"Stupid, ugly toy!"
Fingers with sharp nails strangled the dark plushie. Whatever it was meant to be, the doll was no longer identifiable. Its stuffing and fabric were scattered across the floor. After severing the plushie's last limb, the little peahen growled in triumph. She then turned and saw a red maid, holding a flash camera and waving a photograph.
"What are you looking at?!" demanded the little girl.
"Just a reference photo, Lady Stella." The uniformed imp quickly walked away.
Stella growled again, this time in annoyance. "Gruber!"
An imp butler with asymmetrical freckles rushed into the room. "Yes, Lady Stella?"
"Teacups. Now!"
"Y-Yes, Lady Stella."
Gruber ran out of the room. Five seconds later, he wheeled in a cart. Fifteen cups of fine China were organized on top of the tray. Stella picked up one cup and bared her fangs.
"Now, unless you want to get pelted, run around on all fours like the mouse that you are."
"Again? But you already did this last week."
"Did I stutter?"
Gruber gulped. "No, Lady Stella."
The imp went down on his hands and ran. Stella tossed the cup. It shattered on impact with the floor, barely missing the thin, red tail. She threw another cup. This one scraped against Gruber's shoulder before it bounced into a wall.
Several cups later, the peahen and her servant were trying to catch their respective breaths. Stella grabbed a percolator and poured some of its contents into the remaining teacup. She took a sip, spat it out, and threw the cup against the floor. That was shatter number fifteen.
"The tea is cold!" She hopped onto his face before walking for the door. "Clean up this mess!"
"Yes, Lady Stella." Gruber pulled out a dustpan and began his long task.
"Big brother, I don't want to get married!" Stella stomped her right foot three times. "I don't! I don't! I don't!"
"Well, I thought it was good news," said the older peacock. "You'll get to rise from branch family wench to a full-on princess of the Ars Goetia."
"Andre…" Stella whined. "It's practically inbreeding!"
Andre scoffed. "Stella! We're all inbred!"
Stella mumbled under her beak. Then, she sighed. "Well, which bastard prince is it? There are so many."
Andre held out a reference photo. It depicted a young, red-eyed boy holding a plushie rabbit-imp.
"His name is Stolas."
…
Stella's eyes went wide. Her immediate surroundings turned black. The name of the prince she heard echoed inside her head. She blinked and saw a different image than the one her brother held.
She saw a handsome owl holding up his daughter with pride and joy. Images flashed in her eyes in quick succession. The young man was in a bubble bath while talking on a fancy, rotary phone. He carried an older, goth daughter while a theme park burned in green flames behind himself. A cigar was used to rip apart leather bindings between his wrists and the bedposts.
"Oh, Blitzy!" A galaxy flowed inside a cape. "I'm here."
…
Stella landed on her tailbone, but the pain wasn't enough to snap her out of shock. She remembered everything. She wasn't always a peahen in this branch family. She used to be a human on Earth. She had gotten hooked on an internet series called "Helluva Boss". Her favorite ship had been the abusive mess that was Stolitz.
But now? Not only did these characters exist in a reality of sorts, but she had become a part of this version of Hell in the show's past. Her eyes shook. Her child body was preventing her psyche from being able to cope with the information pile.
She looked down at her shaking knees and whispered. "Oh, no."
Andre lifted his brow. "Well, I know he's ugly. But you'll have to avoid acting so horrified when you're presented to each other."
(One week later…)
'How am I supposed to act towards him?' Stella glanced out the window of her carriage. 'I know Stella was a b** in Episode 2, but that was well into adulthood. Did they start out hating each other? Octavia didn't seem to think so, but how much of her early childhood did she filter? How much of the show will veer off track if I act differently than how Stella is meant to be?'
Only the sounds of hooves trotting and wheels spinning answered her.
'Do I even want to be a b**? The penultimate ending to the first season basically showed them in a divorced state, living separately. I can't willingly force a daughter to go through all of that if I have any say.'
The carriage slowly came to a halt in front of a gated manor.
'The main reason Stella is so upset is because Stolas cheats on her with someone from the lowest class. Technically, I'm meeting this Stolas before he even does that. So, he hasn't done anything wrong. I'm no pre-crime officer.'
She nodded to herself.
'Then it's settled. I won't treat him any more poorly than anyone else. At least, not until he gives me a reason to do so.'
The imp maid opened the carriage door. Andre stepped out first before turning his gaze. He reached out a hand and helped Stella make the larger step down. She looked around at the front yard of the manor. Aside from some slight differences in shade, she didn't see too much that was different from her own house.
