Sadie sinks into the bathtub, wincing as the warmth of the water smarts against the abrasions littering her skin. She still remembers the origin of every single one of them. She still feels each one forming as she struggles to get free, tears burning at the corners of her eyes as she slides down in the water until her chin brushes the surface.
The tears continue to burn as they slide down her cheeks, too, but no matter how hard she tries, Sadie cannot seem to stop them.
Details of the last twelve or so hours flash through her mind as she sits with her fingers digging into the edges of the bathtub, her breath coming in sharp gasps while her entire body shakes. She is grateful that she has the upper floor of the house to herself, unsure if she could survive having to explain her appearance to anyone, right now.
This should never have happened to her. Never in a million years.
Sadie knows now, more than ever, that the things that are not supposed to happen, though, often do.
Stifling a sob, Sadie bites down on her lower lip, sinking even further beneath the surface of the water until she is fully submerged. She welcomes the feeling of being surrounded by something. She notices it almost feels–safe. Far safer, at least, than where she was, before.
Before.
Before, when hands coiled around her wrists, pinning her down despite her screams…
Sadie shoots up from the depths of the bathtub in response to the memory, her lungs burning as panic sears through her chest. Water drips from her now soaking hair onto her shoulders, but she barely feels it, her shoulders heaving as she struggles to breathe. She's fully sobbing now, her arms wrapping around her knees as she tugs her legs up against her chest. She cannot seem to stop trembling, and her fingers curl in on themselves, nails digging into already sensitive skin.
The pounding that shakes the bathroom door has Sadie giving an astonished yelp not long after, her body going taut despite the familiarity of the voice on the other side.
"Sadie! What's taking so long, sis? Gonna be late for school!"
"C–coming!" Sadie croaks out, listening carefully until the sound of her brother's footsteps fade away down the hall, and exhaling in a shaky rush as she tries to remind herself that keeping up appearances is more important now, than ever. Her brother could not know. Their parents could not know.
She hardly wants to, but Sadie still hears the words that were hissed in her ear after, a chilling mantra that she cannot seem to escape.
"If you tell anyone about this–anyone–I will fucking destroy you. Do you understand?"
Sadie whimpers as the words echo in her mind, standing from the water in the bathtub so quickly some of the water sloshes over the edge onto the floor. She knows she needs to hurry, or Jason will become suspicious. And he cannot know. She doesn't know if he will understand, or judge her for her apparently poor choices that led to everything that put her where she is right now.
She cannot risk him seeing this as something she brought on herself, and so Sadie resolves to remain silent, drying off with a towel and wrapping herself in her familiar pastel blue robe, tugging the fabric tightly enough around her that even if Jason is still lingering in the hall outside, he will not see the marks she is trying so hard to conceal.
After all, Andy was careful to avoid marking up her face.
Andy.
Her boyfriend.
One of her brother's closest friends.
Someone Sadie knows she cannot avoid at school without provoking further curiosity, and yet someone that seems capable of sending her into a tailspin with just the mere thought of their presence, alone.
"He was drunk. He was drunk, and maybe–maybe today, he'll be better," Sadie reminds herself, the words falling flat as she feels more tears sliding their way down her cheeks, and reaches up to dash them away before opening the bathroom door. A quick glance out shows her she is, mercifully, alone in the hallway, and so she dashes to her bedroom as quickly as she can, shutting the door behind her with a soft snap. And as she looks around her room–as she locks eyes on the uniform spread out on her bed–Sadie tries to reconcile herself with what happened the night before as best she can.
Maybe it is her fault. Andy always tells her she's too uptight. Too anxious.
"You know, you don't have to be such a prude all the time, babe. It's honestly a bit of a turn-off."
Sadie reminds herself that he got what he wanted from her. That he will be happier now, because of it.
That means it has to be better. It has to be better, because Sadie is honestly not sure she can survive if it is not.
And, if everything goes back to normal, perhaps she can forget any of this ever happened at all.
…
Sadie stands at her locker, staring blankly at the contents while other students mill through the halls around her. She knows no one will see the physical evidence she concealed with a turtleneck sweater and jeans, her hair left down to aid in preventing the bruising around her neck from becoming visible. But she hardly cares about that, now, waiting instead on something else, entirely. Something she is not sure she can face.
