Before we start, here's some housekeeping. Bear with me! There won't be long author notes like this in the future.

I know there is a lot of shipping for Norah and Lynn, and while I do think they would have made a cute, fun, and interesting couple if the writers had gone with that storyline, my interpretation of what happened was that Norah was looking for a connection in someone who experienced the same pain she did and wanted to get some healing from that. In doing so, she inadvertently hurt Lynn by causing Lynn to think she was interested in her romantically when she wasn't. That's just my interpretation, though, but it's what I'm using for this story. Emily Blunt herself has a similar interpretation, which she says in her interview on oprah dot com in regards to her connection with Lynn:

"Here's this woman who has a shared understanding of what it's like to lose a mother. Norah's extended her hand to her family, and that's been slapped away, so she's going to do it to this girl. She wants see if she can have some connection and understanding of what that feels like. People have questioned whether Norah has a lesbian intention with Lynn, and I disagree completely. I think that Norah is a very compulsive girl—she's like a butterfly, drawn to anything that's more colorful and distracting than what she's dealing with at the time. I think she's almost baffled by Lynn's intention with her."

I just ask, please, that you don't flame me for using my and Emily Blunt's interpretation of her character, Norah, in this story. I'm going through a lot right now, and writing is my biggest self-care currently. Without this place, I'd be so lost. If you're looking for a Lynn/Norah story, there are some really good ones on this site :)

This story is going to focus on the grief/loss, pain, friendship, sisterhood, possible romance, and finding oneself. It will dip into sad, angsty stuff, so things might be triggering. You've been warned lol. There will also be light and fluffy moments too, so don't worry. Sunshine Cleaning really resonated with me at this time in my life, and I wanted to hang out with the characters for a bit and introduce them to other characters who have trouble with sense of self at times: the Expendables.

For purpose of this story, I'm using the 2009 release date of Sunshine Cleaning, not the 2008 release at Sundance Festival, for the timeline of events.

Thank you.


May 2009

Norah Lorkowski

Norah didn't really know where she was going. She had her hand out the car window as she drove, the wind bouncing it up and down. Her father's black 1980 Cadillac Fleetwood chugged along, bobbing with the bumps every so often. A soft mewing from the passenger seat made her look over at her newly adopted kitten.

"What is it, Sassy?" she asked. The kitten tried to climb into her lap in response. "Oh, all right." She giggled a little as she reached to scoop the kitten with her right hand, helping it to reach its destination. She'd brought her left hand in from out the window to steer.

"There we are," Norah said, scratching Sassy's ears gently with her fingers. "How's that?" Another mew in response. Norah could feel herself getting tired. It was her seventh day of driving. She had no idea where she was heading. She was drifting. After everything that had happened, she needed to clear her head and get her shit together.

"Crap," she said, hearing her cell phone ring. She flung her hand around in her bag, trying to locate it. Her had connected with it after a moment, and she pulled it out. "Hello?"

"Hi," Oscar said. Norah felt her heart melt. She missed her nephew already.

"Hey, you," she replied. "Whatcha up to?"

"Going to bed, but I wanted to say goodnight first."

"That's sweet. Where's your mom?"

"She's at work with Grandpa. Winston is watching me," Oscar replied. Norah raised a brow. That was interesting.

"Winston, eh? He keeping you out of trouble?"

"Yep."

"That's good. Well, you better get to bed, little man," Norah said.

"Where are you now?" he asked.

"Um," Norah said, craning her neck to see the sign she just passed. "New Orleans."

"Cool. Are you gonna eat the oysters there?"

"Ehm, I'll see," Norah said. She tucked the phone into her neck as she moved her hand to grab Sassy before the kitten jumped down to the floor of the car and tried to sleep underneath the pedals again. It had happened once before. Norah had gone out for something to eat, come back to get going again, and promptly squished Sassy under the gas pedal. The yowling had been deafening, and Sassy had given her a wide berth for a while afterwards. It seemed she was forgiven now, though.

"I miss you," Oscar said.

"I miss you too, buddy. Be good, and watch out for Lobster Man," Norah said with a slightly menacing tone. She heard Oscar give a gasp, so she knew she had to make it right. "I'm teasing, buddy. He's not there anymore." Her sister, Rose, would murder her if she gave Oscar nightmares again. Then she'd clean up the mess and somehow make money off of it. That's what she did, after all: crime scene clean up.

"Are you sure?" Oscar asked.

"Yes. Sleep well. I love you," Norah added.

