The unlikely pair!
Chapter I: She's back!
AN: Hey, thanks to the review from "Poop Goblin" I was made aware of the format errors, thank you for letting me know. That being said, I didn't know something like that was possible. I however have fixed it and the next chapter will be up in a few days.
Enjoy.
Planet Earth
It was a sunny autumn afternoon on earth. We see a green little Kid walking down a street towards his house. The name of this perfectly normal hyuman was Zim. Well he wasn't that normal to be exact, for Zim was an Irken Invader supposedly sent by his leaders the Almighty Tallest to infiltrate planet Earth and make it ripe for the conquest. That is at least what Zim presumed to be the case. In truth however he was sent to planet Earth by his leaders, 'cause they wanted to get rid of him. Planet Earth was never meant to be a suitable target for the expansion of the Irken Empire. But Zim didn't know that. Anyhow, Zim made his way towards his home/base while he in his mind gathered plans to eradicate the human population. Zim thought about how he could modify already existing viruses so that he might unleash them on humanity, bringing them to their demise. On second thought, he could also create a brainwashing commercial, which would be podcasted to each and every filthy homeunit of those pathetic hairless monkeys. But then again wouldn't a simple robo uprising be sufficient to bring humanity to its downfall, they were particularly drooling apes by themselves, his plan didn't have to be too complex. As he finally reached his front door, he stopped in his tracks. "Why am I so brilliant?" Zim smiled to himself, he was proud of his thought process.
Zim entered his base to find Gir, his trusty robot companion, on the floor watching yet another television program of his enemies. Zim stared at Gir and then at the screen in front of him. It was a soap opera, it showed a human male nursing a human female back to health. Gir enjoyed this program for whatever reason there might be. "Gir, you do realise that these kinds of programs are propaganda by the human race." He took a few steps towards Gir leaning towards him. "They want you to become brainwashed by friendship, affection and uhhhh…love." Zim snatched the remote away from Gir. "If you so badly want to watch propaganda, why don't you watch an Irken one?" Zim smiled a big cheesy grin as he changed the tv channel.
On the tv screen appeared an Irken soldier holding the imperial flag, behind him was a grassy green landscape. However the background changed a few times to a snowy wasteland, a desert, a mountain range and so on. After a few background changes a male voice was heard stating. "Come join the Irken military, we are always ready to conquer even the most isolated of planets. Together we are strong, together we will rise, together we will rule the galaxy under our precious leaders…the Almighty Tallest." The screen with the Irken soldier faded, it morphed into the tallest standing on a platform pointing at the viewer. "The Irken military needs you."
Zim was in awe. "See, that's what I am talking about. That is propaganda, not this human garbage…thingy. And you know what is the most wholesome part of it? We…"
"Want chicken burritos, do we have chicken burritos? Do we? Do we?" Gir asked frantically while jumping up and down.
Zim glared at his servant with anger. "No, Gir. We neither want chicken burritos nor have them." Gir started to sob softly on the ground. "As I was saying. The most wholesome part of it all is that we are part of the Irken military, you and I, Gir." Zim gleamed loving the fact that he was part of this beloved military of his. But Zim knew better than to waste his precious time on earth, he is the reason why humanity will fall after all. "Anyhow, I am going to go down to the lab, I have much to prepare for, Gir. SO MUCH!"
Zim went into his toilet elevator vanishing from the ground floor. Gir then proceeded to change the channel back to the human soap opera. "I love this show."
Zim meanwhile conducted some investigations down in his lab. After he's watched the Irken propaganda commercial he began to think that his plan to brainwash the humans with his mighty podcast would definitely be the best way he could enslave the human population. In order to set his plan into motion he firstly had to learn the way of the human propaganda. After a few seconds the elevator opened, Zim marched into his lab. He sat himself on his chair in front of a giant screen. "Computer, show me every data you have on success of human tv time." Zim wanted to know what types of movies, series or commercials did those humans like? And which type were so successful that they could reach the biggest range of audience. Zim concluded, based on the resources from Computer, that the easiest way of brainwashing the humans would be with food commercials. "But of course, those stinking humans love their food, just as they say the fatter the better. They basically do NOTHING other than stuff those things in their mouths. But what type of food though?" Zim grabbed his chin as he pondered over this question, what, oh what is the most beloved human nutrient source.
