellie. I'm sorry to tell you this, but these aren't aliens."
Yellow could feel herself frown. "They're not? But then, what are they?"
"They're called axolotls. They're a kind of salamander that never fully grows up. They're really rare, so I'm not sure how you found them."
"They were just in a jar, next to the storm drain," Yellow explains. "I don't know who left them there."
"You're right that they don't look good; axolotls should not be kept in jars like this. I have an empty aquarium we can use for them. Let's do some research real quick, and see if we can't make these two more comfortable."
After a slightly hurried googling session, Yellow and her uncle learned how to set up the tank for the axolotls, and what to feed them. They also learned that one was male and the other female, but it was a bit hard to tell at first glance.
"What are we going to call them?" Yellow wonders as she watches the two not aliens get settled into their new home. They look a lot happier now that they're not stuck in that little jar.
"Oh, I don't know." Uncle B smiles mischievously, pointing to the male and then the female. "Axie, and Lottie?"
Uncle B!" Yellow says with a laugh. "We're not naming them that."
They name them that.
"Where is she?"
"I don't know!"
"She was just here!"
"She couldn't have gotten far!"
Yellow was very upset. It was her first week of sixth grade, AKA middle school, and things were going horribly. She kept getting lost trying to find her classes, the lunch food was a lot worse than at her elementary school, and worst of all, there wasn't any recess! Thus, she had so much pent-up energy, far too much to concentrate on the increased amount of work she was assigned. And okay, maybe stacking several desks into a makeshift jungle Jim and climbing them wasn't the best way to get out said energy, but she needed to move, needed to play!
The principal of the middle school was a real piece of work. Probably against Yellow from the start, like Professor Snape from Harry Potter.Rose had convinced her to branch out from her usual science fantasy books, and she was glad she did.
The detention room was in the older part of the building. She was the only student there that day, further evidence for Yellow's 'The principal Hates Me' theory. She sat at the far less new desk, trying to concentrate on work but failing miserably, as she had been caught before she could fully take advantage of her DIY play area. The teacher tasked with looking after her, an old guy who was kind but absentminded, had fallen asleep a few minutes ago and was snoring slightly. Yellow couldn't help but wonder why they hadn't forced him to retire.
Yellow tapped her foot restlessly, listening to its mournful echo. This was impossible! She was never going to get any work done like this! But maybe, with the old guy asleep and the door shut tight, she could have a little more fun?
As she slowly and carefully stood up from her chair, a voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like her Uncle B warned her about how bad of an idea this was. Another voice[What the heck was aunt Saffron doing there?] clutched her pearls and squealed about how there weren't going to be as many opportunities for her future if she had disciplinary issues in school. A third and final voice, this one sounded like Rose, excitedly cheered her on. Yellow decided to listen to that one.
As she prowled the room, as silent as a cat, her eyes were almost immediately drawn to a part of the wall. The paneling of it looked offsomehow. She crept towards it and poked it. It moved!
Did I seriously find a secret passage in my school? The preteen thought, heart fluttering with excitement. She released a breath when she carefully tugged the wall open.
Okay, so what she found wasn't a secret passage, per se, but it was a crevice, a hidey-hole too small for most people to fit inside, but not her! It wasn't an opportunity to play, but she might be able to calm down inside of it, maybe take a little nap! Yeah, that sounded great right about now!
That's where she had been for an hour now, possibly two. Teachers were going nuts trying to find her, and even though she knew she shouldn't enjoy scaring them, Yellow couldn't help but find it a little funny how they ran around like decapitated chickens. Seriously, how's this school still open?
Still, she knew this little game of hers had to come to an end. The insulation was starting to tickle her nose, and another need had begun making itself known. As casually as she could, Yellow popped out of the wall, scaring a young teacher's assistant who had remained in the detention room to look out for her.
"Hey, uh, so like… can I go to the bathroom? I gotta pee pretty badly."
Everyone was so flabbergasted by this, no one bothered to correct her use of the word 'can.' Yellow counts this as a win.
"Hey, uh, Yellow?" The boy speaks up. They'd been sitting outside the school for a while, waiting for the bus. It was running late today.
This was a tradition for them. Yellow was really good friends with this boy, just as good as Rose. And whenever they were together, Yellow always felt really happy. She loved it when they held hands, hugged, or just had deep conversations. She felt like she could tell him anything without being judged, unlike most boys at her school, which she'd rather not have much to do with.
Rose thought she liked this boy romantically, and yellow supposed that was right. Her feelings did seem to very closely resemble a crush. But did she want to kiss him? Did she want him to call her his girlfriend, and call him her boyfriend? Were they too young to be thinking about stuff like this yet? Was it normal to feel weird when contemplating telling him about her crush? It was a crush, right? You didn't feel this way about friends; you weren't supposed to want to be this involved and do this much with someone you weren't romantically inclined towards, right?
Yellow realized she'd been silent for a while. She shook herself. "Y-yeah?"