"Love you too."

"Mwah, mwah," Norah said, making kissing noises into the phone. Oscar had already hung up, though. He was a very smart eight-year-old, she'd give him that. He gave her a headache sometimes with his ability to do math.

"Okay, Sassy," Norah said, pulling into a motel. "I think this is a good place to stop for the night." The kitten mewed, and she took that to mean yes.

Lee Christmas

"Steady, steady," Toll Road was saying as Lee stared down the space towards the bull's eye. Tool was next to him, watching. Lee released the knife, and it whistled through the air and hit the board with a loud "twang."

"My man!" Hale Caesar called, clapping his hands.

"Could be better," Yin Yang said with a shrug.

"Better?" Lee asked, feigning outrage. "How so?"

"We can always be better," Yang answered.

"Oh, you're one of those guys," Gunner Jensen said. "The ones that never give five stars, claiming there's always room to improve."

"There is!" Yang insisted. Lee rolled his eyes and went to collect his knife. He tuned out the chatting behind him as he sauntered over to his friend and leader of their team, Barney Ross.

"You're sulking," Lee noted, sitting down on the stool beside him. Barney was nursing a beer.

"I am not," Barney retorted.

"I've been around you long enough to recognize what mood you're in based on your face, and that, my friend, is a sulky face," Lee said, gesturing with his hand in a circle around Barney's head.

"It's my resting face," Barney insisted.

"Sulk Face is not your resting face. Pissed Off Face is. There's a difference."

"You know what, Christmas? I'm not in the mood for this right now," Barney said.

"Of course not, because you're sulking."

"Can you just stop talking for five minutes?" Barney asked, annoyed.

"Or what? You gonna hit me?" Lee taunted. He narrowly dodged the backhand that came towards his face in response. "Geez, you are in a mood."

"Leave him alone, Christmas," Tool warned, coming up and going around behind the bar. He shared a look with Barney. He knew the reason for Barney's mood. Lee caught this and raised a brow.

"You know why he's like this?" he asked.

"It's not my place to tell, but I will say that he will shoot you if you keep it up," Tool replied, shaking a finger at Lee in a warning. Lee's eyes slid to the pistol on Barney's hip. He had no doubt.

"Fine, Eeyore," Lee said, getting off his stool. "Call me if you need me."

"Whatever," Barney dismissed. Lee clapped him on the back before leaving, grabbing his helmet off the bar and heading out. The night was muggy, and he felt his shirt stick to his back as he climbed onto his bike. He made his way home, a small house on the end of a quiet country lane. It wasn't overlooking a lake, but it was close enough to one that he could hear all the noises of it. He wasn't even sure why he bothered having a house. He spent most of his time at Tool's.

"Hey, you," he said as the friendly stray dog he had semi-adopted trotted up to him. Lee figured it was a mix between a German Shepherd and a Collie, but he wasn't an expert. The one ear up and one ear down look was pretty cute, though. He was brown and white.

"Good boy," Lee said, rubbing the dog's ears and letting his hands get washed by tongue. He pulled out a cookie he'd stolen from Tool's and tossed it. The dog snatched it midair. Lee opened the door to his place, and he let the dog in first. He sighed as he set his helmet on the counter and dropped his keys next to it. "Just you and me, Rupert." The dog wagged his tail and lolled out his tongue happily. Oh, to be so blissful. Lee was slightly envious.

It was going to be a quiet night.

Norah

She was laying on her back and looking at the ceiling, her hand petting Sassy absently as the kitten purred loudly. She'd smuggled the cat in after the motel reception said no pets. She wasn't going to leave the cat in the car all night.

"What are you thinking?" she asked in a whisper, but the cat didn't respond. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but everything just muddled around in there instead.

And here I thought you were actually interested in me.

Lynn's voice was loud in her mind. Norah felt really bad about this. She had attended a home of a suicide with her sister Rose, and she couldn't bring herself to throw away the fanny pack of photos the woman had kept of Lynn. Norah had tracked her down with the intent of telling her what had happened, but instead of coming clean right away, she started hanging out with Lynn. In doing so, she had misled Lynn into thinking she was interested in her romantically when all Norah had wanted was to feel connected to someone who had lost their mother to suicide too. She had wanted to give Lynn the knowledge that her mother clearly cared about her despite her decision to end her life, which is what Norah had desperately wanted to know ever since the day she and Rose had found their mother dead in their bathtub.