All off a sudden a commercial appeared on the screen in front of him. The commercial was about Bloaty's Pizzahut, it showed a disgustingly obese pigman who sold the children pizza. "Ahhhh, come down to Bloaty's for your daily fix of piiiiiiizzza, huh huh, ahhhhhhhh." The pigman seemed to be in either mild pain or great discomfort, regardless that was what Zim was looking for.
"yes, yes, the Pizza, THE PIZZA, HAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Zim held his stomach during his manically laughter, it was the perfect way of enslaving the pigpeople. "Watch out, Hyumans. Watch out for my pizza commercial of dooooooom." Zim immediately started working on his latest evil shenanigan.
A few hours later!
Gir was still watching the soap opera, the male finally successfully nursed the female back to full health. "Oh, James finally I am able to walk again. All thanks to you, come here." The female human threw her arms around the neck of the male, kissing him deeply and with that ended that episode.
Just then Zim appeared out of the trashcan in a black tuxedo. "Gir, I need a cameraman. And luckily for you the job is still available…feel honoured."
Gir quickly glimpsed back at Zim but then focused his eyes back on the TV screen. "No, thank you."
Zim basically seethed with anger as he approached his minion. Zim grabbed him sternly by his antenna as he lifted him to his eye level. "Quit messing around, Gir. We are going to shoot a brainwashing commercial to enslave the human population so that they show me their gratitude by making me their new master."
Gir gave his master a huge smile. "Okey dokey."
Zim dropped the little android on the floor. "That's more like it. We are shooting in the kitchen, follow me."
Zim and Gir prepared everything for their great shoot. Gir popped a frozen Pizza in the oven while Zim drew the imperial Iken symbol on a pizza box. After that Zim installed a light that would later in the commercial flash red on the outside of the pizza box, that would serve as the brainwash thingy. Lastly both of them tidied up the set, so that it would be presentable on national television. "Perfect, Gir. We are ready to shoot the commercial, ready, set, shoot." Zim put on his wig and sunglasses to protect himself from the brainwashing lights.
The Camera started to record and Gir gave Zim the thumbs up, signalling him to start. On the television you could see an oven in the middle of what seemed to be a normal kitchen. After like 2 or 3 seconds Zim jumped on the screen dramatically. "You, yes you human worm baby. Aren't you tired of eating the same old disgusting greasy pizza every day? Then I might have a solution for your problem. Our company just developed the most outraging delicious pizza in the entire Galaxy. And not only that, consuming this dough product will increase your life expectancy by one year per eaten pizza. So what are you waiting for, cancel your doctor's appointment, you filthy dustbag and get yourself the original Invader pizza." Zim took out a small little Irken flag from his tuxedo and waved it in front of the camera, DING. "Oh, sounds like the pizza's all ready for me to consume." Zim opened the oven releasing black smoke that emitted from the burned pizza. "Ehhh, that is our healthy black fog, which also increases your life expectancy." Zim slid the pizza in the pizza box presenting it to the camera. There it was, the Invader pizza, it was completely burnt and it resembled charcoal. After the pizza was for a long enough time in frame, Zim closed the pizza box revealing the Irken imperial symbol. He then pressed a switch on the bottom of the box and the light started to flash red. "And now, earth monkeys start worshipping ZIIIIIIM. Tear down the old symbolism of freedom and social structure. March forward and spread the name of ZIM. For you earthmonkeys will serve ZIIIIM and you will do it with deepest pride and sacrifice." And with that the commercial ended.
"Hooooo, I think that went pretty well." He smiled to his robot companion. "Those disgusting creatures will surely be responsible for the downfall of humanity by the end of this week." He then proceeded to throw the burnt up crust, which was formerly a pizza, in the trashcan. "Now, Gir. Start packing your things, we will leave this planet by the end of this week."
"Ohhhh, again? I have lost count how many times I've already packed my bags."
Zim scoffed at his sceptical servant. "This is different, Gir. This time we made it, I can feel it."
As Zim departed from sight in the toilet elevator, Gir fished out the pizza. He consumed it happily in one bite. "EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE."
The next day!
Zim emitted from the trashcan-elevator on the main floor. In his hand he held an Irken coffee mug with Irken coffee inside, he sipped from it with confidence. He let his gaze fly over the living room, his eyes landed on Gir, who yet again was watching earthen television. "Gir, have you not packed already? We have only so many days left on earth and you waste them by watching the pinnacle of their arrogance that led to their downfall."
"Shhhhhh. That is my favourite show." Gir exclaimed pointing at the screen and shoving unpopped popcorn in his mouth.
