There were few in the Elemental Nations who did not know the name Hiruzen Sarutobi. He had reigned over Konohagakure for decades and conquered the battlefields before that, rightfully carving a place for himself among the legends of shinobi. He was the Professor, the Monkey Summoner, the God of Shinobi. He had witnessed countless nations rise and fall – and had been responsible for more than a couple of them. Widely renowned, widely respected, and widely feared, there was no doubt that he had earned his status as a legendary figure.

And here he was, a legendary figure reduced to being a mere messenger.

Standing outside the door of a rather rundown apartment, Sarutobi pursed his lips as he took note of the black scorch marks on the ground and the disturbing mystery fluid that stained the ceiling. He would have to make sure the apartment complex manager gets suitably reimbursed later.

Raising his hand, he knocked against the door.

No response.

"Hello?" Sarutobi called.

Still no response.

Sarutobi narrowed his eyes. "I know you're in there. We can do either this the easy way or the hard way," he said. "For both our sakes, I suggest you take the former."

The door remained aggravatingly shut.

Sarutobi let out a long, heavy sigh. Taking a good long puff from his pipe, he savored the flavors in the aromatic smoke and the accompanying soothing effect it brought. He stayed like this for several seconds, relishing the brief moment of tranquility.

Then he kicked the door in.

No – just calling it a kick wasn't quite enough to encapsulate the full breadth of the action. Rather, in a split second he had concentrated an incredible amount of chakra into his muscles before instantaneously releasing it all with pinpoint chakra control. It wasn't nearly as precise or powerful as his student Tsunade could've done it, but it was a close enough approximation of her signature inhuman strength.

The door practically disintegrated from the kick, shattering into a million wooden splinters – before they all ignited from the fireball that suddenly burst out from the interior of the apartment with immense speed.

Sarutobi didn't even bother weaving any hand seals. He simply raised his hand in front of him, palm outstretched as if trying to catch the fireball. The moment the flames touched his hand, they lost all velocity and seemed to be absorbed, extinguishing harmlessly from the vacuum he had generated with wind manipulation.

Focusing on the kunai and shuriken which had been hidden behind the flames that blurred toward him, Sarutobi raised an eyebrow as he made to sidestep them. Such an obvious trick wouldn't work on him –

His eyes widened as the instant before they reached his position, the projectiles suddenly multiplied into hundreds, filling his entire field of vision. He was forced to hastily form a hand seal to throw up a barrier of wind in front of him, causing the kunai and shuriken to clatter to the ground, the shadow shuriken clones dispersing into chakra smoke.

Stepping past them, he entered the apartment – before whirling around and stomping his foot on the ground, causing the concrete to rise up and envelope the remaining physical kunai.

The explosive seals inscribed onto them detonated a moment later, safely contained by the concrete.

Despite himself, Sarutobi couldn't help but smile slightly. A fireball that hid a volley of projectiles that suddenly multiplied to negate dodging that had explosive seals attached... It was a rather devious attack.

As expected from the occupant of this apartment.

Turning back around, he took off his sandals and strolled through the hallway, effortlessly countering the dozen or so traps that were sprung at him. Iron spikes that pierced down from the ceiling, poison gas, a false floor tile, an electrified floor tile, senbon and shuriken and kunai –

Sarutobi paused as he encountered the next trap: a limited edition copy of Icha Icha: Behind Enemy Lines laying innocently on the ground, surrounded by what was obviously a highly dangerous seal array.

"... seriously?"

Sarutobi shook his head and strode past it. He wasn't so weak-willed as to be fooled by a trap like that, if such a blatant egregious display could even be called a trap.

He stopped.

Turning around and internally cursing his weakness, he made his way back to the Icha Icha. Withdrawing a pair of spectacles, a sealing brush, and a bottle of ink from the storage seal inscribed within his robes, he got to work dismantling the seal array. In just under four minutes, he had disabled the mechanisms and deactivated the secondary backups.

Nodding in satisfaction, he picked up the Icha Icha book. He was about to place it back into his robes before he paused.

A sneak peek wouldn't hurt, right?

He opened the book –

Only his honed reaction time allowed him to barely dodge the fireball that was launched at his face.

"Oh come on!" Sarutobi swore, his eyebrows a little singed. "Is nothing sacred anymore? Have you really resorted to booby trapping Icha Icha now?!"

There was no response, but Sarutobi could swear he heard the sound of stifled chuckles come from further inside the apartment. His face setting into a look of grim determination as what was left of his patience finally dwindled down to nothing, he reached the end of the hallway and turned the corner to step into the living room.