"I'm a shitty person," Norah whispered to the kitten. The hurt on Lynn's face. The anger in her voice when she'd told Norah her mother had been nothing but a drunk. Norah recalled it all. So much for bringing comfort.

She lifted up her right arm up and looked at the bird tattoos trailing down her arm in a spiral and the star tattoos on the back of her hand between her thumb and forefinger. A memory of lying on her back and watching the stars flashed through her mind. It was one of the few she had of her mother.

She'd felt so lost for so long, and only now was she getting a little bit of clarity. She'd spent a long time not knowing who she was, going to parties and getting drunk or high just to forget everything, to not feel the pain. She'd wasted so much time with loser Randy just for the sake of getting some pleasure. It was time to grow up, for a lack of a better word. She needed to stop hurting people because of her own issues.

Don't call me.

Lynn hadn't even wanted to stay friends, and that's what Norah had wanted. She didn't have any good friends. She didn't have friends who understood what she'd gone through and could relate to it, but it seemed that wasn't in the cards for her and Lynn, who had made it clear she despised her mother. Norah hadn't known her mother long enough to know if she would have despised her or not. Then again, they might have had a great relationship. She'd never find out.

She exhaled long and slow and rolled to her side, careful not to crush her kitten. Eventually, sleep came.

The Next Day

Norah

She was in no hurry to leave. Something about New Orleans said loudly in her ear "STAY." So she did. She spent the day wandering up and down the streets. Sassy was in her purse, head sticking out of the hole Norah had allowed her to have. She didn't want the kitten to escape and run away. She hadn't wanted to leave her in the motel room to be found either.

She stopped outside of a place that said "Tool's Tattoos."

"Why not?" she said out loud, pushing the door open and stepping inside. She'd been meaning to get another tattoo. Why not do it when she was on the road to finding herself and getting a fresh start?

There was some rowdy laughter of a group of men in the back. Norah peered around the place until an older man with shoulder length, black and silvery hair and a beige colored cowboy hat on his head came out to greet her.

"What can I do for you on this fine day, lil lady?" he asked with a smile.

"What do you recommend for someone who is trying to find a new beginning?" she asked.

"Lotus flower," he answered right away.

"Lotus," she echoed. "I like it."

"I got one right here," he said, moving to the left and pulling down a drawing. He slid it across the counter towards her. She picked it up in her fingers.

"It's beautiful," she said. "Did you draw this?"

"I did."

"It's perfect."

"So where do you want it?" he asked her. She hadn't thought that far ahead yet. She pursed her lips, thinking.

"Oye, Tool," a man said, sticking his head out of the door that led to the back. "Where is your...?" The words died on his lips as he caught sight of Norah.

"Where is my what, Gunner?" Tool asked. Norah blinked. The man was huge. He was definitely Swedish. His muscles looked like they could crush someone without even trying. His blonde hair was tousled across his forehead.

"Um, your screwdrivers," Gunner finished. "Toll is trying to fix one of your..."

"One of my what?" Tool asked, suddenly alert and alarmed. "What is he fixing?"

"Stools," Gunner answered.

"I don't know how many times I gotta tell him he is no good with fixing household items," Tool huffed, moving to hurry back there. He looked over his shoulder at Norah before disappearing. "Take your time, love. I'll be back."

"Okay," Norah agreed. She could hear men talking and laughing and then the long drawn out "oooohhhhh" as someone commented with the term "burn!" right after.

"Lotus is nice," Gunner said, making her jump almost out of her skin. She hadn't noticed he was still standing there.

"Yes," she said once she recovered. "It is."

"New beginnings."

"You know your stuff," she said with a smile.

"I do."

Norah took him in then, and she noticed the weariness around his eyes as well as something she recognized, someone who needed to bury a lot of pain.

"I can't believe you ratted me out," a second man said, joining Gunner.

"It was for your own good," Gunner told him. Norah presumed this must be Toll, the one who was trying to fix the stool. He was also buff and handsome. His hair was closely shaved. She noticed his one ear and wondered if he was a boxer.

"Hi," he said, noticing Norah now. "I'm Toll. You gonna get Tool to do that for you?" He gestured to the lotus drawing.

"I think so," she said with a nod.

"Nice."

She wondered who these men were to have such interesting names. Tool returned at this point, shooting a glare at Toll before turning and smiling at her.

"Where would you like it?" he asked, referring to the tattoo.

"Left inner hip," she said, making up her mind.

"All right. You good to start now?"

"Yes."

She followed him to the chair, noticing that both Gunner and Toll were still standing there.

