Disclaimer: This is a direct continuation of my previous story "A Second Chance". If you haven't read that one, you'll have no idea what's going on here, especially since it's an AU fic and stars my own spins on these characters. On the off-chance that you give it a try anyway, be warned that I'm a disillusioned ex-fan of this show and my LH fics aren't tributes to the show in any way and involve a lot of deconstruction and potshots aimed at the show's lore (as wishy-washy as it may be), so please, don't waste my time complaining that it's "unfaithful" to the show or that the characters are OOC, because that's the point of my LH stories.
Get that? Cool. Anyway, like "A Second Chance", this will be another dramedy, with lots of snarky and cynical humor and a lot of focus on Lynn, Lucy, and (to a lesser extent) Lisa, along with five or six prominent OCs. Again, if you have issues with that, don't bother reading this.
"No! Don't leave us! It was an accident!"
"Lincoln."
"Mom, please! We can change!"
"Lincoln?"
"We won't do it again, I swear!"
"Lincoln!"
"We can repair the house! We'll all pitch in! I'll donate from my piggy bank!"
"Sigh." Out of options, the goth did something she rarely did. Raise her voice.
"LINCOLN!"
The boy awoke with a scream, his heart pounding, his white hair a mess, and his face covered in a cold sweat.
With a shaky breath, he looked around, realizing that he wasn't in his own bedroom, or the cramped, dilapidated one he shared with Lynn and Luan. He wasn't lying in a bed either.
He found one of his sisters kneeling next to him, instantly recognizable by her pale skin and raven hair which covered her eyes. Glancing at the window, he saw that it was early morning.
"Lucy…" he mumbled while massaging his forehead. "Wut…'appened?"
"You had too much root beer last night. You were elated and rambling about all sorts of things. Lynn eventually had to put you in a sleeper hold because you wanted to tap dance on the roof." She explained in her usual monotonous tone as she helped him off the floor.
Lincoln blushed and cleared his throat. "I see…guess we had one crazy victory celebration, huh?"
"You have no idea. Especially the part where you talked ad nauseam about how cute Ronnie Ann is." Lucy said flatly. "I did not need to know that."
"What now?!" Lincoln freaked out. "That can't be right?! I have no feelings for that ruffian-"
Lucy's snicker cut him off. "Nah, just yanking your chains. But you did give a lengthy and very saccharine speech about the importance of friendship, teamwork, altruism, and most of all, family virtues. It ended with Ryan running to the bathroom to hurl."
Relaxing somewhat, Lincoln grew a lopsided smile. "Really? I can't wait to remember the last part."
"I wager your biggest fear manifested in the form of a nightmare?" Lucy inquired.
"I…yeah. How'd ya know?"
Lucy shrugged. "No offense, but that's woefully cliché. Also, you were talking in your sleep."
"Yeah, I guess it is, but it still packs a wallop." Lincoln sighed before noticing something peculiar.
Either his eyes were deceiving him or Lucy was smiling.
"I understand, you were reliving a painful memory, but history won't repeat itself, thanks to you." She tried to cheer him up. "And partially to Lisa."
"I know, but I'd rather not celebrate prematurely, we still need to keep our sisters away from home for the rest of the day." Lincoln reminded her. The mere thought of the incident that destroyed their family on this dreaded day gave him shivers.
"Perhaps, but that doesn't mean we can't milk our victory for all its worth." Lucy insisted. "When will we ever have power over Lori and Lola again?"
Lincoln let out a weak chuckle. Lucy had a point and he couldn't deny that a part of him relished the chance to have authority over his sisters for once. After all the craziness, they all earned a little levity.
The two were startled by a shot but calmed down quickly, knowing what it meant.
"Lynn." Lincoln sighed. The jock was an early riser, but this time it wasn't just for her morning exercise. Time to mitigate his teammates' sadism.
"Yes, let's not miss our big day. Come on." Lucy headed towards the door, still sporting an uncharacteristic smile. "There's no better remedy against psychological scars than some long-overdue revenge."
Moments earlier…
The first morning rays cut through the Taylors' basement, revealing all the used junk and old family belonging that had been stored there.
Still sore and tired from the excruciating sibling duel, Luna, Leni, Lori, and Lola were sleeping there, the former in sleeping bags, the latter two on a raggedy mattress and the floor respectively, until a loud bang made them all jump.
"What the hell!" Luna screamed and covered her head as a second shot was heard, while Lori and Leni ran into each other.
"Renee's gonna kill us!" Lola screeched and jumped for cover behind the nearest chest.