An outfit of silk and velvet practically slid out the front door. When it stood upright, Stella wasn't sure if she was looking at the owner or an Arabian sultan. Its masked bird face stared directly at the older sibling.
"Andrealphus."
Andre held a palm over his chest and bowed. "Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, King Paimon."
Stella panicked and curtsied as a reaction.
The Goetian ruler glanced down. "Ah, and if it isn't the daughter-in-law to be. Remind me your name again?"
"I am Stella, Your Majesty." She dared not move her head, but her hands shook as they held onto her dress.
"Stella! Yes, of course!" Paimon chuckled. "You'll make a fine wife someday." He turned to his left. "Boy, what are you waiting for? Introduce yourself like we rehearsed."
Stiffly, a young silver owl stepped into view. He was wearing a violet vest and a little crown. His primary eyes looked stoic and even. But his secondary eyes opened at sad angles, wishing he was anywhere but here.
The owl boy mirrored the peacock's version of a bow. "A… pleasure to meet you. I'm Stolas."
Stella blushed upon looking at him. 'Oh my gosh. He's even cuter in person than through the computer screen. Must protect bird.'
(Five years later…)
A circular target made of straw stood in front of a bush wall. An arrow zipped by and sank into some leaves to the right of the target. Another arrow soon flew far left. Finally, one arrow hit the target's outermost circle marking.
Stella sighed and her shoulders slumped. The feathers on the back of her head were tied up in ponytail. Her hand loosened its grip on a crossbow as she passed it. Her freckled imp butler set the practice weapon aside before he pulled out a filled drinking glass. Stella snatched the glass and gulped down its contents. She crunched a few ice cubes in her mouth, swallowed, then exhaled.
"Thank you, Walter." She returned the cup.
The imp blinked twice as his tail wrapped around the glass. " 'Walter', your highness?"
Stella held up a hand near her beak. "Oh, that just slipped out." She looked him in the eye. "Sorry, I don't think I ever asked. What is your name really?"
He set the glass on the tray behind himself. "Princess, you've called me 'Gruber' for as long as I have been in your service. It became such a frequent moniker that I've completely forgotten my birth name."
"Hmm, is that so?" Stella looked up and tapped her chin. "If that is the case, would you be against me calling you 'Walter' from now on?"
"I have no objection to whatever you call me." He bowed slightly.
"Very well, Walter it is." Stella nodded. She did a double-take. 'Did I just see him smile a little when I said the name?'
She picked up the crossbow and loaded it. She took aim at the straw target and fired. This time, the shot landed a little further into the circle than the last arrow.
As a human, she had never considered eating rodents of any kind. However, a switch had been flipped when she began her life as a bird demon in Hell. Now, mice and rats tasted better than a Filet Mignon. Her first taste of guinea pig left her in bliss. The rush of delight stopped when she glanced across the dining table.
The owl's head only reached halfway up the back of his chair. His left hand levitated an open book and slowly flipped a page. His right hand physically held a fork. More of his food fell back onto his plate than the amount that made it into his beak.
"You're going to get stains on the pages if you keep multitasking like that." Stella smirked.
Stolas looked around and blinked. It was like he just realized where he was. "Oh, right. Of course." He floated the book closed and off to the side. He then took a couple actual bites from his meal.
"So, what tome has captured your attention today?" Stella looked over at the book in question.
Stolas paused. "Well, I was reviewing the Saturn Cow-Trap and how to upkeep. The one in the window is almost in bloom, and-"
"Your brother is on the line." Walter held up a rotary phone.
Stella smiled sheepishly. "I'm terribly sorry. This should only take a moment." She turned to sit sideways on her chair while she grabbed the receiver. "Hello, Andre! How are you today? … Uh-huh. … What? … No, we're eating right now! That's hardly an appropriate topic! … I know, but… Yes, but… ugh. Fine, I promise I'll bring it up as soon as possible. … Yeah. … Goodbye."
She hung up the phone while her other hand wiped down her face.
"Everything alright?" Stolas picked up his goblet.
Stella turned to sit properly. "Andre wants to know when we'll start attempting our one job as a partnership."
Stolas's sip sprayed all over Walter's face. The imp maid found a towel and quickly wiped her co-worker clean.
"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction," said Stella, "only with words, not juice."
After a bit of a coughing fit, Stolas found his voice. "He does know that's not something that happens immediately, right?"
Stella sighed. "That's the problem with having noble relatives; unless it's their own jobs, they assume everything is an instant fix."
Stolas tilted his head. "I… suppose?"
Stella twiddled her fingers through her feathers. "Maybe we should… start that process tonight? You know, just to make sure our parents don't feel the need to lock us in a dungeon and watch us **."
Stolas looked down at the remaining guinea pig on his plate. It had cooled off unnaturally quickly. "Privately sounds marginally better."
"And hey, we'll already be in bed. When we're done, we can just… go to sleep." Stella chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry. That was awful."
Stolas smiled sadly. "Yes, it was. But you're still trying." He picked up his book and held it against his chest. "When we first met, I was afraid you were going to tear me apart like one of your dolls."
"I was eight!" Stella crossed her arms. "And that doll had it coming."
"Yet, you didn't attack me for my interests." Stolas placed his palm along the book's spine. "You accepted that I liked books and even listened when I brought up various subjects." He tapped his chin. "Although, I'm afraid I lost you when it came to mathematics."
Stella shrugged. "Yeah, I can't add for s**. My brother could sine and cosine circles around me."
Stolas looked at her. "Despite our arranged marriage, a choiceless darkness, I've taken to seeing you as one of few lights in this world. You're my friend, Stella."
'Unholy moly, he's beautiful!' Stella's eyes twinkled. She then pretended to cough. "You know, most people would find the friendzone to be a downgrade. But I see it as a life achievement. You're a good friend to have, Stolas."
(Eight years later…)
"Mommy! Daddy!" A little girl's cry traveled through the house.
Stolas groaned from his side of the bed. "V-Via's calling us, Stella."
"You get up," mumbled Stella.
Stolas grabbed a robe and his slippers before scooching out of the bedroom. About a minute later, Stella's eyes popped open.
'Oh, f**! Why did I say it like that?'
She sat upright and threw the blanket to the side. She gripped her forearms as she briskly walked out of the bedroom. Her pace slowed as she heard a distant, echoing melody. She stood just out of sight from the next open door.
"~When creation goes to die
You can find me in the sky
Upon the last day
And you will be okay~"
Stolas stepped out and quietly closed the door. He flinched and stopped short of running into his wife. Stella smiled and wiped her eye. She gestured with her hand. He walked with her back to bed. Once they were out of the hallway, they both breathed.
"That was beautiful," said Stella.
"Yes, I do find stars and supernovas rather lovely and relaxing," said Stolas.
"Not the stars, silly." She waved a hand dismissively. "Your song."
"I don't know." He tapped his neck. "My throat felt scratchy at the higher notes. I bet it sounded like nails on the pavement."
"You were giving an honest message to your daughter." She focused her gaze on him. "A scratch or two lets her know you're being sincere."
"My daughter?" He matched her gaze with his own. "She's your daughter too."
She sighed. "Sure, I laid Octavia's egg. But anytime I try to sing a lullaby, it may as well be a racecar screeching into a pitstop. Some mother I am."
"Well, Via does get the giggles anytime you screech mid-song."
"Ugh, stop! You're embarrassing me!" She covered her eyes with both palms.
"You taught our girl how to eat and how to be a princess." He smiled. "You're doing a fine job as a mother. And you know what she said one time while you were target practicing?"
"What?" Stella pulled down her hands and blinked.
"Mommy's so wonderful, Daddy. I hope I'm just like her when I grow up."
Stella chuckled. "She might regret that notion. If she turns out just like me, she'll be tearing up her toys in three years."
Stolas smirked. "Oh, I'm sure they'll have it coming."
She snorted. "Go to sleep, Prince of Prophecy."
He turned onto his back. "As you wish, Princess of Wonder."
(Twelve years later…)
"Finally!"
The red sky was already fading for the evening. Under a wooden sign with a picture of carved grapes, a little bell rung over a door. Stella stepped out onto the sidewalk. She was carrying a paper bag.
Suddenly, a shark-faced demon and a snapping tortoise stepped in her way. They each had a wooden plank with nails in their grasp. Just as they chuckled and approached, two gunshots rang out. The demons fell to the curb with holes through their respective heads.
Stella pushed some of her longer feathers out of her face. "Sorry to waste your time with a boring job."
A red tail rattled on someone in a nearby alley. "Not a problem, ma'am. Sometimes the little things in life are the most rewarding." As if to prove his point, his tail reached into the pockets of the corpses and pulled out two $20 bills.
"Right, you can keep the spoils." Stella shuffled into her carriage. "That's all I needed for tonight. But who knows? I might call on your services again someday."