"Hey, take a hike," Tool said to them, waving his hand. Norah hopped up into the chair and lifted her shirt a bit so he could access her skin.

"You wouldn't happen to know of anyone renting, would you?" she asked.

"Actually, I know a guy who is looking to rent his basement out."

"A guy?" Norah asked, skeptical.

"He's not there a lot. He works out of the country quite a bit. You'd have your own space in the basement, but you'd share a kitchen."

"I don't know," she said. Living with a guy? What would her sister say? She'd say hell no, that's what she'd say. The rebellious part of her felt intrigued.

"He's a gentleman," Tool went on, getting ready to start. "Cheap rent." He had her at cheap rent.

"I guess I could meet him," Norah said, contemplating it.

"Oye! Christmas!" Tool shouted then, startling her. Another man came out with an annoyed expression on his face. He, too, had a closely shaved head and looked like a fighter. Who were these guys?

"What?" he asked, his British accent catching her attention.

"Found you a renter," Tool answered. Norah's eyebrows shot up. This was the guy?!

"Did you now," he said.

"That's Lee," Tool told Norah. "He's not usually so gruff."

"Pfft," Gunner snorted. Even Toll chuckled.

"Okay, so he's a little gruff," Tool corrected. "But you're all right, aren't ya, Lee?"

"It's not what I had in mind," Lee said, eyeing Norah. There was a sudden burst of meowing coming from her bag, and everyone stared at it. She blushed.

"Is that a...?" Tool trailed off as a kitten pushed its head out of the hole at the top. It mewed again.

"Do you mind? She's been in there all day," Norah said.

"Yea. Give her some air."

She reached to pull Sassy out and held her against her chest, petting her gently. The gesture had Gunner and Toll almost starstruck. Lee seemed indifferent.

"It's gonna be 300 a month," he said.

"I don't know how long I'm staying," she started.

"That's fine."

"Shall I swing by after to have a look at it?" she suggested.

"If you'd like."

"All right."

"Hold still," Tool said, revving up his tattoo gun. She turned her attention away from the three men and closed her eyes.

It seemed she was getting a new beginning in more ways than one.

Lee

He wasn't entirely sure why Tool had mentioned his basement to this woman. Gunner and Toll couldn't seem to stop talking about her. Lee took in the fact that she was attractive, but that was it. He wasn't looking for a relationship right now.

"Feeling better today?" he asked Barney, who was sifting through papers at his desk. Lee was leaning in the doorway, one arm raised up over his head and bent at the elbow, resting on the door jam.

"I was feeling fine yesterday," Barney answered, not looking at him. He was still searching, a frown on his face.

"And you say I'm a terrible liar," Lee commented.

"What do you want from me?" Barney asked, finally caving and looking at him.

"I dunno. Honesty," Lee replied.

"Not my fault you don't believe me," Barney retorted. He located the paper he was looking for and shook it open, squinting at it.

"You really should get glasses," Lee pointed out.

"Don't need 'em," Barney answered, holding the paper farther away from him, eyes still squinted.

"Pfft. Please," Lee snorted. "One of these days, someone is gonna kill you standing right in front of your face cos you can't see 'em." Barney gave him a scowl and a slight glare before going back to reading. Lee gave up and walked away, going to sit next to Yang, who was doing a Sudoku puzzle. His face showed heavy concentration.

"Six, three, nine," Lee said, jabbing his finger at random empty spots while reciting the numbers. Yang lowered the puzzle book and gave him a level stare.

"Really?" he asked, waving the book slightly, his pencil in his other hand.

"Geez, is everyone just miserable around here or something?" Lee asked, moving away from him before he got a pencil jabbed into his eye. He wouldn't put it past Yang to do that.

"Not miserable. Annoyed," Yang corrected. "Go away."

"I'm going," Lee said, gesturing. He walked past Toll reading and Gunner scribbling numbers on a piece of paper. Caesar was gone. Tool was still doing the tattoo on the woman. He found himself going back to watch.

"Don't you have something better to do?" Tool asked, not even looking at him. Lee had only been standing there less than five seconds. The man's peripheral vision was a force to be reckoned with sometimes.

"Not really," Lee answered. He was eyeing up the kitten on the woman's chest. It was sleeping. Her eyes were closed too.

"Then find something," Tool suggested.

"I did. I'm watching you."

"Well, stop it."

"Yes, stop it," the woman chimed in, not opening her eyes. Lee was slightly startled. He thought she had been asleep too.

