1 - Waking Up From A Nightmare
It had started then. Death. Pain. Had snuck their way into her life. Without her noticing any of it. She should have known then, that it was only going to get worse from there. Still. How could she have known? And if she had known, would she have been able to do something? To keep her godfather from-? No. It was too painful thinking about it. About him. Numbness was better. Safer. There was no room for anything else. Not even joy, or happiness. She had to keep everything out. Or else…
She didn't want want to think about what might happen, if she allowed herself to feel. If she let herself remember… she'd only remember what was lost. So she drifted. Drifted away into herself. Into her own pit of emptiness.
…
The first thing Haley noticed was the overwhelming feeling of dread. She looked around. She was sitting on the ground. To her left and right there were grave stones. So many grave stones. A few metres away lay a person. Fearing the worst, Haley scrambled to where the person lay on their stomach. She couldn't see the face. She had to make sure the person was alive. Was okay. Was…
It was too quiet all around. All she could hear was her own frightened heart beat. At last Haley settled down next to the person. With trembling hands she reached for their shoulders, carefully turning them over.
"Cedric," she gasped. There was no doubt it was the Hufflepuff. There was also no doubt, that the boy was dead. There was no life left in his unblinking, empty eyes.
"Cedric! No! Cedric, please!" Haley sobbed desperately. This had to be a nightmare! And there was nothing she wanted more than to wake up. That's when the laughing started. A cold high laugh reverberated over the graveyard turning Haley's blood to ice. She looked around and suddenly the graveyard was filled with people. Cloaked people in masks, who joined in with the laughing.
Haley wanted to block out the noise with her hands but she was too shocked to move.
The laughing became louder and more hysterical by the second. Haley wanted to run but she couldn't leave Cedric here alone with them. And then… he was right in front of her. Voldemort.
His wand aimed straight at her heart. He opened his mouth to speak but Haley couldn't hear a word he said. All she saw was cold, merciless eyes and a cruel smirk. And then… a flash of green light. That's when she found her voice again.
"Haley! Wake up! It's just a nightmare! Haley!"
Someone was screaming. Two people. It took a while for Haley to figure out that she was one of them. The other… she couldn't be sure. Without her glasses she was barely able to discern Ron from his sister. But… she knew that voice. Or more like that whisper.
"Hermione? Is that you?" Haley asked hoarsely. She hated how small her voice sounded. There was an additional weight next to her. Then a hand, squeezing her own quickly.
"I'm here. You were having a nightmare."
No really? If Haley had been more awake she might have answered in a more sarcastic way but as it was she was simply too tired and still shaken from the nightmare. She nodded, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
"Do you… want to talk about it?" Hermione asked cautiously.
Haley shook her head. But then she sighed, sitting up against the headboard.
"It's always the same dream," she whispered, her eyes closed. She didn't see much in the darkness and without her glasses anyway. Hermione sat down next to her, silently waiting for more.
"I'm at the graveyard again and there is Cedric and he-" Haley stopped, unable to continue. Hermione squeezed her hand in support.
"He's dead," Haley continued, almost spitting the last word, "He's dead and then there's Voldemort and he's laughing and the other Death Eaters are all around me and they won't stop laughing and he looks at me and he-" Haley had to stop there. She was breathing fast and there wasn't enough air and the memory of that night was terrifying.
"Haley, it's okay, you don't have to tell me-" Hermione looked at her with sympathy, reaching for her other hand as well. There were tears in her eyes.
"He points his wand at my heart and then there's a flash of green light..." Haley shook her head to get rid of the images, "I think I screamed… Then… I woke up."
"Oh, Haley," Hermione gasped, "I'm so sorry."
Haley didn't answer. What was there to say? It's fine? Don't worry? It wasn't fine. That was the problem. Haley wasn't sure if it would ever be fine again. Her heart felt a tiny bit lighter now, though. It was like she didn't have to carry the burden all by herself anymore.
"I just want him to-" Haley took a deep breath, "I just want him to pay."
For a moment she stared into the dark gloomily. Then she lay back down, leaving some space next to her. Without a word, Hermione crawled in beside her, facing her friend in the darkness. When Haley was sure it was too dark for anyone to see her, she whispered, "I'm scared."
"Me too," Hermione replied quietly.
There was nothing more to say.
…
Everything looks brighter in the light of day. Haley assumed that was something Mrs Weasley would say. Funnily enough she found that it was true. Everything might not be magically okay but it didn't look as scary anymore. Of course life at 12 Grimmauld Place wasn't exactly rainbows and sunshine to begin with but it was better than being cut off from the magical world completely.
One positive aspect was how often she saw her godfather and that she was able to spend her time with the people she cared about most in the world.
There wasn't much for her to do except for cleaning and attempting to turn the house into something that was sort of inhabitable. Today they were cleaning out the salon on the first floor. It was tedious work that took almost all morning and when it was time for a lunch break everyone was gladly munching on Mrs Weasley's delicious sandwiches. Everyone except for Haley Potter and Sirius Black who were standing in front of a huge tapestry.
"What's that?" Haley asked staring at the tapestry in wonder.
"Family tree," Sirius answered curtly, his eyes focused on the tapestry as well.
"You're not… on here though," she wondered. Her godfather chuckled darkly and pointed to a burned hole on the tapestry.
"I'm right here," chuckle, "My dear mother did this, after I ran away from home. At least that's what Kreacher says." Haley frowned. As good as it was to see Sirius again, she didn't like seeing him like this. All dark and… bitter. With a family like this, she couldn't imagine how horrible it must be to think you have escaped your former home only to be trapped there again as an adult.
When she looked back at the Tree, her eyes landed on a familiar name.
"You're related to the Malfoys?" Haley gasped, her eyes wide.
"All the Pureblood families are related, didn't you know? There's really no other way, if you're determined to – Haley, are you okay?"
"W-What?" She blinked, only now realizing that she was breathing heavily and her hands were clenched to fists.
"It's nothing, I just -" Images flashed before her eyes. Cold grey, eyes. Merciless laughter. Long blond hair behind a black mask.
"At the grave yard," she whispered to the floor, "Malfoy… he was there, too."
"Haley."
Haley didn't remember ever having heard someone say her name like this. Soft. Caring. Reassuring.
"It's okay," Sirius said. And a part of her wanted to say No, it's not. It never will be. But somehow she found she didn't want to argue right this moment. She wanted to let herself be comforted. She was so tired of always having to be the strong one. The Chosen One.
"It's okay," her godfather said again, taking her hand and unclenching it gently.
Haley looked up then, finally, and she wasn't sure if it was the eyes that were alight with something other than bitterness or the soft smile that was a tad mischievous even now, but somehow she found herself in a fierce – and not tearful at all – embrace. She wasn't really a person that ranted, but in this moment, she spilled out all her worries. Starting with the return of Voldemort and seeing Cedric die and ending with how frustrated she had felt all summer when she had been stuck at Privet Drive and nobody had given her any information. It felt good to get all of this off her chest and after a while she felt calm enough to pull away.
"Better now?" Sirius asked, his eyes looked a little red, as well.
"Yeah," Haley answered, using her shirt sleeve to dry off her face. She smiled. It was amazing how much better she actually did feel.
"What's that?" Sirius asked, pointing to her feet.
"Huh?" Haley looked to the ground in confusion. But Sirius had already knelt down to pick whatever he'd spotted up.
"That yours?" He asked, turning a little paper note around in his hand. Haley froze. It was her note. The note that she had received before the Third Task. She had taken to carrying it around in one of her pockets wherever she went. Back at Privet Drive she had finally gotten around to comparing the writing with that other note, she'd received. The one that was signed D.M. The D's had matched. Still, she hadn't stopped carrying it around with her.
Had it been out of habit? Had it been because a small part of her thought, she had survived that night at the graveyard because a tiny piece of paper had asked her not to die? Because a boy had asked her not to die? Maybe it had brought her luck. Maybe it hadn't. Regardless of that, Haley had no idea what she was supposed to answer in that moment. She settled for nodding and holding out her hand. Sirius ignored her hand and started to unfold the note.
"Hey!" Haley exclaimed, reaching for the note but her godfather was holding it out of her reach and reading hastily.
"What's that?" He muttered, frowning, "Did you write that? No… that's not your script. Who'd you get that from?"
"I – It's nothing. I – someone sent it to me before the Third Task," Haley mumbled, watching her feet.
"Someone? Who?" Sirius wanted to know, his brows furrowed together skeptically. Haley bit her lips but didn't say anything.
"Wait a second… it's not from a boy, is it?"
Damn it, Haley thought, feeling the blood rushing to her cheeks. She shook her head.
"Just give it back," she muttered, reaching for the paper that Sirius was still holding out of her reach absently.
"Sirius!"
"You're not old enough to be interested in boys yet!"
"Sirius!"
"When I was your age, me and James did honourable things, like pranking people and tormenting Filch and – Well, I guess James did have a crush on Lily for some time then but… That's totally beside the point!"
Haley raised her eyebrows in an unimpressed way. Sirius stared a her, sternly, crossing his arms to make his point.
"You never did say who you went to the Yule Ball with," he said slowly, "Is the note from that guy? Who was it?"
Haley opened her mouth to answer but somebody else beat her to it.
"Oh, it was that bloke Michael Corner, wasn't it? A bit of a douche if you ask me. You really should have just gone with me instead. I'm sure it would have been fun."
Haley groaned. George Weasley – or was it Fred? – had appeared at her side. He was chewing an apple noisily.
"You," Haley hissed, glaring at him. From the corner of her eye she looked for the tiny mole on his left ear, that she had learned to use as a way to discern him from his twin brother. Ha. There it was. So she was dealing with George. There was also something indescribably George in his face and the overall feeling he gave off. She elbowed him.
"Hey!" George complained, rubbing his side, "It's not like that was a secret, right?"
Haley sighed. "I guess."
George grinned, biting off a huge piece from his apple.
"Can I have my note back now?" She asked trying to make her voice sound as innocent as possible.
Sirius watched her with squinted eyes.
"You're not going to secretly meet up with guys, right?"
Haley shook her head obediently.
"I don't want to hear about any-"
"I'll make sure she behaves, Sirius," George interrupted him good-naturedly, throwing an arm around Haley's shoulder, who eyed him, disgruntled. Sirius didn't seem to be all that convinced. Then he broke into a barking laugh.
"Fine! I'm counting on you. And you," he pointed at Haley, "keep out of trouble."
For a moment he looked at her sternly, then he ruffled her hair with one hand and smiled so wide that his eyes crinkled at the corners. It was good to see him smile again. Still, she swatted his hand away from her hair. It really didn't need to be messed up even further.
He placed the note in her hand and walked past her.
"Come along kid, you should have some lunch, as well," he called, turning his head back.
Haley was just about to follow him, when she was reminded of the boy that still had his arm around her shoulders.
"Hey, what's that note about?" George looked at her hand, where the note was hidden behind her fingers, curiously. Haley took a deep exasperated breath and closed her eyes tightly.
"Nothing," she offered nonchalantly.
"But-"
"Maybe I should take back those 1000 galleons after all..."
George blanched.
"Did I say something about a note? No. You must have imagined that. I didn't ask about anything I wasn't supposed to..." He replied innocently. Haley laughed.
"Come on, if I don't get any sandwiches because of you I think I'll have to kill someone."
As it turned out there was still a vast amount of sandwiches left so everyone got to keep their lifes.
…
"For you." Haley had lost count on how many butterbeers she'd had that night. Yet, someone was handing her another one. It was the night before they were due to return to Hogwarts. The whole population of Grimmauld Place was busy celebrating the fact that Hermione and Ron had been made prefects for Gryffindor. It really hadn't come as a surprise that Hermione had been chosen. Ron was a reasonable choice as well and really, Haley was happy for her two friends if it weren't for… the frustrating feeling of being left out. Again. But she'd get over that soon enough. She had to.
"Haley… are you okay?" That question again. Why couldn't everyone just stop asking her that already? Haley turned her head and found herself met with a set of worried brown eyes. Hermione.
"Why wouldn't I be?" She asked back, taking a gulp from her bottle.
"I – I just thought – maybe you – I mean-"
Haley almost choked on her butterbeer. Hermione Granger? Stumbling over words? This had to be a once in a life time occurrence! Her face that was filled with worry and guilt made Haley feel terrible for sulking a good part of the evening.
"I'm fine. Really," Haley reassured her friend, taking her hand gently, "I couldn't think of any person that deserves wearing this prefect's badge more than you do."
At her words, Hermione smiled so brilliantly that Haley felt even worse, for causing her to doubt herself in the first place. Hermione squeezed her hand excitedly.
"Thank you, Haley. This really means a lot to me. I've been thinking about this so much, you know? I mean, clearly I was expecting Dumbledore to make you a prefect. Everyone was! And you'd deserve it just as much. With everything you've done. I was honestly so shocked when I got the letter. But at the same time I felt so guilty. I'm really excited about this! I mean, prefect. That's actually something, right? Who do you think the others will be?"
Ah, that sounded more like her friend. Haley shrugged. Which was fine because Hermione had a habit of answering her own questions unless the other person beat her to it.
"Well, Hanna and Ernie probably for Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw… Padma maybe? And who else is there? Anthony Goldstein.. I doubt it'll be Michael Corner. Sorry, I forgot you were – well anyway Slytherin… you don't think it'll be Malfoy, do you? I'd really hate the thought of that git as a prefect. Think of all the possible ways in which he would abuse his power! There has to be a more sensible choice. What do you know about that Zabini guy? I imagine he'd be..."
Hermione went on about the possible new prefects, not noticing that Haley had stopped listening at the mention of Malfoy.
