Sirius Black is not yet 20, in his first year of Auror training, possibly psychotic, working for the Order of the Phoenix, unwillingly gifted with the Dark Arts, and apparently the father of... wait, a minute... right. So many children.
Who all came from the future, and are apparently there to stay.
Sorry. Various possible futures.
Well. As long as they don't expect him to start dating all of their mothers.
This is me, posting the first chapter of a probably sporadically-updated crackfic treated seriously, where I yeet all the children I imagined for various Sirius Black fics at a 19-years-old Sirius Black, because his life could always be more complicated.
There's a war in the background, the oldest of the kids are barely two years younger than him, the Black Family is going to drown in its own number all of a sudden, and Sirius is definitely panicking.
Of course, some of the kids know things, which might be a problem for Voldemort, but Walburga will be enchanted to learn she got a few pureblooded grandchildren from her rebel of an older son (maybe less so about the halfblooded ones).
tags: Sirius Black, Sirius Black & Black Family, His gaggle of AUs children, Arcturus Black, crack treated seriously, so much AU, AUs even, first wizarding war, tags to be added
Chapter 1: Congratulations
Psychosis: the fact of seeing, hearing, imagining things which are not real. May or may not be a symptom of mental illness.
Well. Sirius was definitely mentally ill – yes, he knew it, his friends generally pretended he wasn't and that was nice of them but they knew it too, hell, even Dumbledore knew it and it was awfully nice of him to still have some faith in Sirius after the Whomping Willow incident – and maybe that explained this.
Not that he'd had that kind of problems with his sanity before, but – first time for everything, right?
Because he was definitely imagining things, here.
Because there was no way there were more than a dozen teenagers – and a Merlin-forsaken baby too, because why not – some of whom looked disturbingly like him to boot, waiting in the Auror Office's interrogation rooms, after having popped out of thin air and claimed to be his children.
True, the situation had been a bit more complex than that – long story short, he'd gotten in the way of two different spells while trailing Moody and his partner Smith as part of his training, when Death Eaters had tried to steal something on its way to the Department of Mysteries. Something which had been hit too, and apparently it had something to do with possible timelines, futures, and probabilities.
Sirius had been zapped, hard, and fallen unconscious. The Death Eaters had scampered off, possibly scared away by Moody. And apparently Moody and Smith had seen countless – okay, no, only, uh, eighteen, but at the moment they weren't about to count them all – children popping into existence next to him and the machine that should have gone to the Department of Mysteries.
Sirius still wasn't certain they weren't playing a trick on him – even if, Moody, unlikely to have a sense of humor – but anyway. They'd called for back up, had made sure the machine went where it was supposed to – where it wouldn't be able to conjure children out of possible futures, amongst other things – and then they'd brought everyone back to headquarters.
Everyone meaning his unconscious ass, and the eighteen children who had to be completely lost.
Then he'd woken up, and Moody had given him that story.
Now, don't take it wrong, but Sirius wasn't ready to have eighteen surprise children dropped on him by a mysterious machine.
Not that he didn't like children or anything, but eighteen of them at the same time was a bit much. He wasn't even twenty yet, he'd joined the Auror training program seven months ago, and there was a civil war going on.
Hell, he'd just taken in an orphan himself – it being war and all – three weeks ago, and somehow had ended up convincing himself it would be best for Juliet if he adopted her – no matter what Grandfather may have to say on the matter, because she didn't have to be on the succession, who cared about that? Juliet's parents had been murdered by Death Eaters, because she was muggleborn, and the Auror trainee had gotten on the scene just before the bastards could start on the children. There had been a lot of dead that night, the other trainees had looked at him warily for a while after, and Sirius had needed to fill a lot of paperwork, but he'd saved the children, so he couldn't say he had regrets. Juliet's brothers, 100% muggles, had gone with their uncle, but Juliet herself was still in danger for being muggleborn, and didn't seem to calm down unless she was with the wizard who'd saved her – meaning, Sirius – and so, adoption. Sirius kept in contact with her uncle, but so far, they'd decided it was probably for the best if he kept Juliet with him.
So, yeah. Sirius liked children well enough, he was even kind of responsible enough to keep one.
One.
Not eighteen. Nineteen, if you counted Juliet.
Eitherway. Things didn't seem to care whether or not he'd be able to deal with – anything, at that point – what a mysterious machine had just dropped on his lap, so here he was, standing next to Moody and Smith, his face entirely blank, as he blinked at the see-through walls of eight interrogation rooms.
He couldn't even deny anything, because at least three of the children in the rooms were carbon copies of him – though, two were girls, but close enough.
Smith cleared her throat, and patted him on the back awkwardly.
