Star Wars:Rebels fanfic

(I didn't give much thought as to when this takes place before writing it, but it's probably in between the episodes "Steps into shadow" and "Holocrons of Fate". It's Kanan/Ezra centered, because I adore them as a father/son pair and wanted to write some angst, mixed with hurt/comfort as well xD Hera and the others of the 'Ghost' crew also make an appearance, but only briefly. Characters might be kind of OOC, since I've only watched the series once and will need to watch it a few more times to truly nail them…

Also, English is not my first language, so please forgive any mistakes I might have made ^^'' )…

(Brief summary: After the events on Malachor, Ezra Bridger is plagued by nightmares and visions, and is an emotional mess of fear, anger and guilt. Feelings that all lead to the Dark Side. When you have the tempting calls of a Sith thrown into the mix, it's a fight he's almost bound to lose. But if there's one thing Kanan Jarrus refuse to accept, it's losing his Padawan/surrogate son)…

It was hot. Everything around him was so hot and he could feel every drop of sweat that covered his skin. He could even hear the sounds of the lava bubbling in the pools, which surrounded the rock he was currently kneeling on, to all sides except one.

He reached out as if to touch the red-hot mass, but recoiled as a bubble of it exploded, burning his hand. He whimpered, then jerked his head up at the sound of the screams coming from a distance.

"They need me!" he thought to himself, trying to will his legs to move, but failing. Another scream, more pained this time and ending in a horrible gurgle.

"N… no!" he cried out and finally managed to get on his feet and stumble forward to the very edge of the rock he was on, where he looked down, heart pounding with a fear he couldn't control, and with an ominous sense of foreboding looming in his thoughts. He knew he wouldn't like what he saw… and he was right.

He screamed…

With a yelp of "Kanan!" Ezra shot up in his bunk. His head was aching, and his chest felt like it was covered in ice, chilling him to the bone.

He couldn't breathe. His eyes shone with anxiety and he was shivering. "Huh?" he heard a grunt from the bunk beneath his own and soon after a furry head poked up, locking sleepy eyes on him. "What's up kid?" Zeb asked and Ezra, not having the least bit of desire to explain himself, simply decided to quickly dismiss the other with a "nothing. Everything's fine. I'm just… thirsty, that's all. I'll go get some water" before jumping off the bed. As he landed, he felt his legs nearly buckling beneath him, but luckily Zeb didn't seem to notice it.

"Well, if that's all, then keep it down would 'ya? Some of us are trying to sleep here!" the Lasat replied, then crawled back into bed and promptly fell asleep again.

Ezra doubted the other would even remember what had happened come morning, and he appreciated that. The last thing he needed was for the rest of the crew to start asking questions. He didn't want to talk about it, not with anyone. He was even trying his best to keep it from Kanan, which was no easy task since their force-bond left them both open to the other in a way no one who hadn't tried it, could imagine.

It had been months since Malachor and weeks since his Master found his Sith Holocron and took it away, and the two were finally connecting again, after they'd been drifting away from one another for half a year. 6 months in which Kanan had pulled further and further away from Ezra, closing off their connection as best he could because of the shock of losing his sight, leaving the young man to fend for himself.

6 months in which Ezra had taken his lessons in the Force, from a sacred Sith item which he hadn't fully understood the danger of, until his Master had told him.

They were finally strengthening their bond again and then the nightmares had become a regular occurrence, the terror they instilled in Ezra growing every night. He hated it. And more than the nightmares themselves, he hated how completely helpless he seemed to be to overcome them.

He stepped into the hallway of the Ghost with a quiet sigh, letting the door to his and Zebs' room close behind him, and leaned his back against the cold wall, closing his eyes. They had a supply run early in the morning, but despite his exhaustion, he just couldn't get any proper sleep because of those cursed dreams.

And yet he did not want to talk about them.

Sighing again, he headed for the kitchen area to grab the water he'd previously mentioned and that was when he felt it. His Masters' force presence, directly behind him. He didn't turn around though, afraid the other would know everything he felt, the second he did.

Kanan might be blind on his eyes now, but since he'd lost his physical sight, it had become a specialty of his to see much more around him than before, utilizing the Force. He'd told Ezra about it, though only in short, which was how he knew of it.

