Okayy. Hi. I've not done this in a while but I lost my writing motivation when Greys writers lost their damn minds. But anyway happy Japril endgame! Here's my take on Japril between 17x15 & 18x20.
Not sure how often I'll update but will try my best to do so!
This is a mistake. No it's not.
April didn't know what she was doing & what to think, really. The past 2 days had been quiet & given her time to reflect. Really think about what she had just agreed to & what did she finally understand? That she had no fucking idea. But today, she made it official - told the folks at her non-profit that she was leaving. Moving. To another city. Across the country. Fuuuckkk.
She should have asked for time to think. Made a list of pros & cons, really thought this out. What he was asking for was a big deal. Matthew or not, he would have understood if she needed longer to make a decision of the giant ask he was making of her. Of them. But she didn't. We will make Boston work. She had never been able to refuse him anything that made him happy. In a barn, on the side of a dark road, in a lawyer's office. What he really wanted, she gave it to him. And well, the one time you didn't, he divorced you for it. She remembered, humorlessly. Jackson fucking Avery. She should be mad at him. She was, a little. But then she remembered him talking that night. The passion, the conviction, the sureness in his voice. The sparkle in his eyes. And she knew, she couldn't deny him this. After all they'd been through, all she's seen him try to make sense of, for him to finally know his place in the world, his purpose. He deserved it. And he deserved to have his daughter by his side while he achieved it. The daughter he was doing all this for. To make her proud. To make the medical world & the Fox foundation better for her to take over. Harriet needed to see her father be the exceptional person April knew he was. So all the confusion not withstanding, ultimately this decision was the the right one. For their family. Well.. their version of family.
Did it bother April that she wasn't really a part of this equation? That she just had to tag along because she was Harriet's mom? Yes. Jackson doesn't need her there, he needs Harriet. That will always sting. He used to be her best friend, her one true tie to Seattle. Seattle was Jackson. So the fact that he would have left her behind, if not for their daughter, bothers her. Only superficially, of course. This wasn't some sweeping realisation of love. She was thoroughly over all of that. But she knew Boston would be hard on her. Jackson had stayed there before & she's not a part of his life anymore. April had spent years building a life, a community in Seattle & moving to Boston meant leaving all that behind only to stand on the sidelines looking in on Jackson & Harriet while she had to start from scratch. No matter how much Jackson convinced her otherwise, things won't be smooth for her there.
She hadn't decided yet if she wanted to join the Foundation. Jackson was kind enough to offer but he would've offered pretty much anything to get her to move. Being away from Grey Sloan, hard as it may have seemed in the beginning, was for the best for her & her relationship with Jackson. Historically, being around him constantly, sooner or later, became confusing for her. Hard, even. Not for him, though. He could compartmentalise & turn his feelings off & on on a whim. Date other women from the same hospital without a second thought. And she was left hurt, pretending or embarrassed. She didn't need that anymore. She was finally over Jackson & didn't want to risk fracturing that relationship.
But, she couldn't discount what he was offering and what that would mean for her work. Having that level of control and resources meant that she could mobilise communities on a level she had only dreamt about. Over the past few years, she must have drawn up plans and operated on hundreds of people, who would've died unattended otherwise. And this was just in Washington. She could only imagine the impact if she could take her programs national. Global, even. Surely, that was more important than her lame romantic drama with an ex. Even so, she'd try to look for other opportunities and see how they compare. She wanted to keep favors from Jackson to a minimum but the priority would be her work.
And then there was the other dangling thread. Matthew. She was at a point when even just thinking about him exhausted her. It had been roughly 2 months since he left & it was only once he left, she realised how suffocated she'd been. The relief she'd felt. She didn't know exactly when things became as bad as they had or if they were never good to begin with but with the time & space, she realised this wasn't working. So here she was, Ms 'no one in my family has ever gotten a divorce'. About to go through it for the second time before she turned 40. She had decided maybe marriage just wasn't for her. She tried marrying someone she desperately loved but was way too different from. Didn't work. She married someone she loved enough and was fairly similar to. Didn't work. Why force something that gives pain. She had a wonderful daughter & she knew she was a fantastic mother. She was going to focus her energy and future on that. She was fine with it.
Now telling Matthew about the move to Boston? That was trickier. Maybe they should discuss the divorce first, in its entirety. Maybe then, talking about her move wouldn't be as big of a deal - shouldn't matter to him anyway. The one common thing that Jackson & Matthew had? Well, besides their ex-wife? Their mutual disdain for each other. Ever since April revealed their split, Jackson had become more & more comfortable revealing how he really felt about Matthew & Matthew never really tried to hide his feelings about Jackson. So April leaving everything & everyone behind to follow Jackson while he fulfilled his destiny? Yeah doesn't read great. But again, it was not his concern anymore. Anyway - tomorrow's problem.
April was pulled out of her very detailed reverie when the doorbell rang. Harriet was home. She opened the door to a very asleep daughter & apparently a very hungry ex-husband. Jackson was carrying 2 bags of takeout food in one hand & Harriet in the other.
"Still on board?", he asked entering confidently.
"Still on board.", April replied, smiling & rolling her eyes. It had become their little routine since the ask. Every time he came by or called, that was his first question.
"So I got you some food. I figured you must've had a long day.", he said, after putting Harriet in her room.
"I see that. Thank you.", April replied, looking at the clearly-not-for-1-person amount of food & waited for him to continue.
"So, I uh - will see you later. Good night."
"Jackson, just come help me set up the table. You know you didn't get all that food for me. Quit with the formalities. You're grateful I'm moving, I got it. But it's still me. You don't have to wait for me to invite you to stay." April said, laughing. He had been so nice & formal since she agreed to move, it would be sweet if it wasn't so weird. She didn't want them to build a wall of formality - it's too much work.
"Okay good. I'm famished. So you might not get enough. Sorry. Can you get some wine?", he said, unpacking the food.
April rolled her eyes, again and went to get the wine, thinking about the man in her kitchen, who she'd once thought she'd grow old with. He had changed so much, even in the past couple of years. She knew he had some tough relationships, questioned his beliefs and spirituality and just generally seemed lost, looking for answers. But seeing him now, so sure of his path - the person she loves.. loved so much, finally live in his true purpose - that's happiness. She returned and they had their third dinner together in as many days.
In that moment, she was sure. Sure about Boston, about it being the right choice. Even if it didn't eventually work out - he deserved to give it a shot. And she'd be there, she'd have his back. Just like he did hers.