"Congratulations, I guess?"
Moody grunted, and Sirius said nothing.
An Unspeakable, who'd come up to the Auror Office with her eyebrows high on her forehead at the news of what had happened, tried to explain.
"From what we got, they're all children you might have had one day, if things went just a bit differently. The machine which made them appear seems to look for knots in a timeline, in other words, points of time during which the subject made a significant decision which changed their life. So some of them are from a future which could never be now, because you made another decision at that knot."
Sirius didn't even try to look at her, too busy staring at the mini-him in Room 8 who was whispering with two other children who looked exactly the same age as him. Triplets. Actual triplets in the House of Black. Twins had always been impossible – Sirius would know, with his lack of a twin sister – but apparently triplets, more-than-two, were a loophole.
The Unspeakable added, somewhat helpfully:
"We've put them in different rooms depending on their mothers' names."
"I see that."
He took a deep breath – he had to think about this... rationally.
"Are they going to... stay here?"
The witch made a face.
"The machine was never meant to be used like that. It's supposed to show threads of possible timelines, not actually bring them into reality. They seem stable enough, but for all we know, they'll have disappeared by tomorrow. Or not at all. Maybe you are stuck with a lot of children."
Some of which looked barely a few years younger than him, he thought while staring at Room 2, where one of his lookalikes, a girl with a small scar cutting into her upper lip, looked like she could very well be in her seventh year at Hogwarts.
Sirius had graduated one year ago.
"Merlin."
The others started talking, but Sirius didn't listen. His life might have just done a barrel roll, for all he knew. If the children stayed there, if they remained real...
He couldn't let anyone get their hands on them. They came from possible futures – or timelines – they might know things no one did – more than that, they knew a him he didn't, they had an idea of what happened to him down the line, and Sirius definitely didn't want to know. He had to...
Okay.
Calm down.
Analyze.
Room 2 had four children. It was the one with the most of them. Two girls, two boys. Girl 1 looked about seventeen, carbon copy of Sirius but female, down to the smirk, plus the scar. Perfect Black. Boy 1 seemed to be about fourteen, had a more rounded visage, rounder green eyes, and hair as dark as his sister's, but with a bit more of wave to it, and looked much more reserved and inherently kind – wonder where he got it. Girl 2 had Sirius' face, with silver eyes and an alertness unlikely to be seen in a twelve years old, but her hair was light blond, and slightly waving like her brother's. Boy 2 was possibly eleven, and had to look like his mother, except for how straight his blond hair was; his eyes were round and green, and he seemed innocent in a way Sirius never had.
Right. Sirius was already having a hard time breathing.
And that was only one room.
Room 5 had three children, all of them looking terribly well-behaved for children of his. That was suspicious, if anything. Two girls and one boy. Girl 3 looked about sixteen, with brown hair and freckles, but she'd gotten the Black silver eyes. Girl 4 was perhaps one year younger, with ink black hair, freckles, as well as brown eyes and a calculating look hidden behind glasses. Boy 3 looked impatient, like any twelve years old should be in this situation, his short brown hair and glasses-clad silver eyes still managing to make him look like a nice boy – but Sirius had doubts.
Sirius squinted, and took a step forward. They couldn't see him on the other side, and there was something about those three – he couldn't quite put a finger on it, but there was something weird. He didn't doubt they were his children – well, no more than he doubted the others were, at least – but something was wrong.
But he couldn't say right now, and there were more rooms, more potential scions of his – and, terrifyingly, the prospect of having to do something about it.
So, Room 6.
Room 6 had two boys. They both had light brown skin, and immediately reminded Sirius of Arella Selwyn – his mother had made it clear he wasn't to interract with the homeschooled girl, when he'd caught a glimpse of her, secluded away during a party at the Selwyns', about six years ago. The rumors she wasn't Mrs Selwyn's daughter, though being Mr Selwyn's, were obviously true, as both Mrs and Mr Selwyn were pasty white, and Arella... wasn't. And the boys looked just one and two shades lighter than her, with the same nose and small smile. Boy 4 was probably around sixteen, with cropped natural hair that was somehow lighter than Sirius' own, and brown eyes, but most of his facial structure did scream "Sirius Black" – no point trying to deny that one. Boy 5 looked about eleven, with longer, less kinky, curlier black hair, and the signature Black silver eyes once again.
Which made him think, all of these kids' mothers were – probably, he hoped – alive right now. What was Sirius supposed to do about that? Show up and tell them they managed to get surprise children? He wasn't handling it great himself, so perhaps not.
Definitely not.