Andy always comes by her locker before first period. Always.
Sadie has no doubt he will do the same, today, and she is paralyzed at the thought of his arm curling around her waist, possessive as always as he tugs her in for a kiss, heedless of the watching eyes ogling them on their way to class…
She does not know if she can stomach it. His touch. Bile burns at the back of her throat already, and Sadie claps a hand over her mouth as she fights against the sudden urge to hurl.
"Hey–hey, are you–are you okay?"
Sadie shakes her head emphatically as she pulls back from the source of the unexpected intrusion into her thoughts, her hands curling almost protectively around her torso, despite the fact that a part of her knows almost immediately that the person standing beside her is hardly a threat. Blinking rapidly, she bites her lower lip, willing the returning tears to remain at bay for long enough to make a quick escape. She backs up so quickly that she bumps into the student standing beside her locker, rifling through their own, but Sadie hardly notices, the huff of indignation that student makes going unheard as she meets worried brown eyes with her own…
"Eddie?"
"Yeah. Yeah, it's me," Eddie nods, reaching a hand out for Sadie's shoulder, though she almost immediately flinches away, "Hey–hey, it's okay. I won't–I won't touch you–"
"No–no, no no–"
"Look. Look, I'm–I'm backing off."
"No," Sadie repeats, shaking her head again, her hair swishing over her shoulders in the process, while she forces herself to look Eddie in the eye, "No, I–I'm sorry, I–"
"You're not okay, are you?"
Sadie wants to tell the truth. She wants to scream it for the entire school to hear, her fingers digging into the fabric of her turtleneck, leaving indents in the sleeves that she doubts will ever leave. But she can't. She can't speak, her mouth opening and closing several times, though no words ever left her.
She can't breathe, black dots swimming around in her vision while another familiar voice calls her name…
"Sadie–there you are, babe, I–what the hell are you doing with The Freak?"
"Just makin' sure she's okay, man."
"And I wasn't asking you," Andy bites out, giving Eddie's shoulder a rough shove, while simultaneously looping an arm around Sadie's waist to pull her against his side, "You good, babe?"
Sadie forces herself to nod, as the idea of opening her mouth again to speak sends her stomach into knots. She hopes it is enough to get Andy to back off, though a part of her suspects Eddie sees her panic written all over her face. For a moment, she almost thinks he is going to stay with her, like he somehow heard her silent pleas that she did not have the courage to say out loud. But of course, Sadie knows that cannot possibly be a realistic option, especially when the warning bell peals over their heads through the speakers at odd intervals in the hall, and another voice intervenes, tone harsh–upset–as its owner comes to stand at Sadie's other side.
"We got a problem here, Freak?"
"No, man–"
"Because from where I'm standing it looks like you're trying to bother my sister."
"Listen, that's not what this is," Eddie assures, both hands held out in what is clearly meant to be a gesture of good intent, despite the fact that it goes unheeded by not only Andy, but Jason as well. He seems to look to Sadie for something, then, though whatever that is, it fades as soon as he sees the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she struggles to breathe. This isn't her. Not that he knows her well. Not really, no matter how often he steals the seat next to hers in class and pretends to need a pencil, or something else equally as mundane.
The Sadie Carver that stands before him now is a far cry from the bubbly, outgoing girl he knows her to be, though. And that in and of itself is enough to tell him something is wrong.
Not that the two idiots flanking her on either side seem to care.
"I'm just trying to help."
"She doesn't need your help," Jason declares, moving to stand in front of his sister, clearly not noticing the way she seems to pale in response to being left behind with Andy at her side, "Run along to your cult, Munson. Andy and I can take care of the object of your hopeless little crush from here."
"Jason–"
"Leave it, Sadie. C'mon. Let's get to class."
Sadie wants to tell her brother no, now that she finally found her voice, but she clamps her mouth shut as soon as he turns to give her a look that says he is most definitely not in the mood for arguments. She watches as Eddie gives her one last, almost sorrowful look before he leaves, and tries her best not to recoil when Andy's arm tightens around her waist as he turns them to head off in the direction of their first class…
She tries to conceal how she darts one last, furtive glance over her shoulder, and meets Eddie's eyes as he does the same before disappearing around a corner at the far end of the hall, and she is alone once again.
Alone, in a crowd.
How devastatingly perfect.
…