"Rise and shine, sleeping boobs!" they heard a familiar voice and saw Lynn's face looking through the opened skylight, sporting an evil smile.
"Nap time's over, suckers. Hop to it!" She laughed and walked off, swinging the little starting pistol on her finger, leaving Lori and Lola to stew in bitter contempt, while Luna just sighed and hung her head.
"Blimey…might as well get this over with." she resigned herself to her fate and walked up to the door, only for it to be busted open, making the rocker jerk back in fright.
All eyes were on the door as Renee stepped into the light, wearing shades and with her hands behind her back.
"You're all awake. Good, it means I won't have to use the hose." She said in a tone that conveyed nothing but cold apathy and it sent shivers down Luna and Lola's spines.
But Lori let out a snort. "Are you for real?"
She quickly regrated saying anything as Renee turned towards her and revealed a baton in her hand. Lola and Luna stepped aside as Renee marched up to the eldest Loud.
"Good morning, Renee!" Leni greeted her happily only to yelp as she was struck in the knees and stumbled back while Lori was cornered against the wall and the baton was pointed directly at her face.
"Make no mistake, kid. This is very real, and it would do you good to refrain from giving me any lip." Renee said sternly before withdrawing her baton. "You made your bed, now you have to sleep in it."
"Make beds?" Leni asked while rubbing her knees. "Wait? Is that why we didn't get beds, we were supposed to make them ourselves? Ow, now I feel so dumb."
Working up the courage, Lola stammered, "What…what will you make us do?"
She flinched as Renee glared at her. "I'm your warden and I'm here to make sure you don't inconvenience my parents or the neighborhood, I don't know or care what my brother and his collaborators are planning to do to you, but knowing him, he'll likely make you wish you were never born."
Lola and Luna gulped, while Lori fumed. This wasn't right. Ryan wasn't a Loud, he had no right to do anything to them, but she knew that whatever sadistic little idea he cooked up, Lynn, Lincoln, and Lucy would readily eat it up and enact it.
"And speaking of which, it's time you pay your debt." Renee ordered, gesturing towards the door.
Luna felt her stomach rumbling and dared to ask, "Will we at least get breakfast first?"
"No." Renee said flatly as she herded them towards the door. "Now move it. You're wasting daylight!"
"Pay our debt? I didn't know we owed Lynn money?" Leni scratched her head as she followed Luna and Lola, with a grumbling Lori in tow.
"Oh, do I wish that was all we owed her and her co-conspirators…" she lamented before getting struck in the leg.
"Ow! What the he-"
"Stand straight!" Renee barked as she pushed her onward like an inmate awaiting the gas chamber. Lori growled under her breath.
Lola snickered. "My, my, guess I wasn't the one the rats visited last night? Looks like they made a nest out of your head!"
Lori didn't need a mirror to know she was sporting horrendous bed hair but she wasn't going to take this lying down. "Oh, like you're one to talk? You know you won't survive this!"
Any vigor Lola had went down the drain as she remembered the gravity of her situation. Lincoln and his team would eat her alive and she had alienated every last ally she had, leaving her a sitting duck.
Noticing her discomfort, Lori chuckled cruelly. "Oh, yeah. Lynn and her fellow twerps are out for blood and nobody will be there to help you? Tough shit, Lola."
She grabbed Leni's hand and raised it. "At least I can always count on Leni!"
"You can say that again!" Leni smiled before adopting a confused look. "For what?"
Lola seethed in silent anger but cooled off when a water gun-wielding goth used her face as target practice. Luna and especially Lori chortled.
"Wicked." Lucy smiled with barely concealed glee.
"Lucy." Lincoln, who was holding a blueprint, chastised her.
Lola was seeing red and roared, "Why you-gulbblb!?"
"Drink's on me." Lucy quipped after taking a second shot, while Lincoln clutched and shook his head.
Lori laughed wildly until she felt something damp between her legs and realized that Lucy had turned her gun on her.
"Ops." Lucy deadpanned but took a step back as Lori's face twisted with unflinching fury.
"You're dead, twerp!" Lori was about to charge but stopped as she was struck in the back and kneeled down.
"Don't make me use excess force." Renee warned her while tapping her palm with her baton.
"Alright, enough." Lincoln yanked the gun out of Lucy's hands and approached the others.
"Look, guys, there's no way around this. We had our duel, you lost, so you're honor-bound as Louds to cater to our every whim for 24 hours." He stated matter-of-factly.
"Ah! Ah! My eyes! My mouth!" Lola was gasping for air and tearing up as her face was slowly turning crimson. "They're on fire!"
"Oh, right?" Lucy said nonchalantly. "I may have added some chilly sauce to the mix."
'What-I…ugh…" Lincoln facepalmed and tried to get his thoughts back on track. "Leni? Please get Lola some milk."
"Sure thing, Linky." Leni obliged happily and skipped toward the kitchen.
Exhaling, Lincoln turned to the remaining sisters. "Look, we don't intend to abuse our power over you."
"I sure do." Lucy raised her hand candidly, once more frustrating her brother.
Still kneeling, Lori sent him a look of pure contempt. "Don't patronize us, you sadistic little shrimp!" she growled. "The milquetoast act is literally fooling no one!"
Scowling, Lincoln kept his tone even as he unrolled the blueprint. "I'm inclined to think that the task we request of you isn't particularly "sadistic"?" he opted to humor her.
Lori and Luna squinted in confusion at what they saw, while Lola was still choking and grasping her throat.
"Here ya go, Lola!" Leni brought her a glass of milk and the princess chugged it down in a mad frenzy.
"Is that a treehouse?" Luna asked. "You want us to build you a treehouse?"
"Yes." Lincoln nodded.
Lori narrowed her eyes. "What's the catch?"
"There is no catch, Lori." Lincoln said firmly. "I convinced the others to have you build us a treehouse to spare you more pain and humiliation. I figured you had enough of it yesterday?"
Luna blinked. "That's all? You mean-"
"Yes, if you work on the treehouse, you'll only work on the treehouse. Building gone requires a lot of time and focus." Lincoln confirmed to her. "Unless you prefer doing whatever Lucy, Lynn, or Ryan have in mind?"
"Building a treehouse?" Leni squeaked and clutched her hands. "OMG! That sounds like so much fun! We haven't had one since I was seven!"
Glancing at Lucy and seeing her sport a small, sadistic grin as she held up a jar full of leeches, Luna tensed up with terror before turning to Lincoln again, unable to believe her luck. Or rather, his mercy.
"Sure! Sure! I'll build you the best treehouse ever, bra! Just give me some boards and a toolkit! I won't stop until it's finished!"
Lincoln smiled a bit. He knew Luna would be sensible. But what about Lori?
"And what about you?" he looked at the kneeling blonde. "You up for the task?"
Lori locked eyes with him, her venomous glare burning a hole through him, but Lincoln didn't budge. The mere thought of being at the self-righteous twerp's mercy infuriated her beyond belief. The nerve of him to try and bargain with her for a lesser punishment so he could feel better about himself! She had half a mind to tell him to shove his proposal up his ass, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Something was banging on her brain, becoming harder to ignore as she weighed out her options. It was a little thing called "common sense". She had been vehemently ignoring it for the last few days and it had landed her in this predicament. As humiliating as it was to brownnose to Lincoln, she knew that taking the alternative and offering herself as a court jester to the other twerps would be a thousand times worse. Whatever dignity she might retain by refuting Lincoln's offer, his cohorts would squeeze it out of her by the end of the day.
Trying to control her temper, Lori rose to her feet and begrudgingly muttered, "Fine. You'll get your stinkin' treehouse, twerp."
Lincoln was relieved but then felt someone tugging on his shirt. No point in guessing who it was.
Looking down, he saw Lola glaring at him, eyes still watery and her cheeks red as she was trying to catch her breath. She couldn't believe her luck. If this was the worst punishment Lincoln could think of, the idiot was even more of a pansy than she had pegged him for. But she wasn't one to complain, for he offered her a means to save her hide.
"I'm all for it." she said in a raspy voice. "Give me a hammer and I'll build you the greatest treehouse in the world! Let's get to it already."
"Sorry, Lols." Lori sneered at her. "Only big girls get to work with nails and hammers, you might hurt yourself."
"Shut up!" Lola snapped at her. "This isn't your decision to make!"
She looked at Lincoln, expecting him to support her. But when he didn't answer and simply looked aside with a guilty expression, her eager grin faded and she felt her blood freeze.
"Actually, Lori is right." Lucy told her. "Plus, you're already spoken for."
"Uhhh…. too bad." Lori patted the princess's back as the latter's jaw hit the floor.
"Come on." Lucy grabbed her hand and pulled her along. "My leeches crave sustenance."
"Have fun being degraded and humiliated." Lori laughed only to yelp again as Lucy "accidentally" stepped on her foot.
"Lousy little…" she grumbled while rubbing her foot when Renee knocked on the stair rails with her baton, startling the rest.
"You've been given your task and you will fulfill it. You shall be provided with the necessary tools and material. Follow me. Any attempts to escape will have dire consequences"
Luna obliged without question, while Lori followed begrudgingly.
"This is gonna be totes awesome! It's like reliving my childhood!" an ecstatic Leni went after them, leaving Lincoln alone.
Sighing, he pulled out his phone and dialed a certain number.
The others were preoccupied, now it was time to make right with Luna.
Outside…
"….91…92…93…" Lynn was doing push-ups on the lawn, with one arm behind her back. Her beanie worked well as a substitute for a sweatband.
"Hasn't anyone told you about gun safety, Lynn? I heard you from several blocks away." she heard a familiar sarcastic voice as a pair of sneakers appeared in front of her. "Wouldn't want those rubber bullets to bruise someone?"
"Oh, like you're one talk, you knife-a-holic." She looked up at her friend, or more accurately, her boyfriend. "Where were you anyway? I'm usually the early riser?"
Ryan grinned, his crooked teeth clenching into a wicked smile. "Oh, I just went on an early morning shopping spree, needed a few essentials."
He pointed at the cart behind him, whose content was covered by a sheet. Lynn glanced at it, still doing push-ups.
"…95…and lemme guess? There are a few nasty surprises for Lola?" she asked coyly.
"That goes without saying. I called dibs on her soul." Ryan could hardly hide his excitement. So he didn't even bother.
"Tell that to Lincoln and Lucy first. Can't call dibs if the whole team isn't present…98…" Lynn reminded him.
Laughing, Ryan slapped his forehead. "Why of course, how dreadfully inconsiderate of me. It wouldn't be fair to Lucy, she has years' worth of payback to enact on the pink menace. And what about you?"
"And…100. I'm good. I had my revenge fix when I made Lori eat dust during yesterday's race." Lynn rose up and stretched her arms. "She's all yours. If you can squeeze in any torture that is, given that she's supposed to build you a treehouse."
Looking at the one tree in his backyard, Ryan framed it with his fingers. "Right, right, the treehouse. Well, guess I did agree with Wholesome Linky to go easy on the broad. She'll make for a better architect if she remains in one piece. Little Lola is a different story."
"Then you better find her, or Lucy will leave you nothing to play with." Lynn told him. "You guys go ahead without me, I have a week's worth of morning exercise to catch up on."
Nodding, Ryan did a two-fingered salute and was about to leave when Lynn grabbed him by the elbow and smiled mischievously.
"Oh, almost forgot." She planted a quick peck on his lips and savored his dopey, shocked reaction. "I did promise to kiss you if we won the race."
Blinking, Ryan shook his head and smirked. "Of course, not like you would have made it far without my assistance."
Lynn grabbed the bill of his cap and pushed it over his eyes.
"Get lost, before I make you join me." She said teasingly while doing jumping jacks.
"Thanks, but no thank you. I want to live." Ryan raised his hands and stepped back. "Break a leg."
Humming a tune, he pulled his cart towards the front porch and into the living room. Upon entering, he saw Lincoln pacing around and talking with someone on the phone.
"Honey, I'm home!" Ryan shouted in jest, which prompted Lincoln to make a shushing noise while giving him a cross glare.
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the floorboards." Ryan quipped and glanced at the kitchen, where he saw the most beautiful sight ever witnessed by mankind.
A mortified Lola was standing still, holding her arms out, with the sleeves of her pink tracksuit pulled back, and they along with her face were covered in bloodsucking leeches. Next to her was Lucy, who placed the last leech from her jar on Lola's nose.
"I would advise you not to move a muscle, Lola." Lucy told her. "Even the slightest disturbance might make them vomit out their meal right back into your bloodstream."
Lola let out a whimper as Ryan appeared behind her. He pulled out his phone and took a few snapshots.
"Marvelous work, Lucy, a true masterpiece. Oh, but you did give the little suckers their rabies shots beforehand?"
"Nah, I forgot about that. Let's hope none of them are infected." Lucy shrugged, relishing Lola's horrified expression. Of course, the dimwit didn't know that rabies was a mammal-exclusive virus.
"I thought this might help her see things from mom and dad's perspective. She's been leaching off them for years but now she's the one being sucked dry by unwanted parasites."
"You're nothing if not poetic, Lucy." Ryan said approvingly before pulling out a paper bag from his cart.
"What's that?"
"Oh, I figured stingy Renny didn't give Pinky Pie and her bimbo squad any breakfast." Ryan shook his head with mock sympathy. "So inconsiderate of her. But luckily, being the gracious host that I am, I snuck in a healthy meal for our prestigious pageant queen."
He showed the content of the bag to the girls and Lola's pupils shrank in utter horror while Lucy looked enthralled.
"Mealworms! They're rich in protein and a crucial part of any well-balanced diet." Ryan explained as he poured half of them into a little bowl, scooped up a spoonful, and offered it to Lola. "Open wide."
"No way…you're sick…" Lola whimpered through clenched teeth as she shook her head.
"Eat it." Ryan said in a demanding tone but Lola refused, so he just shoved it into her mouth.
"Now swallow, or it's tickle time again." He warned her and she obeyed, trying not to puke as she crunched on the larva.
"Are you loving it?" Ryan asked sarcastically.
"Yummy yum yum…" Lola nodded and swallowed.
"Good, cuz there's more where that came from. Would you like to have the honor, Spooky?"
"Certainly." Lucy took the bowl and shoved another spoonful into Lola's mouth, while Ryan cackled deviously.
"Would you mind taking this somewhere else?" Lincoln suddenly barged in on their fun. "You know we have a certain guest coming over?"
"Yeah, yeah, heaven forbid Moon Girl doesn't kiss and make up with her BFF." Ryan snarked as he scooped up some of the remaining mealworms with his hand and threw them into his mouth. Lincoln cringed.
"Soh…hath Big Daddy Loud cathed yeth?" Ryan asked with a full mouth.
"No." Lincoln said irately and subtly gestured at Lola with his head, who didn't even seem to be aware of their conversation.
"Relath…sheth noth hearin' anythin'…" Ryan insisted and swallowed. "She's having breakfast."
His brow knitting, Lincoln looked down at Lola, who had just swallowed the last scoop of mealworms and looked like she wanted to die right there.
"Lola, I'm sorry you have to endure this." Lincoln couldn't help but say as he leaned down towards her. "But rules are rules. You're too young to wield a hammer."
With an annoyed grunt, Ryan grabbed him by the collar and yanked him up. "Enough with the "pitying your enemy" routine, pipsqueak. Where's the maniac who beat the crap out of the little hellspawn?"
"In case you've forgotten, you made me do it." Lincoln reminded him in a sardonic tone, but Ryan grinned and leaned toward Lincoln.
"Correction, I gave you the push you needed. We both know you enjoyed the experience, as much as the boy scout in you wants to deny it."
"Probably years' worth of pent-up anger finally breaking free. I know the feeling well." Lucy chimed in.
"Exactomundo, that's precisely what I saw." Ryan shot her a finger gun while Lincoln looked away in shame when his phone rang.
"Ugh…excuse me." He stepped back from them and picked up the call. "Hello? Lana?"
Hearing her voice, he walked further away so Lola couldn't hear him. That got Ryan and Lucy's attention and they followed him into the living room, leaving Lola at the mercy of the leeches.
"What's up? What? Dad did….actually, we all kind of expected that. Has he woken up?"
Lincoln's concerned look suddenly morphed into one of shock. "Their what? It's…today?! Today today?!"
"Sigh. I knew this was too good to last." Lucy said glumly.
"Duty calls…again…" Ryan added in a dour tone. "So what's the crisis this time?"
Lincoln shushed him again. "Huh? You…what do you mean you can see us?"
The three of them walked up to the window, while Lynn, who was doing sit-ups in the yard, heard a vehicle parking in front of the house and rose up.
What they saw was Albert driving the new van with Lana riding shotgun and waving her arms at them, and behind them was an unconscious Lynn Sr., head slung back on the seat and mouth agape.
Confused, Lynn turned towards her teammates and saw her brother sport a very familiar look of dread before looking back at the van.
"Oh, brother…" she muttered.
So, here we go with my continuation of "Second Chance". To elaborate a bit on my disclaimer, pretty much nothing that's canon in the show applies to my AU unless I write it in. Why am I writing this if I don't like the show? Well, firstly, I wanted to finish "Second Chance" but had to change the format to be less time-consuming (since it wound up very wordy and lengthy, at over 650,000 words), and secondly, I think the Louds have plenty of potential as characters (in concept) but all of it got squandered by the show's lazy writing (not like it ever had a chance, given that it's a modern Nickelodeon show XD), so I wish to do something fun and interesting with these characters that I once cared for.
If you want to offer constructive criticism, feel free to leave a review. If you want to throw tantrums and/or insult me, I'll just block you and move on with my life ;) (knowing the LH fandom, that's bound to happen XD).