"I'm just going to leave then," Lee said, slightly dramatically.

"Buh bye," Tool said back. With a disgruntled sound in his throat, Lee went to grab his helmet and went to walk out.

"Come around seven," he said to the woman, remembering she wanted to see his basement. She opened her eyes then and met his. He handed her a piece of paper with his address on it.

"Thank you," she said, taking it. "Um, are cats okay?"

"If it's okay with a dog," he answered.

"I don't know, but I don't see why not," she said.

"Good. Seven," he repeated, moving to leave. He didn't wait for her response. He jumped on his bike and tore off. After all that, he was feeling cranky now. He didn't know why.

Norah

"You're where?" Rose asked. Norah could hear her sister making noise through the phone. It sounded like she was trying to make dinner. Oscar was calling something in the background.

"New Orleans," Norah repeated. She looked down at the spot where her new tattoo was. She was tempted to pull off the bandage but knew better.

"What made you decide to stay there?"

"I'm not staying here," Norah answered. "I'm just...hanging out here for a bit."

"You're not going to be a drifter forever, are you?" Rose asked. Norah could hear the concern in her voice and rolled her eyes.

"Would that be so bad? To have a drifter sister?"

"I just know you have more potential than that."

"At what? Bussing tables? Getting yelled at for dropping shit? No, thanks."

"No. Other stuff."

"I'm not coming back to do crime scene clean up," Norah warned.

"Not that either," Rose said instantly, an underlying tone there.

"It was one house," Norah argued, feeling defensive. "And it wasn't my fault!"

"How did the candle get lit, Norah? By itself?"

"I thought we moved past this?"

"We did, but I'm still a bit pissed," Rose answered. "You know that."

"Yea, yea. Look, I'll come home when I've figured my shit out," Norah promised. It was that house burning down in front of her that had also contributed to this whole "Need to Find Self" movement she was on. She spent too much time being careless and not caring what others thought about her having that attitude. Accidentally burning down an entire house had been a wake up call, not to mention hurting Lynn by not being clear about her intentions.

"Well, we miss you," Rose offered. "Dad's even worse than you for vomiting on scenes."

"Oh no," Norah winced.

"He'll get used to it. I hope," Rose said with a chuckle and a sigh. They were quiet for a moment, and Norah suddenly ached with missing her sister. Sure, they had squabbles and called each other names at times, but they were sisters. Rose had looked out for her ever since the day they found their mother. Norah did her best to shove out the image of her dead mother from her mind. She cleared her throat.

"I should go," she said. "I'm going to look at a place to rent."

"That sounds like staying, Norah..."

"It's short term!"

Rose made a sound in her throat that said she didn't believe her, but Norah ignored it.

"I'll call you soon," she promised instead.

"Okay," Rose sighed.

"Kiss the lil bastard for me," Norah said with a grin.

"You know he literally wraps his arm to protect it from getting wet in the bath," Rose said, sounding both amused and annoyed. "And he made friends with a girl."

"See? Tattoos work!"

"Thank God it's just a rub on," Rose said. Norah imagined her rolling her eyes but also smiling. Ever since Oscar had asked what it meant to be a bastard, because someone had told him he was one, Norah had told him he was the best lil bastard she'd ever met and gave him a rub on tattoo to wear with those words and a guy grinning underneath them. Rose hadn't exactly been pleased about it.

"Good night," Norah said cheerily.

"'Night," Rose said back. Norah hung up and smiled to herself. They were okay without her. She knew they would be. She did miss them, though. It was just high time to move out of her father's house and start her own life. Then her father had sold the house to restart the crime scene cleanup business with Rose. Norah had wanted to tease Rose about living with their father and how roles had reversed, but she knew it was a temporary situation.

Sassy bunted her hand, bringing her attention back to the inside of her car. It was time to go meet Lee at his house. She started the car and threw it in gear, feeling hopeful.

Barney & Tool

Barney felt Tool's presence instantly. He didn't look at him either. He just wanted to be left alone. Why was that so hard to get around here?!

"It's that day, isn't it?" Tool asked.

"No," Barney answered, lying. It had started last night, the dark mood. It always did start the day before.

"Well, there's a bottle of whiskey out there with your name on it if you want it," Tool offered before patting the door frame and walking away. Barney sat there, thinking. It had been almost 30 years, but it still hit him every year. He didn't think it would ever stop. He exhaled loudly and stood up.

Maybe he'd have some of that whiskey after all.