"You're up late" his Master stated, matter of factly, and just as indifferently Ezra shrugged and replied with "I was thirsty" before continuing to the kitchen and pouring himself a cup of water, which he quickly emptied, before grabbing another.

"It sure is cold tonight" Kanan then said a moment later and Ezra could practically see him leaning against the wall like always, despite not looking at him at all. "Ye… yeah, sure is" he responded, shivering once more from the cold that seemed to penetrate every bone and fiber of his being.

Kanan sighed. "I know something's wrong Ezra, I can sense it, remember?" he said, voice somewhat tired and definitely with a hint of frustration to it. "Nothing is wrong. I… just had a bad dream is all. I'm fine, really" the young Padawan replied, knowing that telling a bit of the truth might be enough to make his Master back off again.

They had that in common. Neither of them talked about their feelings very often, though Kanan seemed to do it more frequently now, than before Malachor.

For a moment, the room was quiet, but then Kanan spoke again. "If you say so" he responded "I get that you don't want to talk about it, and I will respect that, but try and get some more sleep alright? We're getting up bright and early and we all need to be at our best to pull that mission off".

"I know" Ezra replied, relieved that Kanan wasn't pursuing the matter more. With that, his Master stepped over to him and let a hand mess up his hair like so often before, then turned around again and left the room.

The Jedi knight knew something wasn't right and he was worried, but he did not want to force Ezra to talk about it if he didn't want to. He assumed that the kid would come to him on his own before things got too bad, and so he didn't pressure him for further answers. Little did he know that that decision, would be one he deeply regretted before the coming day reached its end…

He only sensed his Padawans exhaustion seconds before the blast hit the kid. He just managed to turn around and call his name, before Ezra cried out in pain and then collapsed. Kanan knew the wound wasn't necessarily lethal, but the pain the other experienced was so intense it came to him crystal clear across their bond and he knew the young man wouldn't be able to power through it, considering the feelings that accompanied said pain.

So acting on instinct, he instantly started barking out orders to Sabine and Zeb, before calling Hera for a swift pick-up. He knew Ezra needed help fast, so they had to make off with what they'd managed to get their hands on already.

As soon as they were back on the ship with the supplies, he switched roles and took it upon himself to treat his student until they made it back to base and whilst they travelled, he finally managed to get his own emotions sorted from Ezras' again, realizing just how chaotic and dark the others mind was, now that his Padawan could no longer focus on hiding it, as he must have before.

"Ezra" he moaned quietly as he understood, running a hand over the boys' hair in a caress. The only way he knew how to express his feelings at this time, worried as he was for the others physical well-being.

"You're fighting some serious demons' kid. I swear, once you've healed up a bit, we'll talk about this. Just endure it a bit longer" he mumbled, mostly to himself as Ezra had lost consciousness. "As soon as you've healed" he quietly repeated, hoping by the Force that it wouldn't be long…

The pain was excruciating. He couldn't stand up. He couldn't move. He could barely even breathe, and his thoughts were hazy, clouded somehow, fuzzy. He wasn't sure of where he was or what had happened. He couldn't focus on anything, but how much pain he was in. And the voice. That dark, cruel voice, which seemed to call to him constantly.

"You don't have to suffer like this you know. You could have killed those soldiers with one swing of your lightsaber… Why didn't you? Everyone knows that attack is the best defense. Surely your Master must have taught you that much?

Oh no, wait. That's right. That isn't the Jedi way. But Ezra Bridger, it is our way. We live by those words, amongst others. Don't you want the pain to end, my apprentice?".

That voice… "I… I'm… not" he mumbled, but his lips didn't move, and his throat felt parched. It hurt to swallow too. "You're not… my Master" he tried again, still without sound. "Ahh, but I could be, Ezra Bridger. Think of all the things our Holocron taught you these past months. Think of how much more you could learn, if you had a physical teacher who was truly well-versed in those lessons. How different those lessons would be, if only you would accept your position as my apprentice!".

"N… no… No, I won't" he mumbled soundlessly and tried to blink, but he couldn't open his eyes. Not even an inch.

"Your current Master is a joke! You know he's a goner. Why do you insist on following him?" the cruel voice said, and then Ezra saw it again. That vision. The one where Kanan burned. And he screamed once more, though no sound came…

"It's been over a week Kanan" Hera said as she sat across the table from the Jedi Master. "The medical drone says all the physical damage is healed. The wound was grim, yes, and very painful, but it wasn't lethal. He should have woken up by now. Why hasn't he?".