Blessedly, it appeared that the Icha Icha had been the final trap. Now all that was left was locating the person responsible for everything...

Hold on a moment.

Sarutobi stared incredulously at the figure of one Kakashi Hatake sitting slumped over on the couch. His arms were crossed over his chest and his single visible eye was closed, as if he was fast asleep.

"You can't be serious," Sarutobi said flatly. "Kakashi. Kakashi, I know you're awake."

Kakashi let out a snore. A loud, extremely unconvincing snore.

Sarutobi's left eye twitched.

Several hand seals later and a large tidal wave shot toward Kakashi, slamming into him with the force of a giant sledgehammer. Water splashed everywhere, soaking the entire couch and startling Kakashi awake.

"Huh? Wazzah?" Kakashi lurched forward, blinking blearily at him while water dripped from his hair and clothes. It was oddly reminiscent of a wet dog. "Hokage-sama? You're here?"

"Funny," Sarutobi said, his voice dryer than Suna's deserts. "You'd think that the knock on your door would've clued you in. Or, you know, the avalanche of traps being set off."

"Oh. Sorry," Kakashi said. "I was asleep."

"Right. Ignoring how the shadow shuriken clone technique is one that could only be performed by a live, conscious human..." Sarutobi withdrew a scroll from inside his robes. "I have a new mission assignment for you."

"And you came all the way to my lowly apartment to deliver it to me?" Kakashi exclaimed. "My. You shouldn't have, Hokage-sama."

"Well, you see, I had to come, after a certain someone ignored all my summons and put the ANBU team I initially sent to deliver the message into the hospital. Speaking of which," Sarutobi's tone became exasperated, "could you please stop harassing the newbies like that? We've barely managed to break their cynophobia from the last time they had to deal with you."

Kakashi shrugged. "They should've known better than to try to invade the apartment of a highly dangerous shinobi."

"They wouldn't have had to if you'd just opened the damned door!"

"Ah," Kakashi seemed to consider that. Then he eye-smiled at Sarutobi. "I wasn't awake. My bad."

Sarutobi sighed heavily. "Your sleep issues aside..." He tossed the scroll at Kakashi, who caught it with one hand. "It's that time of the year again, which is why I presume you're trying so hard to avoid me. You have your new genin team assignment, Kakashi."

Kakashi's eye widened dramatically. "Is it really that time already? I didn't even realize!"

Sarutobi rolled his eyes. "I think you'll enjoy this year's team, though. I'm giving you Minato's kid and the last Uchiha."

"Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha..." Kakashi hummed lightly under his breath. "Who will be the third member?"

"No one."

Kakashi blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm not giving you a third team member."

"Why?" Kakashi asked, confused.

"The risk is far too high," Sarutobi said. "Anyone who joins your team would automatically have an undue target placed on their head merely by association. As it stands, all of the clan heads have called in various favors to politely request that their children not be placed on the same team as you three."

He paused. "Of course, I think some of them just don't like you, period. Hiashi seemed especially vehement on his daughter not being placed on a team with you – if it weren't for me promising to cut back on my smoking, I'd ask what you did to him."

"It was technically Tenzou's fault – "

"Kakashi," Sarutobi smiled genially. "Let me make it more clear. I don't want to know."

Kakashi chuckled before tilting his head. "Even so, can't you just toss me one of the non-clan members? Sakura Haruno should be a good fit, no?"

Sarutobi leveled him with a flat look. "You're telling me," he began, "that you expect me to place the Last Uchiha, the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki, and the Copy-Cat Ninja on the same team as a civilian student?"

Kakashi paused. "Well, I guess when you put it that way..."

Not only would Sakura be placed in significantly more danger, but it was unlikely she would be able to even keep up. Granted, civilian students weren't all weak – Minato himself had been one – but the issue was that there was a high chance she would die before she could fully realize her potential. In time, Sarutobi was certain that Sakura could blossom into something great, but time was sadly not a luxury they could afford.

"With three ultra-high profile targets on one team, I suppose it makes sense to avoid giving us a third member. Although not giving us a medic altogether? How cold."

"Speaking as if your medical ninjutsu skills don't already rival the top medic nins at the hospital."

Kakashi chuckled. "That's fair. Then, what, I'm just going to have a two-genin cell?"

Sarutobi nodded.

"Hmm. Interesting."

Then Kakashi leaned forward, and the air around him shifted, his expression becoming fully serious. "So, how fucked are we at the moment?"

Sarutobi chuckled. "Finally stopped beating around the bush, I see."