All summer she had avoided thinking about him and everything else that train of thought might involve. Everyday she had told herself, Tomorrow. I'll deal with that tomorrow. Until there was no tomorrow left. There really was no avoiding it anymore. Haley would have to see him tomorrow. And before that she had to make up her mind about some things. What did she know?
Number one: Malfoy was a git. Nothing new there. Number two: He was an arrogant, annoying, little ferret. Number three: He used every chance he got to humiliate her and – and… that wasn't right. Last year… at the Yule Ball… he had been acting surprisingly nice toward her. To be fair, Malfoy had also spent a big part of that night annoying the hell out of her… but… he'd also been… really sweet.
Haley couldn't believe she'd actually just thought that. Malfoy? Sweet? That was as contradictory as Ron without an appetite! This was exactly why she had been avoiding thinking about this in the first place! Because it inevitably lead her to the uncomfortable question of why. Why had he been so nice? Why had he made sure, she got away from Snape without getting scolded or worse? Why had he done that? Why had he – he… kissed her? Did he… was there a chance that he… liked… her?
But that wasn't possible, was it? Haley remembered the note then. The first one. Where he'd asked her to meet up in the kitchens. Haley had waited but Malfoy had never shown up!
That should be proof enough, right? He had been fooling her all along. And then the second note… Don't die. He couldn't have written something nice, like Good luck! Or You can do it! It had all been a ploy to unsettle her. Make her ponder over everything uselessly, so that she would fail. So that she would end up dying. Just like Cedric had. Haley suppressed a sob.
"Haley, what's wrong?" Hermione's question pulled her out of her worrying spiral, with brutal force.
"Sorry, what?"
"You've been… staring at the same spot for minutes. I'm not stupid, Haley, I do notice when people stop listening to me." She didn't sound like she was annoyed, more like genuinely worried.
"I just – I'm just… tired. It's all been a little much lately." It helped that she had to yawn for real in that second. She really was tired after all.
"Of course. I understand," Hermione said in an understanding tone, "but… you know… hypothetically speaking, if there was something else on your mind that you wanted to talk about, but you weren't sure who to turn to... you could always tell me. You know that, right?"
Hermione really was too observant for her own good. And in that moment there was nothing Haley wanted to do more than to just tell her. Everything. But where would she start? What was she supposed to leave out? Should she just blurt it all out like 'You know that guy from Slytherin, who always calls you a mudblood, and gets a kick out of being mean to people? Yeah, that one, well turns out, he can be quite nice if he wants to be. He even kind of kissed me at the Yule Ball. And now I don't know what to make of all of this and if it means something. Or if I even want it to mean something. Because it might as well all be one big prank but maybe it's not. And then there's also the whole thing where his father's a Death Eater, which I, like, saw with my own eyes. So we're technically enemies. But it could be worse, right?'
Yeah, that sounded like a good plan.
"Thanks, Hermione. I'll … keep that in mind." Haley whispered with a soft smile.
Hermione sighed, understanding that whatever it was that her friend had on her mind, she wasn't ready to talk about it yet.
"I'm gonna head up to bed," Haley said with a yawn, "See you tomorrow. And congrats on being a prefect again."
"Thank you. I won't be too long either. Good night, Haley."
"Good night," Haley waved, getting up and trying to escape without having anyone question her leaving. It wasn't too difficult. Everyone was busy celebrating.
Haley shook her head in annoyance as she climbed up the stairs tiredly. She didn't understand how they could be so relaxed with everything that was happening. She wanted to forget about her worries, too. She wanted to lie in her bed for once, without having to brace herself for another nightmare. As she was lying there, staring at the black ceiling above, she tried desperately not to think about a blond boy, who she'd see again tomorrow. A boy who might or might not like her. Who she might find a tiny bit likable herself.
"Stop it," Haley whispered to the darkness, "It doesn't matter. He's the son of a Death Eater. He's your enemy. It doesn't matter."
Have you forgotten what they've done to Cedric? A voice said in her head. Of course she hadn't forgotten about that. How could she? But he hasn't done it. He wasn't even there, said another voice, He's not a Death Eater.
"It doesn't matter," Haley whispered. There was no voice that answered this time. In her head or other.
…
A/N: Hello my dear readers :) First of all, thank you for reading! I'm so happy that I can finally present the first chapter of my sequel to you! For now it's still a little angsty but... well that will change soon. And it's not too angsty I think. Hopefully now you understand why the last chapter of SoY was so Cedric-heavy. It was necessary to make the impact his death has on Haley more evident. Next chapter we'll see some more Hogwarts people on the Hogwarts Express. Yay! I might not be able to update often because things around here will get pretty busy soon. I'll still try not to let you guys wait too long though! There will be an update for A little Braver soon. So keep your eyes open for that, if you follow that :)
Have fun and leave me your thoughts, Feather :)