Zim glanced up on the screen, the program that was running was oh so familiar to him. "Not that stupid soap opera, Gir." But Gir didn't react to his master. "Ehhh. You know, Gir. As soon as we leave this planet you won't be able to watch that trash again. But then again, you don't care all together, now do you?" Zim narrowed his eyes on his robot as Gir giggled while watching the humans make out. "I'll take that as a yes." He took another sip of his coffee as he made his way to the door.
But before he could twist his door knob Computer shouted. "Master, you are not heading out in the streets, are you? You aren't wearing you disguise."
"Silence, I am perfectly aware of that fact, Computer. But since my human brainwashing ad aired yesterday evening, there should be no problems for me to head out of my house without my brilliant disguise. Don't you want the hyumans to bask in my brilliant and awesome form?" Zim beamed, he opened the door and took a deep breath. "Finally, I can relax in my normal form on the planet that I so undoubtedly have conquered. Hehehe." Zim sipped from his coffee yet again as he studied his surroundings. He noticed a brand-new newspaper on his doormat. "Ahh, there ought to be evidence of my latest success. Eheheh robot bees that roam the streets, boring. Turkeybigfoot that lives in the cellar of the Dib-stink…eh. Ah, there it is, pizza commercial of charcoal pizza flopped after nobody was able to buy said pizza. The local populace still prefers Bloaty's Pizzahut because there you can actually buy pizza. What the, why didn't my brainwashing lamp work on those underprivileged filth-stinks? I don't understand this, I need to research that immed…" But before Zim could finish his sentence a bright object from the sky was nearing him dangerously fast. "What the f…" Zim jumped to his left to avoid a collision with the unknown object. The object flew through his wall landing inside his living room. Zim glimpsed inside his house where the object has landed, it seemed to be an Irken escape pod, probably released from a voot cruiser. On top of it, and nobody knows how he managed that, sat Gir still glued to the television. "Ehhhh, what is the meaning of this?" Zim yelled to no one in particular. He then grew aware of his surroundings and the danger he was in, all of humanity was able, if they so desired, to watch the Irken in front of the green house in which an Irken spacecraft just landed. Zim wasted no time jumping inside his house. "Computer, fix this hole immediately." The Computer generated a freshly new wall, making it impossible for outsiders to view what went on inside Zim's base.
Zim nodded to commemorate Computer's effort. "Neat." He exclaimed but suddenly turned around to face the escape pod. "And now I redirect my focus to you. Whoever is inside this pitiful pod, show yourself and then leave my base, or face the wrath of ZIIIIM!...Eh?" Zim took a few steps closer to the pod, he leaned his right antenna towards the pod so that he could listen better, but he heard nothing. After that he started to kick the pod once. After nothing happened, he kicked it several more times. "Eh, either no body's in that pod, or the owner is dead inside…regardless free pod." Zim was absolutely enthralled about that. He took the handle of the emergency exit and pulled on it. Soon the pod started to hiss as vaporized water escaped the pod. Zim fanned away the fog with his hand, staring inside of the space vessel. However, Zim didn't expect to see this Irken inside of the pod, for the Irken was none other than. "Tak?" He cautiously inched closer to her, he couldn't tell if she was dead or alive, so that's why he grabbed a stick from the ground poking her in the face. At first it seemed like she actually was dead, but then she started to instinctively push the stick away with her hand, but she didn't wake up from her slumber. "Eh, still alive. Well, let's get rid of that humongous thing." Zim then did the only reasonable thing he could do in a situation such as this one, he threw Tak out of his front door. "Hmmmm." Zim put a hand on his chin, rubbing it in a deep thought. "What are you doing, Zim. You can't leave her like that." Zim returned inside the house, when he came back outside he had a tablecloth with him. He spread it over the unconscious Tak, who lied on her face at his front porch. "There…Now nobody will be suspicious about the house of Zim." He dusted off his hands disappearing once again in his house.
Zim was about to inspect the pod thoroughly when Gir jumped in front of him. "Master, wait! You can't leave the Tak person out there while she is unconscious."
"Ehh…why not? Tell Zim."
"'Cause I've seen it on TV, you need to take care of her."
Zim was absolutely baffled by his idiotic Sir. "Me, taking care of her? Did one of your processors melt through? I have never in my entire life heard something as stupid as that."
Zim pushed Gir away. "But, you just have to help her and she will return the favour by kissing you on the lips."