Room 8 had the triplets: two boys and one girl. Not identical, obviously. They all looked about thirteen. Sirius would know, because Boy 6 was a perfect copy of himself at that age – straight black hair, silver eyes, pale skin, and a suspicious look on his face. Boy 7, on the other hand, had apparently a lot more to do with his mother, whoever she was: his hair was brown and wavy, his face rounder, his skin a bit rosier than any of the other kids', a stubborn look on his face, and Sirius' eyes. Girl 5, on the other hand, looked a lot like pictures of Bellatrix at that age, but with green eyes – and those eyes were awfully familiar, Sirius really hoped he was wrong about that – to complement her wavy black hair and pale skin.
Triplets. That was still very, very weird.
Sirius wanted his twin back, too, but he'd never had her, because Adhara had died in the womb. Like every single other second twin in the House of Black in millenia.
He gritted his teeth, and forced himself to look at Room 10.
The girl in Room 10 could have passed for the twin sister of Girl 1, except she looked a couple years younger. In other words, she too was a copy of her father, but female. More worrying was the long saber-like blade she'd apparently popped up with, the handle seemingly partly made with a human rib bone. Girl 6 was also not wearing anything quite like what either wizards or muggles did, even if it could pass muster at first glance. Sirius had no idea what was going on here, and from the tenseness in her shoulders and her wary glances, neither did she. Girl 6 looked much more lost than her – oh Merlin, they were all at the very least half-siblings!
They'd probably need to go and see what she had to say on the matter.
Room 11 had two kids who looked like they could belong to the Patil Family – a pureblood family from India with the centuries of history necessary to be recognized as such, and who had come to England about a century earlier. The girl was the oldest, perhaps fourteen, and Sirius wasn't sure which parent had given her the straight black hair, but the silver eyes were his. Girl 7 was trying to calm her younger brother – ten, eleven perhaps – whose skin was slightly paler, and his hair wavier. Boy 8 also had Sirius' eyes, and they were looking really distressed right now.
Sirius almost went in, to hell with whatever was making it a bad idea, but he also knew he wasn't – yet, quite – his father, even if he was. Him going in would probably only make it more confusing for the child, if only because the Sirius the boy knew as his father had to have aged some.
So he looked at Room 13 instead.
In Room 13, Sirius saw a lone boy, standing despite the chairs in the interrogation room, with that look about him that anyone from Sirius' background – high society, with a dash of manipulation – could identify: Boy 9 was really not at ease, but knew how to hide it from the untrained eye. That one had grown up in the same circles Sirius was determined to avoid as much as possible – at least, he didn't want his children to know nothing but that. He had a feeling he wouldn't like the explanation. The boy's looks didn't tell him much, though he had to look more like his mother – freckles on golden skin, heart-shaped face, vivid blue eyes, only the dark hair, swept back and at jaw-length, was distinctly Black.
Well. Sirius would probably need to ask the boy, anyway, if he... stayed.
To ask every single one of them about their families.
He didn't know yet where he was supposed to have it end, though. How much did he want to know? How much did he need to?
His eyes finally landed on Room 14 – the room he hadn't been ready to look at, but damn him, now he didn't have any excuse left.
The interrogation room with a teenage girl, and – more importantly – a baby. Girl 8 had to be around sixteen, with Sirius' straight black hair, ice-blue eyes, a skin color that spoke of Sirius' paleness, but with a hidden ability to tan – Sirius stayed stubbornly white, even under the harshest sun, even when magic ensured he escaped sunburns. She was entirely busy trying to comfort her – brother? Sister? – sibling, whom she held in her arms, with an increasingly scared look on her face.
Because the baby had started crying, ever so much louder with each minute in the strange place, and its sister had to be stressed enough to begin with.
Sirius hesitated half an instant, bit his lower lip, and pushed his way into Room 14 despite the whole lot of problems the very situation might cause. He vaguely heard Moody try and stop him, but a word from Smith – who had two sons, he believed – prevented any other kind of intervention.
The girl, startled by his entrance, forgot her sibling for a moment, her eyes going wide as she took him in – she had to have seen him, before, but it probably was different to have him awake and looking like...
"...Dad?"
He grimaced, but didn't deny it.
In two steps, he was next to her, and the teenager barely hesitated before handing him the baby – oh Circe, his baby, kind of, not really but yes, still!
Sirius almost had a panic attack, entirely unsure how to handle the very small child, despite all the times Andromeda had him take Nymphadora during his third year's summer holidays. Almost.
The baby didn't end up on the floor, so that had to count for something.
Instead, it looked confused for a moment, its tears drying a bit, and eventually reached for a strand of Sirius' black hair. He did not wince as it tugged on it – well, he probably did not cut his hair short by the time of its birth, then – but that was a close call.