His expression grew solemn a moment later as well, and he took several moments to compose his words.

"Suna is growing increasingly resentful toward us, largely due to the Wind Daimyo's actions. Kumo's military is becoming worryingly stronger as we speak, and Iwa is as hostile as ever. Thankfully, Kiri is still dealing with its own internal problems at the moment, so no worries there; however, our agents report that the civil war appears to be gradually coming to an end. There is talk of a new missing nin organization, and Orochimaru went under the radar several years ago. I shudder to think what he's up to."

Sarutobi took a long puff from his pipe, ignoring how Kakashi scrunched up his nose at the smoke.

"Konoha's presence is rapidly declining. We still haven't fully recovered from twelve years ago. We have managed to maintain our illusion of power up until now, but… if nothing changes, then war may very well be on the horizon."

It was impossible to fully describe the devastation caused to the village by the Kyuubi attack twelve years ago. Konoha's forces had been utterly crippled in a single night, and it had been a miracle the other nations hadn't invaded right then and there. The only reason why they had been warded off was solely due to the still-dripping wet man sitting on the couch in front of him.

Indeed, when the village had been crumbling, virtually every single foreign nation out there had sent their ANBU teams to probe for weakness and take advantage of the chaos – and Kakashi Hatake had intercepted every single one.

Despite his pain and grief, or perhaps because of it, he had become a bogeyman feared by every single black ops organization in the Elemental Nations. Mostly due to his tendency to shove copious amounts of lightning into people's chests. And asses.

Sarutobi only wished he was joking.

An entire generation of successfully traumatized foreign ANBU agents later, and fortunately the foreign nations had received the message: though Konoha was thoroughly fucked, it was not fucked enough to risk invading.

Not yet, at least.

That was changing, though. Konoha's reputation had taken several large hits in the past decade: Orochimaru's betrayal, the Uchiha massacre, and the overall lack of any new outstanding talent... Even though Kakashi had once again fended off all the enemy probes in the aftermath of the Uchiha massacre to remind them that ANBU Hound was still as terrifyingly strong as ever, it was slowly becoming clear that Konoha was growing weaker while the other nations were growing stronger.

Something drastic needed to happen to restore Konoha's international standing. And that was where Team 7 came in. Kakashi had undoubtedly realized this already, judging by his resigned look.

"I suppose it's not a coincidence that the chuunin exams are just a few months away, huh? And you expect me to train these two up to a level where they will shock and awe everyone in attendance?"

"Not entirely," Sarutobi shook his head. "While that is one of my goals in giving you this team…" His eyes hardened and the air became heavier, an incredible pressure settling down over them. "My primary objective is to create a team that will strike terror into the heart of the Elemental Nations itself. A team so overwhelmingly strong that our current illusion of power will become the real deal. I don't want them trained up to the level of impressive chuunin, Kakashi. I want them trained to be monsters, plain and simple."

His expression grew weary, regretful, but no less determined. "Make no mistake. This will not be an easy assignment. The missions I am planning to send you on will be so dangerous that every single Clan Head has requested that their children not be placed on the team. We may not be at war, Kakashi, but for your team, it will certainly feel like it. As much as I wish to let them enjoy their childhoods further... this is the only way."

Kakashi was silent for a long moment. Then he sighed. "How troublesome. Can't I just go back into ANBU and terrorize some more foreign agents?"

Sarutobi chuckled, and the tension in the air dissipated. "I'm afraid not. The threat of Hound has been an effective deterrent for many years now, but it won't work forever."

"Very well," Kakashi stood up, and with a click of his fingers, he was suddenly dry. "Do me a favor, though? Keep the Council off my back."

"Only if you don't piss them off too much."

Kakashi was silent.

"Kakashi..."

"I'll try to keep the international incidents to a minimum."

Sarutobi exhaled slowly. "Good enough, I suppose."

"Oh, and one last thing," Kakashi extended a hand, looking at him expectantly. "My Icha Icha, please."

Sarutobi smiled. "Spoils of war, Kakashi."

Kakashi's eye widened. "You wouldn't dare-!"

There were some perks to being the strongest shinobi in the village.


This will have several AU elements

One thing that had always bothered me a little in canon was... why was Kakashi so damn infamous? Practically everyone knew and respected him, but he hadn't actually done any super notable feats. So here, the reason is that after the Kyuubi attack, every foreign nation had sent squads of ANBU and shinobi to test for weakness and perhaps try to kidnap some bloodline limits, steal valuable assets, sabotage efforts, etc, only to be met with a single Hound who decimated them all. Thus Kakashi's infamy

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed the chapter