Moving on
Series: YuYu Hakusho
Pairing: Kagome x Youko
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or series.
"Do you ever wonder...you know, what if?"
Azure eyes met with molten gold, confusion evident in her gaze as Kagome tried to figure out the meaning behind Inuyasha's odd question. They'd been sitting in silence for a while now, simply observing the comings and goings of the village, enjoying each other's company.
"I mean, what if we worked out?" His voice was so soft she could barely make out what he was saying.
"Inuyasha..." the priestess trailed off, shaking her head before replying. "I've thought about it once or twice, especially at the beginning."
Walking away from the inu-hanyou was probably one of the hardest things she'd ever done.
But there had been no other choice.
After coming back through the well for the final time, their relationship could finally progress. It felt like Kagome's story with Inuyasha had begun with all the intensity of a firework, only for the spark that ignited their feelings to fizzle out into embers that refused to die out. Arguments steadily turned into fights, and their words slowly grew crueler. Eventually, they'd settled into a thorn-filled path they followed in a painful cycle that neither dared to try and break, still tied by the love that once brought them together. They'd argue and fight, make up, and replay the same actions after only a handful of days or weeks. Saying she'd been miserable in their relationship would've been a lie, but the girl couldn't claim she was happy either; even fighting morphed into another facet of the monotony that dominated their lives. The only thing that grew was the hurt that came from their fights.
The realization of what she'd been trying to ignore hit her while she picked up the broken pieces of a cup, the aftermath of their latest screaming match. She couldn't let this go on anymore. At some point, they'd run out of time, and there was nothing else either could do to try and fix the bond that had changed from a red thread to rusty chains. Inuyasha was never one to confront his feelings, the only one who could cut them both free was Kagome.
For weeks, the priestess agonized over her decision because despite it all... she still loved him. He'd been her friend, her protector, the person that would always be there when she called his name, and above it all, Inuyasha was and would always be her first love. So digging her nails into her palms, the girl forced herself to keep going and deliver her piece. And for the first time in months, he didn't fight her; the hanyou remained quiet, not even bothering to attempt to hide the tears that flowed while her words kept cutting into them both. Her body had felt so heavy as she gathered her things and moved to pick up the fox kit who'd become her adopted son. It hurt so much to leave, but at the end of the day, nothing could make her change her mind; leaving was the best decision she could've made.
Time may not heal all wounds, and their relationship would forever remain a bittersweet scar in her heart, but the pain dulled.
"That said...I can't say I regret any of the choices that brought us here," Kagome added, thinking back about the days they spent together. "Even if we could do it all over again, I would still pick the same options."
"Even the bad ones?"
"Even those," she laughed at the question, leaning her head on his shoulder in an all-too-familiar motion. "In a way, don't they make our happy moments all the more special?"
"Yeah, guess you're right." With a sigh, Inuyasha moved a little closer to her.
"Honestly, if we'd stayed together, we would've probably ended up hating each other." It wasn't that they'd wanted to hurt each other, but they couldn't stop themselves from harming one another. Had they continued, Kagome was sure she wouldn't have been able to look back at those memories with any sort of affection anymore. "If that was our ending, I think it would've been way more depressing."
"You...really are happy, aren't you? With him?" His last word held only a twinge of annoyance.
"I am," she said. "I don't know where we'll go from here, but I've decided there's no point in anguishing over it. We'll just play it by ear."
"Only you could find someone more annoying than that stupid wolf."
"He's not that bad."
He was, admittedly, also fond of irritating others around him for fun. But considering Youko Kurama was an infamous thief, he'd shown quite a bit of progress when it came to controlling himself.
A little after a year of traveling with only Shippo as her companion, luck had her agreeing to help a feudal lord protect some treasure or another, which had her coming face to face with the silver kitsune. And that one meeting was all the coky thief needed to decide he'd found something that was far more interesting to him instead of the relics he'd been trying to steal. After that, the fox would make sure his string of robberies happened close to the areas she was traveling to; when Kagome started to ignore those, he'd up the ante by sending warning letters and eventually going as far as to name her on said letters. Phrases like "unless you have someone of the same caliber as the miko Kagome, you might as well bid farewell to your treasures" would have the feudal lords desperately sending people to find her and make sure she'd be in the same estate. It came to a point where she was almost confident the fox saw her as a fun toy to pass the time...up until he jumped to help her out when fighting against a bloodthirsty snake nest that was attacking a town.
There was no need for him to do so, yet Youko still took it to himself to cover her back, even at the cost of painful injuries. Kagome was the one who insisted on having the silver fox travel with them so she could make sure the venom wouldn't leave any secondary effects, but even when his wounds healed, the priestess didn't ask him to leave.
Traveling with the kitsune was a completely different experience. Youko had quickly assumed a mentor role to Shippo and had no issues with humoring her constant stops to help as many people as they could. His temperament was dramatically different from Inuyasha's. And she couldn't be more glad for that since that was what allowed him to jump through the walls of indecision that had surrounded her emotions after her last relationship. By no fault of his own, the hanyou often battled with his insecurities, but whenever his mood fell, her self-doubt would flare as well. Comparing herself to Kikyo when problems would arise was unavoidable; she was almost a mirror image of her previous incarnation. Even now, she remained a mostly untrained priestess, insisting on doing things her way and allowing instinct to guide her. That's where Youko's self-esteem came in. His confidence didn't lay only on himself but on their relationship as a whole made her feel safe in her own standing. Not once had there been an accusation of any level of infidelity thrown her way, not even when they ran into Koga (who insisted that calling her my woman was still an acceptable pet name). Nor when they went back to the village where her first love lived. And for all that the male kitsune attracted attention to himself anywhere and everywhere they went, the fox seemed to preen at the fact that Kagome accepted to be with him.
"Can't say he isn't a handful, though," she added, a laugh escaping her.
The silver kitsune did his best not to try her morals, but nature was nature, and the priestess often pretended not to notice how an egotistical feudal lord would be unfortunate enough to be robbed. Pity, she was too busy trying to tend to the people suffering from the lord's unfair rules to offer help to the nobles. If both Shippo and Youko would vanish during those unlucky nights. Well, helping others left her too tired to watch over those two.
"You'd get bored with any old farmer anyway." Inuyasha rolled his eyes.
"What's that supposed to..."
Her words trailed off as she felt Youko come running from the direction of the village. It didn't take long before she could see him in his smaller fox form rushing towards them, and he was...sneezing?
Strong arms wrapped around her middle as the male shifted to his human self as soon as he was behind her, quickly rubbing his nose against her hair. Confusion rose until the girl caught the faint smell of vinegar coming from him. Right, after Sango asked them to keep an eye on the children, the male offered to take over babysitting duty so she could have more time to visit anyone she wanted to since Kagome and her small group would be leaving soon. According to Inuyasha's latest complaints, the twins had recently gotten into the habit of taking their mother's mixtures as toys.
"Do you have to be friends with a demon exterminator?" the fox mumbled, still nuzzling into her.
"You're trying to court a miko," the hanyou scoffed but didn't make any move when the other male pulled her away. "What else were you expecting?"
"Pardon me? I'm not courting a miko; I'm courting Kagome. You can't just lump her with the rest of those prude, frigid women."
"You do know I'm still a priestess, right?" she asked, amused at the pout she could hear in her lover's voice. "I'll say, I never expected to see the great Youko Kurama running away from a couple of five-year-old children."
"Who in their right mind lets their kids play with scent bombs?"
"It's not that bad..." The girl took a silver strand of hair between her fingers a gave it a slight sniff.
"As if." The hanyou scrunched his nose, clearly just as unimpressed with her assessment as the fox. "You only say that because your nose is still human."
"See, even your puppy agrees with me; it's going to take hours to get this stench out. "Fake grief dripped from his words.
"Oh, the calamity. Whatever would the world do if your hair smells a little like vinegar."
"Society would crumble, for sure," Youko said, and she knew he was grinning now. "Of course, you could always help me get this scent off me."
"Gods, you're as bad as Miroku!"
With an embarrassed laugh, and ignoring the heat that rushed to her cheeks, the girl slapped a wandering hand away. They were supposed to leave the village as soon as Miroku and Kagome came back, and if they lost time here, they would probably end up camping out. Sleeping under the stars was always nice, but she was worried the sky wouldn't remain clear tonight.
Whatever the fox was about to say was cut off when a couple of voices could be heard on their way to the little hill; behind her, the male tensed.
"Youko! Youko!"
"That woman is insane, teaching five-year-old brats how to track demons," he grumbled.
"Keh, I dare you to say that to Sango's face when she arrives."
"Oh yeah? Let me remind you, once we leave, you are back to babysitting, so why don't you tell her?"
"Hush, you two!" The priestess shushed them with a glare before smiling at the twins who'd finally reached them.
"Auntie Ka'ome!"
"Kin'u-chan, Gyokuto-chan," Kagome bit her tongue, holding back a laugh at their innocent look and hidden hands. "So...whatever do you have behind there?"
"Nothing!" the two spoke at once.
"Of course...say girls, why don't you go and find Shippo-chan? He said he wanted to get more training with his illusions before leaving."
With a cheerful "alright!", the two children left, racing and jumping as they ran back to the village. This time, the girl didn't bother to hide her own amusement at how loudly Youko exhaled in relief watching the toddlers leave. Hell, even Inuyasha looked more relaxed now that those two were out of sight. These were two of the strongest youkais she knew, and they were cowering from a pair of human children.
"I'm starting to wonder if you have something against kitsunes, sending them after the kit," the fox whined with his usual dramatic flare.
"Nah, those two like his illusions more than they like your plants. Runt has a better survival chance."
"Children are still children, I suppose; there's no accounting to taste." With a flick of his tails, the silver fox finally disentangled himself from her, dropping a quick kiss on her crown before standing up. "I'll start packing our things. Heard from a little bird that there's this really interesting lake covered by a mist that seems to be eating people up south from here. Rumor says there was this beautiful gem in there. If we leave now, we can get to this amazing inn with some of the best onsens I've ever found before nightfall."
Youko left, confident pace back in place, as if he hadn't just been running away from a couple of kids, silver tails swishing proudly. It was always amusing for her to see him interact with the children from the villages they visited. The fox wasn't someone she'd call evil, and ever since the two met, he'd mostly stopped with his thieving, but she'd seen his darker side shine through whenever someone threatened to harm her. Kagome knew he had a sadistic streak, but all of that melted away when she left him looking after a group of human kids. When training with Shippo, there wasn't as much need for the older kitsune to hold his strength back since, as young as he was, the kit was a youkai himself. And while the priestess still called herself a human, after the Shikon became a part of her, her body changed, able to recover from any sort of injuries in a couple of hours, even if left alone. With human kids, however, the silver fox was so worried about accidentally hurting someone that he just let them play around however they wanted.
It was oddly endearing.
"...you know, you can stay here whenever you feel like you want to settle down," Inuyasha said softly, golden eyes fixated on the sky. "The village will welcome you any time, all of you."
"Oh, Inuyasha...you know I love you. I probably always will."
Admitting his emotions was unbearably hard for him, and the girl had learned how to read between the lines. Her arms wrapped around him in a tight hug. The emotions they felt for each other had been tangled so badly, and yet their bond persisted. It had been twisted as time passed. The promises they'd once made in their naivety could no longer be upheld as they were originally meant, but in one way or another, they'd always remain in each other's lives. It was an ending Kagome could accept, but Inuyasha always struggled more to confront or acknowledge his own feelings.
"I know..." After a couple of seconds, the hanyou's arms returned her embrace. "I love you too."
"We both did the best we could, so don't beat yourself up, ok? You need to be open to whatever may come in your life." She could feel his grip tighten around her for just a second before letting her go.
"Ugh, you stink like vinegar and foxes." There was a bittersweet smile on his face. "Go on then; I need to make sure the twins don't drown Shippo or anything."
"Inuyasha!" Kagome yelled before her friend could leave. "Thank you, I don't think I ever said it, but thank you... for being there for me when I had no idea what I was doing, for protecting me for so long...I'm so glad we met."
"Yeah, I'm glad you can smile like that again."
The hanyou didn't turn back to face her, but the priestess didn't need to see him to know how honest he was, so she continued walking back to the village. One day, one day she'd feel comfortable enough to try and settle down, but for now, the bittersweet memories were still a little too painful for her to feel like she could comfortably stay. It took two years for her heart to heal enough to accept Youko's feelings and be willing to be that vulnerable again, and she still needed an extra year and a half to feel strong enough to face Inuyasha again. The last four meetings had been filled with awkward silences that always left her feeling guilty for moving on first. But this time, it felt like her friend was ready to start walking down his own path. These last few days, their friendship seemed to go back to what had been, and eventually, she knew these memories of their happy days would lose most of the thorns that remained wrapped around them.
"You know..." Youko's voice brought her back to the present as soon as she entered the hut they'd been staying at. His familiar warmth enveloped her as she held her once more. "Any other male would be stewing on jealousy after hearing what you said."
"You heard that?"
"Demonic hearing, remember? Besides, you didn't even wait until I was out of sight, darling." There was a mischievous tone in his tone, his fingers coming to play with a strand of her hair.
"Well, good thing you're so special," she laughed.
"Of course I am." Strong arms lifted her with ease, doing a playful spin before sitting on top of one of the drawers. Sitting on his lap had become normal at some point. "After all, I would be quite the hypocrite when we're both the same."
"What way?"
"Why, we're both collectors, naturally." Clawed fingers began to travel down her side. "Where I collect riches and beauty, you collect bonds with others; those connections and the love within them are your kind of treasure. Not my preferred sort of prize, but I can't say I don't understand the appeal. Besides, after having a taste of me, there's no way you'd ever choose anyone else."
"How did you even get through the door with a head that big." Long fingers pushed her hair to the side.
"It's a talent." Lips traced her neck, one of his hands pulling a bit on the fabric of her haori. "One we could explore right now...or so I'd say, but I need to get this stench out of my mane, so we really need to get going now."
Getting off his lap was all she could do before sitting back down as laughter made it hard to keep standing. If there was one thing the fox held in higher priority than chasing their pleasure, it was his vanity. Then again, she didn't really hate that part of him either. After all, that vanity was also extended towards her, making her feel more beautiful than she'd felt since facing Kikyo. Every so often, he'd go to one of his contacts to order clothes that held in some of the modern styles he'd glimpsed from the dresses she'd brought back with her, or he'd bring her accessories that caught his eye.
This wasn't the life she'd envisioned when she was fifteen. Reality had thrown her off the deep end over and over, but as she watched Youko rush around the room in a hurry after Shippo entered with a yell to "hurry, Kin'u found one of the stronger scent bombs!". Kagome couldn't say she regretted anything. It was a bit chaotic, constantly on the move, and nostalgia still brought tears to her eyes from time to time, but she wouldn't change a single thing.
A/N: So this is just a place where I can post some random ideas, to either test out an idea for a longer fic or are too short for me to post as one shots. Updates are going to be inconsistent since these are way faster to edit when compared to my usual chapters.
Thank you guys so much for reading, and for any review/comment/criticism or a suggestion for a future chapter.