Zim turned around deeply glaring at his android. "That's it, first thing tomorrow I will buy you a new processor, because that one must be fried to crisps."
"Okay, she might return the favour by helping you in your mission thingy."
Zim started to throw out every useless part of Tak's pod, searching for anything useful. "You never fail to amaze me, Gir. Irken Invaders need no one…except for their SIR units but that's beside the point."
Gir then started to cry hysterically at the top off his lungs. "BUT I WAAAANT A LIVE SOAP OPERA. PLEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Zim covered his antenna as best as he could. "You can cry all you want, Gir. I won't change my mind, that Irken out there is my sworn enemy and I will not help her in any way."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Gir continued to screech his little lungs out.
"You will tire yourself out sooner than I could ever go insane from this screeching." Zim dared the little fellow as he narrowed his eyes on Gir.
A few hours later!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Zim's eyes started to twitch as he sat on the couch listening to Gir's nonstop screaming. But he was about to break and the pillows he put on his antennas to secure his hearing didn't help as much as he hoped they would. "EEEEEEEEENOUGH ALREADY. I GET THE TAK-STINK, JUST PLEEEEEASE STOP WITH THE SCREAMING!"
"AAAAA, okay." Gir happily announced as he seated himself on the ground once again watching the tv program.
Zim freed his head off the pillows then marched towards the door to retrieve Tak. He opened the door and there she was still under the tablecloth where he left her, he took a hold of her, flung her over his shoulder and brought her back into his base. (It should be mentioned that because of Tak's height and Zim's small frame, her head brushed on the floor as Zim dragged her around.)
"I hope you are satisfied, Gir. I rescued that miserable woman…" Zim stared at Gir for a few seconds awaiting a response that never came. He rolled his eyes, starting his usual Invader march towards the trashcan-elevator. "I take the beast down into the medical bay, just don't open the door for anyone until I cleaned up the mess in the living room." Still no response, as per usual.
After he reached the medical bay, he not so gracefully put Tak on one of the beds, she wasn't centred and most of her lower body hang from the bed. Zim turned around to retrieve different medical equipment such as an IV to compensate for fluid loss, Tak meanwhile slowly slid off the bed. "Computer, where do I keep the beepie thingy machine again?"
"Do you mean the heart monitor?"
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Tell Zim where it is." Zim demanded harshly, he wasn't that pleased that he needed to help his enemy, but what was the alternative? A lifetime of Gir screaming as loudly as possible? He shuddered at that thought.
"It is in the equipment stall in the medical bay."
"Ahhh" He trotted towards the stall not far from him, he fetched the machine returning to the bed. "Hmmmmm? Tak-stink, where have you gotten to?" He looked for the Irken he just put on the bed, as he suddenly made out her frame down on the ground. "Tak-beast, why are you on the ground? Lazy monstrosity." He lifted her up, putting her on the bed once more, but this time Zim made sure that she fully laid on the bed. "You are just lucky that I took pity on yourself, shameful woman."
Zim began to work on Tak, he inserted the plastic tube from the IV in her vein, checked her viral parameters and connected the heart monitor to her. "Your vitals don't seem too bad, you should regain consciousness in no time. Ehhh?" Suddenly Zim made out a few dark spots on her pants, they seemed dark red. "Good gracious." He briefly considered pulling her pants down to check on her legs, but decided against it. At a closer inspection he noticed that only her lower legs showed those dark red spots, so he simply rolled Taks pants up to her knees. The legs didn't look to good, she had a few metal pieces sticking out from. "That however, doesn't look to good!" Zim wasted no time, he got his chirurgic equipment and started to disinfect it and himself. He then put on a mask, also disinfecting the wounded eras on her legs. Zim let the disinfection sink in for a couple of seconds, he then cut the wounds from where the metal objects protruded so to make them bigger and the object more easily obtainable for him. He did that with each and every wound. Zim pulled out the foreign objects from Tak's wounds, made sure no metal pieces were left in the wounds and then he sewed them shut. It took Zim approximately 2 hours, he was forced to use one blood bag to make up for Tak's blood loss during the operation. Where did he get the blood bag you might ask, well Zim drained it from himself, why? Zim didn't know either, he wasn't supposed to help his enemy at all, let alone give his blood for her, but he nevertheless did just that. After the operation was finally complete and Tak's parameters seemed stable, Zim put a blanket over Tak. "Rest now, Tak-stink. I will check on you first thing in the morning." He dimmed the light before exiting the medical bay, leaving Tak to her privacy.