A golden fang and swirling eyes glowed in the shade.
Along the ride, Stella grumbled. 'I wasted a whole day in that store! That b** in front of the line couldn't decide on a type of champagne. Who in Hell could possibly spend ten hours deciding on a cheap outcast of the wine family?'
She sighed. 'Well, at least I managed to pick up a new bottle of Block A red. Stolas loves this stuff.' She pulled out a large wine bottle and smiled. 'There's still enough time for a late night anniversary.'
Stella walked through the long hallways of the palace. Aside from the servants, there wasn't anyone else out and about. She decided to stop by her daughter's room for a bit. Upon turning the handle, she found said daughter bobbing her head to a tune that was leaking out of the earphones.
"Hey, Octavia!" Stella called. "Have you seen Dad anywhere?"
Octavia blinked twice and pulled one bud out. "Uh, no. Not since lunch. Probably in his study or something."
"Alright, thanks anyway." Stella closed the door and chuckled. 'I guess Via was always meant to be a teen goth.'
Her search took her to the master bedroom. She was about to knock on the door when she heard a loud crunch.
"Oh, you like being in charge?"
"Yeah, I sure do."
Stella's eyes opened wide. 'Hold on, was that…?'
"You like it when I talk dirty? Why don't you ** my ** right in the ** all the ** way?"
There was a sudden snap. "Stop talking!"
"Yes, if that's what Blitzy wants."
Stella stepped back and gasped. The world darkened around her as she turned and ran. Blitzo was the main character of this show. She couldn't stop him. She was just an antagonist, barely qualifying as a recurring one. The 'hero' would always win in the end.
Her head was pounding. Her eyes strained themselves to open. Her left arm had grown numb from her head resting on top of it. Why was she at her backyard tea table? Her right arm felt heavy.
She saw the uncorked bottle. Idly, she tipped it. Only one drop fell to the ground. Was this a hangover she was feeling? She didn't like it.
An imp in a fancy suit crashed onto the table. "Sorry, I **ed your husband!"
Before Blitzo could run off with the appropriated Grimoire, Stella grabbed him by the collar. He let out a yelp of protest. She pressed her open beak against his mouth. Strangely, he didn't struggle. He just lifted his brow.
Stella broke the lock first. "Thank you, my dear. You've ignited a fire that was missing from my husband's entire life. I doubt he's ever been happier."
Blitzo blinked twice. "Uh… you're welcome?"
She pressed her face so close that she stared directly into his eyes. "If you ever break his heart, I will take both of your horns as a trophy. Are we clear?"
The imp nodded fervently. "Yeah, uh-huh. Got it!"
"Perfect!" She smiled and dropped him onto the ground. She waved. "Have fun killing all the humans!"
Blitzo scampered off with the heavy book. He muttered something about rich birds being horny by default. Within moments, he was out of sight.
"Stella? What was that?" Stolas had put on his robe and floated down from the balcony.
Stella exaggerated a laugh. "Isn't it obvious? I'm giving my blessing to you and your new boyfriend. Cheers!" She lifted the wine bottle and got nothing. "Oh, right. Empty." She set it down on the table before lowering her head against her arms. "Dammit."
"It all happened so fast!" Stolas gestured with his hands. "I didn't know the best course of action."
"Oh, you took action all right." Stella tried to wave dismissively. She ended up knocking the bottle off the table instead, breaking it into pieces. "Told him to shove his red ** right up your ** with ** and ** and had him ** you ** sideways. **!"
"I'm sorry." Stolas grabbed his shoulder.
"No, don't be." Stella lifted her head. "He gave you something nobody else could. It's about bloody time!"
"You're… not angry that I cheated on you?" Stolas tilted his head.
"Cheated? Pfft!" Stella chortled. "That would imply you hurt me! We both know you didn't do that. You and I were arranged to marry to have a precautionary heir. Loving each other was never introduced to that formula." She blinked twice. "Oh, by the way, happy belated anniversary."
"Right, happy belated anniversary." He scratched the back of his neck. "You still look hurt."
"It's just the red wine hangover," she insisted. "I'll walk it off. But never mind that. I'm just happy that you're happy for once."
"Are you sure you're alright?" His expression was uncertain.
She rubbed her temple. "Ask me again after I've had time to sober up. I'm probably spouting coping mechanisms right now." She pressed her hand down on the table. As she stood up, she winced.
"Let me at least help you inside the palace." Stolas reached his hand around Stella's back.
"Yeah, you can do that." Stella held onto Stolas's shoulder as she took slow steps.