"You know…" He began, voice softer than it normally was. "We've been friends for a while, and we hang out a lot. We're both sorta… always holding hands and hugging and stuff?"
Yellow nods, motioning for him to go on. She had an idea of what was going to come next, and couldn't help but tense. But whether it was out of anticipation or something else, she couldn't be quite sure.
"W-well…" He begins blushing. "I've come to realize that I… I-I like you, Yellow."
Yellow's brain freezes for a moment. Why does she feel so surprised? She knew this was coming; everyone knew it was coming! Maybe she should ask for clarification, just to be safe? "You like me? As in—as in romantically?"
"Y-yeah." His blush deepens.
Yellow feels like a ball of writhing worms is making a nest out of her digestive track. Her breath hitches. What is this? Why is she feeling like this? So shocked, anxious, and… disgusted?
This was supposed to be it! She was waiting for this! Waiting for this day to come! This was supposed to be a happy thing; she was supposed to be happy. Why wasn't she happy? Why did the thought of excepting his confession feel like a betrayal? Why didn't she want to kiss him? Or… do other things with him? Why did it pain her to think that from now on, everything they did would be romantic, every time they were alone together it'd be a date. Every touch wouldn't be just for affection and care anymore; it would always have so much expectation behind it. Being touched by him at all, now that she knew it would be like that, made her skin crawl.
Yellow didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say. So she ran.
Why does romance make me uncomfortable?
She lay in bed, completely covered in the blankets, hiding from the world. She implored google to answer this query, because when she really thought about it, that was the case all along.
She had always tried to consume media with little romance; she didn't know how she hadn't realized it before, but it was true. She always preferred stories that revolved around friendship, family, adventure. When characters were paired off, she always couldn't help but think how sad it would be that they no longer had as much time for the people in their lives that were there before their romantic partner.
The initial few results were unhelpful, to say the least. The articles read like they were trying to be helpful, but just came off as incredibly patronizing. Not to mention, most of them were about how not to be uncomfortable with romance, and not why she felt that way.
But eventually, Yellow struck gold. She found a website that doubled as both info about the queer community, and a forum. She read the much more helpful articles, relishing in the bounty of information. None of them said what to do or how to be, just "This is what this is."
She learned that there were multiple types of attraction. She learned that she had experienced a squish, and not a crush. Likely with sensual attraction in there as well, given how much she'd yearned for physical affection. She learned about amatonormativity, the privileging and prioritizing of romantic relationships. This is why she thought what she'd felt was romantic, even though she now knew for sure it definitely was not. And most importantly, she now knew why romance (and other things)made her uncomfortable: she was romance repulsed. And other things repulsed.
Now she knew what she was. Yellow had found a word for a part of herself she never really comprehended before this, but now couldn't imagine living without knowing. She knew what to tell her uncle, Rose, and probably the boy, too. If she got the nerve.
"I'm aroace."
Later, after she had come out and been accepted (Rose apologizing for misunderstanding her feelings,) with a sunset flag above her bed and rings adorning her middle fingers, Yellow never felt better.
Yellow never felt worse. She couldn't believe the horrible news the best friend she'd ever had just told her. "Y-you can't be serious, can you?"
"I'm sorry, Aurie.' Rose sighed, wrapping an arm around her. "I don't wanna go either, but Dad found a better job for him back in the UK, and Mum thinks it's best we move back."
"B-but you said we'd go to high school together!" Yellow knows this isn't Rose's fault, that she can't control it, but she still feels betrayed. "You said we'd make it to MIRA together!"
Rose squeezes her. "I dunno if MIRA takes people from around the world; I think they do. But if they don't, you'll have to get there for both of us. I know you can do it."
Yellow feels tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "Will we still talk?"
They do, at first. They start off either calling or texting every day after school, then every other day. Then once a week. Rose gets busier with extracurricular activities, and Yellow begins taking her studies more seriously than before. She can feel her old friend fading, though. And it hurts so much. It feels like a hole being dug into her heart. She can't help but wonder if romantic breakups are this devastating. Still, she can't help but have hope they'll meet again someday, among the stars.
Yellow couldn't believe what she saw in the school gymnasium. It was career day of her junior year, and many colleges and schools had shown up. But only one caught Yellow's attention.
MIra. There we're MIRA representative's here! Without another thought, Yellow ran towards the table, eager to ask questions.
Apparently, they were getting fewer employees lately. Yellow couldn't imagine why, and said as much, much to the stoic woman behind the table's faint amusement.
Her reception was indifferent, at best. To them, she was little more than a crazy fan girl without an indoor voice. But the passion in her heart beat as strongly as ever, and with the new drafting, or deploying, or whatever it was called program now running in her high school, the stars seemed closer than ever.
A/N: So, yeah. This chapter got way away from me. At first, I only wanted to do a little of Yellow's backstory and then her POV of the first chapter of Vent Buddies, but I think it's best if I split this fic into two chapters. The second one, with her POV of Vent buddies, should come soon. I hope you enjoyed reading this in the meantime. Feedback is always welcome.