A look at the baby's older sister, and he asked:
"What's the name?"
The girl swallowed audibly, her eyes still stuck on him – okay, there had to be an explanation for that, and he'd get it later because it was not the moment.
"I... I'm Dana, that's Fania. Stefania, I mean."
Sirius blinked – not a star, he'd always wondered if he'd continue the tradition or not, but he guessed that also depended on their mother...
Then he looked back at the baby – his daughter, one way or another – at her slightly lighter, wavy hair, her silver eyes blinking lazily at him, and her skin hinting towards olive rather than pale.
"Hello, Fania. You recognize my hair?"
If Fania didn't answer anything, that got him a laugh from her sister.
"She likes to tug on it. I'm... I'm not entirely sure what's happening here, but Da... my father, he keeps his hair even longer, and he lets Fania get her hands on it any time. Mamma says I did the same when I was her age."
Then he saw Dana bite her lips, and made a decision.
"You and all the other children you saw, you've been pulled into existence in this world by accident. Me and a machine, we got hit by several spells, and it went to look for... possible timelines, I think that's what the Unspeakable said."
"Oh."
Dana didn't look reassured, but she didn't try to leave in a rush, so all in all, it wasn't a catastrophe.
"What year is it, then?"
"1979. End of July."
The teenager laughed a bit – an ugly, scared laugh – and took her sister back into her arms.
"You haven't met an Alba Salvatore in Italy four months ago, have you?"
Sirius took a moment to look at her, and at Stefania – the first names were enough clues, anyway – before answering.
"No."
The girl seemed to deflate, and the baby in her arms must have felt it too, because she started fussing. Dana blew a rapsberry at her sister, who immediately started laughing.
"Then I guess we're never going to be born in this reality..."
"Sorry about that."
Sirius saw her take a deep breath – as if to convince herself to say something she didn't believe to be true, but that had to be said anyway.
"I don't think it's your fault."
At that moment, Smith and Moody made themselves known from the other side of the door – which he hadn't even taken the time to close when he'd stormed in to take care of – his daughter – the baby crying in the interrogation room.
"Black."
Both Sirius and Dana raised their head at that, and Sirius felt like he had a younger sibling again – he gritted his teeth, thinking of Regulus, who he was almost certain had been present with a goddamn mask and black robes at the last Death Eaters attack he'd been sent to – as they had to ascertain that yes, they were talking to him and not to Dana. The girl was, what? Five years younger than him, perhaps? She may be his daughter, but she might as well be his younger sister.
"Smith?"
"Seeing as someone is going to have to deal with your gaggle of children..."
Sirius almost chocked at that, but Smith didn't let it stop her.
"...And they are, somehow, your gaggle of children..."
This time, it was Dana who shifted on her feet.
"...And you probably don't want your parents to get their hands on them..."
Fania giggled happily at that moment, preventing Sirius from saying exactly why that was a terrible idea.
"...Potter over here..."
Sirius noticed his best friend and fellow trainee standing awkwardly – and looking vaguely overcome by the truth of the situation, which Sirius could say nothing about, because he wasn't doing any better – behind the two full-fledged Aurors. James had to have gotten to the headquarters while he'd been with Dana and Fania, because his team hadn't been back yet when Sirius had woken up.
"...volunteered to have them at Potter Manor, since they do have the space to hoist your gaggle of children..."
Sirius was about to ask if Smith had to use that particular wording every single time, but another voice intervened before he could – and Sirius tensed immediately in recognition, especially as he noticed that Dana reacted as well.
"That won't be necessary."
Smith squinted, and took a step back to look at the person who'd cut her speech, even though she knew perfectly well their identity – it wasn't a voice you could forget, if you'd ever assisted to a pureblood event, and the Smiths were a lesser pureblooded family.
Behind her stood Arcturus Black, Sirius' grandfather, father to Orion Black, and current Lord of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.
A wizard who had enough of a say as to his Heirs – Orion, and then Sirius – to make things difficult concerning Sirius' children if he decided to.
So. Some of the kids you might recognize from my fics. (as well as various Headcannons, I like my fics to be coherent between themselves, even if they're not the same AUs)
Seven of them belong to a far-away future of "Unclaimed Darkness", so of course you've never met them, but you might guess their mother (for 4 of them, because there's a twist).
Dana is from "Of Blood and Magic", except you have to forget the fact that that fic is a crossover. Just consider she never "awakened" as a crossover character and just went on with her life.
One of the other kids should have his own fic posted during the holidays, I've done most of the work already.
I'll add details about my AUs as the story goes on, because while some are well-thought already, I haven't actually written anything about them. At all.