The two were alone in the common room, each with their own mug of coffee at hand. It was the middle of the night so Sabine and Zeb were both asleep, and though they were still at the base on Atollon, the crew of the Ghost preferred to stay on their ship, which was why Ezra had been moved back there as soon as his injuries had healed properly, in the hopes that the familiar surroundings, sounds and smells might help him wake up again. So far though, they hadn't.

"I… I don't know!" Kanan replied, feeling like he was repeating himself for the umpteenth time, and threw out his hands. "Well, there has to be a reason! We have to find a way to get him back Kanan. We can't lose him" Hera responded and Kanan sighed.

"Don't you think I want him back as badly as you do Hera?" he asked grievously, folding his hands under his chin thoughtfully. Hera sighed heavily, then placed a hand on Kanans arm. "Kanan, isn't there anything you can do? You have that unique bond with him, don't you? What can you feel from him?" she asked quietly.

Kanan shook his head faintly. "Nothing much" he replied "except that he's getting weaker. Something in him, in his Force presence, is changing and I don't know how, why or to what. I only know that he's drifting away. Every day, I sense him weakening and I… I don't know what to do. I wasn't trained for this!

All I have to compare it with, is losing my Master. And when that happened, her presence simply got snuffed out in an instant and then that was that. I was running away, and I'd never felt so alone in my life. This… this isn't like that. It's not even similar".

He silenced and lowered his head. He felt ashamed of his own inefficiency. He knew it was probably because his training was cut so tragically short, but it still hurt knowing that his own lack of experience might cost his Padawan his life.

"But Kanan, if you don't do something… You're the only one who might have a chance. You're our – his - only hope" Hera said quietly, pleadingly, and he could feel her eyes resting on him.

He was quiet for a while as he thought. He knew Hera was right. This could very well be related to the Force in one way or another and if it was, no one except him could help Ezra.

But the only thing that came to his mind as a possible solution, involved a technique he'd only ever heard of and it was borderline Dark.

He sighed heavily. "There may be something I can do. But there's no guarantee it'll work and it's not exactly a skill you learn as a Jedi" he said quietly. "Whatever it is Kanan, if you have even the slightest hope it might work, please. Try it" Hera responded and Kanan rose. Pacing the room restlessly, he spoke again.

"It's not a technique to be taken lightly Hera. It involves invading the mind of someone else completely and is something the Dark side often uses. The mind-probes we've experienced used on our allies before, utilizes some of that technique too.

If things weren't as dire as they are, I would never even consider tampering with it! I've never tried it before and if something goes wrong… I might not be able to bring Ezra back, perhaps not even myself". He silenced and at Heras startled gasp, stopped pacing and turned his head towards her.

"You mean… I could lose you both?" she asked in a low voice and remaining silent, he nodded.

The room was completely quiet, but then Hera finally spoke again. "That won't happen. I believe in you, and Ezra too. You'll both be fine. You'll come back to us, together. I know you will" she said and at the determination and faith in her voice, Kanan felt his own fear retract to the back of his mind. It was still there, but it no longer guided his thoughts.

"Well, with a confidence like that, how can I say no?" he commented, wanting to cheer Hera up in his usual manner, after his previous ominous words. It seemed to work, because she lit up in a bright smile and hurriedly took his hands, kissing him very briefly on the cheek before she let go again and looked at him solemnly. "What do you need me to do? Are there any preparations you need done or?" she asked and Kanan, still startled by the quick kiss, at first did not answer.

But then he picked himself up again and replied with "it's not really something you can help me with Hera. I'll need to meditate for a while, with Ezra present, so I'll move him to my quarters. I won't be using my bed whilst I prepare, so he can have it.

With you, I honestly mean that you should just focus on the rebels and your duties to them. As should Zeb and Sabine. When I'm ready, I'll let you know, though once I begin the actual procedure, you again will not be able to do much if anything at all. So it will just be to let you know, alright?".

Hera nodded, though he clearly sensed that she was frustrated at the prospect of not being able to make any difference at all. But she accepted it and soon the two parted again. Hera was going to try and get some sleep, but Kanan knew there would be no rest for him for a long while. Not until he had Ezra safely back where he belonged. With his family, on the Ghost